“Thanks for the offer,” Kross said. “But Ruby and I have plans.”
Tasha wrapped her long bangs behind her ear. “So, is your brother seeing anyone?”
“He is. Sorry, but we’re late.” Kross bounded around the truck to the passenger door. “Come on, Ruby.”
I waved at Tasha. “Nice to see you. Say hi to your mom.” Awkwardness came to mind when I thought of how dinner would have gone with the Mendoza family. Too many questions that I wouldn’t have been prepared to answer, especially the one that Mrs. Mendoza would no doubt have asked. “How’s your mom?” I shouldn’t have cared about gossip since I didn’t live there anymore. I wasn’t moving back, but my mom had friends there. If she ever decided to return, I didn’t want to taint her relationships with her friends.
I hopped in, and Kross clicked the door shut before he flew around the truck then into the driver’s seat. He threw the truck in gear and sped down the road, leaving Tasha on the curb with her mouth open.
I giggled when he slowed at a stop sign.
“She kept drooling for Kody that day we were up here,” Kross said on a sigh. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.” For more than food.
“The other day you said you wanted to show me something in the Berkshires. How about after we eat, you show me?”
I was here to visit Riley’s grave, and if he was going to be part of my life, then he needed to know everything, regardless of how that would affect our relationship.
I nodded as I listened to a raspy singer belt out a song that gave me goose bumps. Or maybe the goose bumps were because Kross was offering me his hand, palm up, on the console. I hesitated for a split second, afraid that the moment we locked hands was the moment I would fall deeper for him. That alone scared me more than living on the streets.
Chapter Nineteen
Kross
I rolled into a cemetery while Ruby gnawed on her fingers. Over lunch, we’d talked mainly about Raven. Ruby had chatted excitedly about how smart our daughter was. The minute Ruby’s pretty blue-green eyes had filled with tears, I’d changed the subject to something totally random. Sure, I wanted to learn as much as I could about my little girl and the years I’d missed, but I’d gotten choked up a couple of times as well.
The clouds grew darker as I shifted the truck into park. The forecast called for snow. My mom didn’t want me on the road today. I’d explained that I owed Ruby an apology, and I wanted to spend time with her, although I would love to spend time with Raven, too. That wouldn’t happen until I could sort out the paternity test.
“So you want to show me a gravesite?” A morbid chill ran through me as Karen’s small coffin flashed before me. The last time I was anywhere near a cemetery was at Karen’s funeral.
Headstones of all shapes and sizes dotted the landscape out the truck’s window. Flowers gave color to the etched weatherworn gray stones, while the dying leaves kicked up around them. A snowflake fell, then another, slowly covering the windshield.
Ruby climbed out without so much as a word. Her fingers had to be raw from expending all that nervous energy she’d consumed from the restaurant to here. When she’d told me she wanted to show me something, I sifted through my brain but came up empty. I’d gotten the sense she wanted to take me back in time and show me some of the things we’d done when we had dated. The oak tree we’d carved our initials in at the academy came to mind.
I jumped out then jogged up to her as she headed for the white clapboard church off to the right, her auburn hair swaying behind her. A faint outline of the mountains in the distance painted a backdrop against the cloudy sky. More snow drifted to the ground as my boots sank into the damp earth. Dodging headstones, I couldn’t shake the memory of my sister’s funeral or the days before when my mom found Karen’s body. Mom had screamed for hours until my old man gave her a sedative. My muscles coiled as I tried to erase my memories. Surrounded by death, I wasn’t sure I could.
Ruby finally stopped at a short gravestone that stood about two feet in height. The name on the gravestone read Riley Lewis. When I settled next to her, she reached out and grabbed my hand.
I jerked away. My mom had done the same thing in front of Karen’s coffin at the gravesite. One of her small hands had grabbed mine, and the other had grabbed Kody. She would’ve gathered all of us if Kade hadn’t been consoling Kelton. He’d been an emotional basket case at the funeral, more so than any of us.
“Please. I want you to understand how emotionally drained I was to even contact you after Raven was born. You need the whole story. Riley is Raven’s twin.”
A freaky sound escaped me as though someone had taken a sledgehammer and swung it across my back, knocking the wind straight from my lungs. Death. Again. And not just family, but someone I’d created.
Holy motherfucker.
“Join me,” Ruby whispered, squeezing my hand and jarring me from my numb state.
I lowered to my knees because I had to. Otherwise, I would’ve fallen flat on my ass. The wetness sank into my jeans as I sat on my heels. “Twin?”
“She was stillborn. Doctor said it was a genetic defect.” Her tone was melancholy.
I had no words. I didn’t even know how I should feel. This girl had rendered me speechless so many times since I’d found her in that underground fight. Today wasn’t any different. In my book, Ruby’s life was something Hollywood would probably put on the big screen. She’d gotten pregnant at sixteen. I’d left her without a word. Her mom and dad were in prison for drugs. Ruby lived on the streets and fought in illegal fights. She’d been in jail, lost Raven to social services, and lost a baby. Recounting all that, I blinked to ward off the dizzy feeling. I was beginning to realize how my parents felt over the loss of a child.
Ruby’s hands landed on my cheeks as she knelt facing me. “Are you in there, Kross?”
I blinked again. Her pretty face helped to calm me for the moment.
She dipped into her back pocket and removed an envelope. Then she pulled out pictures. She flipped through them then held up one. “My mom took this before the nurses carried away Riley.” She handed me the photo. “Riley is on the right with the nurse in blue. My mom is holding Raven on the left.”
Riley had a head full of black hair just like Raven. I clenched my jaw. I should’ve been there. I should’ve returned Ruby’s calls. My breathing grew shallow.
Ruby’s cold wet hands were on my face again. “I’m so, so sorry, Kross. I should’ve found you. My mom wanted me to, but I told her you didn’t want anything to do with me. Then my dad got arrested, and things got crazy.”
I curled my fingers around her small wrists. Guilt, anger, heartbreak, and devastation competed for a spot within me. But as my dad had said, we couldn’t change the past. I wanted to so fucking bad, though.
“Say something,” Ruby pleaded.
I glanced at the picture of my girls. Get your shit together. Be the man who your father believes you to be. Be the father that Raven needs.
Big fat snowflakes were falling at a rapid rate. I wasn’t sure I could speak. The memories of my past, my sister, and this new news of Riley were more than suffocating.
Ruby’s face scrunched. “Kross?”
“I wished I would’ve been there for you,” I said as calmly as I could, hoping the irritation that I harbored at myself didn’t come through. I wobbled as I pushed to my feet.
She jumped up and caught my arm. “Are you okay?”
Hell, no. “The snow is getting heavier.”
She stuck her hands on her hips. “Talk to me, Kross. You wanted to know my story. You wanted answers. So now you have them. All of them.” Her bottom lip overlapped the top, trembling slightly.
Fuck. “I’m just mad at myself,” I said in a flat tone. “We should get on the road.” I started for my truck.
I needed to get my head around Ruby, my daughters, my fucking life. My heavy boots pressed into the earth. With each step, I swore the dead were reaching out of the ground and pull
ing me down. I glanced at the picture of my girls, tiny and precious, and my heart broke into a million fucking pieces. I shoved down my emotions or else I wouldn’t be able to drive. I reached the truck and opened the passenger door for Ruby, but she wasn’t there. I pivoted on my heel and froze. She stood in the distance like a statue, almost blending in with the scenery if not for her auburn hair contrasting with the gray and white colors around us. I shivered at the way her gaze bore into me as though she was trying to get into my mind and will me to come back to her. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t break her if I touched her. If I kissed her, I was afraid I wouldn’t stop until I sucked out all her oxygen so I could breathe.
I closed my eyes. The snowflakes hit my face, the coldness a welcome relief to the inferno inside me. I relished the quietness even if just for a second. As more snow covered my face, I thought about my mom. She’d always told us boys that snow was an angel’s blanket. How ironic that I was among the dead in a cemetery with snow falling. Maybe angels were present. Maybe they were watching over us. I hoped so.
Heaving a sigh, I pocketed the picture then stomped back to Ruby who hadn’t moved. I peered down to find remorse and sorrow swimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry again for not returning your calls. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through Riley and Raven. I’m sorry I’ve been acting cold and weird. I’m just so angry with myself.”
“I’m at fault, too.” Tears pooled in her bright eyes. “You don’t need to apologize for being cold and weird. It’s a lot to take in.”
As I raked my gaze over this beautiful woman, I said, deep and firm, “I am your superman whether you want me to be or not.”
She smiled, her gaze moving slowly down to my lips.
My pulse jumped. Then her fingers came up to my mouth. I wanted nothing more than to have her lips on mine instead of those cold, soft fingers. She rubbed my bottom lip then the top as she licked her own.
Banishing any gentleman’s qualities, I hoisted her in my arms. Her legs went around my back, and her hands dove into my hair before her mouth crashed to mine, greedy, hungry, and wild. Electricity fused us together, sizzling hot as I opened for her on a strangled groan. My body burst into flames, my dick growing as hard as the gravestones.
Her tongue slowly slithered in, exploring lazily as though she was savoring the kiss. Hell, I was. Although I was on edge, wanting to take control, to devour her, to bury myself in her. Not yet. I wanted her to take the lead. If she did, then that meant she was ready. Not to mention, I was enjoying the feel of her nails scraping my scalp, the way she was tasting every part of my mouth, and the sexy purrs she spewed as she kissed me.
She took a breath, and a snowflake dropped on her nose. I carried her to the truck.
The snow was piling up, and my dick was straining against my zipper. She bounced in my arms as she held onto me with her head on my shoulder. God, if she didn’t feel like she belonged in my arms.
“Why didn’t you kiss me back?” she asked as I set her in the passenger seat. “Is it because of Penelope?”
“Hell, no. If I kissed you back, you would’ve been naked on the snow-covered ground.”
She blushed. My dick jumped
I closed her door, circled the truck to the driver’s side then hopped in.
My phone rang. I plucked it from my jacket. “Hey, what’s up?” I turned the ignition then blasted the heater.
“You good?” Kade asked. “Mom’s worried.”
“Ruby and I are fine. The snow is getting heavy, though. I’ll check in with you later.”
Ruby waved her hands in front of the vents. “I didn’t realize how cold I was until I got in.”
Her face held that flushed look, while I was burning up from all the emotions flickering through me, especially the way she’d felt against me, soft and perfect.
She blew into her hands. “Kross, I’d rather not go back to Boston tonight.”
I whipped my head around to look at her. Not that I didn’t want to spend the night with her up against me, tangled around me, kissing me, touching me. Sure, she’d kissed me. But is she ready for the next step? Am I ready for the next step?
“I haven’t slept in a soft, comfortable bed in ages. Alex’s couch is not a bed.” She sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “I have money for a hotel.” She averted her gaze.
That shy look of hers was enough to drive me insane.
Her seatbelt wasn’t on yet. So I tugged her to me as far as the console would allow. It was my turn to attack her sweet lips, to get lost in her. One hand went into her hair, and the other underneath her chin. I brushed my lips over hers. Her eyelids fluttered. Slowly, I slid my tongue into her mouth. Then I got lost in the sugary taste left over from the apple pie she’d had for dessert combined with the sweet taste that was just Ruby—the girl who was the mother of my child, the girl who was cracking open every part of my heart, the girl that still gave me that feeling of riding the tallest, scariest rollercoaster.
The cemetery vanished as she met each stroke of my tongue. I cupped the back of her head then pulled her closer to me as I continued to suck on her tongue, nibble on her lips, and breathe in her essence. When I broke the kiss to settle on her ear, she shivered then whimpered.
“I don’t think the hotel is a good idea,” I whispered huskily. “I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.”
Her hand settled on my dick. “So? I want you, Kross, even if it’s just for you to hold me.” Her tone was seductive as she squeezed my erection.
I had to hold back until I found a hotel because I wanted a bed underneath us, and nothing else.
Chapter Twenty
Ruby
I wiped the steam from the mirror in the hotel bathroom then dipped into my backpack and found my brush. As I untangled my wet hair, I sifted through the last few hours, and a host of emotions flitted through me. But one shined brighter than the sorrow, hurt, sadness, and despair that had consumed me in the cemetery—hope. Hope that Kross and I could build a relationship. Hope that we could live as a family and watch Raven grow up. Hope that he had the same feelings for me as I did for him. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that he loved me. I did, however, believe he cared for me. I prayed it wasn’t just because of Raven, but because he wanted me.
A warm tingle started in my chest and worked its way down to my toes as I replayed Kross’s kiss. Electrical sparks ignited parts of me I hadn’t felt ever, not even when we were teenagers exploring each other or kissing for the first time. I’d been so consumed with him that I found myself playing with his huge, solid erection. My heart did a wild tap dance at that thought. I swallowed the dryness in my throat. I was equal parts excited and scared out of my mind. It was as though I was teetering on the edge of life’s cliff, hanging on by the tips of my fingers, and at any moment, I would fall so hard and fast. In the end, Kross and I would be together or he would walk away again.
“Through fear comes strength” was my mom’s favorite saying. I’d had my share of fear, and I was stronger for everything I’d been through. But when it came to my heart, I wasn’t sure I could test her wisdom.
Kross knocked on the door. “Ruby, are you coming out?”
I giggled softly. We’d found a hotel not far from the cemetery. I’d offered to pay, but Kross wouldn’t let me, which was fine. Payment for a hotel wasn’t a reason to argue. I’d taken my time in the pristine tiled shower, sampling the soaps and shampoo, washing my hair twice, making sure my nails were clean, and brushing my teeth. I’d purchased a razor, toothbrush, and toothpaste in the hotel store, so I was able to shave my legs and other spots.
“Almost done.”
Pulling the brush through my hair, I smiled at myself. The dark circles underneath my eyes that I’d had for so long were fading. Norma had even noticed how much healthier I looked. She did as well. We’d both gained some needed weight. As I set the brush down on the sink, I wondered if she had been able to see her parents. I couldn’t exactly call her si
nce we didn’t own cell phones. I frowned. Not only did I want to find out how she was doing, I wanted to tell her about Kross, our kiss, and ask her for advice on sex.
My pulse accelerated as I slipped on my underwear then Kross’s T-shirt that he’d given me to sleep in. I giggled again. I wouldn’t be able to sleep, not with Kross beside me in that king-size bed. I checked my stomach to ensure I wasn’t covered in hives, which often occurred when I was nervous. I braved a quick look in the mirror. Red colored my neck and the upper part of my chest. I checked my arms and stomach. All clear. I inhaled and exhaled, splashed water on my face, then patted it dry with a towel.
After another calming breath, I smoothed down the T-shirt, which fell to my knees, then opened the door. A wave of cool air swooped in as I went out. The TV was on, but muted. Outside the window, the snow came down in big flakes. On the bed, Kross sat bare-chested with his back to the headboard, his denim-encased legs kicked out to cross at the ankles. He wiggled his bare feet, absorbed in something on his phone. Lazily, I continued to assess the man I wanted to spend my life with. Yellow briefs peeked out of his unbuttoned jeans. His rippled abs had a couple of drops of water that lingered from the shower he’d taken before me. The man was downright gorgeous with his freakishly toned chest, six-pack abs, and biceps that flexed and relaxed every time he typed on his phone. The urge to feel all that hardness beneath my fingers was enough to cover me in goose bumps.
When he lifted his gaze, my knees went weak, my stomach tumbled, and a fuzzy, tingly sensation throbbed between my legs. Even though I’d pleasured myself in the past, my arousal was different, stronger this time.
He tracked me from head to toe in a slow, languid path as though he was snapping picture after picture. I thought about locking myself in the bathroom because I wasn’t sure I would survive if he had his way with me. I would want more, more, more. “So” was all my subconscious said. But will he want more with me? And not just sex. A life. A family. Those two things were a tall order.
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