“Maybe, but again, let’s wait to see the results.” Dr. Navar headed to the nurses’ station behind us.
Kody released me, and I almost whimpered. “I need to go. Are you going to be okay?”
Mack growled. “She’s my girl. I can take care of her.”
I rolled my eyes. Mack wasn’t getting the message that he and I wouldn’t be an item. “Mack,” I warned. “I’m not in the mood for your boyish antics.” I sounded like my mom. She’d always said that very thing to Lowell when he acted out.
Kody’s jaw flexed. “You’ve been bragging that she’s your girl. Yet if she was, then she wouldn’t have let me hold her.”
Roxanne waltzed out. “Hey, you two.” Daggers shot out of her wide yellowish-brown eyes. “Leave. This isn’t a place for you to puff out your chests and see whose dick is bigger.”
Everyone at the nurses’ station was watching intently. They knew Roxanne didn’t mince words.
Mack ambled closer, sucking on his lip ring.
I held up my hand. “I am not your girl. We’re not dating.” I lowered my voice. “So stop making a scene.”
“I’ll be at your house.” Then he marched off.
Kody, on the other hand, gave me a hug. “I’m glad Lowell will be okay. Will you?”
I gave Kody a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m good.” Or I would be now that Lowell wasn’t in any danger.
“Go be with your brother,” Roxanne said. “I have rounds. I’ll check back later.”
Kody watched me as I went into Lowell’s room.
“Kody, get out of here,” Roxanne said nicely.
As I dragged a chair over to Lowell’s bed, Kody waved at me before he disappeared. I almost ran out to pull Kody back in to stay with me. But I was still on shift. So I called upstairs to let Dr. Gibbs know what was going on. When I hung up, Lowell’s eyelids fluttered open.
I grabbed his hand. “You scared me.”
He gave me a halfhearted smile. “I’m so sorry.”
“What happened?” I asked. “The doctor said you’re dehydrated. Are you not getting enough water? Are you not eating? Or are you taking meds I don’t know about?”
His curls were wild around his face. “Sis, slow down,” he mumbled. “I haven’t been eating.”
“Why?” Please don’t say there’s something physically wrong.
“We’re broke, Jess.”
I did a double take. I knew my brother stressed about things. He took after my dad in that regard, which had probably contributed to my dad’s heart attack. “You haven’t been eating because we’re broke? We’ve always been broke.” We lived from paycheck to paycheck. I pulled double shifts when I could since Lowell didn’t work.
He withdrew his hand from mine. “No, I mean our savings is gone. With the shop not doing well, I’ve used money in savings to pay our bills. Your paychecks help, but that money doesn’t cover everything. We’re two months behind on the mortgage. We have the loan for the shop. We’re still paying on my medical expenses, and the list goes on.”
We’d been trying to dig ourselves out of a hole since our mother passed away. I should have been upset with him for not telling me, but getting angry wouldn’t have served any purpose at that point. Besides, I was more irritated that he’d let his health get out of hand. “That doesn’t mean you starve yourself or stress out to the point you’re lying in a hospital bed. You don’t need to end up like Dad. We’ll figure things out. We always do.” Several ideas were skipping through my mind, like going back to general mechanic work on all vehicles, not just motorcycles. Or we could close the shop. If we did, though, we still had to pay on the loan. We could sell, but then we would have owners on our property, and that would be weird.
Lowell’s eyelids were getting heavy.
“We’ll talk about all this when you come home. For now, get some rest. They’re keeping you overnight. Dr. Navar will have your blood results in the morning too. I suspect he won’t find anything serious.” With all my brother’s vital signs normal, I should return to work. Plus, Roxanne was on shift to monitor him.
“Jess, I love you,” Lowell said.
As I studied my brother’s drawn features, my own predicament came into focus. If I had the surgery, then I would need money since insurance wouldn’t cover my double mastectomy or implants. But I couldn’t worry about my mutated gene, at least not right then.
“Please don’t scare me like that again. I can’t lose you too, Lowell.”
Tears welled up in his brown eyes.
I kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll check on you later.”
I walked out, shoving all my emotions aside. I had to put on a happy face for five hours, then I could wallow in my sorrows in the privacy of my bedroom after my appointment with Mr. Maxwell, which couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.
Chapter Twelve
Jessie
The water glistened beneath the late-afternoon sun, giving me a sense of peace as Mr. Maxwell and I walked down to the lake. The open air was definitely better than being cooped up in an office.
Quietness stretched between us as we approached Kody’s place. I wanted to stop and thank him for his kindness and for standing by me at the hospital earlier that day. I could still feel his arms around me as though he was my guiding angel—a sexy angel to boot.
Mr. Maxwell slipped a hand in the pocket of his black pants. “I’m sorry to hear about your brother. Kody told me when he got home. Is he doing better?”
“He is.” Before I’d left the hospital, Lowell had had color back in his face and he was eating. “He’s been stressing out over our money problems, but don’t worry, I can pay you.” I had a small balance left on one of my credit cards. I’d considered canceling with Mr. Maxwell, but I needed to keep the appointment for my own sanity, and deep down, I wanted to talk with him about my mom.
“I never charged your mom when we talked after church. So I feel it’s only fair I don’t charge you. Besides, I consider you a friend of the family. After all, my granddaughter can’t stop asking when she can see you again.”
I stepped over a tree branch. “Thank you, and I will find a way to make it up to Raven for not showing up at your cookout last Sunday.”
“Why don’t you join us this weekend? You can make it up to Raven then.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to leave my brother.” I didn’t know how Lowell would be feeling.
“Bring him along. The more the merrier.”
Maybe it would be good for him to get out more, and it would give us a chance to spend some time together outside of the house. “I’ll ask him.” Given that Mack hated Kody, I wasn’t sure what Lowell thought of Kody. If I knew my brother, though, he wasn’t the type of person to dislike someone because his friend did. I suspected Lowell would love Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell and get a kick out of Raven at the very least.
“Good,” Mr. Maxwell said.
Happy tears stung my eyes. I barely knew the man, and I already felt as though I’d known him for years. He was beginning to make me think he was the father I never had.
The water rippled, and the scent of jasmine and lilacs hung in the air, triggering memories of my mom.
“Did my mom talk about me or Lowell?” I knew she had been concerned about Lowell and me. Before she died, she had constantly advised Lowell and me to sell the shop, take a trip, and live our lives as though we were dying tomorrow. The latter wasn’t as easy, considering our finances, but maybe selling the shop would be a step in the right direction. I’d always had a dream of touring Europe—Ireland in particular. My mom had spent a summer there, and she’d raved about the history, the architecture, and the people.
“Your mom talked mostly about how scared she was of leaving you and your brother behind, which is understandable for anyone who knows that death is imminent.”
I blinked away tears, thinking of one of the last conversations Lowell and I had had with Mom. She’d smiled weakly at both of us as she held our hands and said, “I
will miss you both terribly, but know that no matter what you do, I will be with you in spirit.”
I took in a long breath, listening to the birds sing. “I miss you, Mom,” I said quietly.
The farther around the lake we hiked, the denser the trees became, creating a canopy above us.
Mr. Maxwell stopped to allow me to go ahead of him on the narrow part of the path until we reached a clearing on the other side of the lake.
“Let’s sit over here.” He ushered me to a set of lawn chairs and a large stone, which had the initials KM etched on the rock. Beneath the letters were five hearts.
I dropped down on a flowered, cushioned chair. “Is this a memorial of some sort?”
Mr. Maxwell slid into the other chair across from me. “My daughter, Karen. She died at a young age from a gunshot wound. When we moved here from Texas, the boys wanted to build her a memorial.”
The death of a loved one was always heartbreaking, but to see a child die was even more so. As a nurse, I’d witnessed several scenarios in which children had lost their life suddenly while in the hospital, and my heart had broken each and every time. I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve felt if any of those children had been my own.
I wiped my dripping nose. “What do the hearts mean?”
Proudness replaced the sadness in Mr. Maxwell’s honey-colored eyes. “Karen loved hearts. She was a firm believer that the heart knew everything. She would always tell her brothers how a beating heart was the mystery behind a person. So the boys had five hearts engraved to represent one for each sibling.”
My hand went to my chest. This family was amazing, heartwarming, loving, and so unlike any family I’d ever met. I was beginning to understand Kody and the anguish that lurked inside him. Lowell and I had had a difficult time when our mom died. But to lose a sister and a girlfriend had to be extremely painful.
“Dr. Maxwell, you know my mom died of breast cancer, and I’m not sure she told you, but my grandmother did as well. The deadly disease runs in my family.”
He jerked his head up, his pensive gaze roaming over my face. “Please don’t tell me you have breast cancer too.”
I fidgeted with my fingers. “I don’t.” I’d been checking my breasts every chance I had. Actually, I’d been doing that since my mom’s funeral. “Recently, I’ve had my DNA tested for the breast cancer gene, and the results show that I do carry the mutated BRCA1 gene, which means I have a very strong chance of developing breast cancer at some point in the future.” Saying all that out loud to someone other than Roxanne made me shiver, and not in a good way. I would’ve thought that the more I acknowledged it, the more relieved I would have felt.
Mr. Maxwell pinched his chin between his fingers as he regarded me. As a psychiatrist, he must hear all kinds of problems and stories. I often thought about trying my hand at psychiatry since I listened to patients’ problems as I took care of them after their surgeries.
“My best friend is the only person who knows. She hasn’t come out and said that I should have the surgery, not in so many words, anyway.”
“Does your brother know?” he asked.
“I’m not ready to tell Lowell. If he stressed out about our finances, then he would definitely not handle my news well. At least not right now.” If I knew my brother, he would encourage me to have the surgery for the simple fact that he wouldn’t want me to end up like our mom and grandmother.
The handsome doctor sat back in the chair, looking at the lake. “It’s a big decision.”
“Dr. Maxwell—”
“Please, call me Martin. I feel like you’re part of the family already.”
In some weird way, I did too. “Martin, I’m only twenty-five. I want to find that special someone, and I’m afraid that no man will want me when he realizes that I don’t have breasts. Not only that, I’m afraid I might not feel like a complete woman. Then the surgery is expensive and is not covered by insurance. On one hand, if I decide not to have the surgery or wait a few years before I do, then I would be a basket case every day, always wondering when I’m going to find a lump. I just don’t know how to come to terms with all this.”
He crossed one leg over the other. “I can’t tell you what to do. But let’s start with your first concern about men and their fixation with breasts.”
Heat flushed through my cheeks. It felt odd to be talking to a man about my breasts, and to the dad of the guy I was attracted to. But I was also intrigued about what his thoughts were on the topic. After all, he was a doctor.
“A woman is so much more than her breasts. The right man will know that your beauty inside is more important than what is on the outside. It wouldn’t matter to me if my wife had had her breasts removed when I met her because what I saw and what attracted me to her was the way she carried herself, her blue eyes, her smile, and the way she played with her hair. Those are the subtleties that are more attractive to some men. Honestly, if a man only sees you for your breasts, then that isn’t the man you should be with.”
I could count on one hand how many men I had dated for a brief time, and I couldn’t say any of them were drawn to my inner beauty. At least, they hadn’t said anything of the sort to me. Then again, the guys I’d dated hadn’t lasted long, mainly because I’d broken off the relationships with them before we’d gotten serious. Besides, my mom had needed me. As far as Mack, he and I had only had one night together. Not to mention, all he’d ever said to me was that he loved my curves.
Rising, Mr. Maxwell held out his hand. “Let’s walk back before the sun sets. I didn’t think to bring a flashlight.”
On our way back, we continued our conversation.
“Jessie, I understand the statistics with the breast cancer gene,” he said. “The numbers can be quite alarming. The one thing you have going for you is knowledge. Some women in your predicament would not want to know or ignore the stats. I’m not saying that it’s a given that you would develop breast cancer. In fact, no one can predict that. The numbers are there to draw awareness. What I’m trying to say is do your homework. Don’t rush into this. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do.” He sounded so confident.
I wished I were that hopeful. “I’ve spoken to a genetic counselor. She gave me the name of a client who I can speak to who’s been in the same situation as me.”
“A great step,” he said as we drew closer to the boathouse. “I want you to also think about discussing your situation with your brother. Family is so important. I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to shut him out. He’ll only resent you. You also don’t want to treat him like he’s a child. Give him a chance to help you through this.”
Kody was sitting on the top step of his deck. When he grinned in our direction, butterflies took flight inside me.
“I want to have a little more information before I tell Lowell,” I said, not taking my eyes off of Kody.
Mr. Maxwell checked his watch. “Understandable. But don’t wait too long. He might have some great insight.”
Or he might end up in the hospital again. At that moment, I couldn’t risk his health.
We stopped at the foot of the boathouse steps.
“I need to run,” Mr. Maxwell said to me before turning to Kody. “Son, your mom and I are going to dinner. There should be leftovers in the fridge.”
“I’ll be fine, Dad,” Kody said.
Mr. Maxwell touched my arm. “I’ll see you on Sunday for dinner.” Then he sauntered up toward his house.
Suddenly, I felt awkward, or maybe I was feeling the butterflies swarming around in my stomach from the seductive way Kody’s gaze was caressing me in all the right places.
“How’s Lowell?” Kody asked.
I interlocked my fingers, or I would have been biting my nails, and I didn’t usually chew my nails. “I wanted to thank you for being at my side today.”
“Donovan didn’t like it.” Disgust colored his tone.
“Is that why you held me the entire time Mack was there? Did you want to piss
him off?” A lump formed in my throat. I prayed he wasn’t using me to get under Mack’s skin.
The fury in his glare could have nailed me to the tree not far behind me. “Is that what you think?”
My body tensed. The man was a seesaw of emotions. Still, I didn’t know what to think anymore. “Maybe you and Mack should talk and clear the past. Maybe then you might not be Jekyll and Hyde.”
That rage pouring off him built as though a dark, swirling cloud had suddenly appeared over him. He narrowed his eyes into slits. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it as he disappeared into his boathouse.
That went well. I rubbed my temples as I headed for my car. I didn’t have the energy to deal with moodiness from anyone. But as I climbed the short incline toward the garage, I decided that I had to know one way or the other if his loving display with me earlier that day had mainly been to infuriate Mack.
I stomped back down to the boathouse, climbed the stairs, and knocked. “Kody?”
The door swung open. “I don’t want to talk about Donovan.”
I crossed the threshold even though he hadn’t invited me in. We were going to get Mack off the table once and for all. If I was attending Sunday dinner with the Maxwells, I didn’t want Kody snarling or brooding over Mack, although I was associated with Mack, which meant that Kody probably didn’t want anything to do with me. Up until Lowell was rushed to the hospital, I hadn’t exactly wanted to get involved with any man. But Kody had made me feel safe, and I wanted more of that feeling, of his arms around me, of him being at my side during a difficult time.
“So why did you hold me like you did when we were at the hospital?” If he so much as said he did it to get under Mack’s skin, I was ready to kick him in the shins.
His jaw flexed. “My reasons have nothing to do with Donovan. In fact, I could give a fuck about the man.” His clipped tone gave me no reason not to believe he was telling me his true feelings.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Am I the reason for your moodiness?”
The Maxwell Series Boxed Set - Books 4-6 Page 40