Whether it was Mack or someone else, it was time for Lowell and me to move on. Sure, the shop held memories of our parents, especially our dad. So at least for me, a new beginning would help, and I believed Lowell would benefit from the change as well even though it would be a sad day to not have the shop anymore.
I waggled my eyebrows. “Or we could rent it to a beautiful girl.”
He harrumphed. “Don’t get any ideas. Besides, women don’t go for guys in wheelchairs.”
I wished I had something to throw at him. “Don’t talk like that. You’ll find someone.” Sadness gripped me like a vise. I wanted the world for my brother, but it was hard for him to get out and meet people. But now that Mack was around, he could help Lowell get out more.
Two beats passed before Lowell said, “So Kody’s okay with you not having breasts, but he can’t bear the thought of you riding a motorcycle.” His tone held no bitterness.
“When you say it out loud like that, it is kind of weird.” Kody had not even flinched when I’d told him I was considering having my breasts removed. Yet he was nowhere to be found since I’d gotten into my accident. Maybe he wasn’t the right guy for me.
Lowell rubbed my arm. “I’m behind you on the surgery. I don’t want you to end up like Mom. I would die if I lost you. Also, speaking of the accident, you really need to consider hanging up your motorcycle for a while. The cops said you got lucky.”
“I wasn’t going fast.” Giving up that freedom of riding wasn’t something I was prepared to do.
“Fast or not, Jess, think about it. Okay?”
I knew he was trying to tell me he didn’t want me to end up like him. He’d said that very thing several times over the years as I left the shop on my bike.
“You realize that I could die just walking across a street,” I said.
“It’s not that. I don’t want you to end up like me.”
“I agree.” Kody’s voice slid over my skin—soft, soothing, and safe.
Lowell and I darted our gazes to the doorway. I briefly closed my eyes, thanking anyone who would listen that he’d recovered from his cold-feet syndrome. He did, however, look as though he’d seen a ghost.
Not moving from the doorway, he stared at me with doom and gloom pouring off him.
Lowell took hold of the joystick on his wheelchair. “I’ll go find Roxanne.” He nodded to Kody on his way out.
Kody continued to stare at me as though he were wrestling with a major army in his head.
“I’m okay.” I desperately wanted to jump into his arms. That thought made me giggle.
His handsome face darkened. “You’re laughing? You almost died, and you can laugh about it?”
“It’s not that.” My voice dropped as I studied the bruises on my hand.
His footsteps clamored along the floor until he was standing at my side. Then his trembling hand covered mine. “I’m relieved you’re okay.” His voice didn’t give me a warm-and-fuzzy. In fact, I detected a but coming. “Since Mandy’s death, I haven’t been able to risk getting serious with anyone. I shut myself off from allowing any woman to get inside here.” He tapped on his heart. “But when I first saw you in the cafeteria, my knees became weak. You took my breath away until I learned you rode motorcycles. Then I tried like hell to keep my distance. Even more so when Donovan came into the picture. Talk about drudging up my demons. All of that was too much. Yet I still had to have you.”
I held my breath, my pulse ticking like a bomb getting ready to explode. I wasn’t about to give up something I loved to make Kody happy, or anyone for that matter. I hadn’t changed for my brother, and love or not, I wasn’t about to for Kody. Sure, I wanted a future with him, but not if I couldn’t do the things I loved to do. I wanted to keep riding, to keep feeling the wind at my face, to feel the adrenaline rush every time I got on my Ducati.
I fixated on our joined hands. “Do you want me? Do you love me like you said you did?”
His fingers landed under my chin. “You can’t take love back, and I’ll always want you. But…”
There it was.
He stepped away, grasping the back of his head. “I thought that I could get past you riding. I’m not sure anymore.”
My hands twitched. The monitor above my head even gave away my racing heart. “When you love someone, you love them for who they are. I’m not changing for you, Kody. I wouldn’t ask you to do that for me. Relationships are about give and take. They’re about loving and also not loving some of the hobbies your partner has. I know you said you would never ask me to give up riding. I would never ask you to give up playing the guitar.”
He raised an eyebrow on my last statement.
I powered on. “I ride because it makes me feel free. Even though I was doing the speed limit, accidents will happen. If not on a motorcycle, then in a car. Or you pick the scenario.”
His gaze flickered over to the monitor above me. Yeah, my pulse was off the charts, and the flipping pain was starting to become unbearable. Roxanne had left eons ago to get me pain meds. Lowell had probably found her and told her that Kody was in my room. So I would guess she was trying to leave us alone. Nevertheless, I pushed the call button on my bed. As much as I wanted to continue talking to Kody, I had to get some relief before I busted my stitches.
He sauntered closer to the bed. “I’ll let you rest. Again, I’m relieved that you’ll be okay.”
My muscles quivered. “That’s it?” My voice rose in pitch. “We’re not going to finish this conversation?” Anger washed away the emotional pain.
His eyes were steeped in conflicting emotions. “We’ll talk more when you’re feeling better.”
Roxanne peeked in with a cup in her hand, hesitantly observing us. The door had been open. I imagined she had been right outside, waiting.
Lowering his head, Kody hurried out as though he didn’t want Roxanne or me to see him break down.
Tears seeped out, and even though Roxanne was with me, I’d never felt more alone.
Roxanne handed me the white cup with two pills in it. “These will help you relax.”
“He’s going to break up with me.” Maybe I should have been the one ending our relationship, particularly if he didn’t support me.
Roxanne busied herself with my IV. “No, he’s not. He just needs time, Jess. You scared all of us, but with Kody, you drove a knife through his heart, not intentionally or literally of course. The last girl he loved died on a motorcycle. Cut him some slack.”
I drank some water. “I’m not giving up riding.”
She gnawed on her red lips. “Instead of thinking about motorcycles and being stubborn, you should be worrying about your breast surgery and your potential recording contract. Do you want a future with Kody? Are you willing to give up some things for him? Think about that. Besides, you won’t be riding for a while. Those stitches and your bruises will take weeks to heal.”
As she talked, the pain medication started kicking in, and my eyes were getting heavy.
I had a lot to think about.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kody
I wiped water from my face as I stood in front of Mandy’s headstone. The rain hadn’t let up in three days—par for the course with my mood for the last week. My brain had been on overdrive, mulling through my feelings for Jessie. I hadn’t seen her or talked to her since I’d walked out of her hospital room a week ago. I’d thought I wanted to take that chance with her. But being afraid and being petrified were somewhat different in my mind. I had known the consequences of her riding. But since her accident, I’d jumped that hurdle from afraid to petrified. I wasn’t sure anymore if I could jump back. She’d pulled the pin on the grenade, and going forward, it was just a matter of time before the grenade detonated.
I squatted down. “I’m sorry I don’t have my guitar today,” I said out loud. “I’m here to tell you that I met someone—a woman who reminds me so much of you. She loves to ride motorcycles, she loves music, she’s caring, and just as beau
tiful as you. I’m in love with her, but I can’t bring myself to get past the feeling that God will take her away from me like he did you.” When I dashed the rain from my eyes, something Mrs. Shear had said hit me.
I repeated her words out loud. “Your mom said something to me when I saw her the other day. By the way, she’s doing well. Anyway, she said, ‘What helps me is Mandy died doing what she loved, and as much as I hated her riding, I would never have stopped her because motorcycles made her happy. There are risks in everything we do on a daily basis. Just remember that.’ I know you loved your Yamaha. Hell, you never stopped talking about warm weather so you could ride. I loved how you got all giddy when you were about to ride. I loved seeing your face brighten when you started the engine.” I closed my eyes. I would’ve never wanted to take away Mandy’s excitement or her smile or make her give up something she loved.
I had to be grateful that Jessie’s accident didn’t end her life. If I loved her, then I should love all of her like I had Mandy. After all, my dad had always taught us that family and our loved ones were the most important things in our lives, no matter the flaws or consequences.
The rain began to slow, and a sliver of blue sky painted the horizon beyond the myriad of headstones.
After a silent prayer, I said goodbye to Mandy. “I won’t be here as much anymore. I want you to know that you’ll always be a part of me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for smiling at me in the hall at high school that very first day.” I smoothed a hand over her epitaph. “You’ll always be my sweet soul.”
Slowly, I edged back, tears streaming down my face. As I walked to my truck, I felt a sense of tranquility wash over me as though Mandy were right beside me.
My phone rang. “Hey, bro.”
“Where are you?” Kade asked. “We just got to the house, and you’re not here.”
I glanced at the clock on my dashboard. “You said noon. It’s not noon yet.”
“You sound like you’ve been crying. Are you at the cemetery?”
“One last time. I’ll be home in ten.” I hung up.
I used a napkin to dry my face, then I got on the road. I was looking forward to spending time with my brothers. Our Sunday family dinner had been canceled. Mom and Dad had jetted off to Cape Cod for the weekend, and the girls all had something to do. So I’d suggested a boys’ day. I needed my brothers to kick me out of my funk, and I knew they would do just that.
Within no time, I was walking into the kitchen, smelling pizza that was strewn all over the island.
Kelton, Kross, and Kade were sitting around the island, chomping down like hungry bears.
“Sorry,” Kelton said. “The pie was getting cold.”
“Did you go swimming in the rain?” Kross asked in between bites.
The minute he said swimming, images of Jessie and me in the lake flashed in my mind. One image led to another, and suddenly I was recalling our intimate tryst in the tent. Gripping the handle of the fridge with one hand, I clutched my chest with the other. I almost couldn’t breathe. Fuck. I wanted more secret getaways with her.
“How’s Jessie?” Kade asked, severing my trip down memory lane.
Everyone in the family knew what had happened to Jessie. Mom had taken the news pretty hard and had gotten a little out of sorts with me because I hadn’t called or gone to see Jessie. “You’ve got to stand by those you love,” she had said. “You can’t walk away every time things get difficult.”
Dad had intervened. “Kody needs some time to think.”
Thank God for my psychiatrist dad.
I snatched a beer out of the fridge. “I don’t know.”
My brothers set down their pizza.
“Do you love Jessie?” Kade asked.
I nodded as I took a swig of beer. “Very much.”
Kade swiveled on his stool to face me. “I know you’re having a hard time with her motorcycle accident, but bro, she’s alive, and she needs you. Don’t abandon those you love. Isn’t that what Dad has drilled into us since we were kids? We’re all about family. Jessie is part of our family now.”
I didn’t get a chance to respond. In some ways, I was glad that the whir of an engine rumbled down the driveway, and not any engine—a Harley.
My brothers jumped off their stools, as did I. I imagined for different reasons.
The four of us crowded in front of the sliding glass door. My pulse beat furiously when I spotted Donovan, and not because I didn’t like him. We’d resolved our differences. My main thought was that something had happened to Jessie.
I tore out of the house with my brothers on my tail.
Donovan killed the engine then swung himself off his bike.
Before I could stop Kade, he was in Donovan’s face.
“Don’t. He’s cool.” I pulled Kade away from Donovan, or tried.
Each of my brothers cocked their heads.
I hadn’t had a chance to fill them in on all that had happened between Donovan and me.
Big, bad Donovan held up his pudgy hands. “No trouble.”
“You two are friends now?” Kade’s eyebrows were pinched so tightly, he was sure to have one of his migraines later.
“We’re cordial,” I said. “We’ve both owned up to our mistakes, and he apologized to Mom.”
Kelton fisted his hands at his sides. “So that makes everything sugary now?”
I dropped my head back. White puffy clouds skated above me. Then I righted my head. “I’ve been carrying around ghosts for six years. I can’t do it anymore.” Then I flicked my thumb at Donovan, who was watching each of us intently. “We’re not going to be best friends, but it’s time to bury the hatchet.” I had. I just needed my brothers to as well.
My brothers had murderous stares directed at Donovan.
“Kody,” Donovan said. “It’s all good.”
Nevertheless, I slid closer to Donovan in the event that Kade or even Kelton had any intentions of unleashing on him. Kross, on the other hand, casually leaned against Kade’s truck as though he wasn’t getting involved.
“Did something happen to Jessie?” I asked, holding my breath.
Donovan kept his focus on Kade, who had walked down to the garage door. “She’s fine.” His voice was even. “Kody, can I speak to you alone?”
That wasn’t happening. Even if I asked my brothers to leave, they wouldn’t. “They aren’t going to start trouble. Are you?” I mainly directed my question to Kade since he was the one with a scowl on his face.
Kelton joined Kross. Kade stood like a commander in a platoon with his legs shoulder width apart and his arms crossed over his chest.
Playing with his lip ring, Donovan said, “You need to get your ass over to see Jessie.” His tone was harder than a rock. “I get your hang-up about motorcycles. But for fuck’s sake, dude, I can’t bear to see her moping around. It’s fucking killing me.”
“He’s right,” Kelton said.
I jerked my head at my brother.
He shrugged. “What? You were at the cemetery, mourning again. How many times are you going to live in the past?”
Kross chimed in. “If we have to tie you up and drag you over to Jessie, we will.”
Kade didn’t say anything, but he sighed, losing his ready-to-fight body language.
Donovan rubbed his jaw. “Look, I asked her to call you. But she’s still hurt that you weren’t there after she woke up from surgery. Do you love her or not? Be the man here, dude. You are an ass if you leave that beautiful woman hanging.”
“He’s right,” Kade said.
Donovan’s eyes went wide.
Kelton piped up again. “You’re not changing her, Kody. I know you don’t want to. We love our girls for who they are. I wouldn’t dream of changing Lizzie even though I wanted to tie her up when she walked into a mob-infested poker game. Love is love, whether you like something your girl does or not.”
Donovan inclined his head. “So it’s true? You guys have ties to the mob.”
Kelton, K
ross, and I glanced at Kade, who just shook his head.
Kelton stabbed a finger at Kade. “More like he’s going to be married to the mob.”
Kade rolled his eyes. “Look, bro, we all have fears. I fear every day that Lacey’s grandfather will get out of prison and hunt her down again. But that doesn’t get in the way of me loving her.”
Maybe it was the word fear or the reminder that Kade had almost lost Lacey at the hands of her grandfather that made me zero in on the Harley. “Donovan, can I borrow your Harley?”
“What?” Kade said. “You don’t know how to ride.”
“We rode dirt bikes as kids when we lived in Texas,” I said.
Laughter rumbled out of Donovan. “This is my baby, dude.”
I directed my attention to my brothers. “Hear me out. Dad said riding a motorcycle might help me overcome my fear like Mom has in learning how to shoot guns.”
My brothers’ eyebrows disappeared into their hairlines.
“Man, I’ve missed a lot,” Kade said. He hated when he didn’t know what was going on with our parents, especially Mom.
I grinned briefly before planting on a serious expression. “I have to get on that motorcycle. Otherwise, I’ll never be able to understand Jessie or get over my fear.”
Kade scratched the back of his head. “I get it. But get on one when you’ve had time to practice.”
Donovan was pacing. “Your brother is right. You can ride on the back with me.”
I let out a throaty growl. “I’m not getting on the back. I need to show her I’m not afraid to handle a motorcycle, not hold on to your ugly ass while you cart me over there.”
“I wouldn’t want my wife to see me holding onto another guy while he chauffeured me,” Kross said.
“It would certainly break the ice between them,” Kelton said.
At least two of my brothers were on my side.
“She would like that,” Donovan relented.
I set my gaze on Kade, not that I needed his permission. He chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“Getting on the Harley and riding over to Jessie’s will help me more than anything,” I said. “But me on that Harley will also show Jessie that I do love her no matter what.”
The Maxwell Series Boxed Set - Books 4-6 Page 54