by Lexy Timms
“Hi, honey,” her father said gruffly. He sounded strange. “I, uh, was wondering if you would want to meet for lunch sometime this week. My treat, of course. Don’t worry, I don’t want to badger you about any problems you might be having with Christine. I just think it would be nice to catch up. Call me back. I love you.”
Jamie listened to it three more times, stunned. Her father wanted to see her? Why? He hadn’t taken her out to lunch for no apparent reason since she was still in high school. He always saved lunch for business meetings, not for something as frivolous and unproductive as a family get together. She sat and stared at her phone and decided to call him back, sort of relieved when it went to voicemail. She listed off the days she was available for lunch before turning back to her computer screen and burying herself deep into work.
They ended up having lunch on Friday. They met at an Italian restaurant down the street from Jamie’s work. Her father was already there, looking awkward and uncomfortable when he rose to give her a hug. She realized he didn’t have his cell phone on him.
He smiled at her. “Hello, sweetie. You look nice.”
She looked down. She was wearing a new blouse and a pair of black pants. She had dropped even more weight since the time Alex bought her clothes and had to pick up a few more outfits as well as a sewing kit to take in the clothes she already had. Size eight clothes were starting to fit loosely. “You look good, too.” She leaned in for a quick hug. “You ready to order?”
He nodded. “Don’t have much time?”
“Not as much as I’d like.” She smiled and ordered chicken Marsala, one of the most fattening dishes on the menu. Her dad ordered the same thing. She didn’t care about ordering the high-calorie food with her dad because he was the only family member who hadn’t actually given her any grief about her weight. Besides, he was breaking his diet as well.
“How have you been?” he asked.
“I’ve been okay.” Jamie eyed him suspiciously. “What’s going on, Dad? We’ve never had lunch together, so we can’t exactly pretend this is a normal thing.”
“I know, I know.” He sighed. “I’ve missed you, Jamie. I know I’m not that family oriented and haven’t been the best father, but I really do love you, and I want to try to make things right.” He forced a smile. “Besides, sometimes I think you’re the only sane relation I have.” He grimaced slightly.
Jamie smiled. “Thanks, Dad, that really means a lot to me.”
“You are a good kid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” He smiled. “Now, tell me how you’ve been? How’s work? So proud of you with your new job.”
“It’s been good. Mr. Reid’s given me a pay raise. Apparently, I’m doing a great job.” She laughed, loving that she could brag to him and he wouldn’t take it as she was being conceited. She was proud.
He raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yes, it’s amazing! I took charge of a meeting when he had to call out of work and I was able to get twice the amount of money from the investors than what he asked for. Ever since then I’ve been in charge of some more things and he’s given me a pay raise.”
“That is amazing,” he said, clearly impressed. “Tell me more.”
They talked about her work and her dad’s work. They avoided the subject of Jamie’s mom and sister completely, much to Jamie’s relief. At the end of lunch, Jamie walked her dad to his car and hugged him. “Thank you for lunch,” she said. “I’m glad you called.”
“My pleasure,” he said, and he sounded very sincere, which gave Jamie hope for the future. “We should do this again. Maybe next week?”
Jamie nodded, unable to hold back her joy. “I would like that.” She grinned. “Definitely.”
He smiled. “Good. Now, I know neither one of us really want to talk about the unpleasantness at home, but… You know I will still think the world of you even if you don’t go to your sister’s wedding tomorrow?” He shook his head. “She’s completely stressed but that doesn’t mean she should be taking it out on you. Not to mention the history between you and Stephen—” He held up his hand. “I don’t mean about you, I mean about that prick.” He grimaced. “Personally, I wish she would just call the whole thing off. Stephen’s an asshole, but I’m apparently the only one in the family aside from you who can see past his good looks and little bit of money.”
Jamie laughed. “Honestly, his looks aren’t that good.”
He chuckled and then grew serious again. “I want you to know I’m proud of you, Jamie. Very proud. You’re everything I ever could have wanted in a daughter and more.”
Jamie swallowed but she could feel the tears rising up anyway. Please don’t break down. Don’t break down. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug to hide her tears and compose herself. “I love you, Dad,” she whispered.
“I love you, too,” he said as they broke apart. “Don’t marry an asshole like Stephen. Please don’t make me walk you down the aisle to a prick like that. I won’t do it.”
She burst out laughing and held up her hand. “I promise you.”
He looked at his watch and winced.
“You need to get back to work,” Jamie said. “Before you’re late.”
“Actually, I was late twenty minutes ago.” He smiled sheepishly.
“Dad! Why didn’t you tell me? We could have cut this short.”
He shook his head. “I have been too wrapped up in work. It’s about time I make some time for my family. They can handle me being late now and then.”
Jamie shook her head and then smiled. “Thanks for taking me out. I’ll see you next week. My treat next time.”
Her dad chuckled. “Then I’m definitely ordering dessert.”
After they parted company, Jamie managed to hold it together until she got into the elevator in her office building. Then she started to cry. She loved her family. She cried harder than she had in a long time. She didn’t even know that the elevator doors had opened until she felt someone’s strong arms around her, comforting her, rubbing her back and holding her close. She buried her head in the stranger’s chest, just thankful someone was willing to hold her. It felt good, even though she knew she would be embarrassed soon enough.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Alex murmured.
Her head shot up in surprise. She stepped back quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t realize—”
Alex pressed the emergency stop button. “Tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better. Is it Stephen?”
She wiped her eyes. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said. “Everything is perfectly right.”
“Then why are you crying?” He handed her a handkerchief from his suit pocket.
She accepted it and blew her nose. “My father’s proud of me,” she said, and then started crying again. He pulled her even tighter to his body and she breathed in the scent of him. He smelled like pine. “He actually said he was proud of me today. We went out for lunch. He’s not mad at me at all.”
He smiled and rested his chin on the top of her head. “Good,” he murmured. “I’m glad.”
She hiccupped. “It was so out of the blue that he asked me out for lunch. I still can’t believe he did. And then he said that he was proud of me.” She felt the tears welling up again.
“How could he not be?” He smiled at her.
She inhaled a deep breath and stared down at her hands. “Thanks. Sorry about the crying. I don’t usually do that.” She went to hand him his expensive handkerchief back.
“Keep it.” He laughed and scrunched his nose. It made his face look adorably cute.
Jamie giggled and stuffed it in her pocket. “I’ll buy you a new one.”
“I think I can afford to lose one.” He chuckled, probably happy to see she wasn’t crying anymore and then pressed the emergency stop button again for them to go up.
Jamie bit her lip when she realized that they had been stopped for over twenty minutes. “Oh no,” she said. “We stopped the elevator for that long?”
“It’s okay,” Alex said. “It’s my
private elevator to my office. Only you and I use it, remember?”
She nodded and smiled. “Right,” she said. “Still, wouldn’t people notice?”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t matter,” Alex said. “We weren’t doing anything indecent, and even if we were, it would be none of their business.” He hesitated momentarily when he said indecent.
Jamie felt her cheeks warm. “I can’t exactly blame them for thinking that we are sleeping together. I mean, we have in the past.”
“Yes. But it is still none of their business.” Alex frowned. “Anything I, or you, do outside of the office doesn’t affect our professional lives. We still work together well.”
“Then why don’t you want to have a real relationship with me?” Jamie blurted out. Then she flushed. “Sorry,” she said. “You don’t have to answer that.”
His cheeks reddened. “No, it’s okay,” he said. “I haven’t been fair to you, Jamie. I know that. You deserve an explanation.”
Jamie stared at the floor. She really wished she hadn’t said anything. She didn’t think she wanted to know. She didn’t want to hear him say that she wasn’t worth his time.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said. “Truly. Jamie, I’ve never been in a real relationship. Not one that was equal or committed. Emotional attachments are complicated for me…” He shook his head. “You deserve better than that, Jamie. You deserve so much better than a workaholic who can’t do much more than provide material goods. And it’s been incredibly wrong of me to play with your heart like I have been, and there truly is no excuse for it.” She saw the regret in his eyes as well as the longing and anguish. “You deserve someone who can actually take care of you.”
The elevator opened and Alex quickly turned and walked out before she could even say anything. She wanted to tell him he was wrong. He had done so much more for her than anyone else had and he sure as hell wasn’t a bad guy. She went to her desk, uncertain. It was so obvious to her that everything he had just said simply wasn’t true. He was making excuses. Would it kill him to be straightforward with me and tell me he just doesn’t like me that way? She turned to her work, slightly annoyed. More than anything, she wanted to believe Alex’s story, but she knew it was bullshit.
There was no way Alex Reid was unsure about himself. And there was no way in hell he couldn’t be a good partner to someone he really cared for.
Chapter 16
By the time she finished for the day, Jamie had worked herself into a rage thinking about Alex. Why the hell was he giving her bullshit excuses? Did he think she was too delicate to handle the truth? Screw him! She deserved to have something great and if he couldn’t see she was something amazing for him, he could kiss her arse!
She headed into the parking garage and stomped toward her car.
Alex was there, about to get into his. He looked up and his eyes widened when he saw her marching toward him.
Before he could say anything she slapped him across the face. “You son of a bitch!” She shook her hand from the sting vibrating off it. “How dare you make up a bullshit excuse like that! If you don’t want me, fine! Then say that! Don’t say that I deserve better and you’re not capable of love because we both know that’s not true. You seriously are a fucking asshole, you know that? You’re no better than Stephen.” She turned to walk away and spun around again. “You were right about one thing: you never should have played with my heart because now I’m in love with you and there’s nothing I can do about it! What is wrong with you? Do you get some kick out of ripping women’s hearts out and stomping on them? Damn it, Alex. I hate you!”
He didn’t say anything, which just angered her more. Alex lifted his hand to the cheek she slapped. Redness formed in the shape of angry fingers against his skin. He rubbed it tenderly. “So, which is it Jamie? Do you love me? Or do you hate me? Make up your mind.”
Jamie snorted in disgust. She crossed her arms, refusing to answer him.
“I never denied the fact that I’m an asshole,” Alex said. “But I am not as bad as Stephen. I never kicked you out of your home or belittled your body like he did, and I certainly didn’t assault you.”
“You belittled me in a different way, you let me beg you to touch me and then said it was wrong after the fact.” Her voice cracked, and much to her mortification a tear slid down her cheek. Alex stepped forward as if to comfort her but Jamie flinched back and he stopped suddenly, raw pain in his eyes.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said hoarsely. “I never did. Hell, Jamie, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But I meant it when I said I don’t deserve you. I could never deserve someone as generous and as sweet as you.”
“Stop lying!” she shouted.
He shook his head slowly, never taking his eyes off her face. “I’m not,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to do a relationship. I’ve never been in love. I stopped myself from loving a long time ago so I wouldn’t get hurt. I don’t know if I’m even capable of starting again after all these years, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Jamie. I tried so hard,” his voice cracked. “You have to believe me.”
She shook her head. “How could I? All you’ve ever done is hurt me.”
“That was never my intention.”
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, now. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care what you say,” she said. “Not anymore. It’s all lies anyway.”
She turned to go but he grabbed her arm, pulling her back. “No,” he said harshly. “That’s not true. I never lied to you about anything. I care about you more than anything else. How can I prove that to you?”
“You can’t. Not anymore.”
Before she could resist, he pulled her close to him and gently wiped away her tears. He barely touched her skin as he did and he rested his other arm against his car instead of holding her tightly like he usually did, as if he was giving her every chance to escape. “There must be some way,” he said, pleading. “I wish more than anything I could promise you the world, but I can’t. I don’t want you thinking I used you and felt nothing for you because it’s not true. Please, Jamie. Tell me how I can make it up to you.”
She shook her head, trying to keep herself from crying out or reaching for him. If she touched him or moved slightly, her lips would be on his and her body would make her mind forget why it was hurting. She couldn’t do it, though. She would just be torturing herself more.
“I can’t do this, Alex.” She turned to leave, and then froze when she heard voices from around the corner. A group of employees were chatting and laughing. She recognized Gina’s voice among them.
Alex heard it as well. He opened the back door of his car. “Get in. My windows are tinted. They won’t even know we’re here.”
Jamie crawled in before she could think better and Alex slid in beside her. They slipped down so no one could see them through the back windshield and both held their breath as the group came closer. Alex took her hand and started stroking the back of her knuckles with his thumb. She hated the fact that it comforted her.
The group of people passed and both of them slowly sat up again. Alex didn’t let go of her hand. He stared down at the seat between them, looking more ashamed than she had ever seen him before. “I’m not letting you leave like this,” he whispered. “I need to show you how much you’ve affected me. How much you mean to me.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and with all the tenderness in the world. There was nothing confident or smooth about his actions. He looked more vulnerable than Jamie had ever seen him before. He looked completely genuine.
She already felt her anger and resolve crumbling and she knew she was already set up for hurt again.
Alex turned toward her and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. His own lips trembled against hers. He didn’t pull her close or even touch her, giving her complete freedom to turn away or leave.
Jamie was rooted to her spot. Frozen. Ev
ery molecule of her body wanted to stay where she was, kissing him just like this. She felt as if she would die if she pulled away. So she didn’t.
Alex broke away first, reluctantly. “If I keep kissing you then I’ll be tempted to take you right now. But you deserve so much more than a fucking in a car, Jamie. You deserve someone who will love you and take care of you. Someone who will always be there for you in every way you need them to be. Someone who can make love to you with all of the patience and tenderness in the world. I wish more than anything that I could deserve you, but the truth is, I don’t. I’m not that guy. I don’t know how to truly love, Jamie. And you deserve an expert in it.”
Jamie shook her head. “Everyone knows how to love if they are with the right person, Alex.” She swallowed. “I guess I’m just not the type of girl that can inspire love in someone.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’ve been trying to tell you that it’s me who’s to blame, not you. Any man who’s not in love with you is a fool.”
“Including you?”
“Worse,” he spat and covered his eyes as he pressed his fingers against his forehead. “Because you gave me your heart and I’m not worthy of it.”
Jamie swallowed, trying to clear the pain in her throat. Too bad she couldn’t take her heart back. “Then it’s not going to work, Alex. I can’t keep working for you with my heart shattered. I’m going to have to hand in my resignation. Sorry.”
Chapter 17
There was a knock on Jamie’s door. She groaned and put a pillow over her head. Maybe if she just turned over and pretended she wasn’t there they would go away. Who the hell would visit her at seven in the morning? Then she remembered what day it was. Please don’t let it be Mom. Her dad might be cool with her not going to her sister’s wedding, but her mother would be another story, and since her sister was getting married in about five hours, then it was totally plausible that her mother had shown up on her doorstep to demand she go there.