by S. Walden
“Well I got plenty to say to you. How the fuck you think you gonna treat my girl like that?” Anton asked. He felt as though he were spitting the words.
“So the bitch told you, huh?” Nate asked scathingly.
“Don’t call her a bitch, you stupid muthafucka,” Anton yelled.
“By the way, Anton, she gotta nice ass,” Nate said. “Thanks for sharin’.”
People were gathering in the stairwell, charged for a fight. Emma came in just as Anton was headed down the stairs. She watched from above as Nate stood his ground when Anton reached the landing.
“You wanna say that again?” Anton asked advancing on Nate.
Emma thought that he had grown another four feet. He looked frightening and menacing the way he towered over Nate, balled fists ready for the assault. His face portrayed pure hatred, and Emma was certain that he could kill Nate with his bare hands if he wanted.
“I said yo’ little ho up there gotta nice ass. We should tag team sometime.”
Anton’s fist was swift and accurate. It crashed into Nate’s jaw, sending him spiraling to the floor. He lay there for a moment, massaging his throbbing cheek, then jumped up from the floor and ran into Anton wrapping his arms around him in a bear hug and slamming him into the wall. He drew back his fist to hit Anton, but he was too slow. Anton punched him hard in the stomach making him stumble backwards then again to his face making him hit the concrete landing with a sickening smack. Nate tried once more to get up, but the pain in his stomach was too great. He lay breathing heavily, knowing he was badly beaten and humiliated for it.
“That’s right, nigga,” Anton taunted. “Don’t you fuckin’ talk to Emma ever again. Don’t you fuckin’ talk to me ever again. We through. I don’t even know you.”
He walked back up the steps avoiding the stares of the several students lining the walls of the stairwell. He took Emma’s hand and led her out.
***
“You’ll probably get suspended, you know,” Emma said.
She was sitting at his desk that afternoon editing their paper. They were nearly through and had only a few pages left to write.
“No teachers were there,” Anton pointed out. He was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling.
“There are cameras everywhere,” Emma reminded him. She made a note in the margin of one of the pages as she spoke.
“So? Somebody in charge gotta see it in person,” Anton argued.
“I’m not sure it works that way,” Emma replied.
“What the hell, Emma? Do you want me to get suspended? I’m already in enough trouble as it is. Ain’t no way my mama won’t find out about this.”
“How would your mother find out?” Emma asked.
“She just will. She got these magic ways of always knowing what’s goin’ on with me. She knew we was havin’ sex long before that embarrassin’ conversation. She knew when I took that kid’s video game even though he never told a soul ‘cause I told him I’d beat the shit outta him. I swore to her that he gave it to me. She knew I was lyin’ right through my teeth. The woman knows.”
Emma smirked. “You were such a bad kid.”
“I know it. And I’m tryin’ to be better. Look how good I am with you. You know I ain’t even smoked up since we got together?”
“I didn’t know you smoked weed to begin with,” Emma said.
“Girl, you so naïve,” Anton said. “You met my friends?”
Emma grunted.
“Anyway, I’m tryin’ to be good but what choice did I have? That little muthafucka. I couldn’t let him talk to you like that, do what he did to you. What kinda boyfriend would I be if I let little bitches like Nate talk to you like that?”
“I appreciate you wanting to protect me or fight for my honor or whatever, but I can handle my own,” Emma said.
“Girl, please. You know you need me.”
He didn’t say it teasingly. He said it with all the seriousness of a black man who knows he’s dating a white woman in the uncertain world of high school.
Emma sat quietly for a time. She pretended to edit their paper when she was really running the words he just said over and over in her mind. Did she need him, she wondered? She wanted him; that she knew. But did she need him? And if she did, did that make her weak? Did that put her in a vulnerable position? What if one day he went away? Where would her need go? Would she transfer it to another boy, the next one to come along and tell her he loved her and would love her forever? An alarming feeling crept into her heart, and she tried hard to ignore it.
“I can’t believe no one went to the administration. How did you make it the rest of the day without being called to the office?” she asked. “I mean, didn’t somebody see Nate?”
“That little shit prolly left school. That’s what I’d of done if I was humiliated like that,” Anton replied.
“But still, no one went to the office?” Emma said.
“Jesus, Emma, can we talk about somethin’ else?”
Emma bristled. Anton noticed and rolled his eyes.
“I’m just tired of talkin’ about it. What’s done is done. Monday mornin’ come and I get in trouble, then I get in trouble. There ain’t nothin’ I can do about any of it right now, so I don’t wanna worry about it,” he said.
“I just don’t want you to get suspended on account of me. I mean, finals start next week,” she said. “And you should care about that.”
“Baby, I do care. They not gonna say I can’t graduate. I don’t want you worryin’ about me,” Anton said holding his arms out for her.
She put down her pen and went to him. She let him snuggle her against his body, running his hands up and down her back.
“Now this make me feel better,” he said contented.
Emma, however, did not feel better. She couldn’t lie there with him silent when a million thoughts and questions were running through her mind. She sat up abruptly.
“He lives in this neighborhood, Anton,” she said.
“Who live here?”
“Nate. Nate, Anton. You know who I’m talking about,” she snapped.
“And?”
“I just think you went about it all the wrong way. You two were best friends. You should have tried to talk to him and—”
“Emma, you need to stop right there,” Anton interrupted. “Did he not harass you at school? Did he not put his hands on you?”
“Well, yeah but—”
“Enough. Nobody gonna get a talkin’ to about somethin’ like that. They gonna get the shit beat out of ‘em. I can’t believe you sittin’ here worryin’ about my friendship with Nate. He killed that when he touched you.”
“I just thought that—”
“Well, stop thinkin’ then,” Anton interrupted.
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“Emma, you was a victim and I stuck up for you,” he said.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to be a victim. Maybe I could have handled it myself. But I didn’t get a chance to because you took care of it for me. You know, you can’t do that all the time.”
“I’m sorry. Did you say you was gonna handle it? Because I remember you cryin’ yo’ eyes out to me in the courtyard,” Anton said. “And anyway, what’s wrong with beatin’ the shit outta some punk who’s messin’ with my girl?”
“What if you’re not there one day? Huh? I have to be able to deal with things on my own,” Emma said.
“You actin’ like I’m goin’ somewhere. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
“I know that, Anton. I know. It just makes me feel weak and helpless,” Emma said quietly.
Anton thought for a moment.
“Emma, I don’t mean to make you feel that way. But I’m yo’ boyfriend and it’s my job to protect you. And don’t say it ain’t ‘cause it is. And I want to. And Nate? He just a mean guy. He losin’ it, I really think he is. And I don’t want you to feel like you gotta go up against him alone. He crazy. I don’t know what he do. You understand I was just doin’ what I thoug
ht was right?”
Emma nodded.
“I still think you scrappy,” he said trying for lightness.
She smiled and bent to kiss his lips. He pulled her down on top of him and let her kiss him thoroughly.
“You so tiny,” he said feeling the full weight of her body on his. She felt like a blanket to him, warm and light.
She smiled into his neck.
“I think I could put you in my pocket and carry you ‘round all day,” he said running his hands down her back and letting them rest on her bottom.
“I don’t know how much I’d like that,” she replied.
“Why? You could poke yo’ head out and look around. And then if you see somethin’ you don’t like, you just tuck yo’self right back down in my pocket. I’ll take care of you.”
“Yeah, but what about when you have to go to the bathroom?” she asked.
Anton laughed. “I guess I didn’t think about that.”
He kissed her forehead and made her look up at him.
“We okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“Okay, ‘cause I plan on keepin’ you, so I wanna make sure everything’s okay.”
“Everything’s okay,” she said, and as she lay in his arms, she knew it was.
CHAPTER 23
SATURDAY, MAY 22
“I got somethin’ for you,” Anton said. He pulled out a small box from inside his pants pocket and gave it to her. He looked nervous and unsure.
“That better not be—”
“Relax, girl! I ain’t even ready to get married yet. And anyway, how long we known each other? Five minutes?” he asked.
She smiled and took the box.
“I know it hasn’t been long,” she said. “But it feels like it, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said looking at his feet.
They were standing by the water’s edge. They were about to take a walk when Anton remembered the gift he had for her. He thought it felt weird to be standing when she opened it, so he invited her to sit down with him.
They settled themselves on the soft ground side by side. Emma opened the box carefully and pulled out a thin silver bracelet. It had a single charm in the shape of a heart. She held it up to examine it, and Anton got worried.
“They said it was white gold, but I don’t know. They prolly scammed me, but I thought it was pretty. I thought you’d like it.” He searched her face for an answer.
“I love it,” she said quietly. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”
He breathed a sigh of relief then offered to put it on her. She let him fasten it to her wrist then studied it once more.
“I notice you ain’t never wear bracelets. I hope it ain’t ‘cause you don’t like ‘em,” he said, feeling the uncertainty come back.
“I love bracelets,” she replied.
“So that can be the bracelet you was searchin’ for in my room that one time,” he said grinning.
“Huh?”
“Girl, you always forget that,” he said. “When you came back to me. You pretended to look for yo’ missin’ bracelet.”
“I remember,” she said. Even now, after everything they shared, the thought of that evening still made her blush.
“Well, here it is,” he said, fingering it carefully.
“I love it,” she said again.
Anton felt giddy. He had never bought a gift for a girl before, and he was unsure what to get Emma. But he knew he wanted to get her something. He decided to spend his first paycheck on her, but he found the bracelet at a local pawn shop long before pay day and wanted to get it right away. He was afraid that someone would snatch it up. His mother offered him the money, and he promised to pay her back. He knew it was expensive, and he didn’t care. He would give her everything he had, give her whatever she wanted because he loved her.
She continued to stare at it, how it lit up her wrist in the afternoon sun, and she decided something.
“I won’t take it off,” she said.
“Girl, you gotta take it off to shower and stuff,” Anton pointed out.
“I won’t take it off. Ever,” she said fiercely.
He did not reply. He took her hand and led her back to the car. Suddenly he did not feel like going for a walk. He took her to his house instead.
“How you do this to me?” he asked, leading her down the small hallway to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. “How you make me want you so much?”
She shrugged and he laughed. He walked towards her, and she let him wrap her up, kiss her long and slow until her lips tingled and ached. She sensed he wanted more, but she had something else in mind.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
“We can always talk,” he responded looking down at her. “What you wanna talk about?”
“Sometimes I get scared,” she admitted quietly, gently detaching herself from his embrace and sitting down on the bed. Anton followed suit. “What do we do when we graduate?”
“What you mean?” he asked. “The same thing we doin’ now.” He knew exactly what she meant. She was going away and it would be harder for them. Still, he was determined to keep her. He assumed her feelings were the same.
“I never expected to be with you,” she said. She fingered her new bracelet. “I never expected to fall in love with you. Is it real? It hasn’t been long. But it feels real to me. That has to be right, don’t you think?”
“‘Course it’s right,” Anton replied. “And it’s real, Emma. Why you scared it’s not? You love me, right?”
She nodded.
“And I love you,” he said. “That’s real.”
She smiled.
“I never expected you’d fall in love with me, though,” Anton admitted. “I knew I loved you from the moment I saw you last year.”
“What?” Emma said. “Last year?”
“Girl, you so clueless,” Anton answered lying back on his duvet cover. She did the same.
“You noticed me last year?”
“‘Course I did,” Anton replied looking up at the bedroom ceiling. “We had history together. Don’t you remember?”
“I don’t remember,” Emma admitted. “I don’t remember anything really until the day I met you in English class.”
“Well, you was just as cute then as you are now. I thought I’d never get a chance to talk to you, so I tried to put you outta my mind,” Anton replied. “But I knew I loved you anyway. I figured I’d just have to be with another girl but always love you. And that ain’t fair to nobody.”
“But you didn’t even know me,” Emma said.
“Yes I did,” Anton replied.
“How?”
“Girl, you know I can’t explain it. I just knew you, and I knew if I ever had the opportunity to be with you that I wasn’t gonna mess that up.”
“Do you think we had sex too early?” Emma asked abruptly. She saw him turn to face her in her peripheral vision and kept her eyes glued to the ceiling.
“No.”
“Are you saying that because you’re an eighteen-year-old boy?” she asked.
“Yes.”
Emma laughed. “Seriously, Anton,” she insisted, and looked at him.
“Emma, you are mine forever. Do you understand that? So it don’t matter that I made love to you now or waited three months or ten years. You my girl and you always gonna be my girl,” Anton said. He felt instantly possessive and pulled her on top of him. She didn’t resist.
“I can’t imagine ever being without you,” she said. “I don’t care if that sounds melodramatic. I don’t care that it’s been a few weeks. I love you, Anton.”
“I know that,” he said. “I love you, too.”
“Call me ‘baby,’” she demanded.
“Baby, I love you,” he said.
She bent down until her face was even with his and smiled. And then she kissed him and let him love her thoroughly all afternoon until she felt drunk and dizzy.
***
Anton knew his moth
er would yell at him if he didn’t finish the two loads of laundry she told him to do before going to work. He would have rather stayed in bed with Emma, but then he didn’t like the prospect of his mother screaming at him all night. And to be honest, he was exhausted and even sore, he noticed quite suddenly. He did not realize he could make love to her so much. And he wanted to force his body to keep going, but he could not. He was completely and deliciously spent, and he imagined she was too.
He watched her leave thinking he would be very tired at work that evening. And weak, too. How was he going to be able to load heavy boxes all night? All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a few days, build up his strength once more so that he could love her all over again. The thought was so enticing. Perhaps he could grab a short nap, he thought, but just as he walked back to his bedroom, he spotted the laundry basket. He cursed softly and picked it up.
He made his way downstairs and across the complex to the community laundry room. He opened the door and was relieved to see no one inside. He wouldn’t have to wait for a machine. He loaded two washers and was about to go back upstairs when he heard the door open. He turned around to see who it was.
Nate stood before him looking confused, slightly dazed. Anton tensed immediately, unsure what to say. He noticed the long bruise lining Nate’s jaw and cringed at the memory of the fight between them. Nate approached him, and Anton could smell alcohol and the strong, acrid stench of marijuana.
It happened so fast that he had no time to react. Nate’s arm shot up straight and stiff in front of Anton, his fingers wrapped tightly around a shiny metal object. He pointed it directly at Anton, moving forward with determination until the tip of the gun found Anton’s eye. He pressed on the gun shoving it hard against Anton’s face, and instinctively Anton threw up his hands in surrender.
“Yeah, that’s right nigga. Throw them hands up,” Nate taunted. He pushed on the gun forcing Anton’s head back against the wall.
“What the fuck you doin’ Nate?” Anton asked. The fear was palpable in his voice, on his face, throughout his body. “Where you get a gun, man?”
“Don’t fuckin’ talk to me!” Nate screamed pumping the gun for emphasis. “Muthafuckin’ white pussy-lovin’ piece of shit!”