by Lisa Suzanne
“We’re better than fine, too,” Becker says.
Jason and I both look over at him, and he grins.
“Jill is pregnant.”
A beat of silence follows his words, and then the surprised exclamations of excitement and congratulations from Jason and me fill the room.
I’m happy for my friend, and, if I’m being completely honest with myself, I’m a little jealous. Everything has fallen so easily into place for him. He dated a woman for a few years, they got married, and she’s already pregnant. They’re happy and blissful and they have a bright future built on a solid foundation.
Is it really so bad to feel a little envious of that?
“Seems like we have a lot of celebrating to do,” I finally say, and the three of us gulp down the rest of our bourbon college-style even though we’re not college kids anymore.
We part ways and head to our own offices to wrap up the day so we can head home to get ready for tonight’s ball. Vivian is tapping away at her laptop when I walk in.
“How’d it go?” she asks.
“Better than I could’ve imagined. Viv, they offered to sell us their analytics division.”
“Sell their division?” she repeats.
I nod and shut my office door, and then I sit on the edge of my desk facing her.
“Did you accept?”
I nod.
“What are the terms?”
“Let’s not worry about it right now. Let’s just celebrate.”
She shakes her head. “No, I actually think we really need to worry about it for a minute. How much, Brian?”
“A couple hundred thousand,” I say. Her eyes widen, but I charge on before she can stop me. “Mark will pony up for it. It’s too good of an opportunity to miss. We can have a whole division dedicated to creating the models of our system and it would all be right here, even in this very office. We’d need more space, obviously, and Viv, I want you to head it up.”
“More space?” She’s clearly stuck on those words. “We’re barely out of the hole to cover your rental agreement for this month and you want to take up more space in this building? You had to pick the middle of the Vegas Strip, didn’t you?”
“Did you hear what I said, Vivian?” I ask softly. “I want you to head up the new division. I want you to stay on with FDB. I don’t want you to go back to Los Angeles when your contract with Mark is up.”
“Head up the division,” she repeats. Her eyes widen as what I’m asking finally sinks in. “Wait...what?”
I stay planted right where I am even though I want to go to her, to pull her in my arms and kiss her while I get her to agree to this. “Stay here. Stay with me. Don’t go back to LA.”
She begins to shake her head to decline my offer, but I hold up a hand. “At least think about it. We can table the discussion for now, but your business sense will be the perfect addition to our team.”
She looks up at me with those lovely blue eyes of hers. I’m sure merriment and excitement is reflected back at her as I think ahead to all the possibilities—at the top of that list celebrating with her tonight.
“There’s nothing to think about, Brian. I can’t.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” I say. Confidence brims inside me. I can do this. I can convince her to stay. Once she hears me tell her the words I confessed to my brother, she’ll realize she loves me, too, and she’ll figure out a way to stay here in Vegas. I walk around my desk to gather what I need for the weekend. “Right now, we need to get home and get Cinderella and her prince ready for the ball.”
She laughs. “Need I remind you this is pretend?” she asks, waving a hand between the two of us.
I sling my laptop bag over my shoulder. “We’ll see,” I mutter just loud enough that she might’ve caught my words.
chapter thirty-seven
Burgundy, wine, oxblood, dark red, maroon...whatever you want to call it, it’s my new favorite color.
Vivian steps out of my guest room and into my kitchen wearing a burgundy gown. It ties around her neck and has a slit up her thigh higher than anything I’ve ever seen her wear and if I don’t get her out of this dress immediately I might actually die.
That’s perhaps a little dramatic but I’m looking at her gorgeous legs, and my dick hardens as an ache settles in the pit of my stomach. I want her with an intense craving that pierces my chest and blinds me to everything around me.
Actually, fuck that last thought about getting her out of it—I’ll just bang her right in the dress.
I allow my eyes to trail down her leg to her heels. They’re the same nude colored ones she’s worn before, but somehow they make her look like a minx tonight.
“Do I look okay?” she asks, touching some of the curls twisted in an updo along the back of her head.
I blow out a breath as my eyes land on hers. She wears smoky shadow on her eyes and wine on her lips, yet her beauty is understated and elegant. The light scent of roses wafts to my nose, and I’m gone.
“Not a single lady in the room tonight will hold a candle to you.”
Red creeps into her cheeks at my compliment, and she breaks our eye contact. She looks down at her hands as they sweep along her dress. “Is it too much?”
I shake my head. “It’s perfect,” I say softly. I hold out an elbow to escort her. “You ready to go?”
She nods and tucks her clutch under one arm as she links an arm through mine. “You look nice, too,” she finally says softly. My lips quirk up but I don’t respond as we head out to my car.
Silence plagues the car on the way to the event, mostly because I’m suddenly tongue-tied around this beauty beside me and certainly because she’s thinking about our earlier discussion. I don’t want to talk about it tonight, though. I want tonight to be about my feelings for her. I want her to understand where I’m coming from and what we could be together.
I want to hear her say she loves me, too, but I’m not banking on it.
I valet the car and as we step out, Becker and Jill are getting out of the car behind us along with Jason and Tess.
“Good timing,” I say to Jason and Beck, feeling like I’m back on my turf with my best friends close by. I avoid eye contact with the woman I slept with not so long ago.
“Good to see you again,” Tess says to Viv, and then she links an arm through Viv’s like they’re old friends, and I feel a little nauseous at the display. I’m not sure what game Tess is playing, but I’m sure I don’t like it.
“I love your dress,” Viv says to Tess.
“Let’s head inside,” I suggest.
It’s pretty standard as charity events go: a live band playing, a few couples on the dance floor even at the early hour, lots of networking disguised as mingling, and a silent auction, which I avoid like the plague tonight as a way to earn Vivian’s favor.
It’s a charity ball, and we’ve already doled out the cash for the tickets, which didn’t come cheap. We’ve attended this ball since we first moved the company to Vegas. I paid for six tickets months ago, which might be part of what got our bottom line into trouble—things I didn’t give a second thought to until Vivian came around and my brother cut me off.
I schmooze on my way to the bar like I always do at these things with Vivian by my side the entire time. I introduce her as my girlfriend, and she continues to play the part. We get our drinks—whiskey for me and red wine for her, naturally, and then work the room some more. I spot my partners as they talk to different clients and make mental notes about who to make sure we hit while we’re here.
And then it’s time for dinner.
Somehow I’m seated between Viv and Tess, and I feel the sense of awkwardness as it settles into my guts. The woman I want to sleep with sits on my right, and the woman I wish I’d never slept with is on my left. Two beautiful women who are so completely opposite.
The weight of guilt settles on my shoulders when Jason catches my eye. He grins at me as if to say what a couple of lucky bastards. He’s right—we a
re lucky. I’m lucky I haven’t been caught yet, and he’s lucky Tess hasn’t spilled the beans.
I eye the margarita she picks up from the table and pulls toward her mouth as nervousness etches itself onto my already guilty conscience. What if she gets drunk? Everyone knows tequila is truth juice.
Will it always be this way? If the two of them get back together, will I always worry she might tell him when it should have come from me?
The answer to that question is crystal clear.
Tonight should be a night of confessions. I’ll get Beck and Jason in a room, tell them the truth about Viv, tell Jason the truth about Tess, then get Viv home and tell her the truth about my feelings.
Tomorrow I’ll wake up with a clean slate, a clean conscience, and the woman I love in my arms.
As I ponder this over my first of seven courses, it all seems so easy.
It’s too bad it doesn’t turn out that way.
“We need to tell him,” Tess whispers when Jason’s attention is on a potential client on his other side.
“Not now,” I whisper back. Becker catches my eye on the other side of Viv, and it’s pretty obvious he deduces what happened between Tess and me.
And if he knows about Tess and me, he might know this thing with Viv and me is a bit preemptive considering I slept with Tess at Becker’s wedding a little over a month ago.
I draw in a deep breath as I consider my options. Beck is staring daggers at me and I know it has to be tonight.
“After dinner,” I say to Tess under my breath. All the while, Vivian sits quietly beside me, seemingly oblivious to what’s going on at this table—yet I know she’s not. I know she’s keenly observant of everything, and it’s one of the things I’ve fallen in love with.
Dinner takes fucking forever. The secrets and the lies have caught up with me, and I just know tonight has to be the night I lay it all out on the table.
I’m just biding my time, waiting through each of the seven courses and praying no one asks the wrong question or shoots someone else the wrong look. To be honest, I don’t have any clue how I’ve maintained these lies for so long.
“Need another?” I ask Viv, nodding to her empty wineglass sometime during the fourth course, a pasta that should taste better than it does considering the price.
She nods once. “I’ll join you.” She stands and the gentlemen at the table stand along with her. I hold my arm out to escort her, and I love once again how she feels right here beside me.
“What are you doing?” she asks once we’re far enough away from the table that no one will overhear us.
“What do you mean?” I glance down at her as I wave a friendly hello to a client.
“Stop talking to Tess under your breath. Jason is going to realize what’s going on.”
I clear my throat. “Jason hasn’t realized what’s been going on since you got here.” My snide tone earns me no favors with her.
“You two are making it really obvious,” she says, her tone hushed. “Becker knows for sure.”
“About Tess and me?”
She nods and we arrive at the bar. “Pinot noir,” she says.
The bartender nods at me.
“Whiskey. Macallan if you’ve got some left.”
He sets to work on our drinks.
“Of course he knows,” I say. “Even if he hadn’t just figured it out, he’s married to Jill. Jill’s best friend is Reese, and Reese knows.”
She rolls her eyes. “Of course.”
“I’m going to come clean about everything tonight,” I blurt.
She touches a hand to her chest in surprise, but her eyes betray her. She thinks this is the right thing to do. “You are?”
I nod. “I wanted to warn you because you deserve that. They might not take kindly to you having played along with me when you’re actually working with us.”
She shakes her head. “It’s been a long road of deceit.” The bartender hands her the glass, and she immediately gulps some down. “I don’t really know why I agreed to lie with you in the first place.”
My mind goes one place when she mentions lying with me, but I push off the suggestive words on the tip of my tongue. “I think it’s because you care about me, much as you don’t want to admit it.”
She gulps some more. “It’s not that I don’t want to admit it. It’s that I can’t.”
“Why not?”
She looks away from me. “It’s complicated.”
My heart races as I feel the words on the tip of my tongue. It’s my moment, and I’m grabbing it. “Viv, I—”
The bartender cuts me off. “And your whiskey.”
I clear my throat as the moment passes me by. I look blankly at the bartender, toss a bill in his tip jar since it’s open bar tonight, and close my eyes for a beat. I blow out a breath.
Another moment will come, and it’ll be the right one next time.
We head back to the table. Viv’s glass is half empty by the time we sit, and I almost wish I would’ve grabbed her two while we were there. Jill eyes the two of us with some mix of curiosity and accusation, but I focus on the fifth course, some sort of free range chicken.
By the time dessert comes—a bourbon cheesecake that’s better than all the other courses put together, a sense of dread washes over me. It’s so bad I’m not even enjoying the cheesecake.
If I’m going to come clean to my friends tonight, it has to be soon. Jill and Becker mentioned over dinner they’re not planning to stay too late, and Jason is eyeing Tess like they’re a couple of teenagers and he’s ready to have a go at her.
In the middle of dessert, Bart Delnore takes the microphone with his impassioned speech about the homeless of the greater Las Vegas community and the organizations benefitting from tonight’s ball. I’m trying to focus on his important words, but I can’t. Instead, my eyes flick to my friends. I’ve betrayed one more than the other, but betrayal is betrayal any way you slice it. Neither is going to like what I’m about to tell them, but my hope at the end of this dark tunnel is that Vivian will. I’ll be a man she can look at with respect because I took the hard road when I could’ve kept up the lying and manipulation.
I’ll be able to look in the mirror with respect for myself.
I’ve never in my life wanted to be a better man because of a woman. I’ve never cared about who I’m hurting or the repercussions of my actions, and I’ve gotten by just fine that way. But I need this clear conscience to move forward in my relationship with Vivian, no matter what sort of debris the bomb I’m about to detonate may cause. It’s that thought that gives me the realization I’ve already changed because of her. I’ve never had thoughts like these before.
Delnore finally finishes talking, and Beck and Jill stand. “We’re gonna head out,” Becker says.
“Can I talk to you and Jason a minute?” I ask. I think I feel the wind from Tess’s head whipping in my direction as if to ask whether this is the moment I’m going to do what she thinks I’m going to do. “Alone?” I add.
Jill sits back down and Beck presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Be right back.”
Jason kisses Tess on the cheek as he stands, and I look over at Vivian. I wonder what she sees reflected back at her. Fear, maybe? Because in this moment, despite the façade I’m trying to present like this doesn’t affect me, I’m terrified.
I grab Vivian’s hand and squeeze it, and somehow that gives me the strength to push to my feet. The three of us head out to the lobby and I think for the hundredth time how much we’ve been through. Becker and I have been best friends since we were kids, but Jason and I met at the company we worked for back in Chicago. Regardless, the three of us have been close for over a decade. They’ve stuck by me through my bad decisions and supported me when I needed them. But they’ve never been the recipients of my lies quite like this before.
The lobby is quiet with a random person or two walking by on their way to the restroom or out the doors for a smoke. Everyone else is inside as the announcement
of the silent auction winners gets underway.
“What’s up?” Jason asks, his blue eyes looking at me in concern.
I blow out a breath. “I haven’t been completely honest with you two.”
Beck raises a brow but doesn’t say anything.
“Vivian is...uh...” I stumble over my words, something that nearly never happens to me. I try a different tack. “I was having some trouble with FDB’s finances. I asked my brother for a loan.”
“What does that have to do with your girlfriend?” Jason asks. Becker remains silent.
“Mark sent her in to help me sort out finances. I lied when I said she was my girlfriend. I didn’t want you two to worry about the company when you were getting married,” I nod to Becker, “and when you had other things to deal with,” I say to Jason.
Jason’s brows furrow. “So you and Vivian aren’t really together?”
“It’s complicated,” I say. Becker’s expression remains passive. “I think I’m in love with her.”
I expect some sort of fanfare at my confession, particularly given my history with women, but I get none.
Jason clears his throat. “How are finances now?”
“Back in black with nothing to worry about, though my personal finances have taken a hit in the process.”
“You put personal funds into FDB?” Jason asks.
My eyes edge over to Becker, who has still remained quiet. I can’t quite judge how he’s taking the news, and it’s throwing me off my game.
Jason runs a hand through his hair, but he seems fairly unfazed. “Why didn’t you just tell us?”
I shrug. “Finances are my responsibility, and I biffed it. I had to sign over controlling interest to Mark in the process.” The last part comes out unfiltered since the conversation is going so well.