Princess. Our love affair was a fairy tale. But would we live happily ever after? Neither of us knew.
Jax
After the first eight days of treatment, Rosalyn’s healing reactions lessened and the Trinity practitioners were happy with her progress.
We sat on the twin bed together playing Old Maid and Rosalyn was annihilating me. I slapped a card on the bed. “I never promised I’d make it in Vegas.”
She laughed and for the fifth time that day, said, “What do you think Eugene’s doing right now?”
“The same thing he was doing when you talked to him an hour ago.”
“Well, can’t I call him again?”
I handed her the phone, and Rosalyn proceeded to have another conversation with Eugene about school, Leo, whether he was minding Nelson’s parents—everything except her health.
I waited until Rosalyn was summoned for another coffee enema and called Eugene.
“Hey,” he answered.
“You ready to hit the ocean when we get home?” I asked.
“When you guys coming back?”
“They want your mom to stay another week if she can.”
He didn’t say anything for a while. “Is she going to be okay?”
I wished I could say yes, but none of us knew. “They seem pretty happy with her progress. But I gotta tell you, I can’t wait to eat some junk food like cotton candy from the pier. But seriously, buddy, she’s doing great.”
“The food’s pretty bad there?”
“Pretty good for a rabbit maybe.”
I wanted to somehow offer emotional support to Eugene, but neither one of us would say what was really on our mind; would it be just the two of us left to walk down to the pier and surf?
Eugene said, “You gonna surf that place in Mexico?”
“Your mom’s pretty much insisting on it. I don’t want to leave her, but all the surfers’ve got their eyes on the conditions.”
“Well, then you have to go. I mean, if that’s what my mom wants.”
“Anything for your mom, right, buddy?”
“Even if it means surfing,” he said.
“Even if it means surfing.”
I had barely hung up the phone when it rang again. I didn’t even look at the caller ID, thinking Eugene was calling me back. “Hey kiddo.” But it wasn’t Eugene. It was Sandy.
“You’re sounding awfully chipper.”
I stammered out a reply. “Oh, hi Sandy.”
“Do you have my money?”
I stood up from the bed so fast that I felt dizzy. I dragged a hand through my hair. “I’ll have it within a couple of weeks.”
“That’s what you told me last time I talked to you.” She sighed heavily. “God damn it, Jax. I loaned you that money thinking that you’d pay me back either with your body or cash. What the hell have you been doing these past couple weeks?”
“I’m in Mexico,” I said lamely.
“I don’t care if you’re on Mars. I loaned you that money in good faith and I want it back. Quit messing with me because I’m about five seconds away from calling your boss at the surf shop, then blabbing to everyone in the surf community about what a deadbeat you turned out to be.” She paused for breath. “And I’ll tell them you broke the law. Last time I checked, prostitution was illegal.”
Adrenaline spiked through my system. I gulped down a breath before I said the wrong thing. “Sandy, calm down. I told you I’d have your money and I will. Including interest.”
“Yeah? Well, I just changed my interest terms from ten percent to fifteen.” Her voice became high pitched. “It’s not just the money either. You lied to me. You caught me on a night I’d had too much to drink and I fell for your suave line about having to take care of a sick girlfriend.”
I paced through the tiny room like a caged animal. “That wasn’t a lie. I’m at the Trinity clinic in Mexico right now with my girlfriend.”
“Whatever Jax. Honestly, I don’t give a damn where you are. When do I get my money?”
I made up a story on the spot. “I’m in a surf contest this weekend and the prize money’s fifty grand.” Ride of the Year wasn’t really an organized contest, but more of a “best ride wins.” It was also a huge gamble.
Her voice was shrill. “Contest? When the hell are you going to grow up and get a real job?”
Sandy needed to calm down. My voice was almost a whisper. “I have another way I can get the money.” I thought of Tyler’s home in Twentynine Palms. I buried my face in my hands. I didn’t want to sell it.
“And what way is that surfer boy? Are you planning on coming back to work for me?” Her breathing became erratic. “At this point, I’m not sure I want you back.”
“I’ll have your money within a …”
“You’ll have it within a week, Jax.” And just like that, the line went dead.
I collapsed on the bed, the Old Maid cards spread out before me. I had to win that money. My heartbeat sped up. Sandy wouldn’t really go to the surf community, would she? I had to remain calm. I took several of my big wave prep breaths and forced myself to relax.
I studied my many tide chart apps and the various websites that I used to check the surf conditions and buoy reports. Todos Santos looked like it might be breaking in the next few days. I was eager to ride some big waves—not only for that intense sensation of living that I found at the bottom of each elevator drop, in every cavernous tube, and in every no-exit hold-down, but also for the fifty thousand dollar prize money. I’d win the money and pay Sandy back with interest. Jesus, why had I agreed to her crazy scheme? I rubbed sweaty palms against my jeans. Just thinking about how I was going to reimburse Sandy made my throat go dry.
By the next day, all the conditions were cooperating for big waves at Todos. My pulse sped up, and my body felt overly warm. I would have around twenty-four hours before the conditions were perfect.
When I told Rosalyn, she said, “Jax, you have to go.”
“Are you sure you’ll be okay without me?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” She stared at me. “Now, go get some waves.”
“But I don’t know if I should leave you.”
“Sweetie, I’ll be fine. You have to go. I asked and the nurses told me I could be on my own for a couple of days.”
“Are you sure?”
“Get out of here, or do I have to push you out the door?”
Even though I was conflicted about leaving Rosalyn’s side, I felt like running around the block fifty times. How do I explain what big wave surfing meant to me? It was more than a passion. Even after what had happened to Butch and others who weren’t so lucky, I’d be willing to bet that every single big wave surfer I knew couldn’t wait to get back out there to feel the adrenaline charge of the big drop.
Rosalyn’s hand was soft and warm as I held it. “I promise, I’ll be back in a couple of days. You’d better save me a glass of that broccoli juice.” She brushed my lips with a sweet good luck kiss.
* * *
The following day, fueled by energy drinks, adrenaline, and more than a little bit of crazy, I met up with a group of big wave surfers at the Ensenada harbor and made the twelve-mile boat ride to Todos Santos.
Killers was magical. It was one of those days where everything came together for me, and I was catching bomb after bomb, feeling confident. The surf photographers were positioned on their Jet Skis, and I was having such a great time that I pretty much forgot about the Ride of the Year entry. I just wanted to ride bigger and bigger waves.
So, I paddled out farther. I wasn’t out there long when I saw one of the biggest waves I’d ever seen in the ocean. All the surfers who were inside started paddling out like maniacs because it was a huge set and getting bigger. I patted my wetsuit. Underneath was my lucky charm, my Love Bone T-shirt.
When that wave came toward me, my first thought was, I can’t paddle into this. It’s too big. But then, I thought, Well, I’m out here and may as well get in a good position. When it rolls thr
ough, I can decide if I’ll go or not. I got lined up perfectly and after a couple of strokes, the wave caught me. Then, I was on my feet, and I had that mind-blowing feeling of being one with this awesome force of nature. Sweet! It was one of the biggest waves I’d ever caught and part of me was crazy excited, and the other part of me was like, Oh, shit. I can’t believe I’m catching this wave.
Neurons fired and endorphins surged through my body bringing me as close to orgasm as any sport could. Sheer passion, excitement and joy. I was a third of the way down the wave, and I was flying. I know I had a huge grin on my face.
When I had reached the end of the drop, I felt a couple of big lumps. I figured I could handle it, because I had experienced the bumpy ride of a big wave plenty of times. The problem was that I was on my ten-foot long gun that was three-and-a-half inches thick, and it handled like a canoe. So smacking the ledges felt like I was hitting speed humps in a Cadillac at forty miles per hour. Somehow I was still up, and I thought I had it. Then I nailed the next bump. Everything that followed seemed to happen in slow motion.
I hit the water and my board skipped. I tried to catch a breath, but instead I got plowed under the water and sucked up the face of that massive wave. It felt like hours before I rose to the top, and I knew I had to get a good breath or be finished. I stroked hard to the surface, and for a split second I actually punched out of the back of the wave, hovering at the top of the lip. Take a deep breath, now! Right after I inhaled, I got smacked over, shot down the falls, and annihilated.
Just annihilated.
My flotation vest was only for emergencies. I pulled the rip cord to activate the CO2 cartridge. Nothing. You gotta be kidding me. And that was when I got drilled deep down into the ocean and bounced off the bottom. I knew I had to relax because there was no way to fight a force of nature like that. Finally, the pressure eased, and I started up for the light, but I got pounded down again and beat right back down to the bottom. My body tumbled like a rag doll. I was head over heels along the bottom thinking, please, let me up, because I needed air. I needed air bad.
I started kicking like crazy for the surface. It had to be right there? But all I could see was foam and bubbles. By then I was making involuntary gurgling sounds, the throat spasms deep free divers had warned me about. They said these happen right before you black out, and I knew I didn’t have much time. I was almost to the surface, my arms reaching out through the spume, and that was when I heard, and felt, the next wave break. Holy fucking shit!
I was going to die.
I had no air.
I panicked, which is the worst thing you can do. This is what big wave surfers go through when they die. This is how it happens. My mind flashed to Rosalyn and Eugene. How could I have been so selfish? They needed me, and here I was surfing. The realization that I would never give Eugene surf lessons was a crushing vise, squeezing my chest.
I was going to die.
And then everything became calm.
I floated above the ocean, looking down at the waves, surfers, and Jet Skis. I watched with an airy detachment as one of the ski-patrols frantically sped through the ocean. I could see the driver’s face perfectly, like I was right in front of him, and wondered idly, why he was so upset. I was able to see and feel everything that he saw and felt. But he was frantic, and I was relaxed.
I’m either having a really bizarre dream or I’m dead right now. And once I had that epiphany, I felt an even greater sense of calm, peace, and love.
Suddenly, I found myself immersed in light. It was an all-encompassing light where time had no meaning. Space had no meaning. The pull of the light was so captivating and overwhelming that I had no choice but to completely surrender to it. It reminded me of shimmering liquid mercury. The attraction I felt toward this light filled me with total awe. The unconditional love and happiness it exuded was infinite. I think I’ll just stay here awhile.
And then I saw Tyler.
He was just the way I remembered him, that easy smile, his calm, relaxed way. “Hey bro, what are you doing here?” I said.
“Jax, what are you doing here? Hey, it’s good to see you!”
The connection that we’d always had where we were able to read each other’s thoughts and feel each other’s feelings was still there. The second I had the thought that I wanted to hug my brother, I was immediately surrounded by his embrace. It was as though anything I thought manifested instantly. “I’ve missed you.”
“Why do you miss me? I’ve always been right here.”
“But, I was worried about you.”
“Why?” He seemed genuinely perplexed that I would be concerned about him. “Because …” and then I couldn’t remember why I was worried about him or why I ever felt sad about anything.
He hugged me hard. “Looks like you’re surfing better than ever.”
“Surfing? Oh yeah, surfing. Yeah, getting some pretty gnarly waves.”
He smiled, his green eyes coming alive. “I got this band that is unbelievable. I play lead guitar, bass. They even let me play mandolins and drums. And listen to this, a viola. Always wanted to play viola.”
“You did, didn’t you?”
“Yep. I get to do anything I want here. And the chicks are gorgeous. Wait till you meet the chicks.”
“You mean I get to stay with you?”
“If you want to.”
“But I thought …” I scratched my head. “You mean, I have a choice?”
“Of course you do, dummy. You’ve always had a choice. Same here as anywhere else.”
He grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let me show you around.”
Tyler and I moved forward, and it was just like in that Superman movie where Superman put his arm around Lois Lane as they careened through the galaxy. I looked all around and saw shooting stars against a black sky, a swirling light filled with a profusion of colors, and I could hear Tyler’s music. I could feel, see, hear, and taste the music. I looked at him, and he grinned. “Told you my music was freaking awesome.”
The whole thing was bizarre and unreal. “How come I don’t feel afraid?”
“Why would you?”
And then I couldn’t remember why I would ever feel afraid. Fear didn’t exist here.
As we moved forward through the shimmering mercurial light, which was filled with colors, music, and warmth, we reached a point where something extraordinary happened. I swirled and danced through the universe, and I felt the emotion of falling in love. It was like I was on the biggest and best wave I’d ever surfed, crouched down in a massive tube, the salty water cascading over me. The water was the most exquisite shade of turquoise filled with diamonds. Wind whistled through my ears, and I thought, Man, what a ride! Then, I felt hot, tingly, and filled with sensations of love, followed by an orgasmic eruption of glorious intelligence and power in my mind, up my spine, and in every single cell in my being. “Wow! That’s intense!”
Tyler’s face was right next to mine, smiling. “Told you it was cool.”
Then things became peaceful, and we walked toward an area that contained a boundary of sorts. I had the feeling that if I crossed over that line, I wouldn’t be able to return.
Tyler said, “What about Rosalyn and Eugene?”
“Who?”
“You dummy, only the two people you love most in the world.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
Tyler turned to me and put both hands on my shoulders. “Let me tell you something, bro. You know what this place is all about?”
“No. What?”
“Love. The reason why it feels so good to love is because that’s where we came from and that’s where we all end up. Embrace it. The challenge is to make it happen when you’re back in that body.”
“But why would I want to go back?”
“Because you wanted it. You were the one who decided to leave here and fit into a body. You get to bump into other bodies, teach Eugene to surf, listen to him play his guitar, and you get to kiss Rosalyn. This is your t
ime. And they need you.”
“But I’ll miss you.”
“I’m always here. You can talk to me anytime.”
And I somehow understood that there was nothing separating me from my brother. All I had to do was think of him, and he would instantly be there. I thought of Rosalyn and Eugene. My being was filled with love and light as I remembered them, and I felt an overwhelming desire to see them. I hugged Tyler, and we melted into each other like we were one person. “Okay, then, I’ll see you later,” I said.
“A hui ho!”
Next thing I knew, I was sucked back into my body and felt like I awoke from an especially satisfying dream.
“Jax! Wake up!”
I felt completely discombobulated. I was back in the ocean, and the Jet Ski driver and one of the photographer’s concerned faces came in and out of focus as I lay on the sled of the Jet Ski. I felt the cold spray of the water, heard the squalling of the gulls and shielded my eyes from the brightness of the sun. I instantly had a pounding headache, and I could barely move my arms.
“Hey, Dennis,” I said, a smile on my face. “I saw Tyler.”
He looked at me quizzically and checked my pupils. He asked all kinds of questions. “Jax, look at me. I need you to answer.”
It turned out that I had been held down by two massive waves. My lips and eyelids were blue, and I started throwing up some green stuff that they later told me was from my liver.
A member of the safety crew and a couple of the other surfers helped me back to the hotel. All of us were trained in water safety and lifeguard training and it was determined that I had nothing more than a concussion. Evidently, I had passed out, but just like Butch, never took a breath. The Jet Ski driver had found me floating facedown and pulled me onto the Jet Ski just in time. I don’t know how long I had lost consciousness but in that other world, time was different. There was no time. Things slowed down and sped up, so what seemed like a long time to me could have been only a second here.
When I got back to the hotel, I didn’t want to talk to anybody, and I didn’t want to eat. I just wanted to sleep. I reflected on my experience, and it was real. I didn’t know if anyone would believe me, and I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone other than Rosalyn. Not then and maybe not ever. It was way too personal. There was no way to prove that I’d seen Tyler, but just as sure as I sat there, the experience was definitely real, more real than anything that had ever happened. My eyes filled with tears of happy emotions as I realized the impact of the event. My brother was okay. His spirit was alive. I knew that with every fiber of my being. And that meant that my parents were okay.
Waves of Desire: Pleasure Point Series Book Three Page 17