by Coralee June
"Well, what would you have in mind, Mistress Stonewell? Or may I call you Linda?"
Linda blushed at the informality of his request but refused to let it show how much he disgraced her. This trade deal was a game, and we all knew that Cyler chose informalities to gain some psychological upper hand intentionally.
"Well, Ashleigh has been a part of our family for almost a decade and a half. In fact, she grew up with Josiah. It will be challenging–almost downright impossible—for us to part with such a sweet and hardworking girl. Not to mention, her cooking is divine.”
I openly gaped at her. Not once had Mistress Stonewell made me feel like anything other than a burden, so I was surprised by her sudden affections for me. My entire childhood was spent listening to how much of a waste of talent and space I was. But now I was a pawn on the board, and she would use me to get whatever she wanted.
"Oh, yes of course! I want it to be a fair trade . . ." Cyler stroked his chin in mock contemplation and turned to address Josiah who had a stoic look about him. My heart pounded in anticipation for his reaction. "What would you like for Ashleigh? I'm sure she has a special place in your heart. I want to make sure our trade is equal” Cyler grinned at me.
"I'm not sure I am willing to part with our Walker," Josiah muttered. Hope coursed through me, and I smiled.
"Oh, nonsense!" Linda interrupted. "I was just telling Josiah the other day that your peach orchids in Dormas are simply divine. What about a seasonal freight full of peaches this year? I think they would sell well here in Galla.”
Peaches. I was worth a shipment of peaches to this woman. My face fell.
"Is this acceptable to you, Josiah? Are you willing to part with your Walker for a crate of… peaches?" Cyler asked lightheartedly, but the phrasing made it abundantly clear. He wanted to know what my worth was. My heart thumped so loudly in my chest that my ears rang in time to my internal conflict. I wanted badly for Josiah to fight for me. Despite our socioeconomic differences, I wanted, no, needed to know that he felt even just an ounce of the affection I felt. —that my leaving would affect him in some way. But instead, he crushed my hopes and my heart with five little words.
"Increase your gold by a quarter," Josiah whispered.
Pain radiated through me in waves of disappointment, and I stifled a sob. Memories of my childhood danced in my mind.
Of Josiah holding my hand and whispering tall tales in my ear.
Of our late nights.
Of his smile.
Each memory was now overwhelmed by his betrayal.
"That is quite a steep cost for one Walker. For that amount, I could buy vaccinations for ten Walkers in the Zone” Cyler announced, ignoring me.
Meanwhile, I noticed Mistress Black looking at me with a menacing grin. It appeared my departure made her all too happy. Perhaps the feelings between Josiah and I were more apparent than we realized.
"I agree that it is a steep cost, but Ash isn't just any Walker, and I think you've realized that," Josiah announced.
I pleaded with my eyes for Josiah to show some sadness at the thought of me leaving. But, each passing moment that he remained quiet, each tick of the clock, made me further lose hope that the man I loved actually loved me back. How could he let me go?
"Well, I guess it’s a deal, then.” Cyler clapped his hands together. “Oh goodness, forgive my manners. I didn't even ask if the sweet gal wanted to come with me to Dormas,” Cyler added with a grin. He pulled my hand into his lap, forcing me to bend over so that we were eye level.
"So, what will it be, sweetheart? Dormas doesn't have the buildings or fancy technology of Galla. We live a simple life.” He brushed his rough hands over mine. “I’d love to have your cooking in my belly every night, and I think you could help me bridge relations with our new immigrants.” Cyler made it sound more like a marriage proposal than a request for me to move and serve his household.
Once again, my eyes found themselves glued to Josiah. I wanted to know that at least some part of him didn't want me to leave. His stony eyes connected with mine in a flash of fury. I briefly wondered if he was mad that I didn't immediately jump on the opportunity to stay. Josiah couldn’t risk his position in the Galla province by turning down such a lucrative offer. For the first time in my decade and a half at their home, I held the power. I could see Josiah's opinions on the matter so clearly written across his face. But truthfully, the decision was made when he refused to fight for me.
"It would be an honor to serve your household, Master Black," I whispered.
"Call me Cyler, babe," he whispered back. If he hadn't told me of his intentions, I would have questioned his endearing nickname, but I knew this was all a game for him. I just prayed I wouldn't end up losing more than I could handle in the end.
Mistress Black coughed, forcing Cyler to let go of my hands.
"Well, I must admit I'm quite jealous of you, brother. I was looking forward to my new home with such delicious meals," she joked politely.
Linda jumped in. "Oh Jules, do you mind if I call you Jules? I can assure you that we will have only the best food for you here in the Stonewell home." She beamed with pride which made me swallow the thick bile that rose up my throat. The two women then started chatting endlessly about hiring a new Walker with more skills than me.
After a few more minutes of finalizing details, Josiah dismissed me.
"Ashleigh, you are dismissed for the evening. I'm sure you have a lot of preparing to do, as Master Black here leaves by train in the morning with the first wave of Walkers."
The thought of spending four days on a train full of Walkers and Cyler Black made me reconsider my decision, but instead of vocalizing my concern like I wanted to, I merely nodded my head and walked down to my basement bedroom for the last time.
Chapter Seven
There wasn't much for me to pack. I owned only four dresses, one pair of shoes, and a small bag of toiletries. I owned more than what most in my position possessed. I was ready for my new life in Dormas in a mere fifteen minutes, which left me with hours to agonize over the betrayal I felt over Josiah's swift dismissal of me.
The past decade and a half had built a relationship that surpassed my unfortunate situation and made serving the Stonewell family worth all the work and restraint. If I had him, I could handle anything—could do almost anything. The realization that he never would be mine was devastating but nothing new.
The hours passed, and I cried silently to myself. I mourned for Josiah. For my freedom. For my fears. I researched information on Dormas on the house tablet. After a few general statistics and news reports of attacks by the Scavengers, I felt even more anxious about my decision.
My new home was underdeveloped and small. Walkers lacked the necessary means for survival, so until recently, their numbers were practically non-existent. Their citizens had to abide by strict rationing policies, and everyone was required to work.
It was a rural area known to be hot and humid year-round. The citizens of Dormas dressed differently there than they did in Galla, too. Everything about my new home would be different. I wanted to feel excited but found it to be difficult.
In the middle of the night, just as I was about to fall asleep from exhaustion, the door to the basement creaked open, and I heard the padding of footsteps down the stairs, leading to my bed.
"Ashleigh, are you awake?" Josiah's voice whispered.
I immediately sat up and searched the dark room for his face. I clicked on the nightlight he gave me, and we found ourselves staring silently at one another. Josiah then sat on the edge of my cot, clenching his fist. I watched him with trepidation and tried to swallow the sobs that demanded to break free.
"Why didn't you say no?" he finally asked quietly.
I considered his question for a moment then replied.
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm stuck, Ashleigh. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave my girl alone, but I'm not in the position to do that."
I shivered at
his use of ‘my girl’ and allowed the tears to fall, finally. The ever-dutiful Josiah. His first love would always be the Stonewell name. I never stood a chance.
"You could have stopped him. You could have chosen me," I answered in a choked voice. The hurt from his secret engagement and dismissal piled on our conversation, and silent tears trickled down my cheeks.
"I wanted to choose you. Can't wanting be enough for us?" he asked.
We’d spent the last fifteen years wanting, and look where we were now; staring down the barrel of heartbreak and trying to cling to something we never had.
I inched closer to him on the bed and allowed myself the brief comfort of touching his hand with mine. My calloused fingertips felt rough against his porcelain skin.
"I used to think wanting you was enough,” I said honestly. “But I can't watch you be with someone else. I can't love something I can't have. I don't know what waits for me in Dormas, but if I have any hope of falling out of love with you, I have to leave." This moment was the first time I so openly and frankly admitted my feelings for Josiah. The admission felt freeing but also damning.
Josiah grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. He clutched me tightly for what seemed like forever. His tears mixed with mine in a painful river down my cheeks. We stayed like that for a while, whispering about the good times and chuckling over our mischievous, childhood selves. I soaked up every possible sensation between us. I wanted to vividly remember these last moments with the love of my life.
Each passing moment, his fingers gripped me in a way that made my heart race. After a while, our tears dried, and we were barely an exhale away from kissing one another. I tried to gather up enough courage to close the distance between us, but each time I considered it, something held me back.
The living room clock chimed, reminding us that dawn was coming. So instead of giving in to what we wanted, we both stood and stared at one another. I considered what our life would be like if there weren't this imaginary divide built upon status keeping us apart. I wondered if he would have married me. If we would have had kids. If we would have grown old together.
I walked him towards the stairs, and just as he began his ascent, I grabbed his shoulders and dusted them off, the gesture of care and love that I’d performed every morning with him for as long as I could remember. Josiah stiffened at the touch of my fingertips, but I ignored it. I wanted to claim this last bit of him.
Just as I turned to head back to my small cot, Josiah grabbed my wrists and held them over my head while pushing me against the cold concrete wall. His lips crashed upon mine, and I gasped in shock. He moved with the intention of being unforgettable; I doubted I would ever forget.
His tongue begged entrance into my closed lips, and I greedily accepted him. He tasted like mint and sugar and sin. His hands released my wrists then snaked around my neck. My skin burned wherever he touched. He forced his thigh between my legs, pressing me tightly against him and the wall. His body was everywhere, it encompassed me, and I was helpless to stop the onslaught of sensations. I gripped his back, pulling Josiah even tighter against me. The act encouraged him, and I felt his smile on my lips. Feeling Josiah let go was blissful and addicting. It hinted at everything we could be.
He then bit my lip, and the slight pain brought me back to reality. I quickly pulled away and calmed my breathing. The kiss was amazing. Earth shattering. But, Josiah wasn't mine. He never would be. His fiery eyes blazed at me, igniting all the pain and passion between us.
"Stay with me. We can make this work," he pleaded.
I simply remained silent. I allowed Josiah's hopes to permeate my soul. It felt good to feel wanted by Josiah Stonewell, even if only for a brief moment.
"I can't be your secret, Josiah. I love you too much for that," I replied. I couldn't live knowing that I risked his status amongst the community. Josiah was headed for greater things. Instead of responding, Josiah pulled me in for a tight hug. It was the goodbye he wouldn't be able to give me tomorrow in front of everyone.
"I love you, Ashleigh," he whispered then turned to walk upstairs and out of my life. Once the basement door shut, announcing his departure, the emptiness of the basement surrounded me, and I collapsed on the floor and sobbed.
Chapter Eight
Morning came too soon. The circles under my eyes clashed against my skin, and my eyes were red from the stress of saying goodbye to Josiah. I packed food for our travels, and we endured breakfast in silence. Jules kept throwing satisfactory smiles my way. She seemed to enjoy the turmoil I was in, which furthered my sorrow at this devastating situation.
I allowed myself to observe her openly. She was beautiful and refined. Everything expected of a Stonewell. Her perfectly manicured nails and her bright smile would fit in nicely at political functions and parties.
I envied her as she exchanged pleasantries with Mistress Stonewell. I knew not to expect any tears shed on behalf of Linda, but her absolute joy at my departure made me resentful. She’d never liked how close Josiah and I were, and this was the perfect solution to remove me without undermining him.
I carefully cleaned the kitchen for the last time, and Cyler helped me load our belongings into the transport. Jules and Cyler's goodbye was brief and formal. It lacked the sentimentality you’d expect between siblings, and both seemed eager to be rid of one another, which was curious to me.
Linda gripped my shoulder in mock affection, furthering the ruse that I was meaningful to the family. “Do well, Ashleigh. Thank you for your service to our family,” she said. It was probably the kindest thing she has ever said to me, but the gesture left a bad taste in my mouth.
I turned to Josiah, and my stomach dropped, but I refused to let any tears fall on his behalf. I was determined to detach myself from the grief that filled me. I resolved that the last of my tears were shed last night when he kissed me. When I walked near, Josiah brushed the imaginary dust off my shoulders, an act that almost broke me. Then I noticed him slip a tablet into my small messenger bag of belongings.
“Keep in touch, Ash,” he whispered affectionately, just low enough so that only I could hear.
“Yes, Master Stonewell,” I replied robotically. His eyes flashed at the verbal distance I placed between us. It was the last axe upon our relationship. He was bound to his duty, and I was determined to recognize that he chose that over me.
Cyler grabbed my elbow with one hand and nodded at Josiah with an award-winning smile.
“Thank you, please take proper care of my sister. I’ll see you again at the wedding,” he said hurriedly. He yanked me towards the transport at a brisk pace. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to spare me the pain of saying goodbye, or if he was worried that I would change my mind.
We then made our way to the transport that would lead us to the train station. I stole a quick glance back at Josiah, but he was absorbed in conversation with Jules. I looked away and sat in the transport, willing the pain in my heart to disappear.
As soon as the door shut, Cyler released his hold on my arm and dropped the easy-going smile he held. I noticed that his entire body seemed to relax.
“If you’re going to cry, please get it over with. We have four days of traveling ahead of us,” Cyler said in a bored tone.
“I’m done crying over Josiah Stonewell,” I replied with more force than necessary, which awarded me a curious stare from Cyler.
“It appears you’re stronger than I thought. Good–you’ll need it where we’re going,” he replied.
We rode to the train station in silence. It was a short drive, and Cyler spent most of the trip typing furiously on his tablet and making brief phone calls, updating whoever was on the other line of our itinerary and delivering orders to prepare for my arrival.
When we arrived at the station, four dozen or so Walkers were lined up, receiving shots of the Influenza X vaccine in their necks. There was excited chatter amongst them, and I was surprised to find that there were a large number of women in the group that appeared to be m
y age.
“I thought you needed soldiers and workers?” I asked no one in particular.
“Our female population has dwindled significantly, too,” he replied simply. “We need women for other tasks.”
I prayed that those other tasks didn’t involve forced companionship. Cyler seemed respectful enough, but desire and need can make people do harmful things.
I watched in awe as the line of Walkers boarded the train. Cyler monitored them as a large, wooden chest was given to the Galla guards that stood watch over the transaction. Cyler guided me towards them and opened the chest, revealing an insane amount of gold. I dropped my mouth in astonishment.
“We had over three hundred applicants.” Cyler said with a hint of pain in his voice. “This was all we could take right now.”
Cyler then walked towards the Governor’s Guard that stood watch over the entire ordeal.
“This should cover the cost of the vaccinations and Walkers. The Dormas province thanks you for your cooperation.” Cyler bowed while throwing a wink in my direction.
Slowly, the Walkers boarded the train in hopeful anticipation. Cyrus led me towards the front of the train, into the first class cabin.
“Oh, I don’t mind sitting with the other Walkers, Master Black,” I said.
“Oh hush, I don't bite." Cyrus gathered my curly, light-brown hair with his large hands into a thick bun on top of my head, revealing the tag placed on my ear, signifying my role as a Walker. He glared at it and motioned for a member of the Guard to come and remove it. A beefy man with an angry expression strolled over with apparent disdain and clipped it off quickly. The tag fell on the ground, and I gripped my now naked ear. I noticed others appraise us curiously, apparently unsure about the nature of our companionship. Some Walkers even smiled.