by Coralee June
I gasped, tracing over the indent of my mother's hand and letting the love of the parents I never got the chance to know, fill me up. Grief was fickle. I went years without thinking of the parents I could barely remember. All I knew of my childhood was Josiah and Stonewell Manor. It was rare that I remembered anything from before the auction. My life in the Zone was nothing more than a fuzzy, distant memory. I sometimes doubted that it was even real. But this, this permanent and concrete marking proved that my childhood was real.
My parents were real.
"Kemper," I said while clutching my chest. "How did you...this is so..." My tears covered the pavement, and I closed my eyes, trying to remember when we did this. I now had names for my parents. This was a gift I'd cherish forever.
What little memories I had were fleeting, and in the height of this moment I found myself feeling unsure of what they were like. I pictured a tall man as my father. Big eyes and callused hands. He would have been thin from malnutrition but toned from his job at the junkyard. He was hard working. Maybe a playful smile covered his face when he came home to us.
I imagined my mother, a woman that looked like me, with curly hair and fierce but kind eyes. I imagined us huddled together over the wet concrete, feeling mischievous. Maybe they whispered to themselves while carrying fear in their hearts. They didn't know if they'd survive X, but they knew that this would be a permanent memory, a permanent fixture in this world. Something that could prove that we all were once together and that we were happy.
"Thank you, Kemper," I choked out while turning to hug him, it was like I couldn't squeeze him hard enough. Being here was the greatest gift anyone had ever given me. "This is amazing. Thank you."
Kemper stroked my back, rubbing little circles as I held him tightly against me. "I'd do anything for you, Ash. Anything."
Chapter Nineteen
I didn’t want to go back to Cavil’s tower again. Tonight’s event was expected to be a dinner party, so I couldn’t hide away with Maverick or Cyler like before. I wore a long, elegant white dress with jewels covering the torso. It dipped low, revealing my cleavage in a tasteful but seductive way. Jules did my hair up in an elegant twist that pulled the strands of my hair so tight against my scalp that I winced with every pin she placed. Something told me that she enjoyed torturing me, going so far as to say, “Beauty is pain, little Walker Queen.” She, too, added a condescending tone to the nickname that Madam B gave me at the Resistance meeting.
Since having to up the timeline of our attack, the brothel owner was frantically making plans. Kaye came up to me with a frown. “I need you to deliver a note to my sister in the kitchens,” she told me as Jacob led me to the transport taking us to Cavil’s tower. “I haven’t heard from her in two days, which is uncommon for her. I need to make sure she’s still prepared to poison the drinks.” Kaye placed a note in my palm, and I slipped the tiny scrap of paper into the hidden seam in my dress, which also contained the pill that would make me puke should another member of the Elite try to claim me for the night.
I still wasn’t sure about her plan. It felt wrong killing every member of the guard. I knew that she and her people would make sure the good ones didn’t attend, but I didn’t like the sort of power she had over deciding who was worthy of being saved and who wasn’t. “Okay,” I told her. “How will I know who she is?”
“Her name is Lilac. She’s young, but crazy smart. I’d go see her, but I don’t want to raise suspicions. Your men can sneak you in and out.”
“Okay,” I said with an exhale. “I’ll get this to her.”
Huxley grunted beside me, and I left to load into the transport. Just as I was about to dip into the seat of the transport, Huxley leaned over to whisper in my ear. I shuddered when his breath feathered over my exposed neck. “Don’t deliver that note if it puts you in danger,” his gruff voice said.
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Hux.” Once more, I was about to move to sit beside Lowe when he gripped my arm and whispered once more.
“Be safe and come back to me. I’ll reward you.” Huxley wasn’t one to say much, but that little promise already had me growing warm. He kept his hand on my arm and pulled me up to him, grabbing my ass with his free hand and kissing me so hard our teeth clashed.
“You better come home,” he growled into my mouth before nipping my bottom lip and slowly easing me into the transport. When the door shut, the entire transport let out a sigh.
“Damn girl, he had me panting. That was hot,” Lowe said while fanning herself.
Cavil’s tower seemed to have more people this time, and the moment the elevator doors opened, Cyler was nearby, inconspicuously waiting to snatch me up the moment my shoe hit the lobby. I worried that Cavil would think he was too eager and would investigate further, but I also couldn’t help but think that, in the drunken state he was in, he wouldn’t remember much of the night. Besides, he was nowhere to be found, and other Elite men snatched up Jade, Lowe, Kaye, and Blythe the moment the doors opened too.
“Hey, Babe,” he growled into my ear while hugging me tightly. “I’ve been so fucking worried. Are you okay?”
I nodded as his lips tickled my earlobe and neck. Each of my nerves were firing off at how close he was. Looking around the beautiful gathering room, I wondered if Cyler and I could sneak off. “Dinner will be starting within the hour. We need to stay here. We can go over and find a seat if you’d like?”
I patted the seam of my dress, remembering my promise to Kaye. “Could you take me to the kitchens? I need to get a glass of water. The drive left me parched.”
Cyler cocked his eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, not quite catching on. I wasn’t sure how much I could say or who was listening. I leaned in, nuzzling against his neck. “I have a message to deliver,” I whispered.
Cyler went rigid and began pulling me towards the opposite side of the room to a less crowded area. “What’s going on?” he asked once sure no one could hear us. I looked around, wondering where Maverick was.
“Kaye gave me a note to give her sister in the kitchens,” I replied.
Cyler dragged his eyes over me with that fiery intensity I loved before saying, “Okay, it’s risky, but if we hurry, we can go before dinner.”
I nodded and followed him down the maze of hallways. “Where is Maverick?” I asked, making sure to keep my voice low.
“We decided to keep him away. He can’t keep his eyes and hands off of you, and it would look highly suspicious if both of us suddenly became smitten with the same Companion. It might make Cavil pay more attention to you.” Cyler went quiet and nodded at an Elite man and Companion passing us. He was already a bit buzzed, grabbing the Companion’s hip as they made their way towards the gathering room.
Once they were out of earshot, Cyler continued. “I didn’t really mean for him to see us together, to begin with. I never meant to put another target on your back, Babe. He’s been paying close attention to everything I do. And every time I turn down his offer to give me a Companion for the night, it becomes almost like a challenge for him.”
Winding down the hallway, I tried to feel concerned or fearful about what Cyler said, but all I could feel was happiness. I was glad that despite not knowing if we’d ever see each other again, Cyler and Maverick stayed true to me. “How much farther?” I asked.
Cyler took me down three more steps, bypassing a room that was all white with screens filling each wall. “We’re here.”
A swinging door with Walkers entering and exiting drew my attention, and Cyler scanned the hallways, as if ready for someone to turn the corner and attack us. “I’ll wait outside and keep watch. Go in and out as quickly as possible.”
I nodded, suddenly feeling nervous. This was my first small, yet official, duty for the Resistance. This was the sort of thing I’d been yearning to do, I’d wanted to feel useful and add to the cause. So why did my heart race with uncertainty, like I was headed towards danger?
I gave Cyler a quick peck on the cheek then we
nt inside, immediately regretting not coming up with a reason for being here when I came face to face with a kitchen full of bustling cooks, Walkers, and curious stares.
“Can we help you?” a rude chef with dim black hair and a scowl the size of Cavil’s tower asked. She stirred her pot and jetted out her hip as she took in my revealing attire.
“I’m here looking for Lilac?” I said, not sounding nearly confident enough.
“Why? Who are you? Aren’t you supposed to be in the gathering room?” I shut my eyes, momentarily gathering myself and trying to think of a way to respond that would garner some sort of cooperation from this woman. Walkers were bustling by, taking extra care to avoid her which meant that she was the person in charge here.
“I work with her sister…” I began, trying to search my brain. And when the answer came to me, I almost felt ashamed for my excuse. Grief was the only thing that tied all Walkers together and would hopefully be what allowed me to find Lilac. “She contracted X. I wanted to let her know…” The chef’s eyes softened for a brief moment, and I knew that she was remembering someone that she had lost to the virus. We’d all lost someone, hadn’t we?
“I-I,” she stuttered, coughing back whatever emotion was rising in her throat before continuing. I wondered if her loss were recent. “I’m sorry to hear that. Lilac is washing dishes. You have three minutes. Don’t keep long, or I’ll find the Companion Coordinator and make sure she lets Cavil know you weren’t in the gathering area.”
I muttered a quick “thank you” with a bow before scurrying in the direction of the sinks. I didn’t want to waste any time. There, a girl not much older than I was scrubbing the dishes and humming to herself. She, too, had blond hair like Kaye. However, the curls were long and luscious, hitting at the middle of her back. She swayed as she washed, and there was an innocent way she moved, a nice lift about her that I found intriguing to watch.
Over her shoulder, I saw the chef eyeing us, so I quickly introduced myself. “My name is shade, are you Lilac?” She turned to face me and dipped her brow in confusion.
“Do I know you?” Her voice was soft and high pitched. Her eyes took in my outfit, and she nodded once before continuing. “Ah, you must know my sister. Did she send you here to find out why I’m not responding to her?”
For being so soft-spoken and gentle, she certainly had a fire in her words. “Ye-yes,” I mumbled, somehow feeling almost chastised.
“Well, you can tell her that I’m out. Cavil’s been executing people left and right,” she hissed while looking around. “She may be willing to die to get out of that brothel, but I’m not.”
I gaped at this girl, and even though my mouth was dropped open in surprise, she didn’t seem bothered or amused by my shock.
“But-But you have to,” I replied with a stutter.
“No. I don’t. I want to live. Tell her I’m done doing her dirty work. Bye now,” she said while waving. I stood there for a moment more, wondering if this was all a cruel joke. It wasn’t until she rolled her eyes and resumed washing dishes that I shuffled away.
When I made my way out of the kitchen and back into the hallway, my mind was in a fog. Everything about this mission had been a failure. We were out of time and would soon miss out on ending Cavil. If no one drugged the guardsmen, it would mean we’d have more stacked against us. I just hoped Kaye could still pull it off without her sister’s help.
We had no other options. We’d have to just make it work, because Cyler and Maverick going back to Ethros simply wasn’t an option.
Chapter Twenty
I was so lost in thought that when I opened the door at first, I didn't notice Cyler talking to someone. My eyes went wide with fear when I realized he was speaking with Cavil himself. "I'm surprised to find you outside my kitchens, Master Black. Did you find the appetizers not to your liking?"
Cavil looked suspicious as he stared at Cyler. "I hope there's not a nefarious reason for you being here. My kindness and generosity have been stretched extremely thin where you and your brother are concerned."
I would've gone back inside the kitchens and risked the anger of the chef, but Cavil caught my gaze. His smile went from full of scrutiny to mischievousness. I immediately looked down at the ground and shuffled toward Cyler and the Commodore. He didn't seem nearly as drunk as the night before, which meant his memory and his ability to observe me wouldn't be hindered by the alcohol.
"Ah, I almost forgot. Your little Companion is here." Once I was standing next to Cyler, Cavil traced a knuckle down my bare arm, and it felt like someone was slicing my skin. It would've been rude to swat his hand away, so I focused on Cyler beside me and hoped that he wouldn't continue to touch me.
"My, you sure are pretty. I can see why you like her." My heart raced under his perusal, the only comfort I had was that Cyler was near. When I was in Ethros, Cavil saw a less submissive side of me. I was defiant, and I hoped that by keeping quiet and acting shy, he wouldn't make the connection.
"But what were you doing in my kitchen?" he asked. We should've waited until Cavil had more to drink. I looked down at Cyler's wrist, where his fetter was clamped around it. I was worried that the Commodore would punish him, but Cyler threw him an easy smile. "I sent her looking for some whipped cream. I was feeling adventurous," Cyler said. The lie rolled smoothly off his lips, and as a result, my cheeks burned bright red with embarrassment.
Commodore Cavil went silent for a breath before clapping his hands together with a laugh. "Oh-oh! Maybe you'll come to play in my ivory room.” Cyler frowned, as if the thought of anyone seeing him and me together intimately was upsetting.
"I think I'm okay with keeping her to myself for now," Cyler responded while pulling me tighter against him. I was worried that the possessive tone in his voice would tip Cavil off, but it didn't seem to.
"Very well," Cavil began. I couldn't see his face because I was keeping my gaze firmly on the floor, but I heard the pridefulness in his voice. "I'll just have to hire her for myself."
Cavil lightly traced my collarbone with the tip of his finger, and I shivered with disgust. A breathy voice called from down the hall, bringing him out of his intrusive touch. “Emperor? Would you like for me to get you a drink?” Jade asked. She sauntered closer, flipping her hair over her shoulder and biting her lip. The flirtatious body language looked practiced.
“Well, hello there. Yes. I think a drink would be very nice,” he replied before leaving us to go to Jade’s side. They left without saying anything else to us, and the moment Jade’s white dress disappeared around the corner, Cyler wrapped me in a big hug, squeezing tightly before grabbing my wrist and pulling me in the opposite direction.
"That was close," I whispered the further away from the kitchens we got. I was shaken by the news from Kaye’s sister as well as from seeing Cavil. But I was also proud of myself. I didn't crumble under pressure, nor did I have that aching feeling in my chest. I did, however, feel a little out of control. We didn't have a plan at the end of this week, Cavil would return to Ethros, and our window of opportunity would diminish. If I wanted to save Maverick and Cyler, it would have to be here in Galla. We had no way to get them out of Ethros. It was like one giant, heavily-guarded island.
"Did you get the message delivered?" Cyler asked in a low voice while scanning the crowds. More Companions had arrived, and people were starting to drink in the corner. I saw Maverick leaning against the wall with Blythe standing beside him. I wanted to run to him, give him a grateful hug and whisper in his ear how much I loved him and how thankful I was that he didn't die this morning, but I kept my feet firmly planted, knowing that it was smarter for me to stay here.
I thought of what to say to Cyler. We had been clinging to a hopeless plan, and now we had nothing. But I didn't want to ruin what could possibly be one of my last nights with him for a while, so I decided to wait to tell him. "Yes," I replied.
Cyler nodded his head and continued to look around the room more. In the corner, musicians set up an
d began playing softly for the Elite guests. A couple of Elite men and women pulled Companions aside to dance. Cyler looked at me mischievously before grabbing my own hand and leading me towards the music.
He spun me around one time before pulling me close. I placed my hands on his chest and peered up at the man that started this entire journey. Cyler Black saw me like no one else ever had before. Maybe it wasn't love at first sight. Maybe when he brought me to Dormas, he wanted to test Josiah, but I'd always felt an electric connection with my fearless leader. Nevertheless, I was still hurt by his letter. I had questions and grievances to iron out with him.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmured into my ear while swaying softly. The music had a steady beat, and the guitars strummed dark chords. Others danced around us, but in my mind, it was only Cyler and me.
“We haven’t had time to discuss that letter, Cy,” I said. There was a sense of sadness in my tone that seemed unexpected. I was still hurt by his ability to let go, to leave, knowing there was a chance he’d never see me again and not let me know. Maybe it was foolish to focus on this tonight. But I needed to know it was as hard for him as it was for me.
“I was hoping you’d let me kiss you enough that you’d forget,” Cyler replied with a half chuckle. If we weren’t in Cavil’s tower, maybe I’d let him kiss me, love me until I couldn’t remember the betrayal, but we weren’t. And if I weren’t going to see him again for a while, then I’d need some closure to hold me over until I saw him again—if I ever saw him again.
“Did you miss me?” I asked in a small voice. “Is it wrong that I want to know if you were as devastated as I was? Is it wrong that I wanted you to suffer as I did? I didn’t handle being away from you well, Cy. You’re a part of me.”
I felt lips on my temple, and I shivered at how reverent it felt. “I should have never removed your choice, Babe. I was torn up about Jules. I was frantically trying to save the best thing in my life.” His hand drifted lower on my back. We weren’t really dancing anymore, we were swaying and pressing as tightly against one another as we could. “As for if I suffered? Fuck yes, I suffered. Every second away from you was agony. Fucking agony, Babe. Knowing you didn’t handle it well guts me. What happened?”