by Kim Fox
“I’ve missed you,” she said.
He pulled his arm away. “No phone call, no visit in ten years. Why are you saying that? What do you want Lani?”
She jerked her head back. Was she not as subtle as she thought?
“Why are you here?”
He glared at her with his deep brown eyes. She used to smirk over his lazy eye but now she found it strangely appealing. Sexy even. It gave his face character and somehow heated up the intensity of his stare. It was unique and even hot.
The look was not lost on her bear. She hummed inside her chest, sending smooth rippling vibrations through her body. It tickled and soothed her; a feeling she hadn’t felt in years.
It took her off guard and she glanced down at her feet.
She screamed at it. Shut up! Just go away forever and leave me alone! Her bear had ruined her life. She had caused her nothing but pain and embarrassment. She had held her bear back for ten years. She could get through this. She was stronger than her bear.
Lani looked back into his eyes. They absorbed her in like black holes. “I’m here for research,” she stammered.
“Cut the shit,” Matteo said, crossing his arms over his hard chest. “Why are you here?”
This was not going the way that she had planned. She brushed her hand down his bicep, trying to get the upper hand again, trying to keep his bear agitated, so she could get the control back.
His muscled arm was hard as a rock. Her insides stirred and her knees lost their strength. Her pulse sped up as her chest vibrated, her bear purred louder than she had in years. Maybe ever.
Lani snapped her hand back. She gritted her teeth together and forced her bear back down.
And he just stood there watching with his hands crossed. How was her bear more affected than his? What was going on?
She had to get out of here. And quick. She had to go back to the city where she could keep her bear under control. Everyone here reeked of werebear. It was too much to handle. Her bear was getting stronger every minute. She couldn’t let her bear win. She would never live like that again. Like an animal. Like a freak.
It was time to get what she came here for. And then it was time to leave.
Matteo interrupted her thoughts. “Let your bear out Lani,” he said.
“I don’t have a bear anymore.”
He grunted a laugh. “I can hear her. I can smell her.”
He gently picked up her hand and her body vibrated.
“Your whole body is shaking,” he said. “This is not you. There’s good in you. I remember. My bear can sense it. He knows.”
She shook her head.
“Bring her to the surface,” Matteo whispered. “And let all of this nonsense go. It’s time to be yourself again. To live the life you were meant to live.”
“I’m not living like a freak,” she hissed. It was time to leave. She had to get out of here.
Now.
“I need to borrow some money,” she blurt out.
He dropped her hand and sighed. His shoulders slumped down and he looked away from her face. He stared into the forest beside her and shook his head. His face was tight, disappointed. She felt a sliver of regret cut through her but this was the only way. She needed money to go back to the city and make it as a movie star.
“It’s just a loan,” she said. “I’ll pay you back with interest as soon as I get a movie deal.”
He just stared past her, breathing heavily. After a while he looked into her eyes with a sadness in his face. “No.”
“No?” she asked, shocked. He was bonded to her. She should be able to get him to do anything that she wanted.
“No,” he repeated, louder this time. “Leave Lani. Just go away and stay out of my life.”
He disappeared into the darkening forest leaving her alone and confused.
How dare he?
Lani picked up a log and tossed it into the forest. He is supposed to always love me.
Fuck him!
I don’t need him. He’s just a freak. They’re all freaks.
I’m the only one with the decency to hide it.
She picked up a thick stick and snapped it in half over her knee. She hated how she was starting to look at Matteo differently. He was always supposed to be wrapped around her little finger. Now she was starting to be attracted to him.
She looked at the thick, broken tree branch in her hands and cursed. Normal people don’t have that kind of strength. She tossed them into the bush in disgust and headed back towards the camp.
Lani wasn’t leaving empty handed. She would get what she came here for.
By any means necessary.
four
“Move it!” Beckett yelled, his loud voice booming over the siren.
Matteo sprinted to the airplane hangar, thankful that he had a nice distraction this morning. Lani was still in his cabin sleeping. He hadn’t seen her since their walk in the forest last night.
“Where the hell is Quint?” Beckett yelled.
Quint came sprinting out of the forest naked. He was probably in his bear form when he had heard the siren.
“There he is,” Amanda said, looking over Beckett’s shoulder with a big smile plastered across her face. Quint was sprinting forward, his muscles jacked with a shiny coating of sweat covering him. Amanda was enjoying the view.
“Get in the cockpit,” Beckett ordered, covering her eyes and gently pushing her towards the front of the plane.
Keene tossed Quint his suit as he entered the hangar. “Better wear this,” he said. “Don’t want to burn your little pecker off.”
Matteo jumped in the plane as Amanda fired up the engines. The plane vibrated under him and his pulse quickened. This is just what I need.
He couldn’t wait to get out there in the heat of a forest fire and start ripping over some trees. He was so fired up that he wouldn’t even need any tools. He was going to use his bare hands. Or his bear paws if Beckett allowed it.
Matteo sat in the seat closest to the door without even thinking about it. It was his old seat. The number two’s seat.
Ellis jumped in the plane and looked at him with a scowl. “You’re in my seat,” he said, his nostrils flaring.
“Are you sure?” Matteo asked. “It curves exactly to my butt.”
The rest of the crew was watching with full attention now. Beckett was up front with Amanda looking over the map.
“My foot is going to curve exactly up your butt if you don’t move,” Ellis warned.
“Oh shit!” Finch said, biting his fingernail.
Matteo looked up and down at the younger brother of his alpha and grinned. He could take this guy one handed. Ellis was fearless and adventurous but Matteo had a certain intensity that he didn’t. He was on a higher level. He had a fury in him when he fought. A true grizzly.
Kai flashed into his mind. He remembered taking the dagger from Kai’s desk and approaching the alpha of the Flint Crew with murder raging through him. He slit Kai’s throat to protect his friend Finch. Matteo was definitely not a werebear to be messed with. He was a true apex predator. Ellis was just a bear cub in comparison.
Matteo unbuckled the seat belt and stood up slowly. He towered over Ellis.
He stared him down, in Ellis’ good eye, and held his breath.
Matteo would challenge him for his true spot, the number two position, soon, but not now. There was a forest fire to put out.
“It’s all yours,” Matteo said, waving to the seat.
Ellis nodded and sat down.
“Booo,” Keene said, with two thumbs down as Matteo walked towards the back of the plane.
“I thought we were going to have some in-flight entertainment,” Finch whined.
“Soon,” Matteo whispered to himself as he buckled in.
The plane jerked and then rolled back, out of the hangar. The sun shined through the circular windows lighting up the inside of the Casa 212. It was a nice, sunny day. Perfect for smokejumping.
“Alright,” Beckett said, standing
at the entrance to the cockpit. “We have a big one. It’s raging between the Apgar mountains and Lake McDonald. It’s heading towards a campsite so we’re going to have to move quickly.”
“Bears?” Quint asked, with his eyebrow raised.
Beckett frowned. “Bears,” he said, as the plane picked up speed, heading towards the runway.
The Crew cheered. Matteo pumped his fist. This was just what he needed. His bear would get all of his frustration and anxiety out in a productive manner. He was still upset over last night. Hurt actually.
After all that Lani had put him through, after all of the signs pointing to the fact that she was no good, he still had hope for her. Why would his bear bond to her if this was all that she could offer?
She was keeping her bear suppressed and caged in. That’s what’s causing her personality to change so much. Matteo was sure of it. This was not the Lani that he knew in his youth. This was not the Lani that he bonded to.
But she refused to phase. This was who she was now. Matteo had to accept it and try to learn to live without her. He did it once. He could do it again.
He was better without her. But why couldn’t his bear see that?
The engines roared, erasing all of his thoughts. Amanda spoke over the speaker. “Thank you for flying Amanda Airlines once again. The sexiest airline in the world. Today’s destination is a delightful one. A burning inferno in the middle of the forest. This fiery resort is a hot and spicy one. The reviewers give it five flaming, red hot stars. So make sure you have your SPF 10,000 sunblock on because your playground of smoke and fire awaits.”
Matteo cheered with the rest of the guys as the speaker shut off and the plane ripped down the runway like a rocket. The plane trembled and jerked violently as it surged forward. The wheels lifted off the ground and the plane was suddenly smooth.
It banked to the right as it climbed into the sky. Matteo glanced out the window. Alexi and Jessica were in camp waving at them, wishing them a fun, safe trip. Of course Lani wasn’t there.
She was probably still in bed, cursing the loudness of the plane that was waking her up.
Finch and Ellis were waving at their mates with big smiles on their faces. Beckett headed up front and strapped himself into the copilot’s seat. He rested his hand on Amanda’s leg.
Matteo breathed in, slow and long. Why couldn’t I have bonded with a nice girl like them? It just wasn’t fair.
He gazed out the window by his side. The bright green trees of the Flathead Forest sprawled out to the lonely gray mountain in the distance. A flash of blue water peeked out of the forest. There was a small lake in the distance with an elk swimming across it. Just his head stuck out of the bright blue water, with his massive antlers spread out above him. How can he hold his head up over the water with those heavy things weighing him down?
Matteo smiled. It was just like him.
He would have to learn how to hold his head up over the water with Lani’s pull on him trying to drag him down. Trying to drown him.
Matteo was a survivor. He would survive this.
The plane banked to the right and gravity pushed Matteo against the straps tying him to the seat.
“Get your chutes on,” Beckett called out from the front when the plane leveled out again.
The guys unbuckled and stood up. Matteo grabbed his chute from under his seat and strapped it on. Finch stepped behind him and tightened his strap.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
Matteo nodded. “I asked her to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes burning. “She just wanted money.”
Finch tapped his hand on Matteo’s shoulder. “I’m sorry buddy.”
There was nothing else to stay.
Ellis ripped the door open and air and light flew into the plane. A thick, rolling cloud of black smoke was pumping out of the trees just before the horizon. Matteo exhaled. This would be great. An afternoon of smokejumping to take his mind off of her.
The guys lined up in the plane with Beckett standing at the door. The speakers crackled on and Amanda’s voice filled the plane. “We have arrived at your destination,” she said. “Don’t forget to fill out your custom’s card to Inferno Island and have an enjoyable stay.”
Ellis was the first one to jump. He did a back flip out the door. The line of guys disappeared one by one into the sky until it was just him and Beckett left. Beckett stopped him at the door as he was about to jump.
“My sister…” he said, trailing off, trying to find words.
“It’s over Beckett,” he responded. “I’m over her.”
Matteo jumped out the window plummeting towards the ground like a rock sinking through water. His bear roared inside him, furious over the lie.
It was not over.
Lani stepped out of bed with her head pounding. Her bear had kept her up almost the whole night and now that she was finally falling asleep this deafening alarm was piercing through her ears.
It was time to leave.
The sun beat down on her head like a hammer. She lunged over to yank the blinds closed when she saw an airplane roll out of the hangar towards the runway.
Of course. It was the forest fire alarm.
This was exactly the opportunity that she was looking for. The bears would be gone for a few hours and she could search Matteo’s cabin for money. Alexi and Jessica were still there but they wouldn’t be a bother.
His stash of cash had to be hidden in here somewhere. It was a werebear’s nature to hide things. To burrow them. Werebears never put their money in banks. It was against the nature of a bear.
She started in the bedroom. She slid open the top drawer of his dresser. His rugged, foresty smell hit her nose and her bear grumbled. She took an undershirt from the pile of clothes and smelled it. Her shoulders slumped as thoughts of Matteo flooded her mind.
What are you doing? She threw it back in the dresser and slammed the drawer closed.
She threw the mattress off of the bed frame and searched underneath. She tore threw the small cabin like the Tasmanian Devil. After a few minutes of chaos she stepped back and was out of breath. The place was trashed. The sofa flipped over, the curtains in piles on the floor and Matteo’s clothes were flung all over his room.
But she still hadn’t found the money.
She surveyed the room and sighed. Poor Matteo. What will he think when he comes back to find his place like this? Well, he could have done it the easy way and lent me the money.
Her bear grumbled, stronger than ever and Lani cursed. Where is it?
It must be in the floor. Lani dropped to her knees and crawled up and down the cabin tapping the floors.
A hollow sound rang out when she tapped the hardwood flooring that was normally under the sofa. Yes!
She wiggled the piece of floor and it slid out of place. There was a hollowed out hole in the ground with a chest sitting in the middle.
She yanked out more pieces of the floor to widen the hole and then lifted out the chest. It wasn’t even locked.
She held her breath as she opened the lid. Twelve stacks of Benjamin Franklin stared back at her with that mischievous grin on Ben’s face.
She ran back to the window and scanned the camp. Alexi and Jessica were in the vegetable garden talking and laughing. They looked so happy and content. Alexi rubbed her pregnant belly as Jessica pulled out some carrots. They seemed so at ease and at peace. Lani thought back to when she felt that happy and peaceful. She was coming up blank.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad here.
They’re freaks. Don’t forget that.
She glanced back at the chest full of money.
That is your chance to be normal.
She picked up the chest and headed for the trucks. She would borrow one and leave it at the bus station in town.
It was time to be a celebrity.
LA here I come.
It was time to put this place behind her once and for all.
five
Lani sped down the highway
trying to erase the image of Alexi and Jessica, smiling in the garden, from her head. They both looked so content. So at home.
She shook out her tense arms and continued forward. She had been running for so long. Running from her home. From her bear. From who she was.
So what? You just want to go back and live like a freak?!?
That word still stung even after all those years.
Freak.
The kids chanting it in the school hallways, the word scribbled in bold letters across her locker in green marker, the way that Paul looked at her in disgust when she confided in him.
It all still stung.
LA will be different. LA will be home.
Or it would just be like New York. A place where she would hide her true self, suppress her bear and let her mind slip even more into the darkness.
All Lani ever wanted was to be accepted by everyone. She thought that if she appeared like a successful celebrity that she would be accepted as normal.
But she just drove everyone away. Why am I so toxic? Why can’t I just be myself?
Her breath caught in her chest and she had to pull over. A large dirt cloud swallowed the truck as she skidded to a stop on the side of the road. She concentrated on her breathing taking in long, deep breaths.
She thought of Matteo and what she had done. The poor guy. All he ever did was love her and this is how she treated him. This was a new low. Even for her.
She pictured his face when he would open the door of his cabin and see what she left for him. She turned the rear view mirror to the side, unable to look at her reflection.
She lowered her tear-filled eyes to the dirty mud flaps under her feet. What would Dad think of me now? His baby girl grew up to be a train wreck.
Something white sticking out from under the mud flap caught her eye. She stretched down and pulled it out. It was a driver’s license.
Matteo Brown.
Her eyes moved along the name to the small picture. An electric shock jolted her as every cell in her body was pulled towards the picture like a magnet. The world blacked out around her and only the tiny head of Matteo was left, staring at her with his lazy eye and messy hair. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move her eyes off of him. It was if they were held there by strings.