by Cassia Leo
“Yeah, my dose.”
“Well, my fan base sprouted up at colleges initially. Do you honestly think me showing up at yours is a good idea?”
“No, you’re right,” she said with a pout I could actually feel though the phone. “I just wanted you here so badly. It’s, um, tough for me, facing graduation without you here, and you have to know why.”
“Grow up, Lex! And get over that bitch already!”
“Danny! What the hell,” she cried, sounding shatter. She blubbered and said, “Oh my god,” like a smear of sorrow that made a black X on my heart. “I … don’t know how to do that. I wish I did.”
“Exactly. And I’m not always gonna be around to pick your sorry, sad sack ass up off the pavement.”
“Jackass.”
“It’s true.” With my right hand now free of a cast, I pounded my head with my fist and smothered all my grunts and groans with a pillow. The dull ache was still there in my bone, and it twanged real agony through my arm that made me nauseous, but my dickishness toward the woman I loved, yeah, I loved her, smarted even more. Errr, I hated being mean to her. Hated it. When all I yearned to do was hold her in my arms and treat her like a china doll. She had this delicate soul that someone purposely crushed, and I loathed that woman with all my might. Right now, no matter how much it gutted me, I had to take on the role of a soul crusher too. She needed to be crazy about me a whole lot less, for her own safety.
“Danny, I swear you are such an asshole sometimes. You just, last night in fact, said I was the most amazing thing to happen to you, and now, you’re kicking dirt in my face? I don’t get it. You’re either insane or a damn liar. And, yeah, I’ll go with liar.”
“You know I’ve always loved to jerk you around, Lex. It’s so much fun to make you weak and wet and hot, to know how much control I have over you and your slippery pussy. Mmm, gives me such a power trip. That’s all it is for me, nothing more.”
“You fucking liar! You are lying. I saw your balled-up song. I read it when you were lying out cold in the damn hospital. You want me and you’re only slaying me now because you’re too chicken to face the world with how we feel about one another.”
I sucked in air through my teeth. That felt like an invasion of privacy. I didn’t like anyone seeing my scraps. They were private, and most of them went into the shit pile in the bottom of File 13, never to see the light of day. “It was trash, Lex, every word of it. I tossed it.” I looked at the bureau drawer it was in and walked over to get it. “God, you act like such a little girl sometimes. Stay the hell out of my stuff! You know nothing about how I feel.” I took it out and rolled it around in my palm. “I need you to stop whining and acting like a little bitch. We’re not heading into a romance or whatever, steamy or otherwise. I was just having some fun. We’re not headed anywhere.” God, my skin screamed out for her feathered touch, for her warm breath sliding and swaying against it, not to mention her gorgeous, silky tits. “I only played this game with you so I could get into your panties, but I’m bored with that already. I don’t even care.”
“So, you’ve just been talking shit all along, through all these conversations we’ve shared? No, nope. Don’t believe you. Try again.”
“Mmm, yeah, that’s the gist. I only needed your help with my one-handed situation, and you’re so damn accessible and easy. But I’m good now. Cast is gone. Stitches are gone. Now I’m left with just a headache that you only serve to worsen. And I’m serious about what I said, Lex. You’re such a damn baby some times, so pitiful and weak. Stop allowing the actions of others to define who you are and stop holding people responsible for your damn mood.”
“Fuck! Off! I hate you!” Her growl escalated into a death cry that held a thirst for blood as she hung up.
At least she was furious and not totally broken by all that. Damn. Shit. I crashed back onto my bed and covered my burning eyes with my hands. Man, errrr, I’m so shitty and fucked-up. Alexa made me soar high and sing hot and turned me on like nothing else. Our connection and the sparks between us surged ripples of elation through my tense muscles.
I parked my hand over my stiffening cock as I pictured kneeling in front of her and reaching up her skirt to slip her panties down her legs. And then I’d hold those wobbly legs strong and force her to stand as I drank in her scent and buried my mouth in the middle of her straddle. Her body was a heavenly feast to ravish inch by inch. Damn, damn, damn. My beast grew stiff, fighting to break free of my jeans, and I unbuttoned and unzipped myself with a sigh and dragged fingers up and down my pulsing, throbbing length. “Alexa Louise,” I whispered. “Damn, I’m so hungry for you.” My right hand, finally glad to be free of its navy blue binding, executed perfect work, in spite of being thinner and more tender than it had been seven weeks ago. I gripped myself tightly as I imagined plowing my whole rod into her hottest spot. Just a few pumps had spunk spurting out of my tip and dripping onto my abs. I groaned and just lied there in misery at my frustrating lack of Lex. I wanted her beside me, skimming me with fingers, teeth, hot breath, mmm, and her pink pussy petals. She could sit right on my face and grind as I thrust my tongue up inside. Damn. I don’t know if I can ever have that. Ever.
“Thanks, you damn bitch. You’re so right about no one else having me either.”
I got up and took a shower and called Matty to go over some songs that I’ve had in my mind but haven’t been able to work on because of my damn cast. I just can’t work without being able to pick up my guitar and strum out the melodies that are buzzing around in my head.
Matty and I met for breakfast to go over my scattered lyrical bits on seventy or so pieces of paper and see if we could find anything that glittered like gold. Maybe we could blend some.
Matty hated all of this. “Did you write this shit drugged up or what?”
“No, I wasn’t fucking drugged up. You know I can’t think straight without my six-string gun on my lap.”
He lifted several in the pile, tossed them up, and let them flutter recklessly back down to the table. “Confetti. That’s about all this is good for. You don’t have anything else? You fucking need to get laid or something.”
“I wanted to get some, but … it just didn’t work out.”
“Didn’t work out? I got numbers. Just point me at one and I’ll have a lady unzipping you in no time flat. Heck, even the waitress was just flirting with you. I bet she’d let you up her skirt in the bathroom. Looks like she could use it too.”
“I don’t want any other girl.”
He grinned and nodded. “Other? Okay, now we’re getting to the meat of your funk. You’re in love.”
I waved him off while stirring a packet’s worth of sugar into my coffee cup with my other hand. I let the spoon scrape the side with a clank, so I could maybe chime and drill some sanity into my thick skull. It didn’t work. I set the spoon down on my napkin with a groan and took a sip, with my heart racing wild. “Not in love, man.”
“With who? That chick you made out with at Smitty’s? Did you see her again?”
“Nope. There’s no one. I’m telling you.”
“Nah, I know you. I know when you’re bitten, and you’ve got it bad, I can tell. So, it’s a secret, something you don’t want anyone to know, not even me. Hmm. You always blab about any hot ass you score, about how good they are in bed. And now, you’re givin’ me nothin’? What’s the deal, man?”
I shrugged in nonchalance and downed more of my coffee with a slow drag, then pressed my lips together when I set it down. He was damn studying me. I did not like being psycho-analyzed. “I’m telling you, Matty, you are dead wrong. There’s no one.”
“Nah. I just haven’t figured it out yet. But I will.” He shook his head while sipping coffee with a slurp. He then froze, mug still up under his chin, and fired his gaze to me. He slowly lowered his cup and illumination flooded his face. “Oh my god. You have the hots for Lex? You want to bag and tag your own damn sister!”
“She’s not my sister!” I said throu
gh a clenched jaw. “Not.”
“And the only reason that appalls you so strongly is because you want that pink rose with a desperation I’ve never seen in you.”
“I don’t want her. And I keep stressing she’s not my sister because she’s not.”
“Uh huh. Oh, you crave that bitch. You do. I can totally fucking tell.”
“She’s not a bitch.”
“You called her a bitch last week. Get into a little tiff?”
“No, she was just frustrating me. We were arguing about cultural appropriation. I say it’s a BS gripe and ridiculous bone to pick when there are greater tragedies in the world, and she thinks it something to sensitively care about. So lame, right?”
“No. It’s a real thing, I agree with her.”
“Yeah, you would.”
“And now, you’re just changing the subject. Just admit it.” He balled up his hands and cocked his head with amusement in his eyes and time.
“Admit what?”
“That you are mad-crazy in love with her. Not only that, I’ll bet you’re obsessed with owning her in the kinky way you’ve written about in some of our songs. That shit can’t all be empty and lacking a point of inspiration. You are dying to fuck and own the girl who lives in your house, a girl who most people consider your sister.”
I leaned forward and let out a soft groan. “Every…bit of that…is…damn true.”
He pumped his fist and cried, “Ha. I knew it.”
I waved his excitement down, dribbling air like a basketball. “Chill out. It’s not that a big deal.”
“Oh no? Not a big deal? Nina would absolutely pitch a fit if she knew.”
I scrunched my nose in confusion. “Nina? Why on earth? Why would she care?”
“I overheard her ordering some girl at the desk to stay away from me. She reminded her of the company policy to not ‘fraternize with the clients’. It’s a thing there, a major thing. Alexa works there, and we, you, are a client, so whatever you are considering doing, if you haven’t already, shoot it down, man. Like, now. Not only would this whole thing be somewhat sticky and hit or miss in the press, Lex could lose her freaking job over it. Both your lives could entirely blow up. And I know you don’t want that.”
I shook my head and stabbed my fork into a fat, fluffy cluster of scrambled egg. “Don’t worry. It’s done. It’s over. I took care of it.”
“What the hell does that mean, Danny?”
“Exactly what I said. I took care of it. We’re … nothing to one another. I pissed her off intentionally to douse our rapidly growing sparks. So, you see? It’s all good.”
“Good? I dunno. This seems like it might actually be rat poison for us. It’s a toxic stew of unpredictable outcomes and responses. We need to keep achieving good will and nods. I don’t know how people would take this.”
“There’s nothing to take or worry about. I swear. Despite how much I crave her in all ways, she and I are not happening. Like, ever.”
“Yeah,” he said dubiously. “I know how you get, man.”
“I mean it. Ever,” I insisted with thunder in my tone, but I absolutely did not want that to be true. I wanted Alexa. I wanted her as mine … until I breathed my final breath.
* * *
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Alexa
I have no clue what the hell just happened between Danny and me. What on earth! Everything hot and sizzling, all that phone sex, all that connection, sat in a pile of ashes now. He burnt it all down with a blowtorch. Why? I didn’t understand. He’s such an asshole sometimes. I looked through our texts again for the millionth time, especially our hook up plans before the crash. Just reading all that made me heat up. It was hot. Every word he wrote sizzled like drops of lava. That did not seem fake to me at all. I knew it with every rippling muscle, every breath, and every cell in my body that Danny Zane wanted me as much as I wanted him. But he was being a royal dick.
He’d been a jerk at times since I’d know him, but he’s never been outright cruel to me, which he was every time I called now, clawing me away like a lion in pain.
Jed, and Murr too, my additional, personal bodyguard, have increased their presence in my life. They’re like thorns or roaches. They make a sweep of my suite every night, follow me around much closer, sometimes walking alongside me, and they started wanting to know about every piece of mail or weird random call or text. I haven’t gotten anything weird, so… I think I’m safe for now. I hope. I was mostly terrified about that video swooping onto the internet, giving my sexual response a permanent stamp there on porn sites everywhere.
But I was not about to let some freaking nutjob chick rob me of the man I longed to have, and I’d bet my long blond hair she is why Danny is acting like such a pain in the ass.
I will get him. He will be mine. He has to be. I feel incomplete without him. He just … does something to me beyond stirring up mere lust. I mean, yeah, there is that, it’s undeniable, but I love the way he eggs me on and backs me up and makes me feel special. He didn’t have to be my hero, but he was, and all along I’d been taking it for granted. He not only stepped up and took care of me, he paid my way through school. And I thanked him by being pissy? Yeah, I’m one hell of gem for sure. He’s been there for me when I’ve had doubts about my future or when I just needed to vent. Plus, the way his fingers move along my skin and face whenever he’s kissing me insist I am treasure to him … precious, adored, important. And I don’t give a crap what he says about not wanting me or loving me. He does. And I refuse to let our passion, our bond, our happiness go to waste.
He will be mine. So you’d better take a hike, bitch, and deal with it.
The Men in Black stayed near me through my whole graduation ceremony. I’m surprised they didn’t go up on stage with me when my name was called. My mom, no big surprise, was a no-show. So was Danny, much to my already burning heartbreak. But Grandma Helen and Danny’s Auntie Carol came. At least someone gave a rat’s ass about me.
I was hoping Danny would show up in a limo to surprise me and that we could make out and get heatedly into each other’s clothes on the entire ride home. That’s what I pictured and prayed for. Yeah, that didn’t happen.
My borrowed family helped me pack up, and I drove home myself since they lived over an hour away from us, with only my escorts following behind.
I got home to an otherwise empty house, save for my two-pack of gun-toting dudes. “Danny?” Yep, no answer. “Dan!” I called out. When I got nothing, I called his phone to see if it would ring in the house, and nothing rang. He wasn’t even here? But … I’m home. I’m back. And he knew I was coming, dammit. I texted him right when I left to let him know. “Fuck you, Danny.”
I had the urge to curl up and cry on my bed because this really stung, but I instead decided to go for a dip in his indoor pool to cool off while my clothes were in the wash. It was a heated pool, but it had to be cooler than my internal steam. And I might as well multitask.
I opened one of my suitcases, stuffed dirty clothes into a laundry basket, and put on a bikini, then took my basket and snatched a towel from the hall closet on my way downstairs.
Once the washer was full and running, I strode into the pool room. Even though it was warm water, a toe dip confirmed, I still slowly edged down the steps and took my time gliding into the water. Flashes of munchable body parts belonging to Danny Zane filled my mind as I breast-stroked a couple laps. A lot of women fantasized about him without ever having a shot. I do. I have texts on my phone with such salacious invitation proving it. I just needed to get him to wise up and stop being a dick.
I need him and I don’t care what that fucking chick has to say about it.
I dipped under the water and swam across the pool. When I crested, my breath snagged in my throat. Danny was there, crouched on the edge of the pool at the deep end. He studied me from my head to my tits that were bobbing out of the clear surface as I tread water. I settled down in the warmth after my jarring shake from being startled
and kept my boobs below the line. His gaze was singing them with fire anyway. I cleared my throat and rubbed my neck. “Um, I didn’t think you were home. I called out to you a couple times. Hi.”
“Hi,” he whispered. “I was out back, planting seeds.” He was still crouched, still watching.
I streaked my palms over my hair to smooth it out. “Ya comin’ in or what?”
He looked around like a ghost might be there to tell him, “Definitely not.” Wordlessly, he stood and peeled his shirt off and sent it sailing over his head, and then dropped his hands to his shorts. He smirked at me and shook his head like I was naughty for even thinking it. He had me utterly confused. “You want me to swim with you, Lex?”
“Swimming was not ever on my mind. I was thinking more along the lines of rubbing my naked body against yours. Come in and I’ll show you how filthy-bad I can be.” I reached behind my neck and untied my strings, then did the same at my back and balled up and tossed him my top. My aim was perfect that time, and I hit him right in his gawky face. “Your turn,” I teased.
My bikini top fell in his open palms and he stared down at it in disbelief then looked back at me. He really drank in the sight of my breasts now that there were totally unhidden. His intensity rushed blood to my face and made me shiver.
I gulped, praying he’d do exactly what he was imagining doing. My breaths sped and ladybugs scurried down my back, or maybe that was beads of water, or my skin reaching out in goose bumps for his touch. A flutter and pang duet played a concert in my belly.
“Come here.”
“Aren’t you coming here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Get over here.”
There was that bossiness again, tugging me in like a helpless, caught fish. My pulse pounded so fast, filling my ears with urban music as I swam closer and closer. I folded my forearms and set them on the edge of the pool as I looked up at him.
He streaked the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip, like that was the only way he dared to kiss me, and I curled that full bit of berry-flavored flesh in and sucked it. “I miss your lips,” I said, trying to encourage him to give me something better, but sadly, he didn’t.