by Cassia Leo
“Do you have a cigarette?” she said.
“Actually, I quit,” he said. “But you shouldn’t smoke anyway, should you? Not in your… condition.” Thinking about her pregnant made him feel ill. It was wrong. All wrong.
She shrugged. “Just one wouldn’t hurt anything.”
He cleared the couch. “Do you want to sit down?”
She sat.
He stood.
She twisted her hands together in her lap.
“Why are you here, Cathy?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she said.
“It must be so uncomfortable sleeping in that big, expensive house with your pretty little boyfriend. You do have such a difficult life.” He glared at her.
She bit her lip. “I… I guess it was a mistake to come here.” She started to get up.
He stopped her. “Tell me a little bit about how your relationship with Eli got so serious, Cathy. Because the last time I talked to you, you told me you were only interested in his money. That still true? Are you still hiding all the cash he gives you in a drawer somewhere?”
“Heath, you don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t at all. Either you’re very shallow, which…” He laughed. “Let’s face it, maybe you are. Maybe I have very bad taste in women. I don’t know.”
“You were gone. You left. You didn’t even say goodbye. I had no idea if you were even alive.”
“Yes, and you drove yourself crazy looking for me, didn’t you?”
Her lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” He gave her a mock-sympathetic pat on the head. “It’s okay, Cathy. I think everything will go much more smoothly if you admit to yourself that you were relieved I was gone, because you were free of me.”
She winced.
He felt her wince like a dagger in his heart. She had felt that way, then. Fuck. He walked away from her. He began to gather up an arm load of beer cans to take to the trash can. “Maybe you should go.”
He stalked into the kitchen and deposited the cans in a trash bag. When he returned to the living room, she was still there.
“I love him,” she said. “I do. And I thought that it wouldn’t matter that you were back. But I was lying to myself, because it does matter. Because you’re Heath, and I love you. It’s different than the way I love him. It’s like I’d forgotten that I was only half of something while you were away. But now, here you are, and I see you, and I notice the empty parts again. And I know you’d fill them up.”
He went to her. “Cathy.”
There was terror in her eyes.
He wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her, assaulted her mouth.
She dug her fingers into his shoulder blades, tangled her hands in his hair, pulled on it.
He groaned.
She yanked his shirt over his head, raked her nails over his chest.
He ripped at the buttons on her clothing, and they popped off. He bared her bra—black lace against her pale skin.
She unzipped his pants and took him out and wrapped her hand around him.
He moaned.
She stroked him. “I worry that I might not be a very good person, Heath.”
All he could think about was her hand on him.
She pumped at his cock, her hand moving faster. “I worry that I might be very, very bad. Because I don’t want to give you up.”
“You don’t have to,” he panted. “We can go away, you and me. To the city, like you always wanted.”
Her hand still moved in a brisk rhythm. “You’d do that? You’d be with me after everything?”
“Of course.” His balls felt tight. She was driving him crazy. It felt so good.
“You’re mine, aren’t you? You’re still mine.”
He grunted. It was hard to talk.
“Say it,” she whispered.
“I’m yours,” he managed.
She let go of his cock.
His breath came out in a loud huff. Why had she stopped?
She got up. “I am a bad person.” It was as if she’d just made the discovery, and it shocked and disgusted her. She started for the door.
Was she fucking kidding him?
He lurched to his feet, tucking his very hard penis back into his pants. Zipping up. Following her.
She was already out the door.
“What the fuck?” he said.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I think I’m losing my mind.” She got into her car.
He heard the motor come to life. He leaned against one of pillars on the porch, watching her drive away.
“Bitch,” he breathed.
*
Heath knocked on the door the next day. Cathy had somehow known he’d come by again. He’d threatened to, after all. But she’d hoped that he wouldn’t. After the absolutely embarrassing thing she’d done the night before, throwing herself at him like that, and running off before anything could really happen… well, she wished he hadn’t come back.
Everything was confusing now.
He gave her a knowing smile as she welcomed him into the house.
“Who is it?” yelled Eli from somewhere inside the house.
“It’s Heath,” she said.
Heath dragged his gaze over her body, still smiling at her.
It made her feel dirty and exposed.
Eli appeared in the doorway.
Isabella nearly knocked him over when she showed up right behind him. “Hi, Heath,” she said.
Heath looked at Cathy. “Well, I thought you might want to come on that drive with me today, after all.”
Cathy swallowed. “Only if Isabella comes along.” Maybe if she wasn’t alone with him, she could control herself. But then, she was being stupid, wasn’t she? If she didn’t want to see him, she should tell him to leave. Except, goddamn it, she did want to see him. He robbed her of her good sense.
“I can come,” said Isabella brightly.
Heath shrugged. “Suit yourself. Might be kind of a tight fit.”
“What?”
“I brought the old truck,” he said. “Thought it would be just like old times, when we used to skip school and go riding through the fields. Of course, not exactly the same fields, since half of them have been sold to your father.” He gave Eli a dark look.
“I don’t mind,” said Isabella.
Cathy looked at her sidelong. Isabella didn’t have some kind of crush on Heath, did she? No, that was ridiculous.
*
But they didn’t go to the fields. Instead they drove up on the mountain. Cathy made Isabella sit in the middle, between both of them. And she and Heath barely spoke. Instead, Isabella kept up her inane chatter about whatever popped into her head, like she usually did. When Heath stopped the car, they climbed down the cliffs to look down on the town below them.
“If it’s too difficult for you, then we don’t have to go down here,” said Heath.
“I’m pregnant, not an invalid,” Cathy told him. And she wasn’t even that pregnant. She could still move around fine.
It was Isabella who had trouble climbing down. She climbed over the first set of rocks and nearly lost her footing.
Loose stones skittered down over the cliff, falling into the valley.
Isabella shrieked.
Heath steadied her with one hand. He laughed. “Not like strolling through the mall, huh?”
Isabella’s face had turned white. “Why don’t we just stop here?”
“No way,” said Cathy. She pointed. “That ledge down there is perfect for sitting. There’s nowhere to sit up here.”
Isabella looked down at the ledge. She gulped. “All the way down there?”
Cathy nodded.
Isabella shook her head. “I think I’ll climb back up to the truck.”
Heath laughed again.
Damn it. Cathy had wanted Isabella there as a buffer. She considered climbing up after her, but she was already almost to the ledge, and it was a nice place to sit. Maybe she could be wit
h Heath like she wanted to be, reminiscing about their childhood. “We won’t stay down here long,” said Cathy.
“Okay.” Isabella was already climbing back up.
Within a few minutes, Cathy was sitting on the ledge next to Heath. She looked down at the scenery. It was beautiful. She felt at peace for the moment. She turned to him. “Do you remember the time we decided to try to make our own spears for fishing after you read that survivalist book?”
Heath’s face lit up. “Oh, right. I do remember that. I cut myself trying to whittle the sharp points on the branches we were going to use as spears.”
“It scared me,” she said. “I thought you were going to bleed to death. But Mama Galloway put bandages on you, and you went back out and tried again.”
Heath picked up a small rock and hurled it out over the cliff. “That was before she died.”
Cathy felt like an idiot. Why had she brought up Mama? Thinking of Mama always made her think of Daddy, and thinking of Daddy… “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
Heath didn’t respond.
A pair of flies flew around each other in a circle and then alighted on the ledge. Cathy watched them, trying to think of something else to bring up, some happy childhood memory. But the more she sifted through them, the more she realized that everything was tinged with something unpleasant. Her father had beaten her afterwards, or Matt had gotten angry with Heath, or it reminded her of someone who’d been killed violently. She supposed she hadn’t noticed how bad their lives were when she was a kid, because kids just don’t see those kinds of things. But now, looking back…
“It’s probably best you left last night before anything could happen,” said Heath.
Cathy looked up for Isabella. Had she heard?
But Isabella was sitting up on the guard rail, and Cathy could see that she’d put in a pair of headphones.
“Things are complicated, like you said,” Heath continued. “I suppose the romantic thing to do would be for me to tell you that I’d raise his squealing spawn as my own, and that you and I could ride off into the sunset together.”
Squealing spawn? She didn’t know what he meant. But then, she realized. He was talking about the baby. Her baby. Instinctively, her hand went to her stomach.
“But it wouldn’t be that way, would it, Cathy? Eli would have visitations and weekends and holidays, and we’d always be carting his brat off to see him, and he’d always be in our lives. So, I can’t really have you at all. He’s stolen you from me.”
“Who said I wanted to ride off into the sunset with you, Heath? I never said that,” she said.
“You said things that were pretty fucking close,” he said.
“I didn’t mean them,” she said. “I was confused.”
“Oh, I was confused too,” he said. “It was very confusing, the way you jumped me and forced me to say things and got me all worked up before you ran off and left me there.”
She flinched.
“But whatever I said, I said under duress,” he told her. “I would have said anything you wanted at that moment. When your hand is on my dick, I’m easy to manipulate. But you know all about manipulation, don’t you, Cathy?”
“Fuck you.” She gritted her teeth.
“So, I’m not yours, you understand that? I’m never yours. Ever again.”
She glared at him. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you being like this?”
“Like what?” he said. “This is the way I am.”
“No, you’re being cruel,” she said. “Just because I came to you last night and said things I didn’t mean—”
“About how you were only half of something without me?” he said. “Are those the sort of things you didn’t mean? Or about how you didn’t want to give me up?”
She shut her eyes.
“The thing is Cathy, I’ve given it some thought, and I don’t want to run off with you. Not as long as that you’re pregnant with his child. The thought of that thing growing in you makes me want to vomit.”
She stood up. “I don’t have to listen to this.” He hated the baby that much?
“In fact, if you did want to come with me,” he said, “I’d have to insist that you get rid of it.”
“I don’t want to go with you,” she said. She started to crawl up the rocks. “I hate you, Heath Galloway. Stay away from me.”
He chuckled. “You don’t mean that, Cathy. I know you wish you did, but you don’t.”
She scrabbled away from him, tears pricking her eyes. He was being so ugly, and she hadn’t ever experienced that from him. It hurt.
Then her foot slipped, and the world turned sideways.
There was a horrible second, her heart in her throat, where she felt gravity pulling on her body, threatening to suck her down off the cliff.
But Heath was behind her, and he pulled her upright.
She put a hand to her chest. “Thank you.” She could hardly breathe.
There was sheer terror in his expression. “Be careful,” he said. “I thought you were going to…” He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t scare me like that.”
She gazed into his eyes. He didn’t mean half the things he’d just said either. She could see that in the way he was looking at her.
Oh, hell. Nothing made sense anymore. Being around Heath was like walking on a cliff all the time.
When they got back in the truck, she climbed into the center to be close to him and sat with her thigh pressing against his for the whole ride home.
*
“You’re in love with Eli, right?” asked Isabella. She was chopping up peppers in the kitchen. She’d insisted on cooking that night, saying that Cathy needed something home cooked for nourishment. “You and Heath are just friends?”
Cathy was washing lettuce in the sink. She turned off the water. “Why would you say something like that?” Were her feelings for Heath so obvious?
Isabella shrugged. “Well, I know that we’re friends mostly because of my brother, but we’re still friends, and I know that sometimes people get upset when friends go after other people’s exes, and—”
“Wait a second.” The thought she’d had earlier about Isabella having a crush. Maybe it wasn’t so ridiculous after all. “You’re asking for my blessing to pursue Heath?”
Isabella sliced into a pepper. “Basically.”
Cathy turned the water on. “Well, then my answer is no. Not because I still have any feelings for him. But because you don’t want to have anything to do with him, trust me. If you could hear the horrible things he’s said to me since he came back, you wouldn’t want to be near him.”
“He’s angry with you, Cathy,” said Isabella. “That’s all. He’s not such a bad person. He’s been through a lot. And I think it’s really admirable that he’s managed to make his own fortune in two years when he’s so young. I’m impressed.”
“He’s not a normal sort of guy,” said Cathy. “He’s very intense, and he can be violent, and he would chew you up and spit you out for his own amusement. Trust me, stay away from him.”
Isabella sighed. “You aren’t over him after all. I see how it is. I wonder if I should tell Eli.”
Cathy glared at her. “My god, Isabella, it’s not about that.”
“I think you just want both of them to love you,” said Isabella.
Cathy sighed.
“You don’t need to wash the lettuce anymore. I’ll do it myself.”
“Isabella, really—”
“Go away,” said Isabella. “I want to be alone.”
*
Matt stumbled, clutching the couch in the tenant house for support. One of the men came up behind him to help him up. “Come on, Matt, let’s get you back up to the house.”
“Oh, I’ll walk him up,” said Heath, looking up from his poker winnings, most of it from Matt. He was sorting the twenty dollar bills from the fifties.
“You sure?” said the man. “I didn’t think you liked him very much, and when he’s
this drunk, he can be hard to deal with.”
“I’ll walk him home,” said Heath. “You don’t have to wait around.”
It was late, the poker game had broken up, and most of the other players had already gone home.
The man shrugged, deposited Matt on the couch, and walked out of the living room. Heath went back to counting his money. He heard the last of the men drive off. He and Matt were alone.
“Dirty gypsy,” said Matt. “Stealing my money from me right under my own roof.”
Heath smiled coldly. “I think this money is the rent I gave you, actually. And I won it, Matt. You’re the idiot who gambled it away.”
Matt started to try to get up again, but he couldn’t stay upright. He went sprawling onto the floor.
Heath laughed. He got up and stood over Matt, his foot on his back. “It’s kind of disappointing how you’ve run yourself into the ground without me. My revenge would have been much more fulfilling if I got to destroy you. But you’re destroying yourself.”
Matt tried to get up, but Heath’s foot held him fast.
“Having some trouble there?”
“Let me get up,” said Matt.
“What was that?” said Heath. “Are you ordering me around? I don’t think you’re in the position to do that anymore.”
“Let me up.” Matt’s voice was a growl.
“No, I don’t think I will.” Heath grinned down at the trapped man, his black eyes gleaming.
Matt thrashed ineffectually. He tried to grab Heath’s foot, twisting around to get at it, but he couldn’t reach.
“Gypsy fuck,” said Matt.
Heath laughed again.
“You ruined everything. You stole my family from me. Daddy liked you better. Cathy liked you better. What did I have?”
“You expect me to feel sorry for you?” Heath’s voice was harsh. “You forced to me to live in a barn. I didn’t have running water. I went weeks without a shower. I had to shit outside. And I stole things from you?”
“Let me up,” said Matt.
“No.”
Matt’s voice broke. “Please.”