Cartoons in the Suicide Forest

by Leza Cantoral

  I wake up and my legs are both raised and wrapped in casts. There are bandages around my head and around my wrists. I see my Beast. He is not a prince. He is a furry creature but I know now that he is my prince. He kisses me softly and I kiss him back.

  His fingers reach between my legs and he inserts two thick Beast fingers into my wet body flower. His claws draw blood and I cry out but I want more and I bite his lip till I draw blood. He growls and bites my neck and moisture floods to me. I crave to be filled by him. He gets on top of me and begins to thrust into me. He is massive and almost too much to take but I can take it and I feel alive for the first time in my entire life and I begin to sob uncontrollably. He kisses me tenderly between growls as he thrusts.

  I explode and my head swims. I can die happy, and I do.

  GREEN LOTUS

  Lilly’s brand new white Prius Hybrid was gliding down the highway as the rain came down.

  Lilly, however, was not driving her car. Robert, her husband, was at the wheel. He did not trust her driving in the rain. Lilly was sitting with her hands folded on her lap, gazing sullenly out of the window.

  They had driven in silence for a half hour and they had another half hour to go. Robert was angry at Lilly. He felt she had blackmailed him into going to some ridiculous couple’s spa getaway. He hated taking time off work. He’d have twice as much to deal with when he finally got back and she didn’t even seem appreciative. They had been married for two years and the honeymoon was definitely over.

  “Why are you pouting over there? We’re doing what you wanted. I’m dropping everything and we’re going to your damn spa.”

  Lilly glared at him.

  “What? Are you mad because I didn’t let you drive? You drive like an old lady in the rain. We have to get there.”

  “That’s such bullshit.”

  “Yeah, whatever. Some of us like being on time.”

  Lilly went silent. She was thinking about Robert’s best friend Dave and how he was so easy to be around. Dave was always happy to see her and actually acted like he enjoyed her company.

  Robert glanced over at Lilly and noticed that familiar look of discontentment on her face, like she’d rather be anywhere but with him.

  “What the hell are you thinking about now?”

  She looked straight ahead.

  “You really want to know?”

  “Yes. Enlighten me.”

  “I’m thinking about how you are never home.”

  Robert snorted.

  “And when you are home, you either ignore me or get annoyed with me. You’re always yelling. And your idea of sex is a blow job. It makes me...” she trailed off with a sigh, she couldn’t say the rest.

  Robert was fuming. How dare she?

  “You’re so ungrateful Lilly. You go shopping and take all these New Age bullshit classes and god knows what else, while I work long hours at a stressful fucking job. When I get home I want some peace, not more drama. I get enough misery at work.”

  “You’re an asshole.”

  “Oh, real nice.”

  And with that, they had arrived.

  It was the smallest spa either of them had ever seen. It looked just like a simple Spanish style house, popular in this area of southern Florida. Robert rang the bell at the desk and an attractive woman in her forties in a green tie dyed low cut sundress greeted them with a generous smile. She had long manicured nails, red lips and hair, and a large gaudy emerald hanging from a silver pendant.

  Lilly noticed Robert’s eyes drifting and lingering down to the area between the pendant and the dress.

  “She probably drinks health juices all day and gets chemical peels and caviar rubbed all over her face,” thought Lilly, becoming self-conscious about her pores and the bags under her eyes.

  “Welcome! Heather at your service. Here at The Green Lotus we offer all organic plant-based treatments, developed and perfected on location. We specialize in youth serums and stress relievers. After all, stress is the number one cause of death.”

  Robert forced a relaxed smile.

  “Wonderful. I’m Robert and this is Lilly. Her idea.”

  Lilly smiled shyly, and said, “I read on your site, how you specialize in couples.”

  The woman beamed.

  “We sure do, and I assure you, no one leaves here unsatisfied. Here are our menus,” she continued, handing each of them one. “Sit down and take a look and I will fetch you some free samples of our newest rejuvenating health tonics.”

  Lilly and Robert sat down, each on their own green velvet armchair. Lilly could smell a mix of lemongrass, mint, green tea and sage incense filling the air. Green pillar candles burned on end tables and on the windowsills.

  “Neat place, huh?” said Lilly.

  Robert just shook his head and tried to focus on his menu.

  There were not a huge amount of choices, and the Mud Bath at the end of the session was not optional. Robert felt like he was at an overpriced Sushi restaurant. There were certain items that sounded extremely unappealing, like Slug Detoxifier and Anal Flush. Finally, Robert decided he would play it safe and just get the full body massage and Lilly chose the Floral Chakra cleansing. They would meet up afterward at the couple’s Mud Bath.

  Heather returned, flanked by two other women. One had a short, dark bob with bangs and the other had long flowing wavy blonde hair down to her waist. They all wore the same shade of blood red lipstick. They wore white dresses with Green Lotus embroidered in green on their breast pockets. They were each holding a very dark green drink in a small paper cup. The brunette walked toward Lilly, and the blonde toward Robert.

  “Just one big gulp, like it’s a shot of Tequila,” said Heather.

  “Wow,” said Robert, after swigging his down. “That’s actually pretty good.”

  “I know. I made it myself from the plants in our Green Lotus garden.”

  “Oh, I love gardens!” said Lilly. “Can we see it?”

  Robert rolled his eyes.

  “Of course! After the mud bath. We have over two hundred exotic plants from all over the world.”

  “Wow,” said Lilly, wide-eyed.

  Robert glared at her. “Not too long, I have to catch up on work tonight.”

  Lilly cast her eyes down, frustrated that he couldn’t enjoy himself even for a minute.

  “Forget about work,” said Heather, “this is a relaxation space. It’s time to forget everything. Follow my assistants and let us work our magic.”

  Lilly followed the brunette and Robert followed the blonde in opposite directions.

  The brunette walked Lilly into a small room filled top to bottom with the most strange and unusual flowers Lilly had ever seen. They were massive and tropical, thick and rubbery. The colors were deep and brilliant. The ceiling was covered in long strands of hanging ivy that emitted a soft green glow.

  The brunette led Lilly to a corner of the room marked off with a bamboo shoji screen. She smiled, bowed, and said, “If you could remove your clothes we can begin.”

  Lilly stood aghast.

  “It is necessary for the treatment. The plants will heal your blocked Chakras. They need direct contact with your skin for the full therapeutic properties to take effect.”

  Lilly walked behind the screen reluctantly and took off her clothes.

  Once naked, Lilly laid down on her back on the green velvet bed in the center. The brunette laid out seven glass bowls in a row beside her. Then she clipped flowers from all corners of the room. The bowls glowed with the color of each flower as soon as the flower hit the water. Once all the bowls were filled, the brunette began laying the flowers upon Lilly’s body, beginning with a giant red flower placed upon her crotch. Lilly squirmed, but the brunette smiled and continued.

  As soon as the flower touched Lilly’s skin, she felt a surge of warmth flood through it, deep into her body.

  “These flowers will open up your Chakras, so that your energy flows more smoothly,” explained the brunette, when Lilly looked a
t her, startled and embarrassed. “What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Focus on the colors. See the color of the flower in your mind’s eye. The brighter you can see it the stronger the energy of the flower can penetrate your Chakra.”

  Lilly nodded and tried to relax and focus on the colors.

  Next came an orange leafy flower upon her abdomen. A bright yellow flower that was like a sunflower but with thick rubbery petals was placed on her midsection. When the brunette placed a green spiky flower upon her chest, Lilly felt a sharp stabbing pain. She gasped and tried to sit up, but the brunette held her down gently. “It is most crucial to not interrupt mid treatment. If you have any sacral blockages, they can cause serious complications down the line.”

  Lilly began coughing and could not stop. The brunette held a bucket next to her head and held Lilly’s hair back as she threw up her tuna salad lunch.

  “It’s all a part of the purification process,” said the brunette, “When we are done, your heart will speak its truth.”

  ***

  Lilly and Robert met in the mud room. They were wearing matching white fluffy terry cloth robes with the same Green Lotus embroidery on the breast pocket. Lilly felt queasy and angry. Robert was even more annoyed after having crushed flowers rubbed all over his body. He felt queasy too. All his rage had been bouncing up to the surface the more the flower juices seeped into his skin.

  They hung their robes up on pegs and got into the mud bath side by side. There was just enough room for them to lay their arms straight and not quite touch. The greenish mud at first was completely still, but then it began to bubble. Lilly and Robert sank into it expecting relaxation, but instead, they felt worse with each passing moment.

  Lilly tried to force her unhappy thoughts out of her mind, but they kept rushing back up, making her feel nauseous all over again. Her stomach was cramping up and her heart was racing. She tried to dismiss the sensations and focus on the cool mud against her skin, but they came back, with greater and greater force until she just blurted it out, “I just can’t keep on lying to you. I feel like I am going throw up if I don’t say it. I slept with Dave.”

  She was turning slightly green.

  “What the fuck?!”

  “I fucked Dave. I’ve fucked a lot guys. I can’t keep quiet anymore. One more second and I’d burst.”

  “You fucking whore. I knew it.” Robert punched the mud. “I’m gonna kill him, after I kill you, you lying cunt!” he roared, reaching out to wrap his fingers around her neck. He had hit her before, but never strangled her. He squeezed tighter and the veins in arms and neck bulged with rage, but the rage quickly turned into horror when he noticed that his hands were bubbling and turning green, just like the mud.

  “Fuck! It burns, oooh it burns!” he screamed, letting go of her neck.

  Lilly screamed. Her legs felt like they were turning soft like boiled noodles and there was a creepy crawly feeling in her bones, like tiny insects scurrying around inside.

  They tried to claw off the mud as they thrashed and splashed.

  But they could not escape or stop the change.

  Heather and her two assistants walked into the room and stared calmly at the pair thrashing and dissolving in the mud.

  “Great work, you two! said Heather. “Finish them up and meet me in the garden.”

  The brunette and the blonde put on big white rubber gloves and walked slowly toward the screaming, struggling couple.

  ***

  They came to, in total darkness, awoken by a steady light rain falling upon their heads.

  “Robert? Are you there?” asked Lilly.

  Robert grunted.

  “I can’t move my legs!” whispered Lilly in a panic. “Can you?”

  Robert tried, but he couldn’t even feel his legs, let alone move them. “No. Those crazy bitches probably drugged us.”

  “Robert, I’m really scared,” she said, starting to cry.

  “This is all your fucking fault.”

  “Fuck you!”

  “I wish I never met you.”

  “Me too!”

  A familiar voice emerged from the darkness. “Still squabbling, I see.”

  Two familiar giggles followed.

  “What the fuck have you crazy cunts drugged us with? I’m going to sue the shit out of you!” yelled Robert, trying to move his legs and failing once again.

  “Welcome to my garden!” exclaimed Heather, switching on the lights.

  Robert and Lilly were surrounded by hundreds of couples intertwined together in endless tortured poses, moaning in despair. Vines and branches were growing out of their bodies, sprouting strange flowers and abnormal meaty fruits, dripping with sordid juices.

  Lilly and Robert looked down at their own bodies. From the waist down they were buried in the earth. Their skin had turned green and smooth and their backs were stuck together. They tried to break away from each other, but each pull caused them both unbearable pain. Branches grew out of their fingers and shot right through one another’s arms as they dug their nails into each other in a frantic effort to push the other one away.

  They screamed and stared at themselves in horror as parts of their bodies began blooming into massive purplish flowers and fruits that dripped with strange white milk at their centers.

  “Heather! They look like they’re ready for clipping!” said the blonde.

  “Fast bloomers, I see! Well, get cracking, girls. Time to pick some new flowers,” said Heather.

  The blonde and the brunette approached the bush that was now Lilly and Robert. The blonde walked over to Robert and the brunette to Lilly.

  “Beautiful buds,” the brunette said playfully, while reaching for Lilly’s budding breasts. Two purple flowers were growing out of her nipples. Lilly tried to cover her chest, but her arms were already fully entangled with Robert’s. She saw the shiny silver clippers getting closer and closer; her eyes bald with terror.

  Lilly screamed as a thick white milk spurted from the incision instead of blood. The pain was excruciating, shooting and pin-balling from nerve to nerve throughout her entire body. The brunette clipped the other one and another fresh wave of pain washed over her, surpassing the first.

  “Don’t worry, they’ll grow back in no time,” the brunette whispered softly in her ear.

  The brunette handed the flowers to Heather, who grabbed them and devoured them ravenously, the milk dripping down her blood red lips. Moments after swallowing the purple flowers, years faded from her face. Her eyes brightened and widened. Her lips bloomed into a juicy pout. Her checks flushed crimson with blood and life.

  “You see, my flower children,” said Heather, walking up to them, “the mud you bathed in is the fountain of youth. The fruits of your flesh will keep me young forever.”

  The blonde and the brunette continued clipping, and each time they cut a flower or a fruit it felt like they were chopping off Lilly and Roberts limbs—their throbbing stumps bleeding milk, as the unhappy couple wailed and writhed in torment.

  “At least you’ll always be together now,” Heather said with a smile.

  EVA OF OZ

  I watched the funny pictures today. They did not cheer me. I am sad and lonely though I have many adorable dogs as well as beautiful ladies in waiting who serve my every need. I am always busy with lovely lunch dates in my palatial gardens, movie openings, galas, fashion shows, and even circuses and carnivals designed specifically for my pleasure. When I want to see freaks, they bring me freaks. They design them just for me in the royal lab, based on what they see in my dreams. This world is my every desire made flesh, and yet the empty feeling grows.

  My magic mirror guides me in my Queenly decisions and every day I ask:

  “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”

  Every day the mirror answers:

  “Eva, you are the fairest Aryan of Oz. You are my Valkyrie, my dumpling, my Queen.”

  I laugh and blush and mein Fuhrer smiles impishly at me and then he adv
ises me on the business of the day.

  I try hard to make Oz a happy place. That is why I have mandatory plastic surgery laws. No one can be ugly here because then people would be sad to see the ugly people and they would treat the ugly people bad and then the ugly people would feel even more sad and this is a happy place.

  My favorite movies are animated cartoons. They are innocent and beautiful. My kingdom is a paradise and it is hidden from the ugly world. Everyone gets surgery at the age of 16, so that they can be their favorite cartoon character. With their parent’s permission they can even get it when they are younger.

  Children watch television all day at school so that the cartoons will become real for them and they will know which character to pick when the time comes. We market the toys to them in this manner as well. We have theme parks where the children get to meet the real characters that they have come to love. It creates priceless memories that get stored in the giant computer’s memory banks that are wired into the brain of mein Fuhrer because he is our Father and he knows what is best for us.

  My magic mirror guides me in ruling this land. I would be lost without it. When mein Fuhrer died he did not really die. They were able to salvage his brain and they wired it up to the computer network. The mirror is how I communicate with him and love him. This is how he rules with me over this beautiful land he gave me as a wedding gift. It is my playground and all my wishes are made real.

  ***

  “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”

  “Eva, you are not the fairest Aryan of Oz. There is one more beautiful than thee.”

  I cannot believe my ears! “What did you say, mein Fuhrer? I must have misheard.”

  “Eva, my darling, you are my dumpling, my Queen, but there is yet a fairer Aryan maiden in this Land of Oz.”

  ‘”Is it this head? I knew this Paris Hilton head was a dud! She has a hideous nose,” I shriek as I start to unscrew the awful heiresses’s head.

  “It is not Paris Hilton, my dumpling. Paris suits you fine and she is wonderfully Aryan.”