by Jamie Summer
I got up and dragged myself over to the coffee machine. I needed some caffeine. As the liquid finished pouring into my plastic cup, I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
“Excuse me… Ms. Cavanagh?”
I turned and saw the nurse from the reception desk smiling at me.
“We’re done with the preliminary exam on Mr. Holwell and have put him in ICU. Considering the severity of his burns, we felt it better to watch him carefully for a night before transferring him over to a regular room. If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you the way.”
If he was in ICU, did that mean his injuries were worse than they anticipated? Or was it honestly just a precaution?
Before I could ask, the nurse walked off. I followed her through the sliding doors and we headed along the long corridor, making a few turns. I lost my sense of direction after the first one, so I was glad I had a nurse with me.
The ICU appeared in front of us. When she punched in a code, the frosted glass doors opened, revealing several rooms, all of them shielded with a wall. The upper half was just a thin sheet you were able to see through, while the bottom half was a solid wall. The nurse stopped at room number nine.
“He’s asleep. We gave him a sedative. I can only give you five minutes, though.” Nodding, I stepped inside.
The constant beeping reminded me where I was, and I took a deep breath before I glanced up to where Nathan lay in his hospital bed. The sight made me gasp. He looked beaten, bruises and red blisters covering every inch of his beautiful face. There was a tube in his throat, as well as several needles in his veins that lead to IV bags hanging next to his bed.
“I thought he was okay,” I said more to myself than anyone in particular.
The nurse put her hand on my shoulder. “It looks worse than it is,” she assured me, but her attempt at comfort only made me worry even more.
“He needs help breathing. How is that supposed to look worse than it is?” My voice rose with every word. Judging from the stern look the nurse gave me, I knew getting loud wasn’t going to help the situation. “I’m sorry.”
“I know it looks bad, but the tube will be out soon enough. This is merely to help him get stronger.” Her words didn’t do wonders for my mind, but I told myself that Nathan was alive and safe. That was all that mattered.
“Thank you,” I whispered. She nodded, telling me she’d be back to get me once my time with him was over.
After she closed the door behind her, I walked to the chair at the side of the bed and sat down. I reached out and grasped his hand. It felt cold. I wished there were something I could do to help him, make him feel better.
The way he lay there, unmoving, so unlike the vibrant person I knew him to be, was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. The one thing going through my mind was the fact I was the reason he was hurt in the first place. Me and my stupid notebook. I had been so adamant about needing that thing, I was willing to sacrifice someone’s life for it. Stupid. Just stupid.
There was no use in dwelling on the past, I knew that, but it didn’t stop the guilt from crushing me.
“Ma’am, it’s time.”
I turned to look at her. “But it’s only been a minute since you left.”
She smiled at me. “It’s actually been ten minutes. You can come back tomorrow. I promise, we’ll watch out for him.” There was a long pause. “If you want to, you can leave your number at the reception desk and we’ll call you if there’s any new developments.”
I had a feeling she was offering me something she wasn’t allowed to. I wasn’t family, so me being in the ICU was probably breaking all kinds of rules. Calling me with any change in his condition was also likely against protocol, but I didn’t care. I wanted to know when he woke up.
“Thank you.” I faced Nathan and squeezed his hand. “I’ll be back.” I bent down to give him a soft kiss on his cheek. With another squeeze of his hand, I left the room and wandered the hall with a heavy heart.
Somehow, I felt as if I were leaving part of me with the person in that hospital bed.
Chapter Sixteen
The nurse had to talk to me for a good hour before I finally relented and left the building. I had argued I wanted to stay close in case he woke up or there was any change, but she assured me they would call, saying the sedative would make him sleep for a long while. It was five p.m. by the time I left and went back to the hotel.
I decided to walk in the rather warm night. It would take forty minutes, but it was exactly what I needed. Fresh air to clear my thoughts. I passed several pubs that tempted me. I wondered if a quick drink might make me relax before I went back to the emptiness of my hotel room. It wouldn’t hurt, right? Plus, I’d always wanted to try a Guinness, the beer everyone had to taste while in Dublin. I reminded myself I had a friend in the hospital. Getting drunk wouldn’t work well toward being there for him.
To enter or to go? It was a hard decision I battled with the whole way. Eventually, I decided to sit down at the hotel bar and have a drink there. It seemed like the safest option. I needed something to help me sleep. I was too wired to go upstairs and simply lay down.
The receptionist, the girl who was here when I arrived, gave me a warm smile as I entered. Once I asked her where the bar was located, she directed me to it. It was downstairs in a rebuilt wine cellar It wasn’t crowded, despite the hour, so I sat down at the bar. I didn’t mind the quiet at all. The solitude it provided was exactly what I needed right now. The bartender asked me what I wanted, and I ordered a Guinness. A few seconds later, the cold, dark beer was placed in front of me.
“First time here?” he asked with a grin.
I laughed. “Is it that easy to tell?”
“People who’ve been to Ireland before don’t usually order a Guinness. They get tired of it,” he explained while cleaning shot glasses.
“I’ve always wanted to try it.”
He nodded. “Everyone should, in my opinion. It’s a great beer. Drink up.”
I took a sip of the cold brew. It was bitter and heavy, but tasted good. My throat welcomed the ice-cold liquid.
“Do you like it?”
“I do.”
When he handed me a menu, I arched a brow at him.
“You look like you could use some food,” he explained. I wondered what he meant…until my stomach grumbled loud enough for everyone within ten feet to hear it.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I laughed.
When was the last time I’d actually laughed? I honestly couldn’t remember. Probably when Nathan and I were together. He had a way of making me laugh at the silliest things. It didn’t matter what it was. A smile played on my face at the conversations we had.
“Who put a smile on your face?”
I hadn’t realized the bartender hadn’t moved. I glanced up at him, seeing him smiling. “Nothing. Nobody.”
“Nobody looks good on you.”
He walked away and took an order from a guy who had just joined us at the bar. I shook off the thought of Nathan as I studied the menu in front of me. I already knew what I wanted, so it wasn’t really a hard choice. Any bar that served burgers was a good one in my book.
The bartender walked back over to me. “Decided?”
“Yeah. Can I have a bacon cheeseburger with fries, please?”
He nodded and vanished into what I assumed to be the kitchen due to the sound of pans banging. A few moments later, he was back.
“Should take about ten minutes,” he said.
I thanked him and took another sip from my beer. And another. The more sips I took, the more relaxed I felt. Without my even asking, a new one was soon set in front of me.
“Consider it a gift of the house.” The bartender smiled.
Will this niceness never end?
“Everybody has been unbelievably kind to me. I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve it,” I admitted.
The bartender put away the glass he was cleaning. “Were you one of the people caught in the fire ov
er at the other hotel?” I simply nodded. “Awful thing that happened. People always come together in the most difficult of times. We help each other out. I’d wager to guess you lost everything you had, right?”
I nodded. “And my friend… He…” I gulped down my beer so he wouldn’t see my tears. The alcohol was already making me slightly more emotional than I cared for.
“He’s the one they’ve been looking for?” I widened my eyes. “It’s all over the news. The police issued a statement about a person missing after the fire. They showed a picture of him on TV. Is that your friend?”
I didn’t answer right away because the lump in my throat wouldn’t let me. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I nodded. “Yes, that’s him.”
“They found him, though, right? That’s what they said earlier anyway.”
“I did, yeah. Someone left a note for me at the reception with a street on it. That’s where I found him.” I had no idea why I told him all that. Did the Guinness make me more talkative?
“Oh, I remember that.”
I sat up straight. “What do you mean?”
“I saw the guy who dropped it off. It was early morning. I’d been at the bar late and was just on my way out when I saw him hand one of the night porters a sheet of paper. To be honest, I didn’t think much of it. Thought it was a tip for something. Then he said to give it to a Ms. Cavanagh in the morning. That’s you, right?”
Eyes wide, I leaned forward on the bar. “What did he look like?”
The bartender glanced up at the ceiling, thinking. “Tall, broad shoulders, blond hair, and I think he had light eyes. The only reason I remember is because they shone in the moonlight. Hard to miss. He also had several red marks all over his face. To be quite honest, he looked a little scary.”
I stared at him, mouth open. I couldn’t speak. All I could think of was the blond hair and silver eyes of the guy I traveled with, the red blisters on his face when I found him. Everything about the description screamed Nathan. But how could he have dropped off that note himself, then be almost dead a few hours later? It didn’t make any sense.
“Are you okay, miss? You look a little pale.”
I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the bartender and the other patron in the bar stood there, watching me with worry in their eyes.
“Sorry… Yes, I’m okay. Just a little dizzy from the beer.”
I’m okay. I’m okay, I kept chanting in my head, hoping it would ring true.
“Do you want another?” the bartender asked and pointed to my empty glass. How did I finish the beer so quickly? I shook my head, knowing I had my fair share of alcohol for the night. “At least drink some water then.” I didn’t protest as he placed a glass of water in front of me, then brought over my food.
I dove in. Within minutes, my plate was empty.
“Wow, someone was hungry.”
“It was really good. And yes, I was,” I admitted and drank the rest of the water. I felt a lot better than ten minutes ago. Food indeed helped with the overall sensation of the body.
I didn’t ask about the mysterious man again. I didn’t dare. I was afraid any memory the bartender had would make me think about Nathan even more. And that was ridiculous. There was no way the Nathan I’d found would’ve been able to walk up to this hotel and hand a note to the porter. Not a chance. His injuries were far too severe for that.
I took a look at the clock above the bar, realizing it was after twelve. The day had completely flown by, which meant it was time for a good night’s sleep. Something I was positive I wouldn’t have. Not with everything my mind was still trying to figure out.
“Thank you for everything,” I said to the bartender as I paid my bill.
“I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t say anything to offend you.”
I laughed. “Of course not. I’m thankful for what you told me.”
With a nod, he gave me one last smile and went over to a new patron who had called out to him.
With slow steps, I made my way to my room, one foot in front of the other. It was something that should’ve been ingrained in me from birth, but was suddenly very hard to do. My feet wouldn’t listen. I managed to make it through my door before they gave out. I fell to the floor, cursing my decision to drink two pints of beer on an empty stomach. Scrambling up, I stumbled through the bathroom door and caught the side of the toilet before it was too late.
This was going to be a long night.
I slept horribly. With the sick feeling in my stomach flaring up every so often, I couldn’t get the rest I needed. When it got worse in the morning, I decided to screw sleep, sat down with a glass of water, and stared out the window. The water helped slightly, but my whole body was lethargic. Moving was the last thing on my mind. The way to the bathroom alone equaled the climb of a mountain.
I was pathetic.
I called the reception at some point and asked them for some aspirin, and within a few minutes, a porter knocked on my door. He handed me two tablets and a new bottle of water, as if he were able to read my mind. I downed the pills, thanked him, and decided to try to sleep again, hoping it would cure me of the evil residing within me.
Next thing I knew, the sun shone through my curtains. The clock said ten a.m. Shocked, I sat up in bed, but the pounding of my head reminded me of the night I had.
I carefully stood, still a little wobbly after everything. I made it to the bathroom without falling and splashed some water in my face.
Nathan.
I stumbled over to the bedside table and grabbed my cell phone, checking for any missed calls. Nothing. I sighed, disappointment settling over me. Part of me knew I would’ve heard it ring, but there was still a ray of hope. It was small, but it was still there.
I got dressed. The aspirin must’ve helped because I wasn’t feeling terrible anymore…apart from a slight headache.
When my phone rang, I jumped, fumbling to answer it. “Hello?”
“Hello, this is Kirsty from the hospital. You wanted to know when the condition of Nathan Holwell changed, right?”
“Yes.” I sounded breathless.
“I wanted to let you know that he woke up a few minutes ago. The doctors are checking him over, but within the next hour or so, they will transfer him to one of the regular rooms. You’re free to visit him then. One of the nurses, Lina, will be waiting for you. She said she knows you.”
I remembered Lina’s kindness. A sliver of warmth filled my body at the thought of her being one of the people watching over Nathan while I wasn't there.
I still had time for breakfast, so I grabbed my hotel key and went downstairs, hoping my stomach was ready for at least a piece of toast. I needed something in me to face the day. The room was full, so I had a hard time finding an empty seat. One of the waiters saw me looking and pointed to a lone table in the corner. I made my way over and put my key down, claiming it as mine. I got a small version of my usual for breakfast—toast and assorted fruit—and sat back down. I was careful not to eat my food too fast, the lingering doubt about my stomach still very much at the forefront of my mind.
Once my plate was empty, I stayed seated a few minutes to see if my stomach was okay with everything before I made my way back upstairs. It didn’t take me longer than another ten minutes to finish getting ready, then I left the hotel.
Since there was still a little time before the hour was up, I decided to walk instead of using public transportation. Like the night before, I knew I needed fresh air. I passed by the same pubs I’d not gone in the evening before, seeing several people already waiting in line. Did they open that early?
It was shortly after eleven a.m. and there were many people out and about. The sun slowly started warming the cold temperatures. I loved the feel of it on my face. Maybe the weather was a herald of what the day would bring and everything would finally take a turn for the better. Nathan woke up and would be okay. That was a good start, right?
With a positive outlook, I reached t
he hospital forty minutes later. I told the receptionist who I was there to see and she told me that they had transferred Nathan to one of the regular floors. She gave me his floor number and said I’d get all the information I’d need from the nurses. Since the one who called told me Lina would be waiting, I wasn’t worried.
I took the elevator to the third floor. The moment the doors opened, I saw Lina running around. It looked like she was searching for something, so I hesitated before I approached her.
“Oh, Emlyn, there you are.” She seemed flustered and a little confused by my appearance, but tried to play it off. “You’re here. Great.” I got the feeling it was absolutely not great. I didn’t know Lina well, but I felt she was a little more nervous than she should be. “Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea?”
I shook my head. “I wanna see Nathan.” The moment her shoulders sagged, I knew something was terribly wrong.
“Emlyn…”
“What?” I barked, knowing I should’ve just asked her what was going on, but all I saw was the sorrowful expression on her face. It made me want to shake her until she told me what happened.
“There was a complication.”
“What kind of complication?” My voice had gone from strong and determined to weak and scared in a matter of seconds. “Where’s Nathan?” Fear gripped my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. My hands shook, my vision blurred. I felt Lina grasp my arm and pull me toward the chairs, gently pushing me into one.
“Take a deep breath, Emlyn,” she ordered. I vaguely noticed how her nervousness vanished, her nurse training kicking in. With soothing words, she tried to help me out of the panic attack I was clearly having. “Put your head between your legs and breathe deeply,” she instructed. I followed her directions. My vision came back, but the heavy feeling in my chest stayed.