by Jamie Summer
Nathan was a little taken aback, his eyes widening at my words. I didn’t care. I had no intention of letting him walk all over me another time.
“I know I did.”
And that was it. Before I could form a response through the haze of anger, he pulled me to a nearby cab.
“Merrion Hotel, please,” he told the driver. “And hurry.” I stared at him, unable to understand what game he was playing.
He turned to me. “I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you. But believe me when I say I wanna do a whole lot more with you than merely kiss. Kissing you won’t ever be enough. It never has and never will be.”
Before my mind could even try to figure out what that meant, his lips were back on mine. This time, he didn’t hold back. He didn’t wait for permission. He took what he considered his. He was claiming me. And, despite the anger warring inside me, I was perfectly content with letting him.
I barely registered the cab driver stopping at our hotel or passing the reception area on our way to Nathan’s room. All I could see, feel, taste, and smell was Nathan. He was around me, on me, inching closer and closer to taking every little piece of my heart.
I heard the door shut somewhere far off, but since Nathan started to open my jacket and push it off my shoulders, I couldn’t care less about unimportant things like that.
When we came to a stop in front of the bed, Nathan held my face in his hands. He looked at me for a moment, bringing our frantic pace to a stop. I had no idea what he saw in my expression because my actions weren’t my own at this point. They belonged to the man in front of me. I wanted to be with him in every way that mattered. I’d forgotten all about secret meetings, lies. My mind was consumed with being with him. The desire in his eyes was all I needed to see.
We didn’t talk. We were long past the point of talking. As he started placing little kisses all over my face, I closed my eyes and let myself fall even deeper in love with the man in front of me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice whispered it had been inevitable since the moment he stepped on the plane with me.
I should’ve seen it coming, should’ve seen the signs, but the heart wasn’t always open to what it desired most. It had the ability to keep its secrets wrapped up tightly until you had no choice but to follow it.
Within a few minutes, I had lost most of my clothes, a skilled Nathan managing to get me out of them faster than I thought possible. As I stood in my underwear, I had a moment of self-doubt and wanted to cross my arms in front of my body. I never thought of myself as an ugly person, but I’d also never been particularly proud of my body. There were lots of curves, and I knew that most men wouldn’t even give me a second glance.
Except Nathan.
The longing in his eyes made me feel wanted, made me feel worthy. He held my arms away from my body, keeping me from hiding behind anything. He tucked a strand of my dark hair behind my ear, kissing my cheek before looking at me.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered before picking me up and carrying me toward the bed. “Never try to hide who you are.”
He gently laid me down and followed, giving me a chance to watch him without hesitation. He wore a shirt and jeans…and I’d never seen anything so sexy. I leaned up on my elbows and waited. When he didn’t move, I gripped his shirt and carefully pulled it over his head, my hands touching his chest. It was as hard under my hands as I’d imagined it to be, and I leaned in to kiss the spot right above his heart. Not even the burn marks and faded scars from the fire could change the fact he was handsome.
Nathan shivered, and I felt a surge of power run through me. My hands moved all over his chest, committing every line of it to memory.
“Enough,” Nathan growled. I felt the tremor running through his body.
“I wasn’t finished yet,” I pouted.
He leaned down to kiss me. “But I was.” He grinned before pushing me onto the pillows. He kicked off his jeans, then climbed up my body.
“I should’ve done this a long time ago,” he whispered, raining kisses along my neck and chest, along the edges of my bra, my stomach, and all the way down my body. Heat surged through me and I felt myself moving against his kisses, urging him on. He chuckled and came up, planting one last kiss on my lips.
I’d never felt as treasured as I did in Nathan’s arms. He managed to make me lose all doubts and insecurities. He made me love everything I had come to hate about myself. I knew I was the only one he saw, the only one who mattered at that moment.
His hands moved along my body, stoking the fire inside me. My whole body ached for him in ways it hadn’t before. In ways I didn’t even know were possible.
Our bodies became as entangled as our lives had been these past days. I lost sight of where he ended and I began.
But I didn’t care.
All I cared about was the fact we worked together as one.
Chapter Nineteen
Rays of sunshine woke me. I opened my eyes, my heart rate speeding up. Something was wrong. This wasn’t my room.
The memories came back, the oncoming panic giving way to utter satisfaction. My whole body started to tingle, sore in all the right places. It had happened. It really had. I turned over and found the bed empty.
Fear quickly took over every part of my mind before disappointment settled in my stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have ever let it get that far. I knew he’d think better of it the next day. I knew—
Nathan strolled through the bathroom door, only wearing a towel. There were still a few droplets of water on him, and my fear was quickly replaced with want.
“Hi,” he greeted with a breathtaking smile, sitting down on the edge of my side of the bed.
My side? When exactly had it become my side?
“Hey,” I managed to reply, my throat dry due to the man sitting right next to me.
“Is everything okay?”
I’d already forgotten about my moment of panic, so I nodded. “Everything's fine. I simply wondered where you were.”
He bent down to plant a kiss on my lips. “Let me guess. You thought I’d reconsidered and ran off.” I didn’t answer, but was sure my expression said it all. “I wouldn’t have done that. I would’ve never let things get as far as they did if I’d thought of bailing right afterward.” The thought didn’t comfort me, and I had no idea why. “Emlyn, stop overthinking things.”
“I’m not. Just taking it all in as long as I can,” I admitted.
He pushed me back onto the bed, his body hovering over mine. “I told you. I’m not going anywhere. I meant it.”
His lips met mine, soon losing his towel in order to treasure my body the same way he had last night. I reveled in every touch, every kiss. He moved with utter precision as much as with wild need, always knowing how to drive me closer to the edge.
With every touch, I found myself falling more in love with him.
As we lay in bed later, tangled sheets between us, I looked at the clock and my eyes widened. We needed to get up in order to catch our flight back home.
We got dressed in a hurry, then I went to my own room to pack. Danny, another receptionist, had assured us everything in the room was ours for the taking. Miraculously, a travel bag had appeared in my closet. I stuffed everything into it, not wanting to waste any more time than necessary. I took a shower, all the while thinking about Nathan. I felt hesitant to believe him when he said he wasn’t going anywhere. Not after last time. Was he right? Did I overthink things?
As I stepped out of the bathroom, something was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something felt…off. I glanced around the room, trying to find anything out of place, but came up empty. So why did I feel as if someone had been in my room? I hadn’t heard anything, but there was something different in the air. A smell that hadn’t been there before. Almost like oil and asphalt. Something burned. Destruction and decay. I shuddered, trying to get my bearings. I didn’t need to fall back into panic mode now.
I walked over t
o the bed where I’d put my clothes and got dressed in a soft pair of blue jeans and a blue top. I grabbed the hoodie I’d selected, a piece of paper falling out of the sleeve.
I threw the hoodie back onto the bed and bent down to pick up the note. It could simply be a farewell card from the hotel, but something told me that wasn’t going to be the case.
I carefully opened the small piece of parchment. The edges were crumbled, reminding me too much of the other notes I had gotten. I lifted the paper and read the words written on it.
My mind tried to comprehend what I saw, while my body felt the familiar icy shiver run down its length. It was as if I were a mere spectator to my own actions. Separated from my mind. Saving my sanity from going back to the panicked state it had been in every time I got those notes.
I should’ve known.
I should’ve known they would never let me fly home and continue to live my life. After all, it was find him or die. Whom had I been kidding?
Give up and die…as promised. Think carefully about what your next move will be.
I took a deep breath, hoping to calm the racing of my heart, but it didn’t work. The direct threat of death was too much. My breathing became more ragged, and I noticed the familiar black spots along the edges of my vision. I sat down on the side of my bed, feeling all energy leave my body.
“Emlyn? Are you in there?” Nathan’s familiar voice came through the door, a surge of hope going through me. “Are you okay?” There was more urgency to his words. I got up and, on wobbly legs, walked over to the door. “Hey… What’s wrong?” he asked the moment he saw the expression on my face.
I glanced at the note on the bed. Nathan followed my gaze, then stalked over and picked it up, his eyes scanning the words that had shaken me to my bones.
“They can’t do that,” he whispered.
I sighed. “Of course they can. They told me as much when this whole thing started. I had just conveniently decided to forget about it.”
Nathan glanced up, the stormy silver of his eyes meeting my hazel ones.
“I won’t allow them. They can’t force you to do something you don’t want to.”
I knew he meant well, but somewhere in the back of his mind, I was sure he knew how useless his argument was.
“Nathan, they have tried to kill us on more than one occasion. They nearly succeeded in killing you. I won’t let that happen again. I won’t let them kill either of us. I can’t. Not when there’s something I can actually do to stop it.”
“Exactly. Even though you have done as you were told, they have tried to kill you. No matter what you’ve done, it’s never seemed to be enough. What if you moving forward won’t change a damn thing? What if you continuing only riles them up even more?” His voice got louder with every word leaving his lips, and I saw the frustrated look in his eyes. He had a point. A valid one.
“I can’t take that risk, Nathan. I’m sorry.”
“No. I’m not going to accept that. We’re gonna get on that airplane and we’re going to go home. End of story!” he shouted. I flinched, subconsciously moving away from him. The moment he realized it, he walked over, taking me in his arms. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want anything to happen to you, and if there’s something I can do to prevent it, you’d better believe I will try.”
I fell in love with him a little more that second, but it didn’t change the facts.
“I need to be out there looking for clues,” I told him. Funny how fast perspectives changed.
Then the idea hit me like a freight train.
“Nathan, what if the notes and the attempts on our lives were done by different people? What if someone wants us to find the keyholder, but someone else doesn’t?”
Nathan studied me, and I saw the wheels in his head turning. “You need to be with me on the airplane, Emlyn. Please. If you’re right and we’re fighting against two forces, the war was over for us before it even started. There’s no winning. I’ve listened to you this whole time and went along without any complaints, so I’m asking you to heed my advice just once.”
I arched a brow and studied the frown on his face, the tight line of his lips. Everything told me his mind was made up.
“What if they come after us? What if they try to kill us another time?”
“We’ll find a way out of it. We always have,” he assured me, and the faith he had was palpable.
If only I felt the same way. If only I could believe that the moment we got on that plane, everything would be fine and I could go back to living a happy life.
“Nathan—”
“No. Just this once, do it for me.”
I had no desire to continue my search. None at all. The only reason I considered it was the note on my bed. Was it worth the risk? Or was Nathan right? Could we fly home and simply ignore the warnings? It was an impossible choice to start with. An incredible risk to take. But I was so tired of all the threats, the attacks, everything. God, this whole thing was spinning me in all kinds of directions.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Nathan asked, incredulity clouding his voice.
“Yes. Let’s go home,” I told him, my decision final.
He picked me up and kissed me before I reconsidered. I hoped I’d made the right choice. That I hadn’t brought more danger to our doorstep.
“Let’s go home.”
The feeling of doom never left me, but Nathan tried his best to keep my mind occupied.
After checking our bags at the airport, we got some food, then sat down in the lounge area. As I munched on my breakfast bagel, something caught my eye. Nathan sat right in front of me, a wall of various paintings behind him. It was one painting in particular that made my blood freeze.
“Emlyn, what’s going on?” Nathan’s voice barely registered in my mind. My whole focus was on the painting behind him.
It couldn’t be.
There was no way.
“Emlyn, what’s wrong?” he asked, sounding panicked.
My eyes slowly moved back toward Nathan’s form in front of me.
“It’s her grave,” I whispered.
The way he glanced behind him and back at me made me think he had no idea what I was talking about. Then he leaned closer to the wall, looking at the grave painted in black.
“That’s the grave we’ve seen around Dublin,” he remarked.
“It’s her grave,” I repeated.
Nathan’s questioning glance met mine. “Who’s grave?” I didn’t answer. “Emlyn, who’s grave is this?” His silver eyes begged me to let him in on the secret I’d kept from him.
“My sister’s.”
All color drained from his face, his eyes widening. “Your sister’s?” he croaked out. I felt shame invade every cell of my body.
“My twin sister, Jess,” I told him in a quiet voice, avoiding looking directly at him. I didn’t need or want to see the pity, the sorrow on his face.
“Oh, Em. I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was for him to get the wrong impression of what happened. He deserved to know. After everything that happened and everything he had to endure, he deserved to know why I’d gone on this trip in the first place.
“I killed her.”
“Em—”
“I killed her. I should’ve been the one driving. I should’ve been the one behind the wheel, not her.” The story tumbled out of me. Nathan listened attentively as I told him what happened that night. The night that had branded me in so many ways. It felt different to relay the story to him than it did to Lina, but no less freeing. He needed to know. He deserved to know why I was willing to lay down my life.
After I finished, he didn’t say anything for a long while. Instead, he watched me carefully, then turned to glance at the grave and back at me.
“The accident wasn’t your fault. Jess was the one who decided to get behind the wheel. Jess was the one who decided she was fit to drive. And neither one of you decided to have the truck hit you. It was
an unfortunate accident. I know it hurts more than I can imagine, yet it wasn’t due to anything you did. You were a victim, just like Jess. If she’s anything like you, I know the last thing she’d want is for you to risk your life for a possible chance of getting her back. She wouldn’t want you to do that. She’d want you to live your life to the fullest.”
I stared at him, unable to form any words that would make sense. The raw pain that had been set loose in my heart took over every cell of my body. It hurt. It hurt like crazy. The images in my mind, the ones that assaulted me in my dreams time and time again, were like a horror movie I couldn’t stop watching. I felt Nathan take my hands, his warmth enveloping me in a cocoon I didn’t want to leave.
“It’s not your fault,” he whispered. Tears flowed down my cheeks, hitting the table in rapid succession.
“Why her grave?” I asked after an eternity, my eyes meeting Nathan’s through the haze I fought against. I couldn’t say why I hadn’t realized the meaning of the grave beforehand, but maybe my talk with Lina brought Jess back to the forefront of my mind. A place she hadn’t been in for a while because I hadn’t allowed her there.
“I have no idea. Are you sure it’s hers?” he asked. While I knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way, I couldn’t help the anger in my voice.
“Of course I’m sure.”
I should’ve told him that, even though I remembered exactly what it looked like, I’d only ever been to see it once. At the funeral. I couldn’t bear to go back and visit the grave of my own twin. My other half. The better half. There was too much pain, too many emotions involved.
“What do you think it means?” Nathan wanted to know. I racked my brain for an answer. Anything to focus on other than the hurtful past.
“If the graves we’ve seen were supposed to be my sister’s, maybe that was the clue. Maybe that’s where we need to go to next,” I suggested.
Nathan shook his head. “No. We said we were done, and I’m not going back on that word. We wanted to go home and live our lives. No more keyholder, no more quest.”
I sighed. He was right. Yet…