Feral swine make their home all over this area. Farmers consider them pests and regularly hunt them. Frederico and I occasionally encounter them on our trail runs around Lake Sonoma.
They’re notoriously bad-tempered, especially in the spring when they have babies. The general rule of thumb is to hide behind a tree and wait for them to pass. Frederico will occasionally clap his hands and make loud noises to startle them, but I prefer to lie low and give them space. Occasionally, feral pigs will attack and kill a hunter or unwary hiker. It happens often enough to give me a healthy dose of respect for the animals.
And now we’re in their den. They’re getting closer, snorting and rooting around in the brambles.
“We gotta move,” I hiss to Frederico.
I wriggle forward as fast as I can, moving away from the pigs. As luck would have it, the path narrows to a tunnel too small for us to pass through.
“Back up,” I hiss frantically. “Dead end.”
He moves, body scraping against the dirt. I lever my elbows against the ground, pushing myself backward. Trying to see behind me is difficult; I constantly crane my neck, attempting to see even as I try to avoid the blackberry thorns.
“Over here.” Frederico tugs on my ankle.
I follow the touch of his hand, backing into a small, round burrow. Frederico is backed up all the way into the brambles. I’m forced to spoon with him. He smells like a man who’s run over thirty miles. Not that I smell any better.
“They’re getting closer,” I hiss.
“Just make yourself look nonthreatening,” he replies.
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Just—I don’t know—don’t make eye contact.”
I curl into a tight ball, hiding my face behind my arms. As if that will save me if the pigs find us and decide they don’t like us. With one eye, I peek out between my forearms.
A lone pig snuffles into view. He’s russet brown with white stripes down his side. He noses the ground, scratching at it with his hoof and chewing on something; probably worms or insects. Pigs eat everything.
I barely dare to breathe as I watch the animal through my forearms. He’s joined by another pig. They scratch at the ground and munch at low-hanging berries.
Over the next few minutes, another dozen or so appear, snorting and grunting as they forage for food. My tongue, dry with fear, welds itself to the roof of my mouth.
One gets close to me and sniffs. I clench both hands into fists, ready to attack. Frederico squeezes my shoulder in warning. I forcibly relax my hands, biting my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.
The pig gets so close I feel his exhalations against my skin.
This is it. It’s the zombie apocalypse and I’m going to meet my end by a sounder of pigs. They’re going to trample us to death in this fucking blackberry briar.
The pig leans in close, closer—then snorts, lays his ears back, and abruptly retreats. He trots away, disappearing around a corner.
The rest of the animals cruise by without sparing us a second glance. Then, as quickly as they had come, they’re gone. All the pigs, every last one of them. Snorting and rooting at the ground, they disappear in a snuffle of sound.
Frederico nudges me in the back with his elbow. “Good job,” he says. “It was your BO that scared him off.”
I let out ragged, hoarse whisper of a laugh. “Fuck you. It was your BO. I smell like a fucking daisy patch.”
He chuckles lightly. I crawl out of our small burrow, peering down the way the pigs went. In their wake is a swath of churned soil.
“Frederico.” I glance over my shoulder at him. “Our four-legged friends left a trail of breadcrumbs.”
Thirty minutes later, after following the messy foraging of the sounder, we emerge into the sunlight. I flop onto my back, staring up at the blue sky and sucking in deep breaths.
“I am now officially claustrophobic,” I say.
“I don’t think I’ll ever eat another blackberry again.” Frederico sits back on his heels, surveying the land around us. “We’re on the northern edge of the briar. I can barely see the roof of the house, which means those sickos won’t be able to see us.” He gives me a relieved grin.
“Good.” I roll over and climb to my feet. I hold out my arms, surveying the dozens of cuts covering the skin. Frederico looks at his own arms.
“How long before the poison oak kicks in?” I’m not looking forward to itchy sores coupling with the cuts.
Frederico shrugs. “With all the time spent in the dirt, we may have gotten rid of most of the oil. Only time will tell.”
I decide not to launch into a speech about my intense dislike of poison oak. It would serve no purpose right now.
“Daylight is burning, old man,” I say. “Let’s get going.”
“Slave driver.” He companionably gets to his feet.
We set off at a trot, heading north and skirting the old vineyard. To our left is open pasture land, a large swath cut by the truck when it drove through earlier. Luckily there is no sign of it now.
“That way.” Frederico points. “I can see the pasture fence. We need to get off this property and back onto the tracks.”
I nod, wordlessly veering toward the fence. We arch around the old vineyard.
A few vultures make lazy circles above the grapevines. I draw to a halt, my stomach knotting at the sight of them.
Stout.
Frederico stops beside me, following my gaze.
“Come on, Jackalope,” he says gently. “We can’t do anything for her now.”
“We should bury her. Or at least, check and make sure she’s really gone. What if they shot her and she’s still alive? And in pain?” My throat tightens.
“She’s gone, Kate. Make her death mean something.”
I hesitate, then nod. I wipe at my eyes, determined not to break down again.
I feel like a complete shit. An ungrateful shit who turns her back on a friend.
But I do turn. Yielding to Frederico’s gentle advice, I look away from the circling vultures.
“You know the worst thing about all this?” I gesture back in Stout’s general direction.
“What?”
“Human beings were shitty even before the apocalypse.”
Chapter 26
Regrets
It doesn’t take us long to find a breach in the pasture fence. A bit of eroded earth creates a gap just large enough for us to shimmy under.
It’s nearly seven o’clock. The sun sinks in the sky, sending long fingers of shadows across the land. We’ve been on the move for nine hours, and we haven’t even hit mile forty yet.
We lost at least two hours in the house and blackberry briar. Not to mention the time we wasted in Cloverdale trying to get a car, and the time in Hopland at Ace Hardware.
“It’s going to be dark soon,” I say, seeing the shadows thicken around us.
“Headlamps,” Frederico says.
I nod. We rummage in our packs, pulling out the headlamps. They’re stretchy bands of elastic designed to be worn around the head with a bright light mounted on the front. I slide mine on, snugging it down so that the lamp rests on my forehead. Frederico does the same. We click them on, sending out bright beams of light.
Then we’re back on the tracks, the two of us running north. As the day darkens, we’re forced to trade speed for caution, and our pace slows.
The tracks cross over a small, one-lane country road. Nailed to a tree is a wooden sign painted with the word Strawberries. Too bad it’s too early in the season for there to be any fruit in the field.
“If I get eaten in the next thirty minutes, I’m going to regret never asking Marguerite out for coffee,” Frederico says.
“Who’s Marguerite?” I keep my eyes on the tracks as we jog along.
“A pretty redhead I see every Thursday night at my AA meeting.”
“Have you ever talked to her?”
“All the time. Every week, actually. She always brings some so
rt of sweet to the meetings. The strawberry patch made me think of her. She made chocolate-covered strawberries last week.”
“Did you eat any?”
“Three. Best goddamn things I’ve ever had.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Of course. I always tell her I like her food. It’s an excuse to talk to her . . . I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask her out for two years.”
I laugh sympathetically. “Why don’t you just ask?”
“She’s barely fifty. Too pretty for me. I know how I look. I’m a grizzled old man. I abused this body for more than half my life, and it shows.”
“That’s a stupid excuse. If she’s too shallow to see past your exterior, she’s not worth your time.”
He grunts. “My idea of a great first date is a twenty-five-mile run around Lake Sonoma. I don’t do dinners and movies. Too awkward. She deserves a man who will take her out. I’m just not that guy.”
“You could have taken her to Lake Sonoma without asking her to run twenty-five miles, Frederico. Why didn’t you ask her to go for a hike? Or a picnic? Better yet, how about a hike and a picnic?”
He’s silent for a few minutes. “I never thought of that.”
“You should have consulted me before the zombie apocalypse.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You’re an idiot, Frederico.”
“Can’t argue with that.”
On we run, the land around us succumbing to darkness. Insects whir to life, filling the air with soft background noise—sounds that bring the illusion of a normal, pre-apocalyptic world.
At mile thirty-six, Frederico asks, “What will you regret, if we get eaten in the next thirty minutes?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, though my mind immediately flashes to my son. We run a few more minutes in silence, my mind churning. Finally, I find my voice.
“If I get eaten in the next thirty minutes . . . I’m going to regret being the person I became when Kyle died.” I swallow against the lump in my throat. “I was a really shitty mom to Carter.”
“Bullshit,” Frederico replies, his vehemence catching me by surprise.
“I went into a dark place when Kyle died. I should have been strong for Carter. Instead, he had to be strong for me.” The shame sits heavy on my shoulders. Even though Carter and I have a good relationship, I’ve never been able to shake free of the guilt. “I couldn’t function after I lost Kyle. All I did was sleep and cry. You remember what a mess I was.”
“You were grieving.”
“I was so fucked up. I couldn’t even drive Carter to school. He had to get up early and walk. He made a sandwich for me every morning and left it in the fridge so I’d have something to eat. I usually hid the sandwiches in the trash can. At night, he’d make microwave dinners for me and fret over me until I ate them.”
“Your son is a good kid.”
“Carter is good. He’s always been good. I should have been there for him. I should have been the one making him sandwiches and microwave dinners. I almost missed his high school graduation.”
Frederico nods. He’s too kind to rehash that dismal day.
*
I still remember the low anger that simmered in me when my son pulled open the bedroom curtains, nearly blinding me after days and days in self-imposed darkness.
“Hey, Mom,” he said, eyes alight with the same genuine kindness I’d always seen in his father’s. “Graduation starts in an hour. I picked out your clothes. Just jump in the shower and we’ll go, okay? Uncle Rico is here to drive us.”
There in front of me stood my handsome son, dressed in the suit we purchased the day his father died. His face, framed by a neatly trimmed beard, was so earnest. Shaggy brown hair framed eyes as blue as his father’s.
The suit looked perfect on him, the blue button-down shirt a perfect accent to his eyes. The sight of it made me want to vomit. That suit was the reason we weren’t home when Kyle slipped and hit his head. It was the reason we hadn’t been here to save him.
Sorrow felt like an anvil in my chest. I wanted to throw it at someone. I wanted to crush myself with it. I wanted the pain to stop.
“Just jump in the shower and we’ll go, okay? Mom?” Carter hovered in the doorway, not trusting me to get my ass in gear. “Mom?”
It was his uncertainty that gave me the kick in the ass I needed. The anger and grief disappeared in an avalanche of shame.
I was a fucking wreck. I hadn’t showered in days. I’d barely eaten in the past few weeks. I looked and smelled like hell. And my son didn’t trust me to get my act together. He didn’t trust me to be there for him, to witness this important rite of passage.
He’d already lost a father. He didn’t need to lose his mother, too.
I got up. I showered. I put on makeup to conceal the dark circles under my eyes. I even managed a fancy twist with my hair. In an effort to get my light-headedness under control, I scarfed half a bag of Ghirardelli chocolate chips while applying mascara and eyeliner.
Carter beamed at me when I exited the bedroom in the red dress he’d picked out. I don’t think he’d noticed I’d forgotten to brush my teeth.
Frederico had been too circumspect to tell me I looked like hell. Instead, he’d said, “You need to get back on the trail, Jackalope. The sunshine will do you some good.”
*
“Carter had to take care of me,” I say to Frederico. “It should have been the other way around. I was weak when I should have been strong.” I shake my head. “Carter deserves better.”
We run on, our feet light whispers against the rotting wood of the railroad. Our legs swish through the plants. That, coupled with our breathing, are the only sounds of our passage.
Mile thirty-seven.
“Maybe, if I can make it to Arcata—if I can get there in one piece without getting eaten—maybe Carter will know I’m strong,” I say. “Maybe he’ll know I can be there for him when the chips are down.”
“If you make it to Arcata,” Frederico says, “maybe you’ll forgive yourself. Carter isn’t the one holding resentments, Kate.”
I have nothing to say to that.
Mile thirty-eight.
The city of Ukiah glimmers in the distance. It’s the only thing that qualifies as a city in the next one hundred miles. The town is large enough to boast a Walmart, a Home Depot, and legalized marijuana.
“Fuck this.” Frederico comes to an abrupt halt. “I’m not going out with regrets. Give me your phone.”
“My phone?” I stare at him stupidly.
“I’m calling her.”
“Who?”
“Aleisha.”
I blink in surprise, then obediently dig out my phone. A quick glance shows me there’s no text from Carter. Ignoring the tinge of worry that slithers through my belly, I pass the phone to Frederico.
“How the hell do you use this fucking thing?” He swipes at the phone.
I wrestle it back from him. “Here.” I pull up the keypad, then pass it back.
Drawing a deep breath, Frederico dials. He looks like a wild man in my pink running shorts and polka-dot compression sleeves. Curls have come loose from his ponytail, framing his face in sweaty locks.
“Aleisha.” His voice is low and tinged with intense emotion. “It’s Dad. I want you to know . . . I want you to know I love you. I love you, and I’m sorry. Sorry for everything. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about all the crazy shit that’s going down. I want you to know that I’m on my way to you. I’ll be there soon. Stay safe.”
A shudder goes through him as he disconnects. “No answer,” he mutters, passing the phone back to me.
I stare at the phone, willing a text from Carter to appear. Nothing happens.
Just got 2 Ukiah, I type. See u soon. Stay safe.
When I look up, my eyes meet Frederico’s. I see my own worry and anxiety reflected back at me. Without another word, we continue on.
Chapter 27
Zombie Rollers
<
br /> The two-lane road stretches into a bona fide four-lane freeway as we near Ukiah. The railroad tracks run parallel to it. We switch off our headlamps and survey the scene before us.
At the south end of town, huge floodlights have been positioned on either side of the four-lane highway. They cast the dark road with blinding light. The faces of the soldiers are concealed by biohazard masks. We didn’t see those on the soldiers in Hopland.
A large white tent has been raised on the west side of the road. A blue square with a white silhouette of a bird and the letters CDC is painted on one side.
“The CDC is here?” I whisper. “Shouldn’t their efforts be focused in Portland?”
“Don’t know,” Frederico replies. “Maybe they’ve found something here worth studying.”
Not good. A desperate need to find Carter tightens my chest.
I pull out my phone. Still no text. My battery is two-thirds of the way gone. Despite this, I pull up the browser and type Ukiah CDC.
A minute later, my phone brings up a list of headlines that make my stomach churn.
OUTBREAKS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA. MILITARY DEPLOYED TO HALT SPREAD.
CDC BLOCKADE IN UKIAH AND EUREKA. MORE REPORTS OF OUTBREAK IN HUMBOLDT UNIVERSITY.
RESIDENTS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA URGED TO STAY INDOORS.
VIOLENT RESTAURANT ATTACK CONNECTED TO PORTLAND LONGSHOREMAN VISITING FAMILY IN UKIAH.
OUTBREAK AT FRAT PARTY IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA’S HUMBOLDT UNIVERSITY. MILITARY DEPLOYED TO PROTECT STUDENTS.
“Shit,” Frederico breathes, reading over my shoulder.
I close the browser and dial Carter’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. Tears of frustration well in my eyes.
“Kate.” Frederico puts a hand on my shoulder. “Keep your head in the race. Don’t fall apart on me now.”
I swallow and close my eyes, trying to quell the panic and despair inside of me. Carter!
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