“You say that like you plan on seeing her again.”
“Not a chance. We are definitely done.” His face paled. I’d never seen him look so nervous, not even during the whole Daniel Crocker mess. “But we were on a break, and I started seeing this other woman.”
I had a hard time picturing Joe with other women, so the jealousy that reared its ugly head caught me by surprise.
“I met her at a bar.” His hands began to rub the denim over his legs. “I drank a lot then.” He looked into my eyes. “I wasn’t happy, Rose. In fact, I was miserable, and I was looking for something to fill the hole in my heart. Anyway, I met Savannah, and there was something between us that felt deeper than with most of the women who paraded through my life when I was on a break from Hilary.”
I didn’t like how this was going.
“Savannah and I started seeing each other. She was in Little Rock going to law school at the University of Arkansas, and I’d graduated from law school a few years earlier, so we had that in common.” He swallowed.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the rest. I didn’t particularly care to know details about his former dating life.
“Hilary and I weren’t really done yet at the time. I couldn’t bring myself to cut my ties to her.” He ran his hand over his head. “Hilary came over late one night and begged me to come back. She had some hold on me then that I can’t describe. Savannah was better for me, but I was too stupid to see it, so I ended things with her and went back to Hilary.” Joe stared out the window, refusing to look at me.
“That’s not so bad,” I finally said.
“That’s not the bad part.” His voice cracked.
“Okay.” My stomach fell to my feet.
“Savannah didn’t take it well, and I have to admit that I didn’t handle the whole thing the way I should have. I was a coward. She started calling me, making excuses for me to come over to her place. I went the first few times. She told me I’d left some clothes and tools there. Then I’d show up, and she’d try to convince me that Hilary was stringing me along, that I needed to move on. With her.” He shook his head, his jaw clenching. “She was right, but I was too stupid to see it. I told her that she and I were over, and I asked her to quit calling me. I wasn’t very nice about it. In fact, I was downright mean. But she kept calling, and Hilary started to get pissed. And a pissed Hilary was something I tried to avoid at all costs.”
My breath was coming in short bursts. What if Joe decided to go back to Hilary now? Would I beg him to come back to me? Would he treat me like that?
He leaned back in the chair, still avoiding my gaze. “Savannah ran out of excuses, and she stopped calling for a while, but then one day she called to tell me that someone was following her, that she’d seen this person lurking outside her apartment. She said she was getting a lot of hang up calls too. She wanted to know what to do about it. I figured it was her way of trying to get me back. So I told her to call the police, which she did. But I hung out at the same bar as the guys in the Little Rock PD. I’d told them all about Savannah and how she’d been looking for excuses to get me over to her place. They checked it out and said they found nothing. Turns out she called them several times.”
I felt like I was going to throw up.
“One night Hilary and I had a fight over God knows what. She was still pissed and I was drinking, trying to make myself feel better, not that it ever did any good. It was late when Savannah called.” He swallowed again, his face pale and clammy. “She told me there were noises outside her apartment, and she wanted me to come over and check it out. I refused and told her to call the police. She said, ‘They never take me seriously. I need your help, Joe.’” He laughed, but it was an ugly sound. “I told her to leave me the hell alone and call 911. I found out later that she did. They came over and did a cursory check, then left.”
My hands were shaking. I knew that something bad was about to happen, and I was positive I didn’t want to know anymore, but there was no way to stop him.
He leaned forward again, wringing his hands. “She called me again, around three in the morning. I was in bed, and it took several rings for me to wake up and answer. Hilary was livid. I was about to hang up, but her breath was coming in short pants. ‘I think there’s someone in my apartment,’ she said. Something in her voice made me listen this time. So I told her I’d come over.
“Hilary told me not to bother coming back if I walked out the door. And I almost didn’t go, but somehow I knew that Savannah was in real trouble.” He grabbed the sides of his head. “I should have called 911 myself, but I was still kind of drunk and not thinking straight. I definitely shouldn’t have been driving.” He paused. “I ran into a ditch when I was a couple of blocks away and banged up my car pretty good. But I was still determined to check on Savannah. So I walked the rest of the way and when I got to her apartment, the front door was wide open.” Tears streamed down his face.
“Joe, you don’t have to tell me anymore.”
I put my hand on his knee, but he pushed it off and stood, turning his back to me. “Yes, I do. I need to tell you. I don’t want to hide it anymore.”
“Okay.”
He took several gulps of air. “When I went inside, I saw signs of a struggle, but I didn’t see Savannah. When I called her name, she didn’t answer.” His eyes sank closed “I found her in her bedroom. She was lying on her bed. She’d been repeatedly stabbed.” Joe’s voice broke. “She was still alive though, and she reached for me, whispering ‘I knew you’d come.’” Joe’s shoulders shook as he cried harder, his back still to me. “She’d expected me to come save her all along, and I’d ignored her. I had convinced the officers on patrol in her area that she was only trying to get attention. But she wasn’t, Rose. A guy from a coffee shop she went to had started stalking her.”
I knew I should do or say something, but I was too overcome with horror to react.
“I finally got my act together enough to call 911, but it was too late. She died before the ambulance showed up. She died holding my hand.” Joe’s head hung forward as he cried.
I watched him for several seconds, waiting to see if he was going to add more. “I don’t see how this involves Mason.” But as soon as I said the words, I knew. I sank back into the sofa cushions, squeezing my eyes shut as though to block out the horror playing out in my living room.
“Savannah was Mason’s sister.”
I started to cry.
“Mason was furious, and he blamed me for his sister’s death. I alternated between blaming and recusing myself. Hilary took me back, of course, but I decided I was done with her for good and moved out.”
“When did this all happen?”
“Last March.”
My mouth dropped in shock. “That recently?” It had been less than a year ago.
He nodded, still refusing to look at me.
Neely Kate had told me that Mason had come to Henryetta because something bad had happened to him, something that had been buried so deep even she couldn’t figure out what it was. It had to be part of this mess, but why would he hide his sister’s death? There had to be something else. “What happened to Mason?”
Joe’s head lifted. He turned toward me but still refused to look at me. “What do you mean?”
“Neely Kate said he was exiled here because of something he did in Little Rock. What did he do?”
“He beat the shit out of the guy who killed his sister.”
“Can anyone blame him for that?”
“He put the guy in a coma.”
This just got worse and worse.
“The DA was about to file assault charges against him, which was an embarrassment to the Little Rock prosecuting attorney’s office as well as his prominent family. My father used his political connections to get him out of it.”
“Why would he do that?”
For the first time, Joe looked at me, bitterness in his eyes. “Because I was such an embarrassment to my family. My father swept everything un
der the rug that he could reach with his political broom. Mason got out of the charges and moved to Henryetta. Only he was pretty bitter about it. He had a very promising career in Little Rock. Moving to Henryetta was the death of that.”
No wonder Mason had been so cranky when he first moved here.
“Do you have any questions?”
Did I? I wanted to know how long he’d dated Savannah, how serious they’d been. If he’d been cruel to her. But I also didn’t want to know any of those things. Part of me wished I didn’t know any of it. “No.”
He watched me, a variety of emotions playing across his face. “Say something.”
I bit my lip as tears burned my eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you hate me?”
I stood, then shook my head and threw my arms around his stiff shoulders. “I could never hate you, Joe.”
Some of the tension in his back faded.
“I’m sorry.”
His head lifted, incredulous. “Why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry you had to go through this.”
He shook his head, crying again. “I never wanted you to know, but I realized how wrong that was. If I didn’t tell you, our life together would be based on a lie. I’m a different man with you, Rose. When I’m Joe Simmons, I’m hard and jaded. But Joe McAllister is kinder and gentler. I want to be that man.”
“You are.” I kissed him softly, moving my hands up into his hair and holding his face close to mine. “I love you.”
He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop that nonsense, right now. You’re a good man.”
“You make me feel like I can be one.” His lips found mine and he clung to me, kissing me desperately, as though I might disappear, and he had to make every moment count. “That’s one of the reasons I want to quit the state police. My job makes me cynical. But I’m worried that moving to the sheriff’s department won’t be enough of a change.”
“You’re not cynical with me. You know I want you with me all the time. But I don’t expect you to quit your job either.”
He looked into my eyes, incredulous. “You still want me, even after everything I’ve told you?”
“You know I love you, Joe. My feelings aren’t that shallow.”
“If knowing what happened changed how you felt about me, it wouldn’t make you shallow, Rose. It would probably make you smart.”
Was that his plan? That he could make me send him away? “My love for you isn’t like a light switch I can turn off and on.”
He pushed me against the wall, his hands sliding under my shirt as his mouth claimed mine. He found the button on my jeans, unfastened it, then unzipped them and pushed them to the floor. I stepped out of them, and his hands cupped my butt, pulling me against him.
I twined my fingers into his short hair, surprised at his intensity. We had an active and healthy sex life, but Joe had never been this possessive before, and we always ended up in a bed. Clearly that was about to change. Joe tugged his own jeans down and kicked them off, then pushed me back against the wall, lifting me so my legs straddled his waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he claimed me then and there.
I felt wicked and wanton. Good girls didn’t have sex against a wall, but right or wrong, the way Joe wanted me so intensely made me want him even more.
Our libidos kicked into overdrive, and it didn’t take long until we leaned into each other, breathing heavily and feeling sated.
His face lifted and guilt was etched across his features.
I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him passionately. As he kissed me back, matching my eagerness, I knew our relationship had just crossed a threshold.
The threshold to what remained a mystery.
Chapter Eighteen
We took a shower together, touching each other as though we were never going to see each another again. We were usually playful after sex, but this time we were reverent. Joe hardly spoke, watching me with a seriousness that both scared me and turned me on.
After we dressed, we sat on my sofa, my legs draped across Joe’s lap. We didn’t speak, just held each other. I was worried about Joe going back to his assignment, but his news still swirled around in my head, all the pieces trying to sort themselves out. What he was thinking seemed obvious—he was scared I’d change my mind.
He reached up and caressed my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. “Since you haven’t kicked me out yet, there’s one more thing I’ve been worried to bring up.”
My heart pounded against my chest. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Okay.”
“My mother has demanded that I bring you to meet my family.”
“Oh.”
“I told you they keep pestering me about it, but they’ve become insistent. I think the best thing to do is to get it over with. If you’re willing.”
Meeting Joe’s family was the last thing I wanted to do, particularly given what little I knew about them, but Mason’s mother had been nice. Perhaps Joe’s family would surprise me. Besides, Joe put up with Violet on a regular basis. Meeting his family only seemed fair. “Okay.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, how bad can it be?”
His mouth pursed, and he didn’t answer.
Crappy doodles.
“When?”
He sighed. “As soon as possible. This case is moving along faster than expected, so I should finish this job in a day or two, and then I’ll have a few days off. Maybe we could go to El Dorado then. We’ll just go for dinner. Will that work with the nursery?”
That soon? I swallowed the fear lodged in my throat. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
I waited for him to say not to worry or they’ll love you, but nothing came. Only silence.
He closed his eyes and tightened his embrace. “I need to be leaving. I don’t want to go with us like this.”
“I know.” Our relationship felt like we were in a snow globe we’d just shaken and were waiting for the dust to settle to see where we ended up. We hadn’t landed yet.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know.”
He kissed me gently. “Thank you for still being here.”
“It’s my house, silly,” I tried to joke.
He didn’t smile. “You know what I mean.”
My smile fell. “I’ll be here when you come back. Take care of yourself. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”
He stood and pulled me to my feet. “You’re the one I’m worried about. Leave the investigating to the police. I mean it, Rose.”
“You know I don’t purposely look for this stuff.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“Okay, in this case it is. But the autopsy hasn’t even come back yet.”
“We both know those women were murdered. Stay away from their houses. Stay inside and lock your doors and windows.”
I snorted. “Like that does any good.”
He looked scared. “You’re right. I think you should go stay with Violet.”
I shook my head. “Why would anyone be after me? Whoever did this went after two old women. I’m fine. Anyway, I’ve got Muffy, my guard dog.”
Joe bent down and rubbed Muffy’s head. “Take good care of her for me—will you, girl?” His voice broke and he stood, pulling me to his chest. His arms tightened around me.
I committed this moment to memory as I clung to the only man I’d ever loved. We’d get through this and be stronger than ever. I had to believe that. “You better get goin’. You don’t want to be late.”
He nodded.
My truck was parked behind his car. I half-expected him to check it out, but he didn’t seem interested as he watched me back out onto the street. I gave him another hug and kiss next to his car door.
He handed me a business card. “I’m not readily available to you right now, and I don’t trust the Henryetta Police Department at all. If yo
u need help with anything, call this number. It’s my friend, Brian. He’s another state police detective, and he’ll help you.”
I had serious doubts a detective in Little Rock could help me if I needed it, but it seemed important to Joe. “Okay. Thanks.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know. Go already.”
He reluctantly climbed in his car and drove away, waving as he left.
When I went back inside, the expected wave of profound loneliness washed over me. How was I going to make it through another few days without him, wondering if he was safe? Wondering if Hilary was trying to get back with him. I shook my head. Thinking like that wouldn’t do any good.
My phone rang. I dug it out of my purse, thinking it might be Joe, but the caller ID told me it was Mason.
I sat down on the sofa and took a deep breath before answering. “Hey, Mason,” I said. “Did your mother head back to Little Rock?”
“Just a few minutes ago.”
After hearing about his secret, my heart ached for him. Within a few short months, he’d lost everything—his sister, his job, the future of his career. “Joe came to see me.” The heaviness in my words surely told him everything he needed to know.
“Is he still there?”
“He left a few minutes ago too.”
He was silent for a moment. “Can I come over? I know it seems presumptuous but—”
“Yes.” My voice broke. “Please.”
“I’ll be right there.”
I hung up and went into the kitchen, our lunch dishes still on the table. Tears blurred my eyes as I washed the plates and silverware and put them in the dish drainer. Now that Joe had left, everything he’d told me played in my head like a movie. Joe hadn’t meant for anything to happen to Savannah, and I knew with all my heart that he’d change everything in an instant if he could. But the fact remained that she was dead.
But even more disturbing to me was the way Hilary had manipulated Joe, and how he’d let her do it. She’d made no secret that she wanted him back now. Even though Joe insisted he wanted to be with me, could I be sure he’d stay? He and Hilary had known each other since childhood, and his family expected him to marry her. Was it safe to bet on our future?
Thirty and a Half Excuses Page 18