Thirty and a Half Excuses

by Denise Grover Swank

  “It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I don’t even own anything that dressy.” I glanced toward the door. “I bet they’re all in there laughing right now.” And I bet Hilary was having the biggest laugh of them all.

  “Rose,” he pleaded.

  “Why were you alone with Hilary?”

  “I wasn’t with her, Rose. I swear. I showed up to a room full of people and had to get away from everyone so I went to the garden.” His fingertips trailed along my cheek as his eyes searched mine. “I went out to my mother’s rose garden. Every time I see the roses I think of you.” His lips lowered to mine, and he gave me a soft kiss. “I love you, Rose. There’s only you.” He kissed me again, more insistent this time. “I was by the roses when Hilary showed up.” His head lifted. “She told me that she was happy for me.”

  I pushed him away. “Then why was she hanging on you?”

  “She wasn’t. We were walking in together, and she must have seen you and grabbed my arm. She’s trying to make you jealous. Don’t let her win. Please. You have to trust me.”

  Two days ago, I would have believed it all. But Joe’s confession had rocked the foundation of our relationship. I didn’t know if that was fair to him, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. “I walked into that room alone, Joe. I needed you. Why weren’t you there?”

  “I’m sorry, Rose. I didn’t realize it was so close to seven. I just needed to get away from everyone for a moment.”

  I understood his need. I felt it now myself.

  A knock on the door jolted me, and Joe turned around as the door opened. The butler stood in the doorway. “Mr. Simmons, your presence is immediately required.”

  Joe’s eyes sank closed. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

  I wanted nothing more than for this night to be over, but I’d promised Joe I’d come. Brushing past him, I walked to the doorway. “I don’t want to stand out more than I already do, and everyone will be looking if we’re late. Let’s go.”

  We walked to the dining room in silence, but Joe slipped his hand in mine. I clung to him despite my anger. I needed him to get through this. But when we entered the room, everyone was already seated. The only two empty chairs left were situated at opposite ends of the table.

  Joe’s hand tightened.

  His mother looked up with an icy smile. “Joe, you’re seated next to the Wilders and Rose, we have you with our dear old friends the Whitehills.”

  Joe stood still for several seconds, his body tense, as he and his mother engaged in a staring contest. “Mother, seeing how Rose is my guest, I would prefer to sit with her.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Joe. Everyone is already seated. We’re not going to shuffle our guests around like we’re playing musical chairs.” She shook her head condescendingly, narrowing her eyes at our clasped hands. Then she glanced up at my face. “Unless Rose feels so out of her element that she can’t handle dinner without you holding her hand.”

  Joe’s face reddened. All conversation in the room stopped, everyone’s focus entirely on Joe and me.

  I kept my gaze on Betsy. I knew what she was doing. Mason was right. People could only make me feel bad about myself if I let them. “Joe, it’s fine.”

  “No, Rose. It’s not.”

  I turned to him and forced a smile. “Don’t be silly. I’m fine.”

  Finally, Joe gently pulled me toward the empty chair at the left side of the table. He leaned into my ear. “I’m so sorry.”

  Joe pulled out the empty chair while everyone watched. I looked up into his face, hoping for reassurance, but what I found there was barely contained rage.

  “As soon as dinner is over, we’re out of here, okay?” he forced through clenched teeth.

  I nodded before I sat, my head pivoting to take in the people around me as I pushed down my panic. Betsy watched me with a saccharine smile.

  Joe walked around to the other side of the table, his body tense as he sat in the chair next to…Hilary.

  This just kept getting worse. I’d been so focused on where I was supposed to sit that I’d paid no attention to who was sitting at the opposite end of the table.

  Hilary glanced up at Joe with a bright smile, which she then turned toward me.

  I wished I had ten-foot-long legs so I could kick her.

  Dinner was awkward as I tried to figure out which fork and spoon to use with which course. The older couple next to me made a limited attempt at conversation out of politeness, but gave up as soon as they realized that I was from Henryetta and had worked in a DMV until a few months ago.

  When the roasted chicken breasts were served, Joe’s mother looked down at me. “So, Rose, Joe tells me that you own a nursery.”

  I tried to smile. “Yes, my sister and I opened it last week.”

  “In Henryetta.” I picked up on her condemning tone of voice.

  I lifted my chin, tired of these people looking down their noses at me. “Yes, in Henryetta.”

  “They’ve done a great job with it,” Joe added, his eyes on me, offering me support. “They took a rundown space and turned it into a thriving business in less than two months. They’d be a great model for your small business program, Dad.”

  Joe’s father didn’t look excited about the prospect. “Is your degree in horticulture or business?”

  I took a drink of my water to stall, and then set the glass onto the white tablecloth. “Neither.”

  “Where did you go to college?” Hilary asked, smiling so wide her whitened teeth nearly blinded me.

  Balling my hands in my lap, I leveled my gaze at her. “I went to Southern Arkansas University for a semester before my father died. Then I went home to take care of my mother.”

  Joe’s mother’s eyes hardened. “You don’t have a college degree?”

  “No, and I’ve managed just fine without it.”

  Joe looked tongue-tied.

  A few people coughed.

  “And what exactly do you mean by managed?” J.R. asked, his face hardening.

  Joe’s face reddened. “I don’t see what difference it makes what her definition of managed is.”

  The woman sitting on the other side of Joe put her hand on his forearm. She looked like an older version of Hilary. “It’s a fair question, Joe.”

  Joe started to get out of his seat.

  “Now, now,” Joe’s mother lifted her hands. “He’s right. We’re interrogating the poor girl.” Only she didn’t look very sorry when she gave me a condescending look of sympathy.

  Joe sat in his chair, watching me for some cue about what I wanted to do.

  “This is a happy night, we don’t want to mar it with poor manners,” Betsy continued. “J.R. and Joe have a special surprise announcement tonight.”

  Joe’s eyes flew open in surprise. He leaned into his mother’s ear, but she didn’t respond to whatever he said, intent on cutting up a piece of chicken.

  His gaze turned to me. I snuck a glance at the people around us. Would it be more humiliating to sit through the rest of this disaster or get up and leave? Sighing in defeat, I offered him a tiny smile of acceptance. I had promised to come for dinner, and I wasn’t going to break my promise. But after that, I never wanted to step foot in this house again.

  Joe’s shoulders slumped, and he barely touched the rest of his food throughout the rest of the meal, refusing to look at me. I tried to eat, but everything tasted like chalk dust. I would have given up, but Hilary kept flashing me her smile. She knew I was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to make her any happier about that than she already was.

  What was this big surprise, anyway? I could tell that Joe was caught as off-guard as I was. That scared me more than anything.

  Everyone else ignored me, not that I minded. I was done with pretending and wanted this dinner to end so Joe and I could leave.

  When dessert was over, Joe’s father stood, motioning to someone standing in the doorway. One of the catering staff handed out champagne flutes while another poured champa
gne into the glasses.

  J.R. raised his up, looking down at Joe. “As everyone knows, Mike Morgan was running unopposed in the state senate race, but he was forced to drop out due to health concerns.”

  I felt lightheaded. Mason’s prediction was coming true, and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it.

  J.R. lifted his glass up. “It is with the utmost pride that I announce that my son, Joe Simmons, is entering the race for the Arkansas state senate seat!”

  Joe’s lips pressed together and his eyes hardened as everyone clinked their glasses together shouting, “Cheers!”

  Hilary clinked hers with Joe’s, but he ignored her, glaring at his father.

  No one bothered to touch mine.

  “It’s already the end of September,” Joe’s father continued. “We only have a little over a month to get this campaign rolling, which means we need to take off running. We’ll get started first thing in the morning.”

  Betsy stood. “If everyone wants to adjourn into the living room, we can discuss business in there.”

  All the guests stood and left the room as Joe jumped up and headed toward me, livid. But J.R. grabbed Joe’s arm. He tried to jerk out of his father’s grasp, but then J.R. leaned into his ear. Joe’s face turned white, and his anger faded as he accompanied his father out of the room.

  What had J.R. said? I started to follow, but Betsy intercepted me, blocking my exit. “I hope tonight was a satisfactory demonstration of what your life as a senator’s wife would be like. I’m not sure how long you’d survive when you find it a struggle to answer the most mundane questions about your education and your breeding.”

  I finally found my tongue. “Breeding? Is being a senator’s wife akin to being a horse? Do I need to provide my pedigree papers?”

  She laughed, but the sound was brittle. “I can see Joe’s attraction to you. You’re a pretty little distraction from all his troubles over the past year. But it’s time for Joe to resume his family responsibility. He’s been groomed for this his entire life.”

  I shook my head. “Do you know if he even wants this?”

  Her gaze hardened. “Do you?”

  I didn’t.

  Her eyes glittered with victory at my hesitation, and she offered a smile. “Rose, this life isn’t for you. I’ve watched you tonight. You struggled with what silverware to use. You’re poor white trash, and you live in that cesspool Fenton County. It’s no wonder you feel out of place and discouraged around Joe’s family and friends.” Her voice lowered. “The sad truth is that you’ll never fit in here. You have your place, and Joe has his. The sooner everything gets back to the way it should be, the better off everyone will be.” She patted my cheek. “I’m sure a street-smart girl like you can figure that out.” Then she turned and left me standing alone in the dining room.

  Angry, I stormed to the living room, expecting Joe to be in the living room setting everyone straight, but he stood in the middle of a group of men, all of them patting him on the back with congratulations. He didn’t respond to any of them, looking shell-shocked.

  Hilary stood to the side, her champagne flute in one hand. When she saw me, she lifted it and smiled, then took a sip.

  I could either stand here and fight or turn around and leave. I wanted to fight. Fight for Joe and me. Fight and prove to every person who’d ever hurt me that I was done taking other people’s crap. But Joe stood in the center of the group doing nothing.

  Why wasn’t he fighting for me?

  I spun around and left the room.

  Joe found me as I was climbing into my truck. “Rose! Wait!”

  I hesitated, unsure of what to do. Part of me just wanted to go home.

  But he caught up with me, grabbing my shoulders. “I didn’t know he was going to do that. I swear.”

  I looked up at him, clenching my jaw. “You’ve been doing a lot of swearing tonight, Joe.”

  “You have to believe me. I didn’t know about any of this.”

  I closed my eyes. “I believe you.”

  Part of me was so hurt by this evening, and the rest of me was angry. The angry part won out. “How could you let Hilary make me look like a fool?”

  For the first time tonight, he didn’t look apologetic. “We both know she asked you where you went to college to humiliate you, but asking someone about another person’s education isn’t usually considered a rude question. I was worried if I said something it would only make it worse.”

  His answer infuriated me more than her behavior. “Why are you standing up for her?”

  He looked defensive. “I’m not.”

  “Why was she here?”

  “I told you. Her family and mine have been lifelong friends.”

  I walked toward the front of the truck, looking at the massive house in front of me. The truth sinking in. “She’s always going to be here, isn’t she?”

  “Well…I…”

  “She is, isn’t she?” I glared up at him. “You can’t let her go, can you?”

  “No. That’s not true. I want you.” He pulled me to his chest, his mouth crushing mine.

  Despite whatever had transpired over the last two days, I loved this man. My anger faded as I sank against him, grabbing his suit and pulling him closer. I wanted desperately to make this work.

  Joe’s head lifted. “I love you, Rose. I want to marry you.”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  He dug into his coat pocket and took out a ring box. “I planned to do this tomorrow. I planned to come home to you and tell you about the sheriff’s deputy job and propose then. Dinner and flowers and the whole works so I could make it romantic for you, but I don’t want to wait.” He pried the lid open, grabbing my left hand. “Rose Anne Gardner, I love you more than anything in this world, and I can’t imagine a life without you. I want to wake up with you every day, and I want to go to bed with you in my arms every night. I want to fill our house with children, and our lives with love and laugher.” He slid the ring onto my finger. “Rose, I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m with you. I feel like I have everything I could ever want when we’re together. Please say you’ll marry me.”

  I stared down at the ring, a large square diamond in the center, surrounded by smaller ones. “What about the senate race?”

  He didn’t answer.

  My heart sunk. “Joe, what do you want to do.”

  “I want to marry you.”

  I looked back at the house, but he tilted my chin to look up at him. “There’s only you and me. To hell with my parents. I’ve let them rule my life for too long. I’m going to go inside and tell them I’m done.”

  “What did your father say to you when he dragged you from the room?”

  Some of Joe’s excitement faded. “He told me this was the payment for the scrapes he’s gotten me out of. That I owed him.” His breath came in short bursts.

  Did he want to do this? “Joe…I’m not asking you to choose.”

  “I know. That’s what makes you even more amazing. You’re not the one who’s insisting I choose. They are. And this time they’ve gone too far.”

  “Can you really tell him no?”

  His body tensed. “He can’t force me to run for the senate.”

  From what I’d seen of Joe’s family, I wasn’t so sure about that.

  He caressed my face. “Why don’t you go home, and I’ll tell my parents off once and for all. I’ll come home, and then tomorrow we’ll start our life together.”

  It sounded so perfect, almost too perfect. But what he was offering was what I’d wanted my whole life. Was I really going to give it up without a fight? “Okay.”

  He kissed me again, pulling back reluctantly. “I love you, Rose. Go home, and I’ll be there soon.”

  As I drove away, I looked back and saw him go through the front door, his hands clenched by his sides. Somehow, I knew that things would never be the same again.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It was close to nine-thirty by the time
I got home. Muffy was overjoyed to see me, and once again, I was wracked with guilt for not spending enough time with her. But that would all change when Joe returned.

  I wandered through the house, imagining what it would be like when he was here all the time, and my heart burst with a cloudy happiness. Now I wouldn’t be lonely.

  My home phone rang—a rarity these days—and I wasn’t surprised that it was Violet. She was practically the only one who called me on it other than telemarketers.

  “Rose, where have you been all evening?”

  I sank into my sofa. “I went to meet Joe’s parents.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” She sounded wronged.

  I sighed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Violet.”

  She paused. “I know. You would never intentionally hurt me. Unlike me lately. I haven’t been a very good sister these past few months, and I know it.”

  I really wasn’t in the mood for a heart-to-heart right now. “Look, Vi. Joe told me this weekend that his mother was getting more insistent about meeting me, but then he called after five today and told me they wanted it to be tonight.”

  “You’re kidding.” Her voice was flat.

  “No. And here’s your chance to say I told you so, because it was beyond awful.” My voice cracked, but I refused to shed any more tears over those horrid people.

  “I don’t want to say I told you so. I want you to be happy.”

  “Well, you’ve done a crappy job of showing it lately.”

  Violet gasped, probably as surprised as I was by my bluntness. “I know. I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I think my guilt has been consuming me. That and jealousy.”

  “Guilt over what? Mike?”

  She hesitated. “In a way, yes.”

  I sat up straighter. “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, Rose. I’m a terrible, terrible person. I’m afraid you’ll never forgive me, but I feel like I have to tell you.”

  My heart started to race. I knew she had a secret. How many awful secrets could there be? “I love you, Violet. You’re my sister. Nothing’s ever going to change it.”