by Wilson, Tia
“Our true selves come out at night,” she said staring off towards the horizon. “What happens next?”
“I finish my job here. Then we go back to the states. You talk to Gus and you take it from there,” he said.
“And Lana?”
“Look you know how these things go. She messed up. Im here to clean up the mess, I’m nothing but a small and vital part of the equation. Don't think you can somehow sweet talk me out of this. Step back and think it through for a second. Say I do pull back, go off the grid and do nothing. Great. Gus will have another goon dispatched and on the next flight within a few hours. Everything was set in motion when she decided to film her night with the client. That recording is what brought her down. Not me,” he said feeling a chill in his bones.
Sara stared off into the distance and said nothing.
Brad got up and stretched, he felt disconnected from the world around him, night and day mixed into one endless stream, the sun ever present in the sky above. He looked out across the fields and the empty coast road, I could be the last man on earth he thought feeling weariness implant itself in his core. I shouldn't be here he thought, he was nothing more than a figment, a ghoul that existed at a distance from real human contact. He knew what the day ahead held for him, a relentless trudge as he closed in on his target. He knew guys that got off on the power to end a life, men whose only career path was only ever going to be one of crime. If Brad felt like a ghoul banished to the edge of town, something the people feared and maybe even pitied a little, the men whose blood quickened and their dicks hardened at the thought of bringing misery to others were soul sucking demons ravaging the land. I’m different than those freaks Brad thought to himself, I still have a tiny piece of my humanity left. I’m still basically a good guy who just made some mistakes and needs to claw himself out of the mud. “Tomorrow I go hunting,” he whispered to himself.
“What?,” Sara said looking over at him.
Brad looked at her and said, “I’m going back to bed. We head out early tomorrow.” He went inside leaving Sara alone on the porch her legs curled up under her and a blanket wrapped tight around her body.
The midnight sun hung low in the sky and as it passed behind a mountain peak a slow creeping shadow moved across the cabin and the surrounding fields. A raven sitting on a fence post flapped its wings and flew low across a field as the shadow continued its path across everything. Sara stayed sitting on the porch as the air cooled, after a while she got up and joined Brad in bed.
CHAPTER THREE
Wednesday
Lana awoke to the noise of cutlery clinking against a plate and she looked in the direction of the kitchen. Einar had his back to her and was stirring something in a pan. He heard her rouse and turned around and smiled at her. “Have I been asleep long?” she asked swinging her legs onto the floor.
“An hour or so. I thought you might be hungry, it will be ready in a few minutes,” he said. “The bathroom is back there if you want to freshen up,” he said pointing to a corridor at the back of the bungalow.
When she came back from the bathroom Einar pointed towards the tables stacked with tools and engine parts and said, “We are a little short on dining spots, do you want to go outside?”
“I’d love to,” Lana replied.
“Grab those blankets off the back of the chair and I’ll follow you out,” he said.
Lana laid the blankets out in the meadow facing the cottage. The air was mixed with a heady aroma of chives, wild garlic and a range of other fragrant herbs growing nearby. Lana kicked off her shoes and wiggled her toes in the short cropped grass. The earth felt warm under her feet like a loaf of bread just out of the oven. Butterflies with white wings landed on the purple fuzzy heads of the chives and stretched their wings wide. Somewhere far off the long plaintive call of a sheep could be heard and then it was answered by another and another. The sun was directly overhead and whatever clouds had come in from the sea earlier that day were now nothing more than faint after images in the cerulean sky. A raven called in loud clicks, the sound of telegraph message being sent, and another landed beside it on the roof of the barn.
Einar sat down on the blanket across from her and he was holding a wooden tray with carved fish for handles. He passed her a plate and said, “This is nothing too fancy. It's a simple traditional farmer or fisherman's meal. Its called plottfiskur. Its white fish, fried onions and mashed potatoes.” He held up a mug and said, “This is a butter sauce to go with it. These are also for you,” he said passing her a bunch of flowers with purple heads the size of stamps. “These are arctic flowers. They grow in tough conditions. They are strong and beautiful, like you.”
She sniffed the flowers and a sweet honeyish smell filled her nose. “You’re a gentleman,” she said smiling.
“If I was I wouldn't have reacted how I did earlier. I made you feel ashamed, I never meant for that. I don't want to make excuses and say I'm a simple country boy. It was wrong how I treated you, it must have been hard for you to tell me about your past. I hope you accept my apology,” he said.
“Accepted,” she said smiling. The warm sun tingled on her skin and she felt relief that he knew about her dark past.
“Ok try the food and tell me what you think,” Einar said.
Lana shovelled up a forkful of the plottfiskur and stuffed it in her mouth. “Mmmm this is so good. I’ve pretty much had nothing but hospital food since I’ve arrived.” She poured some butter sauce on and scooped up another mouthful. Her eyes rolled back and she let out a moan of pleasure as the rich butter mixed with the soft fried onions, fish and velvet smooth potatoes. “This is good,” she said.
“Glad you like it,” he said starting his.
After they finished eating they lay on the blankets as the sun warmed their bodies. They lay there silently and Lana felt relaxed and happy in his company, it was a new feeling for her, not having the need to have to talk constantly to avoid embarrassing silences. Lying beside him felt right to her. After a few minutes of silence Einar spoke and said, “What do we do next?” A ticklish sensation moved pleasurably across her arms at the use of the word “We”.
“Do you have somewhere else we can go? There is no way the attacker is going to give up now that he knows I’m here,” she said.
“I have a cabin an hour from here. Off the grid and not many people know about it. We could go there tomorrow and hole up for a while. Prepare ourselves for the next time our friend makes an appearance,” he said.
“I don’t think he’s going to stop until he gets the video file back and then kills me,” she said with a shake in her voice.
Einar reached out and took her hand. “He’s not going to get another chance to do you any harm. I have a hunting rifle in the cabin and I’m a pretty good shot. He won’t get anywhere near us,” he said.
Einar sounded so sure of himself to Lana’s ears. She had seen her attacker break a dead mans joints and stuff him into a bag, no matter how confidant Einar sounded Lana couldn't fully shake the pall of fear draped over her. He squeezed her hand and said, “Tomorrow we leave for the cabin.”
The air was beginning to chill and Einar got up and said, “Do you want to head in side and I’ll make us a nice strong cup of coffee?” Lana nodded and they cleared up their picnic and went back inside the bungalow.
“You’ve been honest with me,” Einar said passing a steaming mug of fresh brewed coffee to Lana, “I think it’s time I did the same for you.” He sat on the battered couch beside Lana and stared into the steam rising up from his mug.
“We shouldn’t have been out there that day,” Einar said taking a sip of his coffee, “there were reports of a huge storm heading our way, it was coming down from the coast of Greenland and picking up force. It was still two days away so we took the chance. Do you ever have that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you just know something is not right?” Lana nodded yes. “It must be some part of our animal brains picking up something that we aren't fully perceiving. I
had that feeling all morning before we left. I wish I had of spoke up, even though I don’t think it would have changed anything.” He moved his chair back from the table and turned slightly away from Lana as he continued. He didn’t meet her eyes as he spoke.
“We were off out in the boat by about four in the morning. It was another of those beautiful Icelandic summer mornings. Sky as blue as a watercolour painting, birds sweeping low in the sky behind the boat as we sailed out. We where heading a couple of kilometres off the coast to an area we had been having great luck with catching mackerel. This was a fish that wasn't always in Icelandic waters, but that summer had been particularly warm and it was drawing them in,” he took another sip of coffee still not meeting her eyes. Lana sat across from him holding her cup for warmth.
“My father was steering the boat while I stayed on deck with my brother. We prepared the bait for the nets and chatted. He was sixteen at the time and even though we had our fights and disagreements I think he looked up to me. I can’t even remember what we talked about. Probably girls. I know there was someone he was interested in living in the next town and he was hoping to see her at the summer ball. After about an hour we got to our spot that had been good to us and dropped anchor. Birds circled overhead awaiting scraps from our catch. One minute they were screeching and calling about from above and then nothing. Total silence,” he said rubbing his temples. Lana could see his eyes had a far off look and were starting to redden.
“The blue sky we sailed under when we left the harbour turned slate grey within a couple of minutes. Clouds rolled in low and the air chilled suddenly. The sea had been relatively smooth when we left and now it was starting to swell and toss our small three man boat about. I looked over at my father in the wheelhouse and I caught a momentary flicker of fear on his face. I’d never seen that before and it sent a chill running through me. He nodded at me and I knew it meant we were heading back to shore,” he said standing up and pacing.
“If you cant go on,” Lana said in a low voice.
“I can go on,” Einar said and he sat back down. “The wave that capsized the boat,” he said putting his head in his hands, “it flipped the boat over completely before any of us got a chance to react. I felt like I was inside a huge and powerful washing machine as the water churned us around like we where nothing more than a kids toy. I didn’t know which way was up as I was sucked deeper underwater. My lungs burned until finally I saw a pale light and I swam towards it. I surfaced and coughed out lungfuls of salt water. Parts of the boat floated in the water around me. Boards smashed and wrenched to splinters. I looked desperately around,” he said and paused rubbing his chest, “sorry my heart is pounding reliving this memory.” Lana reached across the table and took his hand in hers.
“At first I could see nothing but wreckage floating around and then in the distance I say a figure clinging onto part of the ships hull. I swam towards him my arms and legs feeling like anchors the further I swam. It was my brother his face as pale as a ghost. I didn't see the spreading blood in the water until I was right up close to him. His eyes flickered weakly in my direction when I got to him. Father is gone he said through pale lips whose skin looked like it was made from paper. I could see him weakening before my eyes. I got as good a hold as possible on the slippery wood and hooked my other arm under his and held him tight. I remember him looking into my eyes and saying he couldn’t feel his legs. I couldn't see below the darkening the water as my brother bled out and we floated in a slowly widening pool of blood. I didn't want to look below the surface to see what his injury was, I was too afraid,” he said.
Lana moved her chair over to his side of the table and put her arms around him. The room was silent as Einar readied himself to go on.
“I hung on to him for hours as we bobbed along in the sea. His eyes would fall shut every couple of seconds and I would call his name and they would snap open looking at me unfocused and nearly rolling back into his head. Let me go he begged me, Im not going to make it he said through pale blue lips. You know what the worse part of it all was I was going to do it. I was going to let him go and try to save myself. I was so close to releasing my grip on him and watch him sink to the bottom of the ocean, and then a wave crested and I saw a coast guards boat heading in our direction,” he said putting his face into his hands as his shoulders began to rise and fall as he was wracked by powerful sobs. Lana rubbed his back and felt a pain in her heart as Einar broke down in front of her. Gone was the strong confident man of before and she knew he needed her to be strong for him in this moment.
He ran his hands down his face and stared off into the distance, his eyes red ringed and said, “They dragged us onto the boat and we were both flown by helicopter directly to the main hospital in Reykjavik. We had been in the water for nearly two hours and we both had hypothermia. My brother survived, he lost a lot of blood and a kidney. A metal bar from the boats mast had pierced him and passed straight through his body. He ended up spending a month in hospital and another few months at home before he fully recovered. My father was never found and I’ve never returned to the sea since that day.”
He took Lana's hand in between both of his and kissed the side of her fingers tenderly. “You know what was the worst part of it. I was called a hero, my face plastered all over the local papers for saving my brother. People patting me on the back in the street for being so strong and brave and telling me my father would have been so proud of me. I felt like a fraud. I was no hero, I was a scared little boy when I was clinging to that piece of boat. I thought I was going to die and when it came down to it I was going to let my brother go to save myself. Does that sound like a hero to you,” he said in a raised voice.
“You hung on to your brother for hours in the freezing cold water,” Lana said looking him directly in the eyes, “you did all you could and you thought you had no choice. It doesn't matter what you thought at your lowest point, what matters is that you hung on through sheer grit and determination and because of you your brother survived. Don’t beat yourself up over something that didn't happen.”
“I should have been stronger for both of us, he was my little brother and I let him down,” Einar said and embraced Lana pulling her in close to him. He held her like this for a long time as he sobbed tears onto her neck. Lana stroked the back of his head and kissed his ear as the pain left him. She wanted to absorb the hurt and anguish he had been carrying around with him for so long. She couldn't fully understand why Einar felt like he had let anyone down when his brother would only be alive because of him. Lana had never met a braver and stronger man than Einar in her whole life and he had unselfishly thrown his life on the line when he fought with her attacker. He would always be a hero to her.
Einar broke their embrace and got up. He rubbed his hands across his face and through his hair. “Thanks for listening. You are the first person I’ve ever told that too. I’ve bottled it up for so many years, letting it eat away at me. You can see I don’t even have any pictures of them any where in the house. I couldn’t face seeing them staring down at me from a frame on the wall,” he said walking over to the kitchen window and staring out. He looked back at Lana with a haunted look on his face. “I came close to burning the whole place down. I had canisters of petrol sitting on the front porch ready to douse the building. I was going to burn the place down with me inside,” he turned his back to her as he continued, “I was so close to doing it. I had the fuel canister in my hand the cap opened and the smell of petrol burning my nose. I stood frozen at the front door ready to pour it out. You know what stopped me?” he said laughing and it came out like the sound of dry bones rattling, “I heard one of my sheep off in the distance calling out. I was saved by a sheep bleating. Can you believe that? As I stood there ready to end it all I realised how selfish I was to burn it the place down. The animals needed me. Saved by a god damn sheep. Can you believe it?” he said laughing bitterly.
Lana crossed the room to his side and reached out to him. “I need you now,�
�� she said as their eyes meet. He reached out and took her hand and looked at her his eyes brightening. Their fingers intertwined. He pulled her close to him. Eyes never breaking their gaze and then they kissed. She kissed him tenderly on his broken lips. Everything that needed to be said had been brought out into the open and Lana felt no judgement against him. She could feel the heat rise in her body as his hand caressed her back. Her skin prickled as he slid his hands under her sweater and ran them along the curve of her spine. His hands felt course and work worn against the supple skin along her back. He reached down and cupped her ass pulling her tight against him. She could feel the throbbing warmth between her legs as he pressed into her.