by Ann Warner
“Do you think...that is, would you mind giving me the address for Resurrection? If I went there...” Hailey sighed. “Maybe I could find a way to forgive him.”
Chapter Thirty-one
1986
During the winter, a For Rent sign appeared in ZimoviArt’s window. When Clen saw it, she went looking for Doreen to ask about it.
“Oh, Hailey went off without renewing the lease. Afterward, she wrote Bill saying she ain’t coming back. He just didn’t get the sign put up till yesterday.”
Clen was concerned about Hailey, and Doreen’s news added to her unease. She asked for Hailey’s address, but Bill had misplaced the letter.
In the spring, Clen’s second in Wrangell, she and Gerrum were married in the tribal house of the Tlingit clan. Gerrum’s mother and sister, Clen’s family, and their Wrangell friends were in attendance. When the season started, Clen went back to cooking at the lodge. It was a decision Gerrum encouraged, saying for him the busy summers made the quiet of the winters not just bearable, but something he looked forward to.
It wasn’t until autumn, a year after Hailey left Wrangell, that she finally wrote. Clen scanned the contents of the letter, letting out a sigh of relief and beginning to smile as she reread.
Hailey was fine. She’d spent time with Sister Mary John at Resurrection, and then she’d met her brother’s widow, and that had gone well. She hadn’t yet contacted her father, who was still in prison, but she thought even that might be possible, eventually.
She wrote that she’d found a job in a gallery in Portland. The owner planned to retire in two years. If all went well, Hailey was going to buy her out. And last, but not least, she said she hoped Clen would send work for the gallery.
Winter tightened its grip with long, dark days of howling wind and sleet spitting against the windows. Clen countered the gloom by adding the absent sun to her paintings—a slant of light along the side of a boat, a reflection from a window, a shimmer in the water. While she painted, Gerrum worked on a new novel.
She’d once read about a scientific experiment where people were placed in a cave with no way to measure the passage of day and night. After a time, they began to eat, sleep, and live to a different rhythm. It was what she and Gerrum were learning to do.
Loving Gerrum was making up for all that had gone wrong in her life. The lost years with Paul—wiped away as if they were a story she could no longer remember clearly. The older pain—the loss of Saint—healed over as well. And the sorrow over Josh’s death was no longer tinged with darkness. Her remaining regret was Thomasina, but perhaps a person wasn’t meant to reconcile every estrangement.
“Thomasina was the first person to call me Clen,” she told Gerrum as they cooked dinner together. “She told me once, I earned more demerits in six months than anyone else had in four years.”
Gerrum humphed. “And you sound extremely proud of it. What did she do? Rap your knuckles.”
“Of course not. And I was proud of it. To punish me, she made me think.” Memories flashed and the winter dark receded. “She asked me once how I’d spend the day, if I knew it was my last. I said I’d spend it in the chapel on my knees, begging forgiveness for all my transgressions.” The memory made Clen smile. “She told me I was being flipping flippant.”
Gerrum chuckled. “You still are, my love. But how did you answer the question?”
“Oh, you mean the last day one? I didn’t. There were too many things I wanted to do, and one day wasn’t going to be enough to accomplish any of them.”
Talking about Thomasina had brought tears to Clen’s eyes. She sniffed and swiped at her cheeks. “I loved her, you know. But when she disappointed me, I pushed her out of my life.”
“What did she do to disappoint you?”
“Shortly after I told her Joshua died, she went away. Without saying goodbye. She had her own troubles, but it didn’t matter to me. All I knew was I wanted her to stay and fix me.”
“What made you think she could do that?”
“I was young, remember. I figured if I could manage to tell her what I’d done, and she didn’t reject me...” Suddenly, Clen was having trouble getting all the air she needed. “I went to see her last year, when I left Wrangell. But Marymead was closed. And she’d died. So I never had a chance to tell her how sorry I was. For acting the way I did.”
Gerrum put his arms around her. “Don’t you think she knows?”
“How could she? I refused to communicate with her. For years.”
“You believe the spirit lives on, Clen. It means we’re never finished. We can always say we’re sorry.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Maybe not, but it’s still worth doing.” He continued to hold her. “You do realize if you’d confessed to Thomasina way back then, we might never have found each other.”
“You’re saying I had to make a whole bunch of bad decisions before I was able to get it right?”
“Something like that. I’ve made bad decisions of my own, you know. But I like very much where they’ve led me.”
“Is that a compliment, Mr. Kirsey?”
“Definitely. So tell me. Now that you’re older and wiser, would you have a different answer to how you’d spend your last day?”
“Fishing for a compliment, are we?”
“I take every bit of encouragement I can get.” His tone was light, but his expression was serious.
Her own sense of play evaporated as she looked at the man she’d married. “I’d spend it loving you,” she said, laying the words like a gift before him, thinking how simple it had become. Questions about life, where she was going, what she was going to do. Her answer to all of them—Gerrum.
And could he be right about all those wrong turns being necessary for her to reach this right place? Or maybe they hadn’t been wrong turns after all. Because now, looking back, she was beginning to see that her life, through all its twists and turnings, ups and downs, had been illuminated by grace. A grace she’d thought absent.
But now, in the gloom of an Alaskan winter, the gleam of that grace was visible, intertwined inextricably with the dark strands. The whole made more beautiful by that random shining.
Back to the Beginning
A Note to Readers
Thank you so much for reading Absence of Grace
If you enjoyed the novel, I would appreciate it if you would help others discover it. You can do this in a variety of ways:
Lend it
This e-book is lending-enabled, so please, share it with a friend.
Recommend it
Help other readers find this book by recommending it to friends, readers’ groups and discussion boards.
Review it
Tell other readers why you liked this book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. If you write a review, let me know, and I’ll send you an electronic copy of Counterpointe. To request your copy of Counterpointe, send me an e-mail using the contact page on my website (www.AnnWarner.net)
About the Author
www.Ann Warner.Net
A former clinical chemist/toxicologist and university professor, Ann took a turn down a different road when she began writing fiction. Absence of Grace is her fourth novel.
Other Titles
Counterpointe
Art, science, love, and ambition collide as a dancer on the verge of achieving her dreams is shattered by an injury. Afterward, Clare Eliason rushes into a marriage with Rob Chapin, a scientist. The marriage falters, propelling Clare and Rob on journeys of self-discovery. Rob joins a scientific expedition to Peru, where he discovers how easy it is to die. Clare’s journey, which takes her only a few blocks from the Boston apartment she shared with Rob, is no less profound. During their time apart, each will have a chance to save a life, one will succeed, one will not. Finally, they will face the most difficult quest of all, navigating the space that lies between them.
Readers’ Comments
Counterpointe is not your traditional love story, just
as Ann Warner is not your typical author. Ann's brilliant, well-thought-out prose lifts her stories to a higher literary level than most of today's fare. If you're looking for a quick romantic read, this is not the book for you. But if you want a more thoroughly satisfying journey that takes your imagination from tragedy to self-discovery, with all of the tears and joys along the way, you should pick up Counterpointe and prepare to be impressed. Pam Berehulke, Bulletproofing
The chemistry between Clare and Rob is crackling. LOVE IT. Kate Moretti author of Thought I Knew You
Reading more of your work is like coming home to a good friend I know I can trust...there is nothing I don't like here...you wrote another brilliant story. Thank you. Fran McIlvey author of Trapped
Dreams for Stones
Poignant and haunting, Dreams for Stones is a story of loss and second chances. Alan Francini, a man who has given up on love, and Kathy Jamison, a woman who has learned to let go of love too easily need all the magic of serendipity, old diaries, and a children's story to take another chance on love.
Readers’ Comments
...incredibly vivid and emotional tale of love and loyalty, friendship, loss, and faith... Lynne Welch, Booklist
...a lovely story about life changes and love lost and found. Cindy Himler, Romantic Times
Persistence of Dreams
(Sequel to Dreams for Stones) Kindle Version
An arsonist seeking revenge, and the ending of a love affair, are the catalysts that alter the shape and direction of deputy district attorney Charles Larimore's life. Forced to find a new place to live, Charles finds much more as he reaches out to help his neighbor Luz Blair. Then he learns Luz is being sought in the disappearance of the two children she is caring for, and he must decide whether to report her. As he weighs his responsibility as an officer of the court against his growing conviction Luz did the right thing in running away, he risks not only his career but the integrity of his soul. It is the kind of decision that will alter everything that comes after.
Readers’ Comments
A compelling page turner. Warner's portrayal of a life on the run is realistic...her heroine one readers will root for...a true sense of time and place...real secondary characters who do more than take up space. Karen Sweeny-Justice, Romantic Times.
Persistence of Dreams is a wonderful title that hints at Charles's nightmares... and Luz's elusive memories. Ann Warner's smooth writing style charms the reader....enthralling....a story to be enjoyed more than once. Camellia, The Long and Short of It Reviews.
Excellent characters and dialogue drive the romance and suspense...great reading. Romance Studio
Absence of Grace (Also available in Large Print)
Readers’ Comments
“...a riveting read of personal struggle, very much recommended reading.” Able Greenspan, The Midwest Book Review. July 2012.
Visit Ann at http:\www.AnnWarner.net
Absence of Grace and Counterpointe are available in Large Print editions from Amazon.
Back to the beginning