by Avril Ashton
Stavros’s lips twisted. “You can hope.”
Silently, Tek hoped, too. He hoped Elias found the USB he’d dropped into his coat pocket.
Chapter Twenty
Quinn went to New York.
Even though Israel had told him bluntly not to do it. Even though he had no plan, no strategy aside from finding Tek. Part of him rebelled at being the one doing the chasing, intent on catching a man who from the last time they spoke, likely had zero desire to be caught.
But that last conversation was exactly why Quinn had called up Low to drive him to the airport.
Something was off. With Tek. The tone he’d used on the phone, that shit had been way too final for Quinn’s peace of mind. Like Tek had accepted something and given up. Given up on Quinn. Them.
And maybe Quinn should have followed that lead and accepted it too. Given up. But this was Tek, and he didn’t ever want to give up on Tek. He doubted he could. What he wanted was to find his lover and help him. With whatever he was dealing with, whatever had him attempting to push Quinn away. Quinn wanted to help him like Tek had helped him.
He’d have never been strong enough to get on a plane again if not for Tek. The progress he’d made since Tek walked into his life, Quinn didn’t see it happening otherwise.
The psychiatrist he saw three times a week was because of Tek. He’d given Quinn the impetus to get up and move beyond it.
Now it was his turn to give back, to help, even though dread was a cold tight knot in his gut, drawing tighter and tighter. The panic that hit him the first time he’d tried calling Tek and got only the voicemail hadn’t lessened one bit. It just got stronger and stronger, virulent, blacker. He was trying to trust himself again, trust his gut, and his gut was cautioning him to be careful.
Tread lightly.
At JFK he threw his light duffel over his shoulder and walked outside, hailing the first livery cab he saw. He gave the driver Israel’s address. If anyone could help him find Tek it was Israel. And he needed some kind of answers, something to explain the disappearance, the hesitance of Tek’s part, the secrets. He wasn’t a fool. He hadn’t ever voiced it, but he knew Tek still kept secrets from him. He’d simply hoped his lover would trust him enough to confide in him.
Obviously not.
Israel had those answers. Not for a second did Quinn doubt that.
He dialed Israel’s phone and it rang and rang before someone answered.
“Yeah.”
Quinn frowned. He didn’t recognize the voice. “Uh. Is this Israel’s phone?”
“It is.”
“Can you tell him—” Quinn licked his lips.
“Quinn, are you okay? It’s Reggie.”
“Oh.” He blew out a breath. “Yeah. I’m in a cab just leaving Kennedy.”
“You’re here?” He didn’t think the shock in Reggie’s tone was warranted, but okay. “You good?”
“I’m fi—” He wasn’t. “No. I need to talk to Is.”
“Aight.” For some reason, Reggie sounded reluctant. “I’ll let him know you’re on your way.”
Quinn stared at the phone in his palm. Had it been his imagination, Reggie’s reluctance? His oh fuck pause when Quinn said he was in New York? He shook his head and pulled up Tek’s number.
Straight to voicemail.
Were they over? Was this Tek’s way of breaking up with him? How did Quinn feel about that?
He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to think about it. Not until he had to. Israel would give him answers, Quinn wasn’t leaving until he did, and then he’d proceed from there.
When the driver pulled up in front of Israel’s white two-story house, Quinn handed him a fistful of money then practically ran to the house, barely aware of the driver burning rubber as he sped off. Duffel in hand, he climbed the stairs and rang the bell.
Reggie opened the door, his face blank. “Quinn.”
“Hey. How are you?” He managed a small smile.
“I’m good.” Reggie’s gaze flicked away from him then back. “Listen, there’s something—”
“It’s not your business, Is.”
Tek? Was that Tek? “Is that—”
“Oh word?” Israel’s voice, coming from what sounded like the kitchen area was filled with anger and something else. Resentment? “Whose business is it? You don’t tell him you’re married, you don’t tell him about the business, so I know for sure you haven’t told him about you and this one here.”
“What’s going on?” Quinn moved forward, and Reggie grabbed his arm.
“Quinn, wait. Fuck.”
“Is, come on.” A third voice joined the heated conversation, one with an accent. Irish or Australian, something like that. Quinn couldn’t place it. “You know better than that.”
“Here’s what I know,” Israel’s words exploded with so much force it stopped Quinn in his tracks. “I know I’m tired of watching Tek pine for you. I know I’m tired of pretending this shit isn’t fucked up. And I’m tired of being caught in the middle while you two fuckers pretend it’s not happening.”
“I’m not pining for him.” Tek’s voice rose just as loud as Israel’s. “I’m with Quinn.”
“But you’re not, not really. You’re lying to him, and I have to dodge his calls or lie to him when he calls me wanting answers.” Israel paused. “I just had my world shot to hell, Tek. To hell. You think I care who my parents are? You think I care I have a Fed for a brother? I want you to get your shit together. It’s getting old, and you’re making me regret sending you to Quinn in the first place.”
Quinn looked around, lost for a second. Their words were hitting him square in the chest, sinking in. He turned to Reggie, saw the pity and apology in Israel’s lover’s eyes.
It was true. Whatever they were discussing, those three men.
“You’re choosing Quinn over me?” Tek asked, tone laced with disbelief.
“Someone has to,” Israel lashed out. “You will always choose Elias over him. Isn’t that the reason you went to Lisbon with Stavros? Why you allowed him to shoot you up and use you, so you can protect Elias when you know for fucking sure he can protect himself and his family?”
Quinn staggered. What was happening? His head spun and he grasped onto the closest, sturdiest thing he could find, Reggie’s arm.
“You’re my brothers,” Israel said. “I love you, but I know how this will play out. I’ve seen it before and I’m tired of it. I can’t let you hurt Quinn.”
“I can’t—” Tek’s voice broke. “I care about him. He’s the best thing in my life, Is.”
“Then show it,” Israel shouted. “Prove it. Tell him about Mei-Lei, why you married her. Tell him about all of it.” His voice shifted as if he’d moved. “Tek, trust him. Trust, man. That shit pays the highest dividends.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve him. Maybe it’s best like this.”
“Tek,” guy with the accent spoke. “Don’t do that. Don’t fucking do it.”
Israel barked a dry laugh. “You know what? Fuck you.”
Quinn covered his face with a shaking hand. So this is what it felt like to have your heart shredded. He released his grip on Reggie’s arm and moved forward. Reggie grabbed him again, but he shrugged off the hold, walking carefully to the kitchen.
Tek stood with his back to Quinn, arms crossed as he faced Israel, and the other man with them. Tall with tattoos and red hair pulled into a ponytail. Gorgeous. He’d known Tek had been holding back from him, he never expected another man to be that reason.
“Is that what you think?” he asked silently. “That you don’t deserve me?”
Tek’s body jerked then he stiffened. The red head’s gaze snapped from Tek to Quinn, piercing blue narrowing on him. The only one who didn’t seem surprised to see Quinn was Israel.
“Tek, look at me.”
He held himself so still for so long, Quinn didn’t think he’d do it, but finally Tek turned to face him. His face was pale, eyes red rimmed and framed by dark cir
cles. “Quinn.” He sounded so lost, nothing like the man Quinn knew. Nothing like the lover Quinn cared for so much.
Was that lover even real?
His eyes burned, but Quinn swallowed and lifted his chin a fraction. “Just so there are no misunderstandings, please explain what Israel just said. Everything.”
Tek blinked rapidly. The pulse in his throat beat visibly, something Quinn knew happened only when he was aroused or scared. “I didn’t—” Tek stepped forward, one hand stretched toward Quinn who moved back one step. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re the last person I’d want to hurt.”
Quinn ignored the eyes of the men around them. “But everything Israel said is true, is that what you’re saying?”
Tek held his gaze as he nodded. “Yes.”
The affirmation was spoken on a soft breath, but it smacked Quinn on the chin like a punch with brass knuckles. He cracked, broke. Everything in him shattering. He lifted a trembling hand, stopping Israel when he shifted toward him.
“Explain,” Quinn told Tek.
“Remember I told you I took over the business from my father?” When Quinn jerked his head, he said, “Well, that business is sex trafficking.”
Quinn clamped a hand over his mouth. All these horrified sounds were barging from Quinn’s throat and he couldn’t stop them, couldn’t put a cap on them. He stared at Tek, and he stared back, with his eyes filled with pain and sorrow and apology. He just stood there, waiting for Quinn to do what, judge him? Condemn him?
“You forgot the most important thing.” He strode over to Tek, grabbed him by the hair and yanked him close to whisper in his ear. “You forgot the most important thing, Xiao Chen.”
“Quinn.” He touched Quinn’s shoulder, trembling against him. “Please.”
“You forgot to say you’re in love with someone else,” he said at Tek’s ear, loud enough for the others to hear. “You forgot to say you don’t feel for me what I feel for you because someone else is there, where I want to be. Where I need to be.” He gulped air into his burning lungs. “You forgot.”
He wanted to fucking hit something, someone. He dropped his hold on Tek, stepped back, but Tek didn’t release him. He tightened his grip on Quinn.
“No,” he whispered, tone desperate. “Quinn.”
Quinn caught him by the face, thumb under his chin, the rest of his fingers pressed to Tek’s forehead as he pushed him back. All those fucking secrets. “I have never wanted anyone the way I’ve wanted you. I’d never considered a future or the idea of being happy until you kissed me. Trusting you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” Goddamn emotion was blinding him, running down his cheeks, and he couldn’t stop himself long enough to wipe it away. “I gave you everything, do you realize that? I gave you all of me, and what did you give me in return?”
“Don’t. Don’t do this.” Tek bunched Quinn’s shirt in his fist, pulling him closer as Quinn tried to tear himself away. “Quinn. Don’t do this.”
“You gave me the only thing you couldn’t give him, your body, and something tells me if you had the opportunity he’d get that too.” Tek shook his head, but Quinn plastered their bodies together, his cheek at Tek’s cheek, mouth at his ear as he whispered, “I’m done with you.”
Tek flinched against him as if Quinn had dealt him a physical blow.
“I’m so done with you.” He yanked himself away and walked out the room, ignoring Tek’s calls for him to come back. Footsteps followed him out the house, but he didn’t glance back to see who it was as he raced down the stairs.
“Quinn—”
He whirled at Israel’s voice. “Fuck you, Is. I know you did that shit on purpose. So fuck you.” He glanced over Israel’s shoulder when Reggie appeared. “Can you give me a ride?”
Reggie simply nodded and walked over to an SUV parked in the driveway. Quinn got into the passenger seat and buckled up. His fingertips were ice cold.
“I fucking warned you,” Reggie told his lover. For the first time Quinn noted that Reggie looked just as angry as he felt.
“Reg.” Israel pursed his lips as he met Reggie’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me.” Sounded as though Reggie was trying not to yell at Israel. “You didn’t hurt me, Is. You ignored my opinion even though you asked for it, but it wasn’t my world you just blew apart.”
“Quinn.” Israel appeared in the window. “You deserved to know.”
“I agree.” Quinn nodded without looking at him. “And you know when you should have staged your fucking ambush? Before I fell in love with him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Go away, Is.” Reggie pressed a button on his side, and Quinn’s window rolled up in Israel’s face before they sped off.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tek stood rooted to the spot, body unable to do what his mind and heart were crying out for him to.
Follow Quinn. Don’t let him go. Explain.
But he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know anything he could say that would erase that gutted look in Quinn’s eyes. He’d put that there.
He who knew better than anyone.
Him.
“Go after him.”
He jumped at Elias’ voice. He’d forgotten his friend was there. Tek had come over to check on Israel, make sure Elias had shared the news about his true parentage and he found Elias already here, doing the same thing. Making sure Israel was alright. He hadn’t expected that argument.He hadn’t expected Israel to throw him under the bus. His friend, the man he’d considered a brother.
And Quinn heard every word.
No more lies to tell. No more secrets to keep hidden.
Except instead of being freed and removed from the burden of all of it on his neck and shoulders, this outcome was so much worse.
“Maybe it’s my turn to break someone’s heart,” he murmured as he stared at the space where Quinn stood seconds before. “To watch as they walk away, knowing they’ll never come back. It’s my turn to make someone feel this—this inadequacy. The knowledge that no matter what they’ll never measure up, never be enough. Because…”
“Tek.” Elias was at his side, their shoulders brushing.
“It’s my turn.” He looked at Elias, stared up into his heavy gaze. “My turn to be unavailable, whose heart isn’t up for grabs.”
“No.” Elias shook his head. “It’s your turn to be happy.” He grasped Tek’s chin. His accent got thicker as the emotional words got louder. “It’s your turn to be selfish, Tek. To take what you want without worrying or caring what anyone else thinks. Of course your heart is unavailable.” His lips curved. “Of course it isn’t up for grabs. That guy who just walked away has it. And I think he stole it while you were busy being anyone but you.”
“I have loved you for so fucking long.” The words trembled. “I love you, and now he knows that there's all of you taking up space where all of him wants to be. I don't know how to remove you. I don’t know how to accept what he wants to offer because I can't take without giving, and giving him me—” He licked his lips, made himself continue while staring into blue eyes that hurt, physically hurt, where they rested on his face. “Letting go of you and giving him me, that scares me. If there's anything bigger than what I've spent all these years feeling for you, it's with him. It lies with him. And letting myself feel all of it will finish what loving you started… It will do what the drugs, Stavros, and the other vices couldn't.”
“It’s supposed to scare you. That’s fucking love, man.” Elias pressed his forehead to Tek’s. “That fire in your chest when you look at him, when he touches you, there’s no escaping it. Just let it burn. It’s your turn to feel that. Like I felt it with Lucky. Like Is felt it with Reggie.” His lips were dry when he brushed them over Tek’s nose. “What you feel when you look at me doesn’t compare to what you feel with Quinn.”
Tek clutched him, afraid to let go. He tried to imagine his life without Elias. He tried to imagine a future without Quinn. That
image had him hyperventilating, fingers tightening on Elias’s shirt.
“I can’t live without him,” he whispered. He wouldn’t survive. He wouldn’t want to.
Elias blew a breath out against Tek’s cheek. “And if Quinn and I were drowning, and you could only save one of us?” He pulled away just far enough to meet Tek’s eyes with a lifted brow.
“I’d really hope you knew how to tread water.”
Elias laughed, eyes dancing. “Never been so happy to hear someone say they’d let me die.”
Tek stared at him. Seeing him really, fully for the first time. The happiness in his eyes, the contentment on his face. The way he moved, like a man with no worries, just good things to look forward. The loyalty he’d shown had never faltered, not once.
“How is Lucky?” he asked. “Has he forgiven you?”
“He has.” Elias nodded. “We’re in a good place.”
“You saved me,” he told Elias softly. “Too many times for me to count. You saved me.”
The smile on Elias’ face melted away and he got serious. “Make no mistake, my friend, we saved each other. And I would do it all again,” he rasped. “No regrets. I’d do it again if only to see you now, right this second, finally aware that you have so much to live for. And so many people who’d die for you.”
Tek nodded. He had to believe that, because he wasn’t giving up. Not on Quinn, not on them.
“I have been scared for you,” Elias confessed. “What you do with Stavros, the power you’ve given him. I have been terrified for you.”
Tek looked away, embarrassment hot on his face. “He’s—I was myself with him. I am myself.”
“I don’t believe that.” Elias pointed out the kitchen entryway. “That man you just let walk away wants nothing more than for you to be yourself.”
“I’m afraid of his reaction once he learns everything.”
Elias’ eyes narrowed. “Were you afraid of mine inside Rikers?”
“No.”
“Why not?”