Alice leaned over the table and grabbed Delia’s hands, cupping them in her own. “I am so glad to have met you, Delia.” Alice held her stare for a long moment, before leaning back to let the bartender deliver their frites. There was a lapse in conversation as the women devoured the fried treats.
“I think that we all need to spend more time living,” Alice said, with a little more serious note to her voice. “That’s why I wanted to take you out tonight.”
Delia observed her curiously. “So that we could live?”
Alice nodded. “I was asked to come back to the nursing school in the states a couple months ago.”
“And you didn’t go?”
“Well obviously not.” Alice stared intently at Delia whilst contemplating her next words. “I stayed here because I wanted to be closer to you.”
Delia blushed without knowing why. “You like me that much?”
Alice leaned in very close to her again. “I like you the most.” Her hand came up to softly caress Delia’s cheek, which caused her to blush further. There was a sound above them and Delia looked up to see the bartender staring down at them. Delia’s face flushed again, this time from embarrassment, but Alice was very calm.
“Yes?” she asked.
The bartender pointed to their mostly empty beer glasses. “More?” he asked.
Delia smiled and nodded to him. “Yes, please.”
Alice did not lean back away from her, but kept staring at Delia in such a way that made her feel both intimidated and beautiful all at once.
“I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, Dee. I’ve had a lot of experience with what those boys called love.”
Hearing Alice talk about her former boyfriends made Delia feel strangely uncomfortable.
Alice’s voice cracked a little when she spoke next. “I never felt anything with them like I feel when I’m near you.”
The air between them was pregnant with anticipation. Here it was. Alice had bared her feelings in front of Delia at last, and she knew that Alice was bracing herself for anything; she could see it in the tension of her shoulders.
Delia had been holding her breath, and as she let it out slowly, a sincere and grateful smile played over her lips.
“I’m glad you stayed, Ali.”
*****
Delia felt especially heavy when she woke, in her mind and body. She and Alice drank a lot of beer the night before and it was a little more potent than she expected. Her apartment was still dim; morning had not quite taken the night from the sky. She rolled over to her side and looked at Alice lying next to her. Alice? She hadn’t remembered Alice staying the night, much less in her bed, but here she was.
Delia lifted the sheet a little to look at her. Alice wore only a bra and thin, shiny panties. Her tall body was stretched out over the bed, and her creamy white skin mesmerized Delia. Her stomach was flat but not hard with muscle as Delia’s was. Delia’s eyes were dancing and a warm sensation was flowing deep within her, down between her legs. What is this?
Delia had never looked at another woman this way. She had never felt…whatever this feeling was. Hesitantly, but excitedly, Delia reached out her hand and brushed against the skin of Alice’s stomach with her fingertips. The soft skin reacted by tensing just a little. Delia smiled. What am I doing? It was as if that creamy white skin was calling her and she really had no choice in the matter.
Then Delia did something that shocked even her. She ducked her head beneath the sheet and slid up close to Alice so that her face was pressed against the deliciously soft skin of her belly. She smelled like clean laundry. Delia inhaled her scent longingly, closing her eyes as she did. Her body was alight with excitement at the feel of Alice pressed close. Her nerves came alive and praised the contact with more silky ribbons of pleasure wrapping deep down inside her. Then Delia kissed her.
She did not know what she was doing at first or why, but when her lips made contact with that warm flesh her heart began to race. She squeezed Alice close around the middle and kissed her lower abdomen again. It was delicious. Delia felt so unlike herself. Her whole body was tingling with excitement. Her thighs were squeezing against one another, causing her sex to cry out for attention. This was a forbidden fruit that she should not taste, but even that thought made it seem more irresistible. This is not proper! Her mind was shouting at her, but Delia felt beyond reason now. Her tongue darted out for just a moment and dabbed against Alice’s skin.
Delia sighed deeply, trying to expel some of the static energy that was coursing through her. She had never felt like this before, not even with Francis that night before they left. They had simply had sex. They had done it hard and it was good and satisfying, but this was electrifying, as if the very air in the room was alive with some unseen current and Delia was riding it. This was a whole different kind of intimacy, and Delia did not know what to do with the feelings. Alice’s breathing changed and Delia lifted her head up to see Alice looking down at her.
“I’m sorry,” Delia whispered. “I-I don’t know what I was doing.”
“Come up here,” Alice whispered in reply. The room was still quite dark, but Delia could see a soft smile on her face.
“I’m really sorry.”
Delia was lying face to face with her body alongside Alice. Alice took her face in her soft hands. Then she pulled Delia’s face toward her and they kissed. For a moment, Delia resisted this obvious indiscretion. But then she couldn’t resist anymore. She dove for Alice’s lips with a fervor she’d never felt with Francis. She had kissed before, but not like this. Their mouths moved against each other feverishly and Delia felt Alice slide her hand up under her nightgown to caress her skin. Their tongues made contact between their lips and Delia’s body shuddered with pleasure. It was amazing. She had never felt this kind of passion, and she deepened her kiss, grinding her mouth into Alice with rich desire.
When Alice’s hand trailed up against her breast, Delia held her breath, then Alice cupped her breast gently and Delia melted against the sensuous contact. Her body was struggling against the hot spring of need that was blossoming inside her. Delia pulled her mouth away and panted, but Alice would not release her. Instead, she pulled Delia tightly against her, wrapping her arms and legs around Delia’s muscular torso. Alice continued to knead Delia’s breast with her palm and then began to tug lightly at her nipple, sending rivulets of pleasure racing through her abdomen, down to her sex.
Just when the sensation was becoming overwhelming, Alice deftly maneuvered her hand down Delia’s torso, sliding under the waistband of her panties. Alice’s fingers twirled hard circles over Delia, twice - three times, and then Delia exploded into orgasm, her entire body convulsing and contracting against the intense stimulation. Oh my God, oh Jesus, oh my! Delia’s mind was reeling with the intensity of the emotions running through her.
All she could really think was, That was incredible.
No regret. No shame. Just a wonderful feeling.
Delia’s chest was heaving and she said nothing at first. When she opened her eyes – they had been squeezed tightly shut – Alice was grinning at her.
“Is that your first time climaxing, Dee?”
Delia nodded as she worked to catch her breath. “I – I thought I had before, but I don’t know now.”
That was so much more intense than it was with Francis.
“I love you, Delia.” Alice’s words were almost a whisper.
What?
“You do?”
“I do.”
Love?
“I don’t understand this.”
“We don’t have to understand.”
“Am I a bad person?”
“I don’t think so, honey.”
“Can we just stay like this?”
Alice squeezed against her with her legs. “I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”
“Good.” Delia rested her cheek against Alice’s neck. Her body was still tingling. This is so naughty, she thought. She had kissed another woman. She was
almost naked in bed with another woman. I’m a freak. She had let another woman touch her sex! And it was amazing! This was definitely NOT the proper thing to do, and Delia wondered what she was thinking.
“Ali?”
“Yes honey?”
“I love you too.” And for the first time in her life, Delia thought that she really meant it.
Delia closed her eyes again and lay with Alice.
Then she thought about Francis. What would he think? Nothing good, of that she was certain. In fact, he would be furious. While this was not the normal way of things, Delia knew she was breaking a promise she had made to him. Guilt was rearing its nasty face within her, but she stomped it down. She did not move away, instead she pulled her arms in close to her body and let Alice cuddle against her tightly. This just felt too good to be the wrong thing to do.
*****
Delia was alone in her bedroom that night, seated at a small desk in the corner. She set down the letter from Francis. It was a difficult letter to read. He did not seem well this time. Francis had written her several letters previously and his spirits were much better in those. Delia had never written him back. She knew he was worried. She knew the lack of communication was distressing to him. What can I do now? What can I say?
“Hi, Honey, I slept with my instructor but I still love you?” Shaking her head at the thought – not just the sheer silliness of it, but because she knew, she knew she had never loved him at all. He was just another person who had inhabited her life.
Delia sighed deeply. The words she had to say were difficult and painful, but Delia knew they had to be said. She could not live with the poison of dishonesty within her. As she set her pen to the paper she began to cry. She had never cried over Francis, not even when he left for war. It seemed unfair to send this to him now, but also unfair for her not to send it.
Everything that was building within her could no longer be contained. She was experiencing something big, and she could not deny it. Delia had real feelings for Alice, and Alice reciprocated. Still confused and unsure if there could ever be any real relationship between them, Delia’s head was a mess, but the time she spent with Alice had opened her mind up beyond the narrow boundaries she had set for herself.
She no longer saw this nursing position as a means to a financial end or just as another step in her career. She now saw it as an adventure, one in which she met a remarkable person that made her feel more alive than she ever had before. She made Delia want to run again, to run through fields without caring, to sing loudly without fear of judgment and to smile at silly things she’d normally not even notice.
Being close to Alice’s body brought a heat into Delia’s core that she had never felt with Francis. Delia knew she was a freak, the kids at school had always said so and now here was even more proof. Her tall stature and muscles were strange for some, but to Alice they were perfect. That was why she had to write this letter that she knew would crush Francis. She could not deceive herself, or him.
My Dearest Francis,
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. The path of the soldier seems bleak, and all we hear in the hospital are stories of desolation. This war seems to be unending to me, and I am able to reside in the comfort of an apartment, not the hardships of the field that you must endure. I am sure the trials you face every day are arduous and may sometimes seem insurmountable, but you are very strong, you will get through them.
I think of you often, though sometimes I just do not have the words to put down on paper. I too miss the days of our youth, though in truth, my youth was an unsettling time, and I’m finding that as an adult I can really find myself. That brings me to something I need to tell you. It is something unpleasant.
Francis, I can no longer keep my promise to be your wife. My experiences here and my choices have led me down a path that is different from yours. I am afraid I have been unfaithful to you. I have broken my promise to you and I am sincerely sorry. I wish I could offer you an explanation, or better yet, not write this at all, but I have too much respect for you as a man to deceive you any longer.
Francis, please continue to be strong. You have great determination and great potential. I believe that you will make it through this war. I think that you will do great things in your life and find happiness along the way. You will always be my first everything. Thank you for your friendship.
Dee
*****
Francis was a hero amongst the soldiers. For a week after the mortar attack that took twenty-eight lives, the men would pat him on the back as they passed. Some would even salute him, though it was frowned upon. His commanding officer told him he would likely receive a Medal of Honor for his acts of uncompromising bravery and dedication. Francis was not well though.
The path was easier now, now that they had left the countryside, but his mood was growing darker by the day. The night Bill died, Francis carried his body back on his shoulders. He handed the body off when he returned to camp and reported to his superiors about the events. That night he could not sleep, and his thoughts drifted in and out of black places, places of blood and fire and anger.
It had been six days since the last of his comrades from the jump school back in the states had perished, and Francis was only sleeping a couple of hours a night. He was punchy and snapped at his fellow soldiers. While they were marching he was unable to focus. All he could think about as the days went by was Delia, and getting back to the farm and the tree where they had spent so many of their childhood days. He wondered why she never wrote him. He had been here for a long time now and had not received any letters from her, even though he had written her several times. It was hard to get mail out in the field, he knew that, but the absence of communication with her was dragging him deeper into depression. To make things worse, winter was approaching, so freezing fingers and numb toes compounded the everyday misery of war.
The second week after Bill’s death and several fistfights later, the other soldiers started to avoid him. He couldn’t blame them. Fights erupted over foolish things, things that would not have set him off before. Now Francis had zero patience for bullshit of any kind.
The troop was getting close to a larger city now, and the towns they passed through had cobblestone streets instead of the dirt and mud they had become accustomed to. At one such village, the decision was made to camp there for the night. Scouts were sent out to circle through the city and be sure it was safe. When they returned the soldiers started setting up tents. That night a young man who was not wearing a sidearm came up to Francis and handed him a letter. It was from Delia. Instantly his mood shifted and he patted the young delivery boy on the back excitedly.
Francis took the letter over to a fire pit by which a number of soldiers were warming their feet. As he approached they all watched him warily, knowing his truculent nature. One of them, a chubby, red-faced soldier was brave enough to speak. By the look of his face, he knew his way around a bottle, and a fistfight. Francis thought he looked like a pig.
“Whacha got there, Corporal?” As his words filled the air, everyone was silent.
“A letter from my girl,” Francis replied. He sat down on the ground and stared at the envelope without opening it. His heart was pounding with excitement. She wrote me at last! It was dated three weeks prior. He thought briefly of his Delia sitting down to write him.
“Didn’t know you had a girl.”
“She’s my fiancé, actually. We’re gonna get married soon as I get back.”
Francis smiled, it was a frightening sight. He hooked a finger under the flap of the envelope and carefully tore it open.
My Dearest Francis, the letter began.
*****
Two soldiers were being brought in to the hospital on gurneys. They were pushed through the lobby then past the tall double doors into the treatment and recovery ward. That was where Delia and Alice were, sitting on the edge of an elderly man’s bed. The man was not a victim of the war, but rather a passerby that one of the nurses had
found collapsed on the street. He was terribly dehydrated and they were able to convince the doctors to take him on as a patient.
“These people have been so accepting of us, it’s almost our duty, isn’t it?” Alice had asked the doctor, sweetening her voice and shimmying her legs this way and that so the doctor’s attention stayed focused on her fantastic form.
“That’s fine nurse, just as long as we have the room.”
They had plenty of room. This was not a battlefield hospital; it was a surgery and recovery unit. They did not often get emergency patients.
When the two nurses saw soldiers wheeling in the new injuries on gurneys they rose from their seats quickly and went to meet them at the head of the ward. These guys were pretty bad off.
After the soldiers left the two men with the nurses, Delia picked up the paperwork attached to each.
“We have one with no-name here,” she said as she flipped over the papers. “We may not know his name for a while either. His jaw was destroyed. Looks like a mortar blast. They wired it shut in the hopes it would heal and he would be able to eat without a feeding tube someday. Third degree burns up and down his torso; shrapnel hit the face and was removed by the medics on site. Says he requires a catheter because-“
She paused.
“Jesus,” she mumbled. Alice looked at her questioningly. “Says here his penis was almost torn off by the blast. He has little to no bladder control right now.”
“Good God. Looks like his girlfriend won’t be too happy when he gets home.” Alice chuckled a little.
“Jesus Ali, knock it off,” Delia scolded, “it’s not a laughing matter.” The man’s face was bandaged heavily so that all she could see were two very bruised eyes that were starting to stir a bit. “He’s missing several fingers and his right leg below the thigh. His ribs were destroyed”
“What about this one?” Alice said gesturing toward the second man. When Delia moved over him she could tell what his injuries were without even seeing the chart.
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