“Logan pretends to be jealous, but I know he really doesn’t mind”, I say.
Alice adds the finishing touches to the bouquet. “And you don’t feel guilty? You know, if you’re with Logan more than Jack or the other way round.”
“I feel the same way about them both”, I say. “Which I know sounds a bit crazy, but it’s true.”
Alice isn’t looking at me because she’s pretending to be busy with another bouquet, but I know if she weren’t avoiding eye contact, she’d be looking at me with the suspicious glare of concern a best friend saves for someone playing dangerously with her emotions. “And how is that?” she says.
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, Al”, I say.
“You said that about Casper”, Alice reminds me.
“I’m much more grown up now”, I say, reaching for a discarded rose and peeling the petals off one by one. “I’ve learned from my mistakes.”
“You’ve known them both for a couple of weeks”, she says. “And I know you. Just don’t hurt yourself.”
“I’m not”, I say, a little bit more defensively than I mean to. “I’m taking it slowly.”
“Every day this week slowly?” Alice asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“If you were me, and the same thing happened to you in the first hour of your new job, you’d realize that we are going slowly.”
Alice clears the discarded flowers from her counter, takes the rose away from me and dumps the whole lot in the bin, ready to begin again on another bouquet.
“I hate weddings”, she says. “Funerals are so much easier. Valentine’s days are simple. Weddings are an absolute headache. I’ve been here since six this morning sorting through all this stuff.” Behind her are all the sets she’s already prepared, which include table centrepieces, buttonholes and a number of other bouquets that must just be for decoration. “If you ever get married”, she says, her eyes fixed carefully on me, “make sure it’s lowkey.”
“I don’t even know if that’s legal”, I say. Alice is still looking at me intently. “Alright, I looked it up, it’s not legal.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about”, Alice says. “Penny Breen likes to run before she can walk.”
“I’m ticking way less”, I say.
“That’s because you haven’t got time to think about it.”
“You could be at least a little bit happy for me”, I say.
Alice puts down her scissors and comes round to the other side of the counter. “I am happy for you”, she says, rubbing my arm. “I’m sorry, Pen. Being stuck here is affecting my mood. I’m over the moon for you, I really am, I just don’t want to see you get hurt that’s all. It’s my protective nature. That and I haven’t even heard from you for a week so I feel a little bit forgotten about, which is okay of course and something I totally understand. If this situation were reversed and two sexy twins came in here to sweep me off my feet, I wouldn’t have time to send a single message to let you know I’m not dead either.”
“I’m sorry, Alice”, I say, feeling like I’ve abandoned her. “I should have let you know. Especially after what you did for me on Friday.”
“Especially after what I did for you on Friday”, Alice repeats back to me. “I’m a good wing girl.”
“The best.”
Alice smiles at me and I know she’s not really mad.
“I wasn’t dead”, I say.
“I know that now”, Alice says. “Far from it by the looks of it.”
“You want to get a coffee? Take a break from here, let me make it up to you.”
“Tell me all the juicy details?”
“If you like”, I say.
Alice looks behind her at the mountain of work still to do. “Fifteen minutes”, she says. “That ought to get you up to the first orgasm at least.”
There is a cafe right next to her shop, but it’s the kind of place where the waiting staff bring your order straight to the table, so we go to where we always go when Alice happens to be working on a Saturday and I’m not, a place where you collect both of your orders at the end of the counter, and the serving staff don’t even give you a second look, regardless of how many coffees you decide to order.
“Twins busy today then?” Alice asks when we’ve settled down into one of the reclaimed and re-upholstered chairs that make the place look much more like a second hand antique store than a coffee shop.
“We thought it would be good to have a break”, I say. “And I wanted to come and see you.”
“I’m surprised you managed to tear yourselves away from each other.”
“There’s only so often I can work from home before the rest of the staff get suspicious”, I say. “Plus, I can’t let them get it all at once, they might get complacent.”
“Lessons in love by Penny Breen”, Alice says, her hands in the air to spell out the title. “How to get yourself a sexy pair of twins and keep hold of them.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I still can’t believe it, Al”, I say, realigning the coffee cups until they are perfectly straight. “The night out, Logan giving me his number out of the blue.”
“You losing it”, she reminds me.
“I wouldn’t have got it back if I hadn’t lost my job.”
“That sounds a hell of a lot like fate to me”, Alice says. “Which is-”, she pauses for emphasis, “-evidently, a hundred percent more effective then Tinder.”
“I wonder what happened to Mike and Charlie. I still can’t believe they ditched us.”
“I know, right? At least you’ve got nothing to worry about now, I’m the one that’s lost her wing girl.”
“You haven’t lost me, I’m still your most unusual and obsessive friend.”
Alice narrows her eyes at me suspiciously, “you said you were getting better.”
“Better”, I say, “but don’t worry, I’ve still got a long way to go.”
“What are we doing tonight then? Film, drinks, finding me a sexy hunk? I’m happy for just one, and I’d settle for a single night.”
I catch Alice’s eyes and she knows I can’t even before I say it.
“Oh Penny, I thought you said you were free.”
“I said I wasn’t seeing the twins”, I say. I’m sorry Al, Mom wants to meet up.”
“Again?”
“She says she’s got something really important she wants to tell me.”
“Don’t tell me, she’s splitting up with Mr. Money Bags”, Alice says.
“I hope not, although by the sound of her voice I don’t think it’s bad news.”
“They’re moving in together”, Alice guesses. “Having a baby, getting married!?”
“Please, Mom’s already made that mistake once and she’s only just met the guy. It’ll probably be something else completely. It wouldn’t surprise me if it’s something ridiculously mundane like she’s bought a new vacuum cleaner or had the curtains laundered.”
I pause to take a sip of both of my coffees.
“Have you told her yet?” Alice asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m not entirely sure how to bring it up. I figure I’ll leave it until it’s absolutely unavoidable. No one knows but you.”
“That makes me feel important.”
“You are important”, I say.
“When do we get to go out then? I mean, I know I’ve got to share you with the Brooklyn Gods, but I want my piece of Penny Breen too, and I was here first godammit!”
“Next week, I promise”, I say.
“Without the twins”, Alice urges. “I don’t want another skull burying event.”
“Sorry for that”, I say. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, up until then I thought it could have gone either way. I guess it’s just not my thing.”
I smile. “It’s totally my thing.”
“What happened with that by the way? Shadowheart. You know someone in the shop was talking about some pirate from Red Hook and his buried treasure the other
day, I couldn’t believe it.”
“People are looking”, I say. “We started the rumor, did a bunch of fake interviews, had someone find a piece of a treasure map in a thrift store. It’s amazing what people will believe if they think it’s true.”
Alice narrows her eyes at me suspiciously again.
“That is not some kind of metaphor for my perfectly normal three way relationship by the way”, I insist.
“It’s a relationship now?” Alice asks. “I thought you guys were going slowly.”
“I’m designing the treasure map”, I say excitedly, ignoring Alice’s ironic skepticism. “Well part of it.”
“That’s your job now? I’m so jealous.”
“Not entirely, no”, I confess. “I’m also working on a film.”
“A film?”
I feel guilty just thinking about it. Alice works her ass off and gets paid hardly anything while I’m living the life of my dreams. “Jack wants me to come up with some original ideas.”
Alice raises an eyebrow. “I bet he does.”
“No, not like that”, I say, suppressing a giggle. “Although that too. Ideas for a comic book film.”
“Fucking hell , Penny. What else are you going to tell me next? You’ve won the lottery, you’ve discovered a cure for ageing, you left the house this morning without returning.”
I can feel myself going red. “I know”, I say. “I’ve got to be the luckiest person in the world.”
“You know, I joke around because I care about you and we’re friends, but I’m happy for you, really happy. You look happy. Happier than you’ve looked in a seriously long time. And I don’t think I’ve ever used the word happy so often in one go. You deserve it. I know things haven’t been great for you for a while and everything else, so you really deserve it.”
“Thank you, Alice, that means a lot.”
“Just don’t forget about me when you become a super famous comic book artist. I know your sexy humble beginnings remember. If you sell me out I’ll start running tours in all the subways and bars you’ve left your spunky marks.”
“Alice!” I remonstrate, “You wouldn’t.”
“That depends on how well you behave”, she says.
“I’d never leave you behind. Where else would I buy my flowers?”
“Ooof, don’t remind me. Just make sure it’s not for a wedding, okay? I don’t want to do another of those for at least a hundred years.”
“It might be another hundred years before they make it legal”, I say. “So I think you’re okay.”
“It might be a hundred years before I finish this one”, Alice responds. “Who invites five hundred guests to a wedding and then insists that the whole place is absolutely covered in so many flowers it looks like a botanic garden?”
“People with more money than you and me”, I say. “At least it’s good for the business.”
“It’s definitely not good for my hands”, Alice complains, holding up her palms to me. “I don’t think people understand sometimes that flowers don’t magically appear out of thin air in delightful bouquets and carefully weaved wreaths, and nor are they always in season. You can’t expect cornflowers and dahlias to be available in spring if they don’t come into bloom until summer.”
“Exactly”, I say, having no idea what either of those two flowers look like. “That happens all the time with anything artistic. People look at the finished product, and have no idea how much time goes into making it. It’s hard work being creative.”
Alice finishes the last dregs of her coffee.
“You want another?” I ask her.
“I want to stay here all afternoon, complain about the job that I love when someone isn’t phoning me every thirty minutes to find out where their parrot tulips are, and listen to you tell me in minute detail exactly what Logan and Jack look like naked, but unfortunately, I don’t have the time. I have to get all of this done before the end of the day otherwise I’ll have to come in tomorrow as well, and you know how much I love my bed.”
“No-one should work on a Sunday”, I say. “Francis didn’t even make me do that at the comic book store. Sundays are for nostalgic films, ice cream and anal sex.”
Alice looks at me jealously. “I wish my sundays were like that. They’re not exactly my type, but if you ever find your hands too full you can always let me borrow one of your twins if you like.”
I widen my eyes at her.
“Alright”, Alice says, her hands up in the air passively. “I’ll just stick with Tinder.”
I finish my coffees, and make sure all the three coffee cups are aligned before we leave. Outside, without even considering to begin walking back to the shop until she knows I’m ready, Alice leans up against the wall and waits for the moment to arise.
“I’m just going to-”, I say, half way through the script before I open the door I’ve shut only seconds before, head back inside to where we were just sat to look on, around and under the table for something I know in the back of my head has no chance of being there.
Alice loops her arm in mine as I reemerge and together we walk back towards the florists like two old ladies forming a shopping shield on sales day.
“I’m happy to stick around and help”, I say. “I don’t have to meet Mom until later.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably be faster without you to be honest. If you’re here I’ll just get distracted.”
“You make me sound like a bad influence.”
“Well, you do like to vandalize walls with porn”, Alice jokes.
“Erotic drawings”, I correct her. “They are works of art.”
“And bury skulls”, Alice goes on.
“That was an educational experiment”, I say.
“And have sex with two men at once-.”
“You’re just jealous.”
“You’re right”, Alice says. “I’m just jealous. Who wouldn’t be? Either one of those men would be heaven on their own, but two, that’s just out of this world.”
“I promise I’ll tell you more next week”, I say.
We’re back at the shop, Alice behind the counter already with a bunch of flowers in her hands that could be dahlias or just as easily parrot tulips for all I know. The way she falls into what she does with such automatic routine makes me think of myself when I have a sharpie in my hand.
“Just make sure there’s still something to tell”, Alice says. “I don’t want to find out Jack and Logan have decided to abandon you.”
“That’s not going to happen”, I say, absolutely convinced it won’t. “Mom’s got more chance of bringing back the holy grail.”
“You should thank her for bringing back Mr. Money Bags”, she says. “Without him, you wouldn’t have met Jack in the first place or Logan again.”
“I don’t think that was what she had in mind”, I say.
“I don’t think it was what anyone had in mind but you”, Alice says, and then with a cheeky smile, “I still can’t believe you managed it.”
I shrug proudly. “What can I say? I guess I’ve just got swag after all.”
Alice can’t help but laugh. “Okay, that’s enough”, she says, waving me away with the scissors. “Whatever you’ve got, it isn’t swag.”
“I’ll call you”, I say, moving away from the counter.
“Don’t give them everything at once”, Alice advises. “Keep them wanting more.”
“I will”, I say, almost at the door.
“And call me”, Alice says, “I’ll be mad if you don’t call me.”
“Don’t work too hard”, I say.
“And find out of they have any sexy friends, or even another brother somewhere!”
I blow her a kiss and head out onto the street. A second later I’m back inside.
“I just need to-”, I say.
“Go right ahead”, Alice says. “Don’t mind me, slaving away all day here while you laze around, living the dream.”
I ignore her and continue my pointles
s search. There’s nothing of mine here, but I knew that already.
“See you soon, Al.”
“Don’t eat too much ice cream tomorrow”, she warns, before I’m out of the door for good.
Chapter Twenty
Mom has asked me to get dressed up for tonight, but refuses to tell me what her secret is until I’ve arrived. I don’t really do dressing up - about the smartest thing I have in my closet is the stuff I reserve for interviews and first days at work - and even then it’s not exactly what I know Mom probably has in mind. I settle for something I would usually wear: Jeans, T-shirt, wool jumper, and hope that whatever she wants to tell me isn’t affected by the fact I’m not wearing a little black dress. At the end of the day, I’d prefer to be comfortable and obsess less, than be the most elegant girl in the room, who ticks more than rainman.
To check that I’m still coming, Mom sends me five messages on Whatsapp, leaves one voicemail and then calls again while I’m in the middle of listening to it.
“Just making sure you know where we are going”, she says, as a thinly veiled excuse for her call.
“Are you okay, Mom?” I ask. “You sound suspiciously happy.”
She actually sounds like she’s on drugs, but I don’t want to predict something that could be right. Maybe Mr. Money Bags is some kind of Scarface style international drug smuggler and she’s got Mom hooked to keep her quiet. Maybe tonight is going to be some kind of tell all confession that results in them both emigrating permanently to Columbia. Maybe they want to recruit me into the business instead, and make me some kind of long distance drugs mule smuggling swallowed condoms full of heroin out of Afghanistan.
“Just make sure you aren’t late”, Mom says, bringing me back to reality. “Get a taxi if you need to.”
I might be able to get a taxi if I had any money, but I still haven’t been paid yet and I feel weird asking Jack for an advance. I get the bus instead, which is much more appropriate for the kind of lifestyle that I’m used to. Mom might have already become accustomed to living the high life with Mr. Money Bags - I must try and remember his name before I get there - but I’m an independent woman, and even though Jack is clearly well off, I’m not the kind of girl that likes to be supported. I’m happy to eat at ludicrously expensive restaurants if I’m being invited, but I want to keep my feet on the ground too, and buses are great, especially on Saturday evening. Having my car turned into a set of kitchen knives has really allowed me to appreciate just how diverse this neighborhood really is. Arriving by bus also gives me quiet time inside my own head, which I use to prepare myself for the awkwardness that is likely to follow, and distract myself with thoughts about Jack and Logan. I drew a new scene this afternoon - the first erotic drawing I’ve done in a while, simply because I haven’t had any spare time - and it’s something I can’t wait to try out with them.
Obsession: A Twin Menage Romance Page 16