“Well, I helped her with her guitar lessons. That was the deal that started our friendship. She helped me learn to trust my instincts—to remind myself that I knew the piece by heart, so quit practicing and just play, and to trust that I wasn’t going to screw up. After all, how could I? I practiced everything to death! Forget about the audience, just play, and have fun. Like I did when I was a kid, alone in my room, just wailing away, jamming with my records.” Shawn’s face lit up. “You did it too, right? Pretended you were in the band? Shawn, you just need more time onstage. It gets easier, really it does.”
They looked out over the pasture for a few minutes and watched the horses in silence.
“What about you, Jaymi? Do you have a backup plan?”
“Sure do. Teaching.”
“What, like be a professor or something?”
“No, I’d like to do private guitar lessons. I wouldn’t mind doing some workshops, too. Maybe teach some basic music theory, or have ensembles for kids who want to practice playing music with other kids.”
Shawn picked at a loose splinter in the fence. “I could see you doing that.” Shawn turned shyly to Jaymi. “You’re a good mentor, you know. I learned a lot from you, back in LA.”
“I’m glad. It means a lot to me that you feel that way.”
“Maybe you could help me find some open mikes around here?”
“Now you’re talking! I’ve got a whole list upstairs, come on.”
As they turned to head back up, a woman approached them from the main house.
“Hey, that’s Alice, my landlady,” said Jaymi. “I’ll introduce you.”
A rugged farm girl in her late fifties, Alice was dressed in jeans, a red plaid flannel shirt, Timberland work boots, and a tan heavyweight canvas parka.
“Beautiful morning, isn’t it, Jaymi?” she said. Her leathery face beamed with energy and kindness and was framed with thick gray curls and rimless glasses.
“Yes, it is. Alice, this is my friend, Shawn.”
Alice accepted Shawn’s handshake with a grin. “Glad to meet you, Shawn. That your car over there I’ve seen the past few weeks?”
“Yeah. Is it okay parked where it is?”
“Oh, sure. Not like Peter and I ever have much company. Peter’s my husband.”
“Sorry I haven’t taken the time to introduce you two sooner, Alice,” Jaymi said. “It’s not a problem if Shawn stays with me for a while, is it? She’s just come back from California.”
“Oh no, no, no, of course not, honey.” Alice winked at Jaymi, then turned to Shawn. “You stay as long as you want. If you’re a friend of Jaymi’s, that tells me right off you’ll be no trouble.”
“I really appreciate it. I’ll be looking for my own place as soon as I have the money. I could even help you out with the horses if you need it, you know, to help pay my way.”
A wide smile spread across Alice’s face. She looked Shawn up and down then turned to Jaymi. “Girl wants to earn her keep. I like that.” She studied Shawn’s face for a moment. “I was watching you this morning. You know your way around horses, don’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am. I do.”
Alice burst into laughter. “Ma’am? Cripes, that makes me feel like a hoity-toity ol’ lady! Ma’am! You know, your timing couldn’t be better. My stable boy up and quit on me a few weeks back. Got himself a job down in New York City. My knee’s bothering me something fierce today. Tore up my ACL a few years back, and if I start favoring my knee, then my damn hip’ll start in, and don’t even get me started on when it rains ’cause, well…Oh, you don’t want to listen to my bellyaching. Are you free to help me out today?”
“Anything you need.”
“And I don’t expect you to work for nothing, so I’ll pay you, same as I was paying him, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You put a kibosh on this ma’am stuff. You call me Alice. You call me ma’am again, and I’ll put you in charge of the fertilizer shed, and that’ll be all I’ll have you do. Understand?”
“It’s a deal, Alice.”
Jaymi watched them walk away together, already laughing and joking like old friends, and she felt a moment of envy. She wished Shawn was that free with her. It wasn’t surprising that Shawn would take so easily to Alice. Alice and Jaymi’s mother had been longtime friends, and Alice’s down-to-earth ways were as comforting as a bowl of soup and a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night. The fact that Alice warmed up to Shawn so quickly was encouraging. Jaymi trusted Alice’s instincts.
She thought of the way Shawn had jumped and settled into a defensive position when Jaymi had startled her, and she wondered just what the hell was so frightening in Shawn’s past to elicit that kind of reaction. The terror is Shawn’s eyes had been very real, and it had taken more than a few seconds for her to realize she wasn’t in danger. Jaymi’s heart ached for her. She couldn’t imagine being that scared of anything.
Alice and Shawn disappeared into the barn, and Jaymi turned to go back inside. With time, maybe Shawn would open up. And by then, maybe Jaymi would know how to respond.
*
After three hours cleaning out stalls, replenishing oats, hay, and water, Shawn walked up the porch steps to the house to show Alice the results. Peter, who was just as friendly and full of country charm, dressed similarly in jeans and flannel and puffing on a pipe, greeted her. He called to his spouse, who walked to the stable with Shawn. Satisfied with what she saw inside, she suggested that Shawn assist her with bringing in the horses so that she could introduce them. One by one, Shawn learned their names, was briefed on their personality quirks and any special needs, and was given information about their owners. Of the five, only two of the horses belonged to Alice and Peter.
“I can see you have a love for animals,” Alice remarked, after they settled in the last horse. “Thanks for keeping a lookout for Charley, too,” she added, referring to her golden retriever. “He tends to get underfoot when I’m bringing in the horses.”
“I’ve always loved animals.” She watched a tiger kitten playing in some hay on the floor, sliding into it as if it were third base, then flinging a strand of it into the air with its paw and batting it around. “I thought about a career with them, once.”
“Well, why not? You’d be terrific. What is it you do?”
“I’m a musician. Well, an aspiring one anyway. That’s my number one love.”
“Ah, like my Jaymi. She’s something else, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she sure is.”
Alice smiled warmly. “I’ve known Jaymi since she was a little girl. Her folks and us have been close friends for years. Such a shame when Yvonne died.” Alice bit her bottom lip, closed her eyes for a moment, and pressed a palm to her heart. “Nearly broke my heart, losing a friend like that. Oh, dear, I’ve got to go up and give poor Jaymi a good ol’-fashioned bear hug. They were very close, you know. Only person I ever met that was as sweet as that dear lady was her own daughter. I missed Jaymi terrible when she moved out there to California. Only wish she could have come back for better reasons than to…Well anyway, what’s done is done. We built that apartment for our daughter, but she got married and moved out, so it worked out good for Jaymi and us both when she needed a place.”
Shawn couldn’t help but smile, but her heart was heavy as she thought of Jaymi’s pain. She had heard muffled sounds of the guitar coming down through the floorboards while she worked in the barn. She had wished she could hear it more clearly, and she had to force herself to not be distracted by it.
“Well, I wish you luck with your music. It’s important to have dreams. But you have a gift with animals, too, remember that. Here”—Alice said, extending some folded-up cash—“you did a great job today, and I appreciate it.”
Shawn looked at her with surprise. “No, really, you don’t have to. It was only a few hours.”
Alice took her hand and folded her fingers around the money. “You earned it. I told you I’d pay you, now ta
ke it.”
“Okay. Thank you. I enjoyed it. I’d forgotten how much I miss this. I’d be glad to help tomorrow, too, if you need me. During the week, I have a temp job for now, but on the weekends…”
“I’ll take you up on tomorrow, but you’ve got to have a day off, so only if you’re up to it.”
“I’m up to it. What time?”
“Meet me here at eight o’clock. Sharp.”
*
After she had finished her work in the barn, Shawn found Jaymi absorbed in her music studio and sensed it was best not to disturb her. After showering, she gave Jaymi the rest of the day to herself and used some of her earnings to purchase some much-needed winter clothes and to get her hair cut. When she got back, Jaymi seemed in better spirits.
“Giving up the sheepdog look, are you? You look…” Jaymi stopped and stared at her for a moment. “I mean, I love your haircut. I can see your face now!”
“Thanks. It was driving me crazy. I haven’t had the money to get it cut in a long time. Feels like she must’ve taken twenty pounds of hair off my head.”
“Twenty pounds? Wow, are you feeling light-headed?”
Shawn rolled her eyes and laughed. “Terribly! I think I’m going to faint! You better come over here and catch me!” She tipped her head back slightly and daintily put the back of her hand on her forehead.
“Oh, brother. You’re a terrible actress. No wonder they kicked you out of Hollywood.”
“Hey, I left voluntarily, remember? And I never claimed to be an actress.”
“And you definitely can’t pull off the helpless female role.”
“Thank God for that.”
She picked up her packages and carried them into her room. She dumped their contents onto her bed and one by one removed the tags and added them to her other clothes in the small closet. A deep sense of satisfaction stole over her. It had been ages since she had been able to buy new clothes, and now she had clothes and a haircut. Small things that felt huge. How long had she been living out of a suitcase now? Maybe she could buy a secondhand dresser with her next paycheck. But then again, it probably wasn’t a good idea to get too settled here. Her thoughts on the subject were aborted when she noticed the apartment was silent.
She tentatively made her way down the hall and stopped at the threshold of the studio to find Jaymi hunched over the piano with her face in her hands. A wineglass in front of her was empty. She hadn’t known Jaymi to drink alone. Ever. Shawn froze, not sure if she should leave her alone and go back to her room. She watched as Jaymi’s right hand returned to the keyboard and pecked out a few notes, her head still resting in the other hand.
“That’s pretty,” Shawn said softly. Jaymi barely moved but lifted her head and stared at the wall, keeping her back to Shawn.
“Too bad I can’t finish it,” she murmured. Shawn walked over and stood behind her. She leaned over, peering at the papers propped up on the piano in front of them. Absorbing the lyrics, she didn’t realize her hands had begun massaging Jaymi’s tense shoulders.
“Mmm. That feels good,” Jaymi whispered.
“It’s about your mother, isn’t it?” Jaymi nodded. “Man, you’re really tight. I dated a massage therapist once, so don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” Shawn swallowed the lump in her throat, enjoying the feel of Jaymi’s body under her hands far too much.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Very funny. Though it is a good way to pick up women. I can give you some pointers if you want.”
Jaymi swung her body around to straddle the bench, breaking Shawn’s touch. “Are you implying that I need pointers to pick up women?”
Shawn could feel her face flush, but with the encouraging day she’d had, her confidence was riding higher than usual. She dropped onto the bench in front of Jaymi. “Definitely not. Trust me, you don’t need any help in that department.”
“And how would you know that?”
“Er…”
Jaymi slid closer to her, so close their knees touched and Shawn could smell the wine on her breath. “Something tells me you don’t need any help either.”
Shawn sat motionless. Is she going to kiss me? Nikki’s warnings ran through her head as Jaymi’s hands slid up her thighs. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Every instinct within her was battling her willpower. I made a promise to myself when I left LA that I was going to change. The old me would be taking her to bed right now, not giving a damn about the consequences. I don’t want to do that with Jaymi. She’s too special. She’s too vulnerable. I won’t do that to her. Shawn cleared her throat and backed away, moving off the bench. “Jaymi, how many glasses of wine have you had?”
“Three…no, three. Four? Shit, I lost count.” She giggled. “Count it off! A one, a two—”
“And have you eaten?”
“Nope.”
“That’s what I thought.” Shawn took Jaymi by the hands, led her to the sofa, and gently sat her down. “I owe you a dinner. I’ll run out for Chinese.”
She turned toward the kitchen, but Jaymi grabbed her hand and stopped her.
“No…don’t go. I don’t want you to go back out. I’m sorry, I’m having a rough day.”
“It’s the song, isn’t it? You miss your mother.”
Jaymi nodded. Her eyes welled up and she tried to speak through sobs. “I can’t…every time I try to finish it, to sing it, I can’t get the words out.”
Shawn sat beside her and, after a long, awkward silence, tentatively put her arm around her shoulders. Jaymi burrowed her face into Shawn’s neck and cried. “It’s okay,” Shawn whispered. “I understand how you feel. I’m here for you. I’m here for you.” Dear God, if you’re testing me, this is a really cruel way to do it. She held her until the tears ran dry. When Jaymi pulled away, her eyes swollen from crying, it tore at Shawn’s heart. She wiped a few tears from Jaymi’s cheeks and gave her a gentle smile. “Time for food, I think.”
What she wanted far more than food was to hold Jaymi close, to draw her in and not let go, to take away the pain. But it wasn’t like she was the right person to do that. She had enough baggage of her own, and although Jaymi was hurting today, every other day she had her crap together in a way Shawn couldn’t even fathom.
She tried to pull away, and when Jaymi hiccupped they both started laughing, and the moment was broken.
“I don’t want you to go. Please stay. We’ll put on a movie or something. Order pizza.” The pleading look was all it took. Shawn grabbed the phone and ordered while Jaymi fumbled with the DVD player. When she sat back down on the couch beside Jaymi, her insides shook slightly when Jaymi curled up against her and promptly fell asleep, her arm thrown over Shawn’s stomach.
Shawn tried to pay attention to the movie, but all she could think about was the way Jaymi’s body pressed against her own, the way her breasts felt against her biceps, the way her hair fell over her face. Shawn let her head fall against the back of the couch. God give me strength. She rested her hand on Jaymi’s back and gave in to the feeling of peace. It wouldn’t last, so she might as well take it while she could.
*
Jaymi woke later than usual on Sunday morning. Her head was pounding from the wine, but worse than that was the restless night she had suffered. She couldn’t escape the image of Shawn sitting in front of her on the piano bench. She tried to tell herself it was the wine that had given her such a strong urge to kiss her. Where did that come from? Was she finally ready to start dating again?
She quickly dismissed the possibility. No, probably just loneliness. And maybe I was a bit horny, too. I am human, after all. The timing couldn’t be worse. I’m finally focused on my career and it’s taking off. I can’t let anything disrupt that.
But she also remembered how good Shawn’s hands felt on her shoulders, her touch soothing and caring. Jaymi knew it had been a spontaneous gesture, a simple absentminded massage that she didn’t even realize she was doing. But later, when Shawn had woken her so she could an
swer the door to the pizza man, it had felt so good to have Shawn’s hand resting lightly on her back, their bodies pressed together. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all, but waking in Shawn’s arms made her feel something she couldn’t define, but something intense nonetheless. They’d eaten in silence, both of them pretending to watch the movie. And when they’d finished eating, Shawn had insisted on walking her to her room and tucking her into bed. In that moment, in that single instant, she had very nearly asked her to stay. Not for sex, although that might have been nice, too. But she wanted Shawn’s body next to her, she wanted to be wrapped in those strong arms. Instead, she’d closed her eyes and listened as Shawn left the room, closing the door softly behind her.
She forced herself up and into the shower. A cool shower. As she washed, she worked her mind back into focus. She wouldn’t allow herself to become vulnerable. No, she definitely wasn’t ready to date again. She would be a friend to Shawn and help her through this rough patch, and before long, she’d be on her way, back on her feet. Besides, she hated to screw up the budding friendship that was forming between them. She was sure Shawn felt the same, for she was just as determined to pursue her dreams as Jaymi was. They could help each other, and anything more than friendship would just mess everything up.
So why did that make her sad?
Chapter Ten
“Shit!” Shawn threw off the covers and in the early morning blackness tripped over them rushing across the room. She turned on a light and frantically grabbed her clothes and headed for the bathroom.
After a three-minute shower, she went into the kitchen and found Jaymi seated at the table, half-asleep and sipping coffee. She was in a hurry but didn’t fail to notice how cute Jaymi looked with her tousled bed head, in an oversized T-shirt and flannel sleep pants. She entertained a fleeting wish that they could both play hooky but knew she would only get herself into trouble if they did.
“You want some coffee?”
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