Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  Shawn merely shrugged and raised her eyebrows.

  Jaymi finished her last swallow of wine and not so innocently leaned her body over Shawn’s to set her goblet on the end table behind Shawn, rather than on the more convenient coffee table in front of them.

  It wasn’t the apprehensive kiss of the night before, but a firm, passionate one that spoke of confidence and no fear of rejection. After a slight hesitation, Shawn surrendered and within minutes was easing Jaymi onto her back and letting her own body relax into her arms, their lips never parting, their tongues caressing, their hands exploring.

  It wasn’t until Shawn felt Jaymi’s hand slide into her bra that she heard the argument begin in her head. Oh God, I don’t want to stop this, but I have to. She obviously wants it, too. No, it’s the wine, it’s weakening her—our—willpower, but subconsciously it’s because we both want it. I’m confused—she wants to slow things down, yet she keeps coming on to me. Oh, just sleep with her, but what if she backs off again in the morning, when she’s sober and regrets this…and then what?

  Shawn drew her lips away, and pulled away slightly. “Jaymi, I can’t do this. I thought—”

  “Stop thinking.” Jaymi cupped Shawn’s face between her hands. “I don’t want to think. All I’ve ever done is think. For once, I just want to go with my feelings.”

  Shawn gently took Jaymi’s hands, pulled them away from her face, and stood up. “But what about my feelings, Jaymi? I’ve done nothing but act on my feelings without thinking, and where has it gotten me? One-night stands. Homeless. Disowned by my father. And almost raped. Don’t you understand? I need to think now. I’ve screwed up my whole life because I didn’t think things through. It’s like we’ve reversed roles.”

  “Oh God…” Jaymi covered her face. “You’re right. I’m so sorry.” Jaymi reached for a tissue and continued. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Normally my willpower is so strong, but I don’t know what it is about you, Shawn. This is the first time since Peach and I split up that I’ve had feelings for someone and I’ve actually felt safe to do something about it. But I got so caught up in how I was feeling that I didn’t think about your feelings.”

  “So, it’s not just the wine and my compliments making you horny?” Shawn couldn’t resist teasing. Suddenly what Jaymi was saying sank in when she didn’t laugh, but focused those intense blue eyes seriously on her. “Jaymi—are you saying you have feelings for me? Like, real feelings?”

  “I didn’t want to. I didn’t expect to. None of this would have happened if I didn’t. I don’t just make passes at women. I haven’t met anyone I’ve wanted to date.” She slowly stood up and took Shawn by the hands and gave them a squeeze. “That is, until now. I made up my mind that the next time I got involved with someone I would take my time, I’d evaluate and analyze and examine every aspect of who that person was, and I’d make absolutely sure that we were right for each other. And that I could trust her, completely. I’ve been telling myself for so long that I didn’t want to be with anyone. That I was better off single. That I wasn’t going to put my heart on the line again unless I had no doubts that it was absolutely right.”

  Shawn held Jaymi’s eyes. She could feel her heart pounding like a jackhammer. Her head spun as Jaymi’s words began to sink in. She’s falling for me. “Have you been doing that with me this whole time? Studying me to see if we’re compatible?”

  “No. At least not consciously. I think it’s just happened naturally, without me trying. With you, everything is so easy. And it seems to be that way for you, too. We just get along so great, and we just keep getting closer every day. If it keeps heading in this direction, it’ll only get better, don’t you think? Do you feel it, too?”

  Shawn’s eyes closed as she nodded slowly. “I’m scared, Jaymi.”

  “Scared of what?”

  “Of me, of me screwing this up—”

  “How do you know it won’t be different this time? What makes you think you’ll screw it up?”

  “I told you. I’ve never really had a real relationship. I’ve only been here a month. There’s a lot you still don’t know about me.”

  “Shawn, you’re forgetting that we were friends for a year back in California.”

  “Yeah, I know. But with you, I…” She bowed her head and shook it.

  Jaymi lifted Shawn’s chin and leaned closer. “Tell me,” she whispered.

  “You don’t understand. You’re different. With you it’s different, and if I screw it up this time, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

  “Why is it different with me?”

  “Because…” Just say it, damn it! No, once I say it, I can’t take it back. It changes everything.

  Jaymi wrapped her arms around Shawn and softly began to sing one of her songs into her ear:

  “You don’t have to tell me what you’re feeling

  I can see it in your eyes

  You don’t have to say the words, my darling

  Because your touch holds no disguise…”

  Jaymi kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered into her ear. “There’s no hurry.” She caressed Shawn’s face and looked her in the eye. “I thought I wasn’t ready but I was wrong. When I told Nikki today that you and I were just friends, it hit me. I don’t want to be just friends. It’s more than that, and you know it. I have more than enough patience for the both of us. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Because something tells me you’re worth waiting for.” She kissed her again, this time on the lips, and left her standing in the flickering light of the candles. Shawn noticed that when Jaymi closed her bedroom door, she didn’t latch it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Despite her exhaustion, Shawn rose early and went to work in the barn. She was avoiding Jaymi, dreading the awkwardness that awaited them. After reeling in the living room for several long minutes, she had blown out the candles and taken the nerve-racking walk down the hall. She had carefully rested her head against Jaymi’s door while Should I or shouldn’t I? hammered away inside her head for what seemed like an eternity. She finally willed herself into the confines of her own room. As she tossed and turned all night, she wondered if Jaymi was doing the same.

  She was so deep in her thoughts she didn’t hear Alice enter the barn.

  “Whoa, girl,” said Alice. “It’s a good thing the horses are already out, or you jumping up like that would’ve scared the bejesus outta them! Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “No, it’s okay, Alice. I’m off in my own world today.” She stabbed her pitchfork into a bale of hay and wiped her forehead with her arm.

  “I can see that. Anything I can help you with, honey? I’m a good listener. Course, Pete always teases me and says I’m an even better talker.”

  Shawn smiled, touched by Alice’s perceptiveness and concern. She reminded her of Aunt Betty. “Thanks, but I think I’ve got to work this out myself.”

  Alice studied Shawn’s face a moment. “Let me give you some advice. Love doesn’t come around that often. When you find it, you have to grab it by the horns and not let go. It’s the strongest bond there is, but it doesn’t take much to break it either.”

  “How’d you know?”

  “That your troubles have to do with love? There’s heartbreak written all over your face. I’ve seen it on Jaymi’s face, too. Give her time, honey. If there’s really something there, it’ll happen. Can’t force it, though. You’ll know when the time is right.”

  “What’s Jaymi said to you?”

  “Nothing. She’s had a rough time of it the past few years, and it’s been an awful long time since I’ve seen her as happy as she’s been since you got here. It’s obvious you have something to do with it.”

  Shawn let her smile escape and, for once, didn’t care that there was someone there to see it. After they spent a few minutes exchanging stories about the horses, she worked up the nerve to ask Alice a question she’d been dying to ask. “Alice, there’s one other thing. I was thinki
ng…”

  “What, honey?”

  “Well, I used to ride—it’s been years—but I thought maybe sometime you’d let me ride Scout? She’s such a sweet horse and she seems to trust me—”

  “I think Scout would enjoy that. You can take her out today if you’d like. Which means I better start cracking the whip—you missed a spot over in that corner!” She pointed and gave Shawn a playful pat on the arm before disappearing out the door.

  *

  Jaymi was on the phone when Shawn came in. “Well, if you see her or hear from her, will you please tell her to call me? We all really want her there tonight.” Shawn returned Jaymi’s hesitant smile as she rushed by and retreated into the shower.

  After dressing, she steadied herself and made her way back to the kitchen. Jaymi was sitting at the table with her head in her hands, the phone’s handset in front of her. Shawn prepared two cups of coffee and sat down with her.

  “I can’t find Nikki anywhere. What are we going to do? This is a really important gig, and I know I’m pissed at her, but I don’t want her to quit. I just want her to grow up, you know?”

  “Can’t you just do songs she doesn’t sing lead on?”

  “But she sings more than half of them, so we don’t have enough material. This is a three-hour gig.”

  Shawn sipped her coffee. “Covers?”

  Jaymi shook her head. “No, not at this place. A couple covers is okay, but they want mostly original material.” Suddenly her eyes brightened. “I have a better idea.” She grinned devilishly and Shawn knew what she was thinking.

  “Oh no. No—” Shawn leaned back and held up her hands.

  “What do you mean no? You know most of our songs already. It’ll be great. You can play the guitar parts Nikki usually plays, and we’ll fill the gaps with your songs.”

  “Do you really think your fans are going to accept some unknown open-mike singer as Nikki Razer’s replacement? Come on.”

  “No, not her replacement. We’ll tell them Nikki’s ill, just like we originally planned, and just say you’re filling in temporarily. Think about it, it’ll be a great opportunity for you to showcase your stuff and get your own gigs going. Before you know it, you’ll have your own following, your own fans. We can help you while you’re helping us.”

  Shawn’s heart began racing with the idea, though she knew it would add fuel to the fire where Nikki was concerned. She made the mistake of looking into Jaymi’s eyes, their expression pleading and hopeful.

  Six hours later, after a grueling, crash-course cram and jam rehearsal, she was on the road with Passion Play, headed to Boston.

  *

  A crowd of about two hundred made itself comfortable in the intimate forum. Rumors scurried from ear to ear as the band nervously warmed up their vocal cords and tuned up their instruments backstage. They were greeted with an enthusiastic roar when they took the stage. Jaymi, who normally would have been set up to Nikki’s right, took center stage and dove in with one of her more upbeat tunes, followed by another song she’d cowritten with Brian. Shawn was in Jaymi’s old spot, with a black music stand discreetly placed at the side of the stage to her right. She was afraid she’d need the lead sheets in front of her as a crutch, though once the band got rolling, she ignored them completely.

  Seven songs into the set, Jaymi finally addressed the crowd. “As many of you may have heard, Nikki Razer was unable to perform with us tonight.” The fans responded in collective disappointment. “But I want to take this opportunity to introduce you to an up-and-coming talent. She was kind enough to fill in at the last minute since, after all, the show must go on. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Shawn Davies!” She waved her arm in Shawn’s direction and Shawn stepped forward with a slight bow. Her heart leaped as most of the crowd applauded politely, but she turned to Jaymi in dismay when she heard some boos and a few chants of We want Nikki, we want Nikki.

  Jaymi nodded encouragingly and shouted, “Show ’em, Shawn, let’s show ’em!” Shawn burst into one of her best rockers and drowned out the skeptics. Without hesitation, she went right into a second song, and before it was over, she owned the crowd. Jaymi smiled at her as the jeers transformed into cheers.

  They mixed up the next six songs of the set, each member taking turns singing lead before Jaymi turned the stage back over to Shawn for three songs. Jaymi ended the show with two of her own. They bounced off the stage higher than a kite, with the crowd chanting for an encore.

  “What’ll we do? We’ve already played everything.” Kay looked elated, but panicked.

  “We haven’t played everything,” Jaymi answered, grinning at Shawn.

  Shawn smiled. “No, we haven’t.”

  Kay and Brian gave them puzzled looks.

  “You guys just come back out and sit with us onstage, okay?” Jaymi said. “You’ll see.” They shrugged and followed them out to a deafening noise. Jaymi and Shawn picked up their acoustic guitars and settled themselves next to each other on stools, flanked by Kay and Brian.

  “Shawn and I wrote these songs simultaneously, without either of us knowing it,” Jaymi explained to the audience. “Now, we’d like to share them with you as a duet.”

  *

  Despite the long drive home that awaited them, the band was too pumped to head their separate ways. They gathered at a restaurant not far from the club to celebrate and ward off their hunger. Raised glasses, mutual praise, gratitude to Shawn, and regret over Nikki’s departure dominated their meal. As the waiter cleared the table and then brought desserts, Jaymi finally brought up the inevitable question.

  “So do you guys think we should still try to talk Nikki into coming back?”

  The group fell silent.

  “Yes, I do,” said Shawn. “Face it. Even though this crowd enjoyed this one show, they still want Nikki back. She’s way too popular. And talented. Filling in tonight was awesome, guys. It was really an honor, but I can’t fill her shoes.”

  “In my opinion,” Kay said, “whether she comes back or not, I think Shawn’s doing a great job filling in. The three of us would have to discuss it, Shawn, but I think we should at least consider asking you to join the band temporarily until we know for sure what’s going on with Nikki. We have too many gigs lined up and we can’t afford to cancel. With or without her, I think you make us even better. I really like what I heard tonight.”

  Shawn couldn’t believe her ears.

  “But we don’t know if she’s coming back,” said Brian. “She sure didn’t sound like it when she left yesterday. And you all know how proud she can be. It’s not like she can’t make it without us if that’s what she wants. She’s got a big enough fan base of her own.”

  Shawn turned to Jaymi. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” she said, knowing Jaymi would be thinking similarly about whether a relationship would cause problems if they were in the same band. Flashes of intergroup turmoil caused by romances between members in pop groups throughout the years bombarded her.

  Jaymi smiled at her, apparently taking the hint. “I think it’s something we need to discuss. I don’t think we should make any rash decisions. Shawn has her own career goals and I don’t want to sidetrack her.” She hesitated for a moment. “And Shawn and I have some personal issues to work through, too. I don’t want the band’s interests to sidetrack us from that.”

  Their companions’ eyes narrowed with questions.

  “Okay, I’ll bite,” said Kay. “So, is there something going on between you two?”

  Shawn stared at her plate, not daring to answer.

  “Well,” Jaymi said, “we’re not quite sure where it’s heading yet, but—”

  “Aha!” Brian tipped back in his chair and pointed at his cousin. “I knew it. I knew you guys had a thing for each other.” He smiled smugly, crossing his arms and nodding in approval.

  “Okay, okay—you’re right, okay? But please, keep it to yourselves for now, all right?” said Jaymi. “If word gets out to Nikki, or our fans, she
’ll really blow, and she’ll think I devised some evil plan to get her out of the band so I could conveniently replace her with a love interest.” They all had a good laugh and agreed to keep quiet. “And that’s another reason why I think Shawn’s stint with the band needs to be temporary,” she added.

  “Yeah, you’re right,” Kay agreed. “Let’s not forget about The Rule.”

  Shawn cocked her head to one side and looked at Kay, confused. “What’s The Rule?”

  “Our no-office-romances rule. We made a pact when we started the group that we weren’t allowed to date each other. Because we knew if we were seriously in this thing for the long haul, we needed to keep that boundary, or else it would cause problems within the band. It works, and fortunately, we all see each other only as friends anyway.”

  Jaymi looked at Shawn apologetically. “I’m sorry, Shawn.”

  “No, Jaymi, it’s okay, really. I agree completely. I appreciate you guys giving me the opportunity to play with you, and I’ll give it my all if you need me to keep filling in. But Jaymi’s right. I have my own plans to make it as a solo artist.”

  They paid the check and headed out for the hour-long drive.

  Brian and Kay waved from the van and took the lead as Shawn climbed into the driver’s side of Jaymi’s truck. Jaymi assured her she would try to stay awake for the ride this time—she was too wound up from the show to sleep. Shawn squinted against a car’s brights in the rearview mirror, irritated that they were so close. She flipped the rearview to deflect the reflection and sped up. The car fell away, but she was uneasy until it finally turned a corner. The feeling stayed with her long after the drive ended.

  Chapter Fifteen

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