Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  “Shit, no. She can help keep me in line if I’m tempted to drink. LaKeisha’s the best.”

  *

  Shawn hurried outside to join Jaymi, who was waiting in the truck. During the ride home, Jaymi offered to spend nights with her while she overcame her nightmares, but Shawn politely declined, explaining that she would be more empowered by finding her own strength to deal with them. Shawn knew Jaymi had no ulterior motive, but the temptation to touch her was too strong. The last thing she wanted was sympathy sex.

  Shawn told Jaymi about her encounter with Mel and talked about their past. They had come out together in their junior year of high school. Their insecurities and fears had sent them into a period of wild partying and, eventually, sleeping together. Together they’d explored their newfound sexual identities, wrapped up in the joy of their sexual encounters. After four months, they realized they were incompatible as a couple and that sex wasn’t enough, and they broke up just before the end of the school year. But during senior year, they’d learned that they were better off as friends, and they’d remained close until graduation.

  Shawn hadn’t thought about Mel much since then. Now she wondered if there was any chance of reviving their friendship. Or if she even cared to. She stared out the window of Jaymi’s truck and shifted uneasily. Perhaps inviting her to the party wasn’t such a good idea after all.

  *

  Devin’s party began without a hitch. Sara had brought her to the apartment on the pretense that they were joining Jaymi and Shawn for a simple dinner. Instead, a roomful of friends greeted her and she was completely surprised.

  Shawn took great joy in meeting the amazing, warmhearted people Jaymi welcomed into her home. Devin’s best friend, Jen, who had been her college roommate, was the first to arrive. Jen bubbled with so much excitement, one would have thought it was her book they were celebrating. LaKeisha arrived with two large bouquets of flowers, one of which came with an apologetic message from another college friend who lived in Michigan and couldn’t be there.

  After enjoying salads and brick-oven pizzas delivered from a local pizzeria, Nikki arrived with Randi. Soon after, Mel was introduced to the gang and a toast was made to Devin with sparkling grape juice, the stereo was turned up, and everyone set about mingling.

  “Holy fucking shit!” Mel exclaimed to Shawn, who was leading her down the hall to show Mel her room. “I can’t believe you’re living with Jaymi Del Harmon! And you know Nikki Razer, too?”

  “Geez, Mel, don’t you know musicians are people, too? I just played a gig with them last weekend.”

  “You’re really making it, huh? I always knew you would. I always told you you’re fucking awesome.” Mel dropped herself onto the futon. “I like your room. Nikki’s even hotter in person. Do you think—oh, never mind, I wouldn’t have a chance.”

  “No, you wouldn’t. Randi you might have a shot at, though. She’s a wicked flirt.”

  “No shit. What about Jaymi? She’s cute. Think she’d go for me?”

  “Actually, Jaymi’s taken.” Shawn walked to her desk and closed a notebook, hiding the lyrics she had been working on earlier that day. Maybe I shouldn’t have invited her here, she thought as she stared out the window.

  “Really? I didn’t notice her with anyone.”

  “You know, Mel, I didn’t invite you here so you could hit on all my friends.” Shawn spun back around and glared at her. “Especially Jaymi.”

  “Easy, girl. Do I sense some jealousy here? You telling me that you and Jaymi—”

  “Yes, me and Jaymi. But please, don’t say anything to anyone. We haven’t really gone public with it—”

  “Wow. You lucky dog.” She smiled and patted the seat. “So I take it you don’t sleep on this futon.”

  Shawn retreated to the bathroom; she needed to figure out a tactful way to get Mel to leave. She hasn’t changed. Shawn looked at the mirror and, for the first time, acknowledged strides in her own growth as a person, knowing in that instant that she and Mel wouldn’t be renewing their friendship. She didn’t belong in Jaymi’s house, and she needed to think of a reason to get her to leave.

  She returned to her room to discover Mel lounging on the futon with a lit joint pinched between her thumb and index finger.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Shawn fumed.

  “Hey, it’s a party, ain’t it? Wanna share with your friends?” From her coat pocket, Mel revealed a small plastic bag full of rolled joints.

  “It’s not that kind of party. And Randi’s a cop.”

  Mel laughed. “Then you better help me finish this before we get caught.”

  “Put that thing out before someone smells it. I thought you were trying to get sober.”

  “Hey, I’m not addicted to pot, just beer.” Mel stood and held the joint in front of Shawn’s face. “Come on, Shawnie, take a hit. You seem a little tense.”

  “Damn it, Mel, put it out.” Mel continued to wave the joint back and forth in Shawn’s face. In a defensive reflex, Shawn batted it away, accidently knocking it from Mel’s grip and onto the floor. “Shit!” Shawn fell to her knees and picked it up, hoping it hadn’t burned the carpet.

  At that moment Jaymi stepped in. “Hey, you guys want to—” Her eyes flew open at the sight of Shawn kneeling on the floor, holding the smoldering joint. “What the…?”

  Shawn swiftly extinguished the joint on the side of her shoe and stood. “Jaymi, it’s not what you think.”

  Mel looked from Shawn to Jaymi and back to Shawn again. “I think it’s time for me to split.” She brushed by Jaymi but stopped just long enough to lean into her and say, “Shawnie’s a good fuck, isn’t she?”

  *

  Shawn had never seen Jaymi so angry. Jaymi put on a brave face for the sake of upholding her hosting responsibilities to Devin and her friends, but she was obviously avoiding her. Shawn kept to herself, trying not show her inner turmoil.

  A few minutes after Mel left, Randi came back inside and came over to Shawn with an extra bottle in hand. “Hiya, cutie. Brought you a refill.”

  “Thanks.” Shawn traded bottles with her but didn’t take a drink.

  Randi shifted closer. “You okay?”

  Shawn looked across the room. Jaymi was standing at the breakfast bar chatting with Devin and Sara. Jaymi smiled, laughed at one of Sara’s jokes, and gave her shoulder a playful push before making a comment to Devin, who rolled her eyes. Devin shrugged and leaned over to kiss Sara’s cheek.

  Randi watched the exchange then turned her attention back to Shawn. “Cute couple, Sara and Devin, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah.”

  Randi crossed her legs and rested her arm on the couch behind Shawn. “Lots of beautiful women here tonight. I feel like a kid in a candy store.”

  Shawn leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, holding her beer in both hands. She didn’t feel like drinking, and after a moment she set the untouched bottle on the coffee table.

  “Funny what you can learn just from sitting back and observing people,” continued Randi. “All these wonderful, gorgeous women in one place, all of them single except for one couple, and no one’s hitting on anybody. But I see at least three broken hearts in this room.”

  That caught Shawn’s attention. “Really?”

  “Definitely. For example, that butch chick over there who’s built like she could bench-press a truck—what’s her name again?”

  “Brandy. She’s a hockey player.”

  “Well, that explains the legs of steel. She’s barely taken her eyes off Devin all night. She’s got it bad for her. But look at Devin. Totally into Sara. And it’s making Brandy crazy. I mean, see the hunger in her eyes? But then she’ll catch herself and look away, all guilty and hurt. And she’s spent most of the night talking to Jen—who’s straight and happens to be Devin’s best friend.”

  Shawn was listening politely, but her focus hadn’t shifted from Jaymi.

  “Obviously Sara’s happy as a clam with Devin and vice vers
a. Jen’s straight, so she’s not looking to hook up with anyone here. But Jaymi. Jaymi, Jaymi, Jaymi.” Randi released a big sigh. “That sweet girl seems to always be carrying around a heartache. Oh, she tries hard to hide it. One hell of a great attitude about life. And shit, dealing with Nikki all the time, she’s gotta have the patience of a saint. But I wonder just how long she can manage to keep up that protective wall.”

  “She’s a hell of a lot stronger than everybody thinks.”

  Randi brought her arm down across Shawn’s shoulders. She tilted her head toward Shawn’s and spoke softly. “Which brings us to heartache number three, right here. Am I right?”

  Shawn squeezed her eyes closed and shuddered. She had to admit the attention from Randi felt good. So did the proximity of her body. A year ago, she would have been all over Randi. She knew her type. No strings. Just sex. Charming and ungodly beautiful with a body to die for—and preying on a vulnerable victim. Shawn felt her face flush with shame as she opened her eyes and was relieved to see that Jaymi wasn’t looking in their direction.

  “You’re wrong,” Shawn said defensively, hoping to discourage her predator. Randi smiled.

  “Am I?” Randi stood and faced her, placing a hand on Shawn’s shoulder. “If you change your mind, I’d love to take you out sometime.”

  As she watched Randi make her way around the room to bid farewell, Shawn caught Jaymi’s look, her expression questioning the exchange she must have just witnessed. As if on cue, the other guests began hugging each other before gathering their coats and saying their good-byes. Shawn joined Jaymi in politely thanking everyone as they left.

  They cleaned up the apartment in silence. Just when Shawn couldn’t bear it anymore, Jaymi started talking.

  “I’m still upset with you.”

  “I know.”

  “And what was going on between you and Randi?” Shawn sensed a hint of insecurity in Jaymi’s voice. Was she jealous?

  “Just talking.”

  “Was she hitting on you?” Jaymi smiled a crooked little smile. “It’s okay, you know. Randi hits on everybody—including just about everyone here tonight.”

  “What?”

  “Oh yeah. Brandy. LaKeisha. Even Jen, and Jen’s straight.”

  “Not you?”

  Jaymi laughed. “She knows better. Nikki would kick her ass.”

  “Jaymi, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have invited Mel. I thought she’d changed. I mean, she’s going to the center for help—”

  “Shawn, do you realize the position she put us all in tonight?” Jaymi’s demeanor grew dark again. “What if Randi had known she was smoking pot? What if it got into the papers there was a drug bust here—the band’s reputation would have been at stake. Do you realize that?”

  “I had no idea she’d bring a bag of weed. And the truth is, I had already decided to ask her to leave. I went back to my room and she was sitting there smoking. She was waving it at me, trying to get me to take a toke, and I knocked it out of her hand onto the floor. That’s when you walked in. I don’t do drugs. You should know that by now.”

  Jaymi inhaled deeply and looked into Shawn’s eyes. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Yeah. Anything.”

  “When you first got here, I suspected you might have gotten into the drug scene in LA.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Well, you were in pretty bad shape, and I don’t mean just physically. Musicians are notorious for doing drugs and partying—”

  “I haven’t touched drugs since my wild high-school days. I stay away from those kind of people. I screwed up tonight with Mel. I’m sorry. I thought she would’ve grown up by now.” Shawn was so angry with herself. She had earned Jaymi’s trust and respect. She hated to think that Jaymi might be second-guessing her trust over something that wasn’t even true.

  She looked seriously into Jaymi’s eyes, placed a hand on her shoulder, and said, “I have no interest in ever seeing Mel again or ever doing drugs. Please, Jaymi. I need you to believe me.”

  Jaymi’s eyes softened. “Okay. I believe you. It just surprised me, and it made me nervous, you know, with Randi here. Maybe I overreacted. I’m sorry.” Jaymi smiled slightly. “And why does she think we’re having sex?”

  “Uh…I didn’t tell her anything—not really. She was going to hit on you, so I hinted that we were together. She said that to you to spite me because I shot her down. I’m so sorry—you didn’t deserve that.”

  “You’re right, I didn’t.”

  “Are we okay?”

  Jaymi ran a finger through Shawn’s bangs and put her other hand on her hip. “Yeah.” She kissed her lightly on the lips. “We’re okay.” She kissed her again and pulled her closer.

  Shawn tasted champagne on Jaymi’s lips and groaned with pleasure as Jaymi found her tongue with her own. Her head swam with relief and pleasure. She wanted to take her to bed. She wanted so desperately to feel Jaymi’s naked body next to hers, to taste every inch of her, to make love to her and express the overload of feelings that were so foreign and wonderful. Then Jaymi pulled away and the separation struck Shawn like a rush of frigid air.

  “Shawn. Shit, this is so hard.” Jaymi exhaled a huge breath. “If I don’t stop now…listen, sweetheart, I need you to understand something.”

  Shawn tried to catch her breath. She called me sweetheart. God, that sounded so nice. The term of endearment took a bit of the sting out of the apprehension of what Jaymi was going to say next. “What?”

  “You just started counseling. You’re dealing with something very difficult. It’s important that you have time to get through that.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “I don’t want anything, or anyone—including me, or whatever this is going on between us—to interfere with that, okay?”

  Shawn nodded, understanding and deeply touched by Jaymi’s selflessness. “Yeah. Okay.”

  “Good. It’s late. We better get some sleep.”

  “Which means—”

  “Which means we’re sleeping in our own rooms.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Despite a nearly sleepless night, Shawn rose early the next morning and went to work in the barn. She dove into her chores, releasing her anger and frustration in the strenuous physical labor. When she had finished cleaning the stalls, she wandered into the pasture and gathered up her favorite horse, Scout. Shawn led her into the barn, where she gave her a thorough groom.

  She spent as much time as she could with the horses, avoiding Jaymi until she had to leave for rehearsal. She was grooming her third horse when she heard the hard crank of Jaymi’s truck. Then there were curses and a door slammed. Shawn peeked out the barn door to see Jaymi stalking toward the main house.

  “Jaymi,” Shawn said, just loud enough to stop her in her tracks. “Want a jump?”

  Jaymi glanced at her watch. “I’m already late. I’m going to ask Alice if they’ll let me borrow Pete’s truck.”

  “Why don’t you just use my car?” Shawn tossed Jaymi her keys. “It’s got plenty of gas. Go ahead, I’ve got nowhere to go today.”

  Jaymi managed a slight smile. “Thanks.” Shawn helped transfer two guitars into her car and watched her drive away. As soon as she was out of sight, she walked up the front porch and knocked.

  “Morning there, Shawn,” Alice said, drying her hands on a floral dish towel. “What can I do for you?”

  “I need a favor, Alice.”

  “That so?”

  “I wanted to see if you could give me a small advance, and if I could borrow Pete’s truck for about an hour. Oh, and if I could use the garage this afternoon.”

  Alice rubbed her chin and cocked an eyebrow. “That sounds like three favors.”

  “Uh…”

  Alice burst into laughter and slapped her knee. “I’m just razzing you, kiddo. No problem. How much do you need?”

  “About fifty dollars, if that’s okay. I’ll help you out after work to make it up to you, and I can pay you
back on Friday, as soon as I get paid, I promise.”

  “What’re you up to, honey?”

  “I’m going to fix Jaymi’s truck and surprise her. New battery, tune-up, oil change. The works. But I let her take my car, so I need your truck to go get everything.”

  “You’re a good kid. That’s awfully kind of you. You should find all the tools you need in the garage.”

  *

  Passion Play’s rehearsal wasn’t one of their best. Nikki’s moods swung from giddy, to cocky, to bitchy, to secretive. Jaymi had trouble focusing on anything. Kay and Brian stole looks at each other, wondering what was up with their bandleaders, but they dropped it when neither woman opened up when questioned.

  Jaymi eventually conceded that she was accomplishing nothing and left early. She drove mindlessly for a while, going no place in particular, losing herself in a favorite Mary Chapin Carpenter CD in an attempt to calm her nerves. She snapped back to reality when she spotted blue lights behind her. Had she been speeding?

  She grudgingly pulled over and let out a groan. Just what I need. Her stress lessened slightly when she looked into the rearview and saw Randi approaching her side of the vehicle. She rolled down the window.

  “License and reg—Jaymi? Didn’t expect to find you behind the wheel.” She grinned and lowered her sunglasses for a wink. “What a sweet surprise.”

  “Was I speeding? Sorry, I—”

  “No, not at all. Shawn’s car, right? It’s got a taillight out.”

  “Oh. Do you have to give me a ticket for that?”

  “No, but I will have to ask you to step out so I can frisk you.”

  “Nice try, Randi.” Jaymi chuckled. “Maybe next time.”

  Randi swept her hand sideways with an aw shucks snap of her fingers. “Got to follow protocol, though, which means I do need the registration.”

  Jaymi checked both the visor and the console before dropping open the glove compartment. Her hand froze when she reached for its contents.

  “Can’t find it?” asked Randi, peering in. “What the hell is that?”