Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  *

  Shawn bolted upright from her crouch beside the truck’s rear quarter panel and dropped her waxing cloth. Her mouth dropped open in shock. Jaymi had just flung open the door of the garage and she stood with her feet braced wide apart, fists at her sides, her jaw clenched. Her body language spoke fury, yet her crystal blue eyes were drenched and confused.

  “Jaymi, what’s wrong?”

  Jaymi’s eyes darkened. “You told me that pot was Mel’s.”

  “It was—”

  “Then why the hell did I just find it in your glove compartment? Or rather, why did the cop that just pulled me over find it in your glove compartment?”

  Shawn could feel her stomach twisting. “What?”

  “You heard me. The only reason I’m not in jail right now is because it happened to be Randi that stopped me.”

  Every muscle in Shawn’s body tightened. “Mel, you goddamned asshole.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Mel must’ve ditched it in my car when she left. That punk.”

  “So you’re still telling me it wasn’t yours?”

  “Jaymi, do you honestly believe I would lend you my car knowing I had a bag of pot in the glove compartment?”

  “After last night, I really don’t know what to believe.”

  “Jesus Christ, when have you ever known me to use drugs, huh? Mel was pissed at me when she left. Pissed enough to pull a stunt like this. I’ve known her for years and this has her name written all over it.” Jaymi looked at her skeptically. “Jaymi, come on.” Shawn took a step closer. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  “Why should I believe you? You’ve lied before. You admitted lying to Nikki to get her back in the band.”

  “That’s different—”

  “I can only imagine the lies you told those women you seduced so you’d have a place to sleep.”

  Shawn’s stomach recoiled as the color drained from her face. She swallowed hard and choked out her words. “You’re throwing my past in my face? You, Jaymi? You know why I did those things. I’ve been honest with you about that, and everything else. All those things I did that I’m so ashamed of—I didn’t have to tell you about any of that stuff. But I did because I trusted you. Because I felt safe. So if I was honest enough to tell you my most humiliating secrets, why on earth would I ever lie to you about something like this?” She let the tears fall, not bothering to wipe them from her cheeks.

  “Oh God, Shawn, I’m sorry. I’m just angry, I didn’t mean to say that.” Jaymi lowered her eyes and her voice. “I was scared. I could have been arrested.”

  “Jaymi…” Shawn lightly touched a palm to Jaymi’s cheek and looked intensely into her eyes. “I would rather die than risk anything like that happening to you. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  Jaymi’s shoulders began to heave. “If it had been any other cop…”

  Before the first teardrop could run down her cheek, Shawn had her in her arms. “I am so sorry, Jaymi. I never should have asked her to come. I am so, so sorry.”

  They held each other for several silent minutes. Then Jaymi looked up and saw her pickup, its metallic forest-green paint shining like new. She pulled away slightly. “Did you wash and wax my truck?”

  “More than that.” Shawn gave Jaymi a peck on the cheek and released her. She opened the driver’s side door, popped the release, and lifted the hood. She pointed inside. “New battery. New oil and filter. New plugs. New air filter. Oh, and I also vacuumed it out, polished the interior, cleaned your windows and upholstery, put air in your tires, checked all your fluids, gave it a lube job, and filled your windshield washer.”

  Jaymi stared at her. “You did all that yourself?”

  A slight smile emerged with a nod. “Alice gave me an advance and loaned me her truck so I could get the parts. And while I was there, I picked up a bulb for my taillight. With everything that’s been going on, I forgot all about that thing being out.”

  Jaymi shook her head. “I can’t believe you did all this. That’s a lot of hard work. Thank you so much.”

  “No sweat.”

  Jaymi checked out the interior. “It looks good as new! How much did all that cost? I’ll reimburse you—”

  “No. No way. I don’t want you to pay me.”

  “I have to give you something. Come on, what do I owe you?” Shawn grinned and Jaymi blushed and playfully slapped Shawn’s arm. “You are such a flirt.”

  Shawn walked to the workbench and picked up a pencil. “Tell you what,” she said, as she began writing on a notepad. “I’ll bill you.” She scribbled a bit more, tore off the page, and handed it to Jaymi.

  Jaymi’s face lit up as she read it.

  Tune-up: two hugs

  Oil change: one kiss

  Battery: one hug and two kisses

  Wash and wax: one dinner date

  The seductive look in Jaymi’s eyes made Shawn’s knees buckle.

  Jaymi said, “I’d like to pay for the oil change right now.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Shawn closed the door to Karla’s office behind her, glad for a moment to breathe. Ever since Karla had realized she was gay, she called Shawn into her office frequently. With no one else to confide in, Shawn seemed to have a new role as Karla’s best friend and personal handbook to being a lesbian.

  Today, she left Karla’s office with an offer of a permanent position with benefits and a raise, and the news that Karla had come out to her husband and was leaving him. There was no mention of Jaymi or a meeting, which Shawn saw as a good sign that with more pressing matters on her mind, perhaps her bizarre infatuation had subsided.

  It was the third week of March. Temperatures were starting to rise. The snow was beginning to melt. Daylight lasted longer. Shawn hurried home after work Monday feeling much more secure about her financial situation and went right to work in the barn.

  She began in the stall on the farthest end. After only a few minutes, she had worked up a sweat and removed her jacket, and when that wasn’t enough, off came her sweatshirt. In only jeans and a gray long-sleeved thermal shirt, she raked out the old hay. With each stroke, her thoughts were on Jaymi. It seemed their relationship was finally taking a step forward, despite the Mel incident that could have ruined everything. Jaymi was no longer angry about it, but Shawn sensed she was holding back. Was it because of her ex? Was she still afraid? Maybe she’s afraid to trust me. On several occasions it seemed that Jaymi was about to say something but stopped herself. What was it she couldn’t bring herself to say? Was she having doubts?

  One official date, that’s all they’d had. But they had shared Jaymi’s bed more than once, though they’d done nothing but sleep. It had been nearly impossible to keep her hands off her. She loved the warmth of Jaymi’s body. The gentleness of her touch. The soothing sound of her voice. The instinctual ways she cared for Shawn’s needs. The ease with which they cowrote songs. How magically their musical ideas flowed when they jammed. How relaxed they were in each other’s company. How smoothly they had fallen into a routine living together. Had Jaymi felt it too? Did Jaymi know how bad she wanted her?

  Shawn was burning up. She felt herself throbbing with arousal and tried to force her thoughts elsewhere. She couldn’t remember going without sex for this long before.

  She hauled a wheelbarrow of discarded hay outside, without bothering with her jacket, in hopes of cooling her desire. After four trips, it was no use. She was even hotter than before. She pictured them kissing again, lying face-to-face on Jaymi’s bed. She could feel their bodies pressed together, her palm across Jaymi’s flat stomach, moving up to caress her breasts. She groaned out loud and tried to shift the seam of her jeans away from her aching clit. Acknowledging that she was alone in the far end of the barn in the corner stall, she was tempted to shove a hand down her pants and release her need now.

  Instead, she shook her head furiously in frustration. One by one, she picked up three bales of hay and heaved them into the stall. She pulled out her
pocketknife, sliced the twine on one of them, and began to fork the hay onto the floor.

  “Well, look at you go, girl.”

  Startled, Shawn stopped and looked up. Randi leaned against the doorjamb, her arms folded, dressed in tight jeans, black leather boots, and a waist-length black winter jacket over a bright blue collared shirt. The shirt, Shawn noticed, was only buttoned high enough to barely cover her breasts, her enticing chest exposed.

  Shawn shuddered with the penetration of Randi’s dark eyes, which shamelessly looked her up and down. What is she doing here? The pot! She’s here to question me about the pot.

  “Good God, honey,” Randi said, taking a step toward her, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Randi, I swear, that pot was Mel’s. She planted it in my car to get back at me—”

  “Honey, relax. I’m off duty, and officially, I have no right to question you.” Randi took another step closer. One more step and Shawn would be backed up against the wall. “God, you’re sexy when you’ve worked up a sweat. Just like when you sing.”

  Shawn didn’t know how to reply to that, so she said nothing. She should move. She knew that. But she couldn’t. Randi knew it, too.

  “So, what can I do for you?” Shawn managed to say.

  Randi gave a slow, seductive smile. “That’s a dangerous thing to ask me. But since you did…” She slipped a hand into her jeans pocket and withdrew a small plastic bag. “I need help destroying this evidence.” To Shawn’s amazement, Randi pulled a joint out of the bag, placed it between her lips, and lit it. She inhaled deeply, choked down the smoke, and then held it out to Shawn.

  “What the…?”

  “Something wrong?”

  “But you’re a cop.”

  “You’ve heard the expression good cop, bad cop, haven’t you? Guess which one I am?” She grinned, took another toke, and again offered it to Shawn, who shook her head.

  “No. No, thanks. I gave up that shit way back in high school.”

  “Suit yourself.” She reached over Shawn’s shoulder and ground out the joint on the wall. Keeping her arm there, within inches of Shawn’s face, she leaned into her. “So, how’re things with Jaymi?” she asked in a quiet voice.

  “Things are fine, everything’s fine,” Shawn whispered, increasingly aware of the heat emitting from Randi’s body. Or was it her own?

  “You sure? You, look a little flustered to me.”

  “I said I’m fine.”

  “Don’t feel bad. Like I said the other night, she’s been burned. Bad. Figure that’s why she’s been keeping herself off the market—not in any hurry to hook up with anyone anytime soon. She turned me down once, you know. God, is it fucking hot in here, or what?” Randi lowered her arm and, without backing off, removed her coat and let it drop. She inched slightly closer. “Anyway, when a woman says no, it leaves me terribly frustrated.” She moved her cheek next to Shawn’s and whispered into her ear, “Know what I mean?”

  The tips of her breasts touched Shawn’s, ever so lightly. Shawn gasped, feeling her body respond. This wasn’t good—not after her arousal just moments ago while thinking of Jaymi.

  “Want to know what I do about it?” Randi asked, as she pulled her head back and locked eyes with her, their lips within an inch apart. She took the final step into Shawn, pressing her groin into her and placing both hands on the wall.

  “What?” Shawn’s voice was barely audible.

  “I go out and fuck another woman.”

  Shawn’s breath caught as Randi teasingly moved her mouth even closer, without touching hers, but just staying there, obviously knowing full well the torture she was inflicting.

  “I feel your pain, Shawn. Let me ease it. Let me do to you what I’ve wanted to do since the moment I saw you at the club singing your heart out. You looked so fucking beautiful and sexy I wanted to nail you right there on the stage.”

  “But…”

  “Do you find me attractive?”

  Shawn couldn’t lie. “Yes.”

  “I find you fucking irresistible.” Randi lowered her arms and wrapped them around Shawn’s waist. Shawn felt one hand slide under her shirt onto her bare back. Before she knew what was happening, their lips were pressed together in a searing kiss. Shawn found her arms around Randi’s tight body. She needed to come so badly that for several moments all she could focus on was her physical need and the surprise of how good Randi’s lips felt, and how scintillating her touch was on her skin. Shawn’s resistance weakened further when Randi’s tongue found her own. An argument ensued in her mind, a devilish pest trying to persuade her to give in to Randi’s advances and relieve her craving. The devil lost the argument easily. She spun around with the intention of pushing Randi away, but they lost their balance. Shawn stumbled back a step and wound up sitting on a bale of hay.

  “I hate to see a woman in pain.” Randi placed her hand on the back of Shawn’s head and pulled her face into her breasts. “Feel that? Feel my heart beating for you?”

  “Oh God…”

  “I want you, Shawn.” Randi came down onto Shawn’s lap, straddling her on the edge of the bale. “Why pine after someone who plays hard to get when I’m willing and able to give you what you need right now?” She kissed Shawn on the forehead and began rocking her hips, grinding into Shawn’s groin.

  “God, oh God, Randi, you have to stop.”

  “You don’t want me to stop—”

  “No—”

  “Good. Let me make you feel good—”

  “I meant no as in stop, Randi. Please, stop. Get off—”

  “Oh, you said it, baby, I’ll get off all right.” Randi’s lips traveled across her ear and down her neck. Shawn’s hands pushed against Randi’s shoulders, but Randi continued to press with her body. “Oh, Shawn,” she whispered into her ear, “come on, you know you want this.”

  “No, please, stop, get off me. Get off me!” In an instant, Shawn was back in the motel room with Brinkman. But this time, she didn’t have to forcibly remove her attacker. Randi sensed the terror in Shawn’s voice and immediately backed off. Shawn broke out in tears and continued to sob. “Get off me, get off me…”

  “Oh shit, oh shit, shit, shit.” Randi raked her hands through her hair. “Shawn, my God, you’ve been raped, haven’t you?”

  Shawn hugged herself and rocked, her tears falling shamelessly.

  “Oh, fuck. Shawn, I am so sorry, honey. What have I done?”

  “Please, leave,” Shawn finally managed to say.

  “I can’t just leave…I’ve hurt you.”

  “What’s going on here?” Jaymi stood just outside the stall. When Jaymi saw Shawn crumpled on the hay bale, she shot Randi a fierce look before kneeling at Shawn’s side. She placed a hand on Shawn’s knee and brushed the bangs off her face. “Sweetheart, what happened? Are you okay?” She recognized the terrified look in Shawn’s eyes and took her into her arms. She looked at Randi again. “What the hell happened?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fucked up. Shit, Jaymi, there’s no excuse for what I did. I made a pass at her. I came on strong—you know me. She freaked—I didn’t know she’d been raped. Not that it’s an excuse—”

  “Shut up, Randi,” Jaymi said in disgust, steadying Shawn and standing up. “Just shut up. Did Nikki put you up to this?”

  Randi’s eyes shot open wide. “What?”

  “Come on, Randi, don’t lie to me. I know how she works. She’ll do anything to keep me single and focused on the band.”

  “Jaymi, look, what matters here is that Shawn’s okay.” Randi stole a glance at Shawn. “Are you all right?”

  “Jaymi,” Shawn said in a raspy voice, “it’s all right. I’m okay.”

  “I like Shawn,” Randi said to Jaymi. “I thought—you know—maybe she liked me, too. I mean, look at her, she’s adorable. Well, I know she’s a mess right now, but God, she’s sexy as hell. Why wouldn’t I like her?” She turned to Shawn again. “I do, you know that. But hey, if you’re take
n, I’ll back off. I may be a horndog, but I have enough sense to not go after someone else’s girl.”

  The three were silent for a long minute until Randi let out a sigh. “Okay, I’ll go. Please, Shawn, forgive me.” She turned slowly and left.

  Jaymi held Shawn’s face in her hands, her thumbs gently wiping the moisture from beneath her closed eyes. A streak of afternoon sun streamed through a nearby window and highlighted Shawn’s rusty mussed hair. A faint whisper escaped Shawn’s lips. “I need to finish the stall.”

  “It can wait, Shawn. Let’s get you upstairs—”

  Shawn shook her head. “No. I have to finish and get the horses in before dark.”

  Jaymi stood and looked around her. “What’s left to do? I can help.”

  “Thank you, Jaymi. But I think I need to be alone right now.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Shawn rose from the hay and shrugged her shirt back into place. She took one step toward Jaymi and swallowed hard. “Yeah. I’ll be up soon.”

  *

  The ground was softening, the mud becoming a more prominent cover than the snow, so Shawn took care in how fast she took Scout around the pasture. The ride was just what she needed: the fresh air, the oneness with the horse, the time to think. Until today, she hadn’t fully acknowledged the extent of the trauma she’d suffered at Brinkman’s hand. In an ironic twist, her flashback had actually been a blessing. Her weakness with Randi could have ended any chance she had with Jaymi. And yet, she’d told Randi to stop before the flashback. It was Jaymi she wanted. No one else would do.

  Shawn rode Scout to the farthest boundary of the pasture, turned her around, and stopped. The sun had just set in a spectacular palette of colors above the surrounding trees. She could barely make out the light shining in Jaymi’s windows in the distance. She wondered what Jaymi was doing. Writing? Sitting at the piano? Making supper? Pacing the living room worrying about her? Calling Devin or Sara to question why she had become involved with such a nutcase?