by Sia Wales
Stella took a deep breath and opened it. She swallowed hard as a thrill of adrenalin ran through her body. Her heart was pounding as if it would explode out of her chest. She had decided to face him.
“What the hell do you want?” She looked at his chiseled features, and was slightly taken aback to see his unshaven jaw, disheveled hair and shabby clothes. He was wearing a pair of ripped jeans which hung low on his hips and a shabby flannel shirt unbuttoned over his chest. The weak light of the hallway showed off his well-defined muscles, leaving the rest of his body in darkness. The good wolf and the bad wolf.
He lifted his cigarette to his mouth, inhaled deeply, then exhaled the smoke with shaky breath. He brought his eyes up to hers, his face slowly softening into a mischievous smile.
“Great legs, I like your dress,” he said, the cigarette still resting between his lips.
“Go to hell,” Stella hissed, her words sounding like a curse. She tried to close the door, but Vuk blocked it with one hand. There was only a sliver of space between them. Vuk put his face close to the crack to look at her. She was nervous and shaking, but continued to glare at him.
“I want us… to go back to the way we were,” he whispered, having trouble getting the words out. His voice was full of desire, his eyes fixed on her. Though he tried to keep cool, Stella could sense the anguish he was suppressing with difficulty.
He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation and forced the door open, pushing Stella backwards, but then he remained motionless, not taking even a step toward her. He did not want to scare her. He looked at her intently, his eyes glowing, he somehow made her feel wanted. Stella was almost hypnotized, but then she closed her eyes to break the spell. When she opened them again, she already feeling regret for what she was about to say.
“That’s impossible.” She looked away from his green eyes as if just one look would suck her into a vortex she would not be able to escape from.
“I want my Stella back, now,” Vuk ordered, the cigarette in his mouth, smoke pouring out of his mouth, his voice breaking and his eyes bright. His breath smelled of alcohol and the mint chewing gum he had popped in his mouth before coming there to mask his obvious drunkenness.
“You bastard! You should have thought of that before… you almost…” She paused for breath, and Vuk’s eyes widened, feeling that it would kill him if she continued. “.. almost raped me that night in the factory.” She was furious, but at the same time she wished she could go into a dark room, curl up and be left alone. Vuk’s eyes were wide and tormented.
“Forgive me, Stella. Please don’t hate me,” he begged, his voice croaky.
“I can’t forgive you,” she replied.
“You were the one who wanted to come to the factory. I didn’t want to bring you, but I did it because you asked me!” It was clear he was terrified of losing her, but he tried to disguise it with a dry tone. The gentle kid who had struggled to tell her how he felt about her had suddenly disappeared. Stella felt she no longer knew who he was.
She took a deep breath. “I trusted you,” she shouted, feeling release in her outburst. For a moment, Vuk seemed to be in agony, but then he narrowed his eyes and looked at her grimly, his jaw clenched.
“I warned you. I warned you that ‘that thing’ wasn’t me,” he growled menacingly.
“Yeah, I asked you to take me with you, but I didn’t think you would go that far.” The last word caught in her throat. She felt consumed by bitterness and disgust. Vuk narrowed his eyes and a vein throbbed on his forehead. His mouth hardened.
“You have no idea how far I could go! That was just the beginning,” he hissed impulsively at her, his look animated by a yellow, shining light. His face was livid. He took a final long drag on his cigarette and tossed it to the ground.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore?” Stella approached him and tried to push him away, her face twisted in confusion.
“No, Stella, please,” Vuk begged. He resisted her efforts without touching her. His eyes were wide in shock as he realized he was actually losing her. She was furious, she narrowed her eyes in pure terror.
“You’re a crazy lunatic, a loose cannon,” she shouted, pummeling his chest. He closed his eyes and sighed, and then opened them again to look at her, serious and impassive, without even a shadow of emotion leaking onto his face.
“Yeah? What else is new?” he whispered, tormented. Stella gulped, already regretting what she had said.
“When did you start smoking?” she asked, faintly.
“I took it up again when you weren’t there anymore.”
“I didn’t know you smoked before.” She looked at him in confusion.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me…” remarked Vuk.
Stella caught a glimpse of her scratches under his shirt collar.
“You’ve still got my scratches on your neck,” she murmured, hesitantly.
“Just to remind me what a shit I was…” he sighed. He lifted her chin and gazed at her with trembling lips.
“Take a look at yourself… you stink of alcohol, it’d put anyone off,” Stella reprimanded him. She was hurting deep inside, seeing him in that state.
“Nothing makes sense anymore without you,” said Vuk in a low voice.
“And you’re nothing to me now!” Stella was lying. She was angry about the way he’d behaved to her that evening in the factory, but she was sorry for how she’d treated him. She couldn’t summon the courage to look him in the eyes; she knew she’d wounded him. He sensed her unease and smiled at her tenderly.
“You still listen to my music, though…” He lifted her face again, looking her straight in the eyes, studying her expression. He stifled a drunken smile.
“I’ve got nothing more to say to you…” snapped Stella, irritated. She went into the kitchen, switched off the music just as the refrain of Orchestra by The Servant was beginning and took out the CD Vuk had given her. She looked at the dedication on the top: To my little girl. She clasped it between her hands and sighed deeply. As she came back to the entrance she snapped the CD in two and threw it at Vuk’s feet. She threw him a black look and screamed, “And I don’t want to have anything more to do with you!”
Vuk’s mouth dropped open and he stared at her in horror. Something felt broken inside him. It was as if she had smashed to smithereens everything that had happened before that night. His face clouded with an expression of terror.
Without thinking, Stella started to leave, heading towards the Corvette. Vuk blocked her path, seizing her by the arm, alarming her.
“Let go of me!” she shouted defiantly, trying to break loose.
“Don’t reject me, Stella. I haven’t finished yet!” He shook his head in anguish and held her close to him, clasping her in his arms. His urgent tone betrayed his fear of losing her.
“You’re not coming into the house!” shouted Stella furiously.
“I don’t want to come into your damn house. I want you! Now! I need you, right now!” Vuk yelled. He seized the scruff of her neck with both hands and kissed her on the lips, slowly and demandingly, with such desire that she started, feeling a tremor course through her body. His breath smelled of alcohol, the flavor of tobacco on his lips and the freshness of mint in his mouth. His desire for her was clear, and he could not hide his excitement.
“Let go of me, Vuk,” she said in a trembling voice. She hunched her shoulders and shoved his chest, trying to him as far from her as she could, her face wary. Vuk wrinkled his forehead. He looked up at her, tormented by his inner conflict.
“You force me to do it! The thought of losing you drives me crazy.” He looked at her with bright eyes, and then burst out, shaking his head: “I was so angry with you that night. I knew you had given yourself to Donn. It drove me mad.”
The sound of her cell phone interrupted them. It was Donn.
“This is all I need right now,” Stella thought uneasily. Vuk looked at the new iPhone model in Stella’s hand and the be
wildered expression on her face.
“It’s Donn, isn’t it? He give you that?” Vuk asked, looking indignantly at the phone. Stella blushed but nodded.
“You’re killing me,” Vuk muttered, hurt, his voice low and husky. He leaned on her, planted a kiss on her forehead. He smelled the scent from her hair, and released her.
“I’m sorry,” Stella murmured, and then closed the door behind her, looking deeply into his green eyes one last time and heading to her Corvette, torn. Vuk gingerly picked up the two broken halves of the CD from the ground. In anguish, he watched her walk away.
On the Porch
Stella got straight into the car and switched on the radio, still tuned to the same station as the evening before. She turned the volume up to the max, till the windows rattled to the rhythm of Don’t Speak by the No Doubt. She wanted to get Vuk’s beautiful image out of her mind. The boy was still standing under the white porch of her house. His eyes were full of devastation and impotence. He was hardly able to rein in his anger.
Stella bent her head over the steering-wheel and frowned. Then, confused, she looked back at the street again. She slammed her foot on the accelerator and roared off. For a moment she thought she could still half-glimpse Vuk, and she remembered how he was that day in the university car park, under the rain, after he’d surprised her with Donn in Boston Public Library.
Stella was driving along the state highway towards Jamie’s house when her father rang her on her cell. She twisted her lips into a smile and replied.
“Hi, Dad!”
“Darling, how are things?”
“I’m good!” she exclaimed, with a touch of hesitant irony. “Did you knock down the 69’ GTO at Vegas in the end?”
“I did, darling. I want to send it to Medford and I’ll let you drive it as soon as it gets there.”
“Wow! That’ll be great!”
“But I’ve got even better news for you. I’ve managed to get you an interview with Rooney for that place as an intern at Rooney Investments in New York.”
“You don’t say! That’s terrific. Thanks a lot, Dad!”
“It’s not a major player in investment, but it’s a competitive firm. It deals with other sectors beside finance as well, and you’d work in telecommunications. The interview’s in three weeks’ time and he’ll take you on at once if he likes you. He can’t see you before. He’s busy with certain negotiations… He remembers you, you know. You met last year at that party on Lake Michigan.”
“I only remember him vaguely… I met such a lot of people that evening.”
“I reckon that’s because you spent all your time looking doe-eyed at Jason…”
Stella froze for a moment in melancholy silence, remembering that was the last party she’d been to with Jason.
“Sorry, darling, maybe I shouldn’t have reminded you of that little detail.”
“Don’t worry, Dad, it’s all in the past now…” she murmured with a touch of bitterness.
“Where are you now?” she asked, out of curiosity.
“I’ve stopped for a few days in Detroit, I’m bringing off a deal with General Motors.”
“You heard from Mom recently?”
“I haven’t heard from her, but I bet she’s still doing the documentary on wolves somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Alaska… I have to go, talk to you soon”
“Ok, see you soon.”
Stella hit ‘end call’. She continued along the road towards Jamie’s. Her thoughts kept turning to Donn and to his missed call. She took a deep breath and, without giving it too much thought, sent him a message.
Stop calling me.
I won’t answer you.
I see that you’re driving.
How do you know?
Are you following me?
Stella, I’m tracking your position.
I know you’re driving.
Is that legal?
No.
This is stalking!
I admit it. I’m a possessive maniac, Stella. I have no limits…
Well, don’t be a maniac with me!
The more you resist me, the more pleasure I’ll get from doing it.
You should see a good shrink.
I’ve been to several but there doesn’t seem to be a cure for my obsessions.
Well it’s official, you’ve pissed me off!
And you shouldn’t text while driving.
I pulled over, ok?
I see that… much better. Good job, baby
I have to go now, and since you don’t want me to text you while I drive, this is my last message.
I want to see you and silence that long tongue of yours ;)
Stella took off again and after a few miles she stopped in front of Jamie’s house. She walked up the avenue to the porch and her friend came to meet her at the entrance. She took the notes from the lessons and spoke to Jamie about the party she was giving the next evening. Jamie confirmed that Vuk was going to be there. Stella felt her heart beat furiously. She agreed to meet Jamie at home the following evening at the same time, then hurried off to The Pats.
Stella drove up to the bar just before the start of her shift. All the tables were full and the room was packed with people. That evening, Stella worked incessantly with Bryan behind the bar until closing time, with no time for worrying thoughts. But when things had slowed down, Vuk’s words and her reply continued to resound in her head. Bryan noticed it, and Scott, years of experience with the girl, was now wise to what was going on in her head. His look said, plain and clear: “You ain’t telling it like it is, girl!”
Bryan convinced her to have a drink or two to relax and Stella found that she didn’t want to stop. The alcohol went straight to her head, making her dizzy and nauseous. She went out the back door for a few minutes to get a breath of fresh air. Not thinking straight under the influence of so much alcohol, she decided to call Donn, despite having so far maintained her promise to herself not to for two whole days.
“Stella?” Donn was surprised. He didn’t even give her a chance to reply before he said angrily “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
“I wanted to be on my own,” Stella explained, her voice slurred from the alcohol.
“I see.” He sounded concerned, his tone had softened.
“Little angel, you sound strange… Where are you?”
“I don’t wanna tell you,” Stella said with a drunken chuckle.
“Stella, have you been drinking?”
“As you see, you don’t have control over everything, Mr. Brooks.”
“How are you going to get home?”
“I’ve got a car, remember?”
“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of driving in that state!” he scolded her.
“I sure am,” she told him.
“Stella, tell me where you are!” exclaimed Donn.
“What right have you got to know?”
“Tell me at once!” he shouted furiously.
“You’d come and get me…”
“Stella, give me a hint, where are you?” Exasperated, he tried to make out some background noise that would give away her whereabouts.
“You just love to have control over me, don’t you?” she said to provoke him.
“Don’t challenge me, baby, it would take me just a few seconds to track you down.” He knew he could easily find her, but he was annoyed that she refused to help him, so he almost yelled at her, “Where the fuck are you?”
Stella hung up.
Her head was spinning. She swayed on her feet, only managing to avoid falling by holding on to the wall. She dragged herself back into the bar and made for the front door, searching for her car keys in her bag as she went.
“Don’t even think about driving home in that state,” Bryan hissed at her.
“Don’t start, Bryan…” begged Stella, her head now pounding.
“I’m taking you home, no question about it.” Bryan left everything as it was on the bar counter and walked up to her, his h
elmet under his arm. He locked the bar, put his spare helmet on Stella’s head, and placed her slumping body on his motorcycle. She wanted to take her Corvette, but she was too dazed to protest. He drove her to her house and walked her to the front door, his arm slung around her waist.
“You need a hand, Stella,” he said, kissing her ear.
“I’m fine.” She tried to push him away.
“Stella, please.” He lifted her chin and moved closer to kiss her.
“Bryan, I don’t want to…” she pleaded. His lips carried on their journey towards hers, however, when a hoarse voice emerged from the darkness.
“She said no!” It was Donn. His eyes burned with rage and possessiveness. Bryan controlled himself, Stella looked anxiously at Donn.
“Get out of here.” Donn roared. He narrowed his eyes and looked menacingly. Bryan stepped back and released his hold on Stella’s arm.
“Well, goodnight,” Bryan murmured, mortified. As he headed to his motorbike, Stella and Donn were caught up with staring into each other’s eyes.
She turned pale, feeling nauseous and dizzy. She suddenly lost her balance and almost fell. Two hands grabbed her and held her up tenderly. Her heart was pounding and her breath quickened behind her lips. She felt her self-control slipping out of her hands…
“You can lean on me. I’ll help you.” Donn held her close and almost dragged her toward the railing of the porch. He brushed her hair back from her face but Stella felt uncomfortable and tried to pull away from him; Donn held her even more tightly. Suddenly, she turned her head and vomited into the garden just beyond the porch. Donn rubbed her back to help her catch her breath, then lifted her back up by her shoulders and leaned her against his chest. Stella looked up at him, still ill at ease, as she let herself fall, little by little, into his embrace. They stood there, clinging to one another, for a few minutes and Donn watched her impassively the whole time. No trace of what he was feeling showed onto his face.
“If I call you, you should have the decency to respond. I worry otherwise… and worrying is something I can’t stand, but that always happens to me with you. It makes me furious!” His voice rose and Stella closed her eyes, shrinking away from him. She touched her forehead.