Mrs Mehtani looked at her numbly, her eyes wide. ‘I—look, Mrs Arora, what happened—’
Without warning, Anupama gripped her by the shoulders, startling her. Her face inches from the alarmed woman’s face, she grinned, although her eyes were welling up again. ‘You won, my dear. You won!’
‘Mrs Arora, please!’
‘Go into that ward. Look at my son. Remember it forever because that’s the greatest token of victory that you will ever carry!’
Mrs Mehtani struggled to free herself, almost in tears now, as Mrs Govindikar tried to pry her loose. ‘Mrs Arora, please calm down…’
‘Mamma,’ said Misha, gently loosening her grip.
‘I am … I am sorry,’ sniffed Mrs Mehtani, her lip trembling. ‘I didn’t mean to…’
‘Go away,’ said Misha coldly, as she guided her tired mother back into the chair. After lingering uncertainly for a few more seconds, the two ladies retreated.
It was nearly noon before Nimit regained consciousness. Charlie, Renu and Neena, who had been in constant touch with Anupama, were delighted to hear the news. He was still quite weak though, which was why Anupama and Misha had to wait on tenterhooks for a few more minutes while the doctor examined him. The doctor emerged from the room with the rather grim announcement that Nimit wished to only see his sister and no one else. Pain lanced through Anupama’s heart.
No, she would not crumble. She had promised herself that. Thanking the doctor, she marched into Nimit’s ward, with Misha in tow. She opened the door to see her son having soup, not an easy feat, considering that three fingers on his right hand were tightly bandaged. He froze seeing her.
‘I said I only wanted to see Di.’
‘How are you feeling now?’
He ignored her. Anupama pulled up a stool next to his bed, taking the soup bowl and spoon from his hands. It was tomato soup, his favourite. Too hot, she observed, blowing into the spoonful before offering it to him. Nimit obstinately kept his mouth shut.
‘She has been here all night, Nimit,’ said Misha. ‘We were worried as hell about you.’
‘I don’t want to talk to her.’
‘Don’t talk then. Just eat,’ said Anupama.
She kept the spoon hovering by his lips. A second passed, then two, before he finally opened his mouth and took a reluctant sip. She offered him another spoonful, which he accepted. Within a matter of minutes, the bowl was empty.
‘Do you want to drink something? Milk? Juice?’
Nimit shook his head. She felt like he was five again, sulking after a scolding. Except that this time, she was at the receiving end. It pained her to see him so aloof.
‘How can I show my face in school again?’ he asked Misha. ‘Everyone will know by tomorrow.’
‘You don’t have to tell them it’s true. After a point, everyone will forget. It will just be a stupid topic over which you guys had a fight,’ replied Misha.
‘But if Sahil keeps saying it—’
‘He won’t,’ said Anupama.
‘No one can tell that.’
‘I can. I spoke to his mother. He won’t.’
After a second’s pause, Nimit turned his eyes towards her. ‘But you did do it, didn’t you?’
‘Do what?’
Scowling, he turned his face away, sinking into his pillow.
‘Do what?’ asked Anupama.
‘You …’ the words choked in his mouth, as he struggled with his revulsion. ‘You … slept with him?’
‘I love him, Nimit. We are in a relationship.’
‘So you did sleep with him.’
‘Nimit!’ said Misha.
‘Yes, just like I slept with your father when I was married to him,’ said Anupama.
‘Ugh! Please, Mom!’
‘Which is how your sister and you were born in the first place,’ she went on sternly. ‘I’m assuming it’s a little too late to be having the birds and the bees talk with you, but you must be familiar with the basics by now.’
The agony on his face was brutal. It was like he was being subjected to third-degree torture with no place to run.
‘I know that at your age sex is all that seems to matter. It might seem like something plainly vulgar or titillating to you right now. But you need to know that when you mature into an adult, the meaning of a relationship goes far beyond the physical aspect of it. What I had with Charlie wasn’t a fling, or an affair, it was a completion of myself. There was nothing dirty or embarrassing about it.’
‘Then why did you hide it from us?’
‘Because I didn’t think you were ready to know. And now, I am sure you can understand where I was coming from.’
‘But … he’s so young…’
‘So?’
‘So how do you know what he’s thinking? What if it is just a fling for him?’
‘You will have to trust my judgment on that.’
Looking unassuaged, Nimit glanced at Misha. ‘You knew about this?’
‘I did. And I think it’s great.’
‘Oh, you do, do you?’
‘Open your eyes, dumbass. I know you spend most of your time in your room these days, but even you couldn’t have missed how happy she’s been for the past month or so. Wouldn’t you rather she stayed like that all the time?’
‘Wait, what do you mean “all the time”?’ he said, panicking. ‘Holy shit, are you guys engaged or something?’
‘No! She’s just being hypothetical.’
‘So, hypothetically, if tomorrow you two, what, get married or something, I’ll have to call him – Dad?’
‘You don’t have to call him anything you don’t want to. And it’s too soon to think about such things.’
‘This is so weird,’ said Nimit, shaking his head. ‘This is so, so weird.’
‘You can take as much time as you want. Just know that this doesn’t have to change anything between us.’
‘Easy for you to say. I used to think of him as an older brother.’
‘You’ve barely met him half a dozen times,’ said Misha.
‘We were Facebook buddies! I had added him to all my WhatsApp groups too. We used to share all sorts of non-veg jokes with each other, for God’s sake. Oh God, now I will have to re-look at his jokes too…’
‘Okay, now you are over-thinking it,’ said Anupama, just as the nurse came in with a bath sponge and announced that it was time to clean him up.
Feeling somewhat lighter at heart, Anupama left him with the nurse and stepped out with Misha. She needed some fresh air. A walk, maybe. And some tea. Lots of tea. And a shower, of course, urgently. But for that, she would have to go home.
She didn’t like the idea of leaving Nimit alone here for the three hours that she would be gone. Furthermore, she didn’t want Misha to miss college either. Suddenly, she had a brainwave, she could go to Neena’s place, which was only a twenty-minute ride from the hospital. A quick phone call to inform her, and Anupama was on her way.
After spending a night in the stuffy, sterilized ambience of a hospital, it was sheer joy to walk out into the crisp morning air. The sun had emerged at long last with only a spattering of clouds in the sky. The monsoons were receding, she observed. Just a matter of days now.
Neena’s place was exactly the way she remembered it – a mix of ethnic and contemporary, with just the right balance of space and furnishing. Not a spot was too cramped or too empty, and the figurines, vases, pots, rugs and authentic Rajasthani paintings that adorned the walls and shelves gave one an earthy, grounded feeling of welcome. Happy family photos were stacked against each other in the overhanging glass cabinets, bearing mute witness to their moments of achievements, vacations and childhood memories.
She had often envied Neena for her impeccable domesticity, the way she had effortlessly slipped into the role of a wife and consequently a mother. There had never been any complaints, queries, or doubts from her side. No internal conflicts plagued her. Even now, as she stepped in carrying a tea tray with Good Day bisc
uits and chaklis, she seemed so much in control, so poised, almost like she had been preparing for this moment her entire life.
After pouring tea into both the ceramic matte finish cups, Neena sat down, legs crossed at the ankles just as they were taught in school. ‘Glad to know Nimit’s better. How is he taking it?’
‘It will take some time, obviously, but doesn’t look so bad for now. Could have been better, of course.’
‘Of course.’
Nodding gently, they both sipped their tea. A few seconds passed by in a surprisingly awkward period of silence.
‘I really like what you have done with your bathroom,’ said Anupama.
‘Thank you. We had it redone three months back. I’d have asked Renu, but we both weren’t talking at the time so…’
‘Of course. So, how’s Deven?’
‘He’s good. Just busy with his pre-boards, you know.’
‘I’m sure he will do well.’
‘Thank you.’
‘And Hiten?’
‘Oh, well, you know Hiten. He’s the same.’
She turned her attention back to her tea. Following her cue, Anupama took another sip.
‘Do you want me to turn on the TV or…?’
‘No, it’s fine,’ said Anupama, feeling more and more out of place by the instant. What was happening here? ‘I hope I’m not interrupting anything?’
‘No, no! I’m glad you’re here. Usually, it’s just Hiten’s friends who come over every now and then. Otherwise, I am just free.’
‘How do you pass your time then?’
‘Just, you know, doing stuff. I tried a pottery class last week.’
‘Oh?’
‘It was nice. We made little clay mugs and learnt how to decorate them. Quite satisfying.’
‘That’s nice.’
‘I learnt origami too. There was a workshop in Colaba last month.’
‘Okay.’
‘I hope you’re not getting bored.’
‘Not at all.’
‘It has been such a long time since you’ve been here.’
‘I know.’
Anupama looked closely at Neena; the feeling of something being off getting stronger by the minute.
‘Neena?’
‘Hm?’
‘Is everything okay?’
‘Yes, of course. Why do you ask?’
‘I don’t know. You just seem a little different.’
‘Do I? Oh, it must be the weather.’
What weather? Anupama wanted to ask, but decided to let it go.
‘If you want, I could stop by the hospital for some time,’ suggested Neena. ‘You must be exhausted.’
‘Thanks, I’ll let you know. And, of course, I am really grateful to you and Renu for being there for me. God alone knows what I would have done without you.’
‘Please, what are friends for?’
‘Although, I have to admit, I was a little surprised at how wholeheartedly you supported me when I told you about Charlie. Not that I wasn’t counting on it, but … I don’t know … I was expecting a little more resistance.’
‘I can understand.’
Anupama waited for more, and when it didn’t come, she quietly got back to her tea and sipped the remaining few dregs. ‘Well, I should be on my way now.’
‘You’re not doing anything wrong, I hope you know that,’ said Neena in a somewhat hurried voice.
‘Huh?’
‘It’s just – with all this happening – I was worried you might reconsider … You shouldn’t. I’m really happy for you, Anu. You deserve this.’
‘Er, thanks …’
‘I mean it. Why should you live your whole life from others’ points of view? Why shouldn’t you get a chance?’
‘Again, thanks, Neena, but I’m really past all that. Now, I am just taking things as they come.’
‘And I hope it works out. I really do.’
‘Okay, what’s going on here? Is there something you want to tell me?’
‘No, I’m just being supportive.’
‘Yes, maybe a little too supportive. I already have a lot of complications in my life right now, Neena, so a little frankness from your side would be very helpful indeed.’
Neena chewed on her lip thoughtfully. A long moment passed before she let out a sigh and said, ‘I don’t really care for pottery, you know.’
Anupama nodded, still waiting.
‘I don’t even like getting my hands dirty. I don’t know why I took that stupid course.’
‘Maybe you just wanted to try something different.’
‘Or maybe I just don’t know what I want anymore. I mean, look at this house. It’s supposed to be me, or at least a part of me, and that’s what I thought all along. But it’s not, actually. Or maybe, it is. You see, I’m not even sure of that.’
‘Neena, I’m sorry … I don’t understand. Don’t you want this?’
‘I don’t know. I like to think I do. Otherwise what would the point be, right?’
‘What else do you want then?’
‘I don’t know, Anu. That is the whole problem! I never got a chance,’ she cried. ‘And you know what the worst part is? It was nobody’s fault but my own. I don’t even have anyone to blame! I screwed myself.’
‘But you love your family.’
‘I do! I just … I just wish there was more, you know. Is that so wrong?’
‘No, no, not at all,’ said Anupama, clasping Neena’s hand warmly, for she was on the brink of tears.
‘I don’t even know what I’m complaining about. Most people would consider themselves blessed to have what I have. A perfect life with a happy family, no wants, no needs, no serious problems. But see, that’s the thing, Anu. I envy the broken ones, the ones with issues, because at least, they have something to look forward to. They have a journey. I’m already at my destination, and I’ve been here for some time now. Do you understand?’
‘I do.’
‘I know. I know you do. Because you have been there too. Which is why I was so, so happy to hear about you and Charlie. I saw an adventure for you, Anu, a chance to be something … something special, and different. And, I don’t know, maybe, I wanted to live that adventure through you. I guess it was selfish of me. But what choice do I have? I’m taking pottery and origami classes, for God’s sake!’
She reached for a tissue and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. Watching her, Anupama was reminded of a version of herself that she had long forgotten. The seemingly perfect wife with the seemingly perfect life. And a dark, turbulent maelstrom brewing just beneath the surface. Now here she was, with a son in hospital, a scandal in the neighbourhood, a relationship with an uncertain future, and a personal and social struggle waiting to greet her at home. And here sat Neena in her impeccable home, envious of her, desirous of all the challenges, twists and turns that lay in her path. Where exactly did happiness lie on this scale? Or was it simply a utopian myth, lacking an absolute definition? Or perhaps, at the end of the day, being happy was simply a matter of acknowledging that someone somewhere had a pottery class to match your cream biscuits.
29
The next afternoon, Nimit was deemed fit to go home by the hospital. Persuading him to come home, of course, was a whole other matter. It was only after his two stipulations – that (a) Charlie wouldn’t be permitted to enter the house, and (b) any further snide remarks from Sahil regarding this controversy would be dealt with legally – were conceded that he finally deigned to give in.
It was a quiet block that they returned to. A few complimentary messages had popped up on Anupama’s mobile from Mrs Govindikar and her troupe, wishing Nimit a speedy recovery, while Mrs Chatterjee and a few other tenants from the neighbouring blocks made sure to send over some packed lunch boxes to save her the trouble of cooking. However, there was one conspicuous change that she noticed immediately upon arrival, and that was the absence of those dreadful CCTV cameras on her, or for that matter, on any floor in the building. It seemed that
the rules had changed quite significantly while she was away.
Now that her son was ensconced safely in his room with his usual distractions to fall back upon, Anupama found herself at leisure to dwell upon her other worries – chief amongst them, the issue of Charlie’s departure. She had been mostly avoiding his calls and messages for some time now, keeping her replies as brief and formal as she could. She was still upset over his covert exit strategy and the social and familial chaos that had built up around their relationship did not help matters. It seemed as though, however inadvertently, he was throwing her to the wolves and leaving her in the lurch to deal with all the sanctimony and condemnation while he toured around and studied composition and lenses in some idyllic retreat. Didn’t he understand that she needed his support now more than ever? And what if he met someone over there? Wouldn’t be the most incredible thing to happen. What a joy it would be to wake up one morning and behold a picture of him smooching a bikini babe on Facebook, as she pined away like a lovesick teenager awaiting his return.
What we have is real. What we have can’t be put in a box and sealed away.
But why not? Everything else in his life had been, including his family photos. They didn’t even have any pictures together, she realized. It had just seemed too unsafe, too unnecessary. Of course, that was when she had assumed that they were going to be together forever. She had planned to get some pictures taken at Nimit’s birthday party, where they could have been together without raising comment, but that was not to be either. What if he deactivated his FB profile tomorrow? She wouldn’t have a single picture or record of him to remember him by. How long would it be before his features turned hazy in her memory? She made a mental note to download some of his profile pictures into a private folder that very day, creepy though it may have sounded. It would be a souvenir. Something to show her grandchildren when they became teenagers.
See that, kids? This was at forty-two. That’s the kind of standard you should aim for…
Her rational mind came into play, snapping her back to reality. What was wrong with her? Besides, the way things were going, she wasn’t even sure whether her future self would be permitted to visit her grandkids…
Charlie Next Door Page 23