by Jenika Snow
“It’s good, baby.” She made a humming noise against his mouth, and tilted her head to deepen the kiss. For several long drugging moments all they did was explore and memorize each other with their hands and mouth. He was hard, needed to be inside of her, but despite the fact she was willingly kissing him back, holding him so tight her nails dug into his skin, there was a part of her she was keeping reserved. He couldn’t blame her though, and he was a bastard for kissing her after he dropped a bomb like that.
Trace gripped her arms and gently pushed her away so their bodies no longer touched. He looked at her lips, ones that were red, swollen, and glossy from his kiss. A surge of adrenalin pumped through him at that thought and sight.
“We should probably stop.” She was the one to speak.
“Yeah.” He didn’t want to, of course, but if they kept this up he wouldn’t be able to stop himself or his bear from claiming her right in the middle of the woods. As sexy and tempting as that sounded, and as much as he liked the image of her pressed naked against a tree while he took her from behind, that wasn’t how he wanted to be with his mate for the first time.
“Trace?” He could tell what she was about to ask because her attention was on his scar.
“You want to know how I got the scar, Candace?” Their eyes clashed, and then she nodded.
He hated when people asked about it, loathed when they stared at it, and wanted to fuck shit up when he saw them murmuring to each other because of it. But he felt none of that with Candace, and instead wanted to tell her everything about himself, and hoped she did the same, but only when the time was right for her. Of course he didn’t expect her to instantly accept him, but how she was reacting to him now was a pleasant start. “Karla came after me with a kitchen knife after Maverick pulled me off Dale.” He turned around and looked back at the view of the mountains and lake below. Her shock was clear, even if he hadn’t been looking at her face. He hadn’t even told her everything, just taken advantage of her lust for him. Turning his back to her and looking back at the lake, he inhaled deeply and finished telling her everything. “I should have gone to jail for a long time, for what I did to that human.” He turned around to see her watching him with only acceptance. There was no judgment in her eyes, and he found that a big fucking relief. “When I say I fucked him up, I mean just that. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t even talk because of what I did to his body. And to this day he is still walking with a limp. Karla went crazy when she saw what I did, and that’s when she attacked me.” He stayed silent for a moment, let her really absorb all of that, but then needed to finish this. “You’re mated to a monster, Candace.”
“Oh God.” She covered her mouth and stared at him like he really was a monster, but then he deserved all of it. But then she spoke, and it had nothing to do with what a piece of shit he was, or how scared he made her. “Was your son okay? He wasn’t there, I hope.” Her eyes looked glossy, and the fact he sensed that she felt sorry for him would have knocked him on his ass if he hadn’t forced himself to stand upright.
He shook his head, not having the voice to speak. After everything he had said his mate was focused on if Liam had been okay? His heart cracked in his chest. “No, he was away at college when this happened.” His voice was hoarse, and when she moved closer to him, he couldn’t find the strength to keep her away. The truth was he wanted her to comfort him, because there had never been a person in his life who had given him that. But here was this small, yet curvy female, and she was letting off all kinds of emotions for him. Empathy, sorrow, pain, and comfort. All of those things came from her, wrapped around his body as if she were the one to physically come over to him and do it.
So this is what it means to have someone care.
“I don’t see you as a monster, Trace.” She moved closer yet until they were so close he could see the tiny, almost invisible freckles lining the bridge of her nose. She searched his face, and then surprised the shit out of him by lifting her hands, cupping his face, and saying with determination, “I don’t see you as a monster. I don’t know all the details, but I don’t want or need to know them. I see the male before me, and I can scent you’re genuine. It is what it is, and although I don’t condone people hurting others, I can see why you were angry and couldn’t control yourself.” She sighed heavily, and he wished he could see into her mind to know what she was thinking. “I’m sorry I have been pushing you away, and trying so hard to not give this a chance. I was betrayed, too, and I know how much that hurts.” They stared at each other, and then she curled into his body, wrapping her arms around him, and resting her head on his chest. For a moment Trace was frozen, not able to move as she was the one that held him. Just moments before he had been the one all over her, nearly pulling out his cock and fucking her right there on his bike, but now he felt like an unsure and scared shitless teenager. “It’s okay, Trace.”
As he closed his eyes and lifted his arms, a tremor wracked through him when he pulled her in closer. He rested his chin on the top of her head and stared straight ahead.
He had told her about his life, about nearly killing Dale, and about the ugly fucking scar he had gotten because of his violence. He still fought in back alleys, unable to control himself at times, or the wild anger he would always house inside of him. Her running away and never waning to see him had been what he expected. Hell, that was one of the reasons he had kissed her, because he had been sure she would see him as a villain and never want anything to do with him. He had told her over and over that he wouldn’t let her run, and although that was true to an extent he wouldn’t force her to be with him in return, not if she feared him.
“I’m willing to give this a go, Trace, but it has to be slow.” Her words were muffled against his shirt, and he gripped her arms and pulled her away enough that he could look down into her eyes. She was giving him a chance, and he may not be a deserving bastard of that, but he sure as hell would treasure it.
“Baby, I’ll go as slow as you need. I may want to take control, but you’re the one that holds all the cards.”
Chapter Seven
“So, are you going to tell me or do we have to play twenty questions?” Candace looked over at Melissa, who stared at her expectantly. Ary was on her other side holding Madeline, who had her mother’s big blue eyes and her father’s darker hair. The little girl was busy slamming Candace’s car keys on the table over and over again, a bit distracting, but it kept the baby occupied.
“I mean, what exactly do you want me to tell you?” Ary and Melissa glanced at each other knowingly, before they turned their hawk-like stares on her again. Candace sighed and leaned back in her chair. “You Nosey Nellies already know pretty much everything.” Melissa crossed her arms over her chest. Candace looked at the ceiling and breathed out. “All right, all right. So I am a mate to this overly intense, possessive polar bear shifter that has a tendency to be all growly and rough, but also is strangely endearing.” The only sound was of the clock ticking away and of little Madeline cooing and slamming her keys on the table.
“So he brings a whole new meaning to the words alpha asshole?” Ary said with repressed amusement. Her ocelot shifting friend knew all about overbearing males given the fact she was married and mated to one. Her husband, Charlie Wylde, was not only a big, brooding grizzly with a territorial streak when it came to Ary and his son and daughter, but he also pissed Ary off to no end with the need to be possessive to the nth degree.
“Yeah, to put it mildly.” But Candace couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips.
“You are such a lying bitch.” She glanced over at Melissa, who was grinning from ear to ear. “You like that he gets all ‘Mine. No touch’ on you, don’t you?” Melissa was all but laughing out loud now, which had Madeline stopping her destruction of the car keys and staring at her. Leave it to Melissa not to beat around the bush. There was also no point in denying since by the looks on her friends’ faces they could scent exactly how much she did like it.
“I’m not saying I like it all the time, but I also won’t lie and say it doesn’t make me feel all tingly.” She glared at them, but couldn’t help the way the corner of her mouth kicked up. “I know you two will pester me until I ‘fess up anyway. So yeah, I kind of like when he gets all ‘Mine’ on me. Kind of makes me feel wanted.” She glanced down at the table, suddenly feeling a plethora of emotions wash through her. The three guys she had been with in her thirty-five years on this planet had never made her feel the way her polar bear did. Trace, on the other hand, made her feel like she was the only female to ever come into his life. He looked at her like some kind of prize, touched her like he couldn’t help himself, and made it clear that she was his and no one else’s. It was a feeling like nothing she had ever experienced before. Sure, his caveman attitude did get on her nerves at times, but after he opened up to her that day when they went into the mountains, something inside of her had changed. At first she hadn’t wanted him as a mate, not because she thought he wasn’t worthy, but because she just hadn’t wanted anything or anyone to rock her perfectly placed life.
“So, you actually like that a male is bossy and wants to control everything you do?” There was no accusation in Melissa’s words, just an honest question. Out of the three of them Melissa was the only one that openly admitted to liking the intensity that came with being with an alpha male. She liked the biting and growling, liked the fact a big, strong shifter could control her just as easily as he did everything else. She hadn’t found her mate yet, and may have a hard exterior, but there had been many times she had confided in them. “Little Candace has actually surrendered a part of her perfect life, and wants someone else hold the reins for a while?”
“Shut up, Melissa,” Candace snapped, but there really wasn’t any heat behind her words. Besides, Melissa was still grinning, and the shock, but teasing, in her voice told her she was having a really good time pointing all of this out.
“Didn’t I tell you giving up control would be invigorating?”
“Melissa, you are the one with the smartest mouth, the raunchiest attitude, and the only female I know that acts all badass, but wants to give yourself up without a second thought to the right male.”
Melissa shrugged. “True. I mean, it is freeing to have someone else make all the decisions. Of course I do draw the lines sometimes. I don’t want some controlling prick who doesn’t know when I like to submit.”
“You’re insane, Melissa,” Ary said, but she smiled broadly. Madeline decided to toss Candace’s keys across the room and belt out a loud scream. “Yeah, this one is going down for a long nap. She was up at five this morning, and we all know I don’t do mornings.” Ary stood and took the squirming and screaming Madeline to the little girl’s bedroom. Seconds later the sound of the front door opening and closing, and then of Charlie’s deep voice and Cole’s excited one came through. They walked into the kitchen and stopped. Five year old Cole was in his father’s arms, and the two males looked between them. Candace held her finger to her mouth to indicate they needed to be quiet, but both Charlie and Cole knew without her saying, that Ary was trying to get the baby down for a nap.
Charlie nodded and set Cole on the ground. “Why don’t you go get that car book and we’ll read it on the deck?” Cole grinned and ran off. Charlie straightened and looked between them. “It’s safer if we go outside. He gets a bit excited when they start talking about all the different kind of racecars.”
Melissa started chuckling low. Yeah, it was safer, because if Charlie woke up the baby, Ary would be in bitch mode. “That’s probably smart.” She grinned just as Cole came running back in the kitchen with a very big book in his arms.
“How is kindergarten?” asked Candace. Cole beamed and started going into great detail about all of the things he was learning, but that also meant his excitement had his voice rising. Charlie quickly scooped him up and narrowed his eyes at them in mock anger. Just as they heard the bedroom door shut he was out the back door in record time. They both grinned at each other. Ary came back into the kitchen with the baby monitor in hand.
“So, back to the exciting stuff.” She pointedly looked at Candace.
“I just told you everything.” Of course she had left out the stuff about his ex-wife, the cheating, and the scar, but Candace didn’t think those were her right to tell.
“So when are you seeing him again?”
Candace blushed because she was seeing him tonight. It had been only a couple of days since Trace had taken her back home from the mountains, but she hadn’t seen him since. They had talked several times on the phone, but she did miss seeing him, even if he was grumpy at times. For such a strong male, he could really put on the charm when he wanted to, and the three dozen red and white roses that had arrived at her house this morning was a testament to that.
“Oh man, have you fucked him yet? That blush you got going on is telling me you have and plan on doing it again real soon, or you’re thinking about doing it.”
“God, Melissa, you’re so damn vulgar sometimes.” Ary was laughing, but Candace didn’t find it funny at all, and that was because she was thinking about doing it with him … like all the time since he had come into her life. “I’m not talking about this stuff with you.”
“Why? I have no shame when I divulge my personal business.”
“Yeah, that’s because you have no shame.”
Candace grinned over at Ary. Melissa snorted and rolled her eyes.
“What the hell ever. Well, I have to run, but it was nice not getting any juicy details from you.” Melissa stood and grabbed her purse. “Toddles, bitches.” Melissa grinned and walked toward the front door, her bangle bracelets jangling, and her gypsy style skirt flowing behind her. The front door closed with a soft click once she left, and Ary started laughing again.
“She’s something else.” Yeah, that was an understatement. “So, when are you seeing your polar bear again?”
“Tonight actually.” Candace couldn’t help but feel anticipation and excitement. It seemed with each passing day her desire for Trace grew, and although she knew some of that was the pull from being mates, it was also because she was growing to care for the grumpy bear. She just couldn’t stop thinking about him, and was glad she had gone with him to lunch and a ride that day. If she hadn’t, and would have stuck with her ridiculous idea that she needed to be alone, and that a mate was bad news for her, she wouldn’t be feeling this bone melting warmth whenever he was near, or when she thought of him.
“You really care for him, don’t you?” Ary’s voice was soft.
Candace nodded. “It’s crazy, I know. We have only known each other for like a week, if that, and although it certainly isn’t love, he has showed me a part of himself I know he has never allowed anyone else to see.” Ary was nodding before she even finished.
“I know exactly what you’re saying. When I saw Charlie for the first time it was like insta-lust, but more than that. Finding a mate defies all logic, pisses you off most of the time, and I won’t lie and say it is all roses and chocolates. But what I can tell you with certainty, and from the bottom of my heart,” Ary glanced out the sliding glass doors at where Charlie sat on a chair with Cole in his lap, reading to him. “I wouldn’t change it for the world. Every day that passes by, even five years later, makes me glad I didn’t fight what I knew in my heart felt right.” She looked back at Candace and smiled. “You just have to listen to your instincts, and let your inner animal tell you what to do, because at the end of the day when our human sides are fighting us tooth and nail on what course we should take, our animals have already come to that conclusion one hundred times over.”
Ary was smart, in more ways than one, and even if Candace had doubts at first, still thought about the “what ifs” that could transpire if she allowed herself to get rid of her rigid routine and go with the flow, she did want to give him a chance. She deserved to be happy, and why not try with the only male that had made her feel so alive?
Chapt
er Eight
As soon as Candace heard those three hard knocks, ones that seemed very masculine in nature, she became wet. She was losing it, certifiably so. It was like she was constantly in a state of arousal, feeling like she was burning alive, and it was all because of Trace. He had told her he’d pick her up at eight P.M. sharp, and of course he was on time. For a bike-riding alpha shifter, he was punctual in all things. She made her way down the hallway and opened the door. He hadn’t told her what they were doing, or even where they were going tonight, so she had decided to put on a simple sundress, one that looked classy, but could certainly be played down if they were steering clear of fancy places. For an hour she debated what to do with her hair, what she would wear, and always wondering if Trace would like it. She was over-thinking everything and driving herself insane. In the end none of the materialistic things mattered. Ary’s words played back to her, on how she needed to let her animal take some control, and how everything would just fall into place. Her instincts told her this was good, that Trace was good, and if she pulled that stick out of her ass she would be good with whatever he had to give her. But there was also a small part of her that was scared of getting hurt again. Then again, she couldn’t find happiness if she wasn’t willing to take a chance.