“Just . . . just hold those thoughts.” He flung the door open. “OK? Mad at her or not, I’m getting Ellen. I’ll be back.”
As he walked out of the house, Frank had to wonder what he was thinking. He wasn’t. He didn’t give any thought to what the ‘family meeting’ was about when he should have known. As soon as it hit him what his father was going to say, he knew it wasn’t his place to halt Ellen from hearing it.
Knocking once on Dean and Ellen’s door, Frank just walked in. “El!”
Dean emerged from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. “Frank?”
“Where’s Ellen?”
“What the hell did you say to her out there? She’s crying.”
Ignoring Dean, Frank just walked toward the bedrooms. “El!”
Ellen stepped into the hall from Alexandra’s room. “Frank, I’m trying to settle the kids. What?”
“First, this is no way a sign that I’m not mad at you anymore.”
“Trust me, I wouldn’t take it as one.”
“Good. Let’s go.” He grabbed her hand.
“What? Where?” Ellen was tugged.
“My dad wants you there. You’ll be there.” He kept pulling her through the living room. He paused, reached for her coat, handed it to her, and moved to the door. “Dean, I’m taking her.”
“Wait, Frank?” Dean stepped to him. “Is everything all right?”
Frank stared for a second, just stared. Then he leaned down and close to Dean, blasting as loud as he could. “No!” He turned, still holding Ellen’s hand, and walked out.
“God.” Dean closed off his ear and winced.
With a ‘hmpf’, Billy looked up from the couch. “Tell me about it. Someone’s testosterone levels are blaring out of control.”
^^^^
Frank shifted his eyes once in irritation, then took another drink of water. He sat in the chair and watched Ellen settle between Hal and Robbie on the couch. They were separated by a minuscule distance, yet they were miles apart when they shouldn’t have been. Not when they were the two of the four that knew what was going on.
Joe’s keys jingled in his pockets as he rocked a little, from front to back, heel to toe. His slow releasing breath seeped through his nostrils and all eyes were upon him. “I’m glad all of you are here. Now it feels . . . it feels right.” He gave a nod of his head with a wink. Unlike himself, not crass, Joe spoke. His eyes never stayed on a single one of them for too long. He wasn’t playing visual favorites. He looked at them all. “I went back and forth quite a bit on if I would say what I wanted to say first or if I would tell you the reason for my saying it. To you, it may not seem like a tough decision. To me, it is. As a parent, one thing happens. You get wiser as you get older. I was thinking about this. Do you realize for the first eighteen years of your child’s life, you spend most of the time, yelling, correcting them, and sending them off to learn? Unless, of course that child is Frank . . .” Joe semi-smiled. “Then the yelling increases with age.”
Frank wanted to return the smile to his father. He tried, but he couldn’t.
“Anyhow,” Joe continued, “as parent, you tell your child many things as they grow up. Many . . . many things.” His head dropped. “Some good. Some bad. Some encouraging. And as a child, you don’t always hear them all. What happens?” Joe lifted his hand. “What happens when a kid grows up? You don’t really stop telling your child things. You just don’t say them as you should, when you should. Why? Because they’re older? You try to give your kid their space? They don’t need to hear it? I don’t think so. I think a child, no matter how old, needs to hear how their parent feels about them. I’m a parent who pretty much butts out until I can’t. I think you guys all know that.” Joe took a look at all of them. “Here’s someone you probably haven’t heard me speak of since you were young. My father.”
Hal peered up. “We were never allowed to ask about him.”
“And there’s a reason,” Joe explained. “When my mother died, she didn’t just leave me with my father. She left me with a bastard. My father was a son of a bitch. He never had a nice word to say, never a pat to the back, and always a belt to the face when a wrong was committed. Old country, hard ass. No love. Now, I’m a hard ass. I know that and I know I’ve been a hard ass with all of you. But I firmly believe, one hundred percent, I accomplished what I wanted to do, and that was to be a father to you like my father never was to me. I hope, no, I pray,” Joe’s voice dropped, “that you all think I’m a good father. I love you all the same and I love you . . . I love you all like I never thought humanly possible.” A sweep of emotions came over Joe in the silence and he bit his lip, nodded, and gained his composure. He looked about the eyes locked upon him. Hal and Robbie searched him for answers in the unexplained solemnness that reflected in their faces. “I raised a smart bunch, a very smart bunch. Knowing this, I knew by just starting to talk, you would figure out the reason I’m standing before you.”
The quiet was crushing. Frank held a poker face as best he could. Robbie’s eyes fluttered and his head lowered. Hal rang out the loudest with a heaving breath, a swipe of his hand down his face, and eyes that closed with so much pain.
Joe’s lips parted first. He emitted a soft whisper instead of words, cleared his throat, and tried again. “I’m . . . I’m sick. And there’s a pretty big chance that if things . . . Even if things slow down, there’s a chance I won’t be around much longer.” There was silence brought on by Joe’s pause in his inability to speak. “I’m dying.”
Knowing it was one thing, hearing it from Joe’s mouth was another, and it felt to Ellen as if she heard the news for the first time all over again. Immediately she looked at Frank who stared elsewhere, and then, through that vision, she saw the child in Robbie seep out. His pouty lips moved in a sad pucker in and out, his facial muscles clenched, and his eyes glazed over. Just as Robbie’s head dropped forward, Ellen’s views swung to the sound. It was soft and probably only a sound she heard because she sat next to him. But the groan of agony that rumbled near silent and inadvertently from Hal was like a dagger to her.
It was visually obvious that the strong, ‘knight of knights’ Hal fought with everything he had not to crumble. Looking at the Slagel men reiterated Joe’s wording of how they would handle it. The iron wall of strength they all portrayed had a weakness and that weakness was their father.
Both of Ellen’s hands were free and she extended one to Robbie. He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his chest, while Hal intertwined his fingers in such a tight lock, he could have squeezed them off.
At that moment, to Joe, they all looked like children, so young. It made it harder. “Before any of you say anything, I’d like to get some things out. Say some things. Be . . .” Joe lifted a finger to tell them to ‘hold on’. He walked over to the dining area and grabbed a chair. He slid it into the living room and patted his hand on the seat. “Jimmy. We can’t do this without Jimmy.” Preparing to take his place again before them, he watched Hal stand up.
Walking to the empty chair, Hal lifted the dog tags he always wore that belonged to his brother from around his neck. He hung them over the chair and returned to his spot on the couch and held Ellen’s hand.
Joe gave him a peaceful smile. “Ok, perhaps this is selfish of me. Who knows? Who . . . who cares? Me making this little speech to you has everything to do with what’s going on with me. I’ve always felt what I’m gonna say and I know I’ve told you before. But I need to tell you again because you never know . . . you never know.” Exhaling, Joe turned to the chair. “I’ll start here and go around, eliminating any argument that I said these things in order of least to most important.” Joe tried to make a little joke and smiled. “Jimmy, I can’t tell you how many times I wished you were here. I know you are, in your own way. I miss you. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you, stop and say a prayer for you and, in my mind, tell you I love you. I was blessed with you and your brothers. You were always the smart one, the one who used his head. Ho
w we could use you here right now in Beginnings. What an asset you would be. How complete we would be. You just know, I will never be complete until I see you again.” He stared at the chair, then lifted the dog tags, brought them to his lips, and kissed them. “Hal, I’m gonna hang on to these for a little bit. Do you mind?”
Hal just shook his head. “No. I don’t mind.” The words were barely heard.
Placing the dog tags over his head, Joe moved to the next child. “Robbie I gave a lot of thought to what I was gonna say to you. Not because it was hard, but because there is just so much. I could go on, and on. Talent?” Joe whistled. “You define talent. The music you write is amazing. I never told you but I could listen to you sing all day. Look at you. You have this incredible gift that my other boys don’t. You have this ability to brighten a room, no matter what your mood, no matter what the circumstance. You make people smile. There’s an air of . . . and God knows how you maintained this through all that’s happened, there’s an air of innocence in you I never want you to lose. You hear me?”
Robbie nodded. He couldn’t even look at Joe. His hand covered his face.
“And despite these odds you are battling, my God are you overcoming them. I’m proud. Know that.”
From under his hand, Robbie whispered, “I do.”
“Ellen.” Joe looked at her. “I know I have told you a million times, married to my son or not, I have never viewed you less than my own child. To me, you’re a Slagel. You’re brilliant. Don’t ever let Dean or anyone overshadow the gift of intelligence you have. I watched you go from this annoying girl to a woman in Ashtonville, a woman who took urine samples, spent way too much money, and found any excuse to have a Tupperware party. You grew into this woman who sits before me that cures illnesses old world doctors only skimmed the surface of. As much as I’d like to give Dean the credit for teaching you, I can’t. You had it in you all along. You just waited to release it. I trust my life to you. I trust . . . my heath to you.” A soft wink, and Joe turned to Hal. “Hal, lift your head.”
Swallowing hard, Hal slowly rose his eyes.
Joe smiled. “You, I think of all my children, I’ve complimented you the most in your life, for many reasons. Mostly, to be honest, to annoy the hell out of your brothers.”
Hal emotionally snickered, but that small laugh didn’t help.
“Thirteen years old,” Joe said. “When you were thirteen years old, you were at the invention convention. A General approached you and asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up. Do you remember what you said?”
Hal nodded.
“You said you were gonna be the man who started the new cavalry and goddamn it, Hal, you did. You did it. Look at you. Look at your men. The UWA isn’t just a band of men you gathered together. They aren’t just survivors. They are going to be the reason this country moves on. It is a fight for freedom that puts to shame any that our forefathers ever endured and you are responsible for it all. You. I am so . . .” Joe’s words tensed up with his emotions. “So proud of you. So proud. I look at you in front of your men. I watch them salute you. I watch their respect and I say, every single time, that’s my son. That’s my son.”
The sniffle Hal made was long and an attempt to hide his sadness as he raised his head and gave a ‘thank you’ look to his father.
“Frank.” Joe looked to his oldest. “Frank, I . . .”
“Don’t,” Frank stopped him.
“What?” Joe asked confused.
Frank’s mouth opened slightly, his eyes closed, and he lifted his hand. “Please don’t say anything to me. Please.”
“But I have to,” Joe said.
“I know it all.” Frank swallowed hard. “I know what you want to say. You’ve told me and I heard. I heard each time. I just can’t hear it now. I can’t.” He lifted his hand and with a deep breath contained any emotions from seeping out. “So let me tell you about you.” Slowly Frank stood up and his words held a vibrato to them as he spoke. “You are always here. We’ve never been too old for you to hug us or walk up to us and kiss us. You . . . you are not a father who ever goes without telling his child he’s proud of them. You are not a father who forgets to say he loves us. And you are not a father I want to lose.” Frank took a step to Joe. “Look at me. Look at me and tell me that you are going to do everything you can so I don’t have to lose you. Not yet.”
“Not yet,” Joe spoke in a near whisper. “That’s why I wanted to have this talk, right now. Because I’ve waited long enough and I decided to fight this thing. The battle starts tonight.”
^^^^
Ellen’s hand smoothed softly over the back of Robbie’s head as he sat on the sofa in the waiting room. “As soon as Dean finishes, I will be right out.”
Hal sat next to Robbie and peered up to Ellen. “Immediately, right?”
“Before Dean even closes him. No hesitation, I promise.” She looked at her watch. “It’s almost nine now. It should take a few hours. I have faith.”
“So do we,” Hal said.
“Robbie?” Ellen glanced down. “You haven’t said anything.”
The swallow he made was heard. Robbie’s hand was cupped just under his nose and he shook his head.
Ellen crouched down to him. “I have to go,” she whispered in his ear. “It’ll be fine. Afterward, we’ll talk. Just talk.” Again she ran her hand down the back of his head and then she kissed him. “I love you.”
The crackle the separation of his lips emanated in his attempt to speak was the only noise Robbie made. Closing his eyes, Robbie just nodded once.
“I’ll be back.” She stood up, gave a reassuring look to Hal, and started to leave the waiting area. As she walked out, Frank walked in. She stopped and took in the look he gave her. She waited for him to say something but he didn’t so Ellen kept on walking.
^^^^
The thin chain that held the small crucifix dangled outside of Ellen’s blue hospital scrubs. Dean lifted the chain and placed it inside of Ellen’s garment. “That’s better,” he said.
Ellen let out a slow nervous breath. “Tell me again.”
“I . . .” Dean laid his hand on her cheek. “Am overly confident.” He kissed her. “But I want to get started. So, if you could, Joe is probably ready now. Tell Andrea I need her, then you can walk him down here.”
“I’ll do that and since I can’t do this in there.” Ellen kissed Dean quickly. “Thank you.”
“No, Ellen, thank you for talking him into this.” Stepping back, Dean turned and went through the double doors that would take him to the main operating room.
Watching the doors swing was Ellen sign to go get Andrea and Joe. She pushed through the doors that led her to the hall and as she stepped out, there was Frank. She looked up once to him, then started to walk again.
“El.”
“I have to get your dad.”
“This will only take a second.” Frank reached out and took her arm.
“If you want to apologize . . .”
“Apologize for what?”
Ellen heaved out. “Forget it. I don’t need aggravation. Just answer me this? Did you miss it? Was that the reason? Did you miss being the old Frank that used to say shit just to hurt me? Is that why you said I wasn’t family and wasn’t worth your time.”
Frank released her arm. “The family thing. OK, that was wrong. I’m sorry for that. I was speaking through my anger. You proved me wrong. You got him to fight.”
“No, Frank. I can’t take credit for that.”
“But my dad told me . . .”
“No.” Ellen spoke soft. “Joe didn’t come to me for answers. Joe came to me as an excuse. He’s so stubborn and he just needed someone to blame for changing his mind. The truth is, more than you realize, he wanted to do this all along.” On that there was nothing left to be said so Ellen walked away.
^^^^
It was a little room not far from the operating rooms. Ellen didn’t expect Joe to be alone. Andrea was waiting with him until
Dean was ready for her in the OR. The person Ellen didn’t expect to see was Danny Hoi.
Tapping on the open door as her announcement, she peeked her head through.
Andrea let out a surprised breath and released Joe’s hand. “I guess Dean’s ready.”
“He’s ready,” Ellen said as she stepped in.
“Joe.” Andrea leaned down and kissed him. “I’ll be right there.”
“I know,” Joe told her.
Andrea moved to the door. “I’ll be praying for you the whole time.”
“Andrea,” Joe called her. “Not that I don’t need the prayers, but could you just concentrate on operating.”
Andrea giggled. “Joe, please. I’m just there to assist Dean’s the one with the laser in his hand.”
“Swell.”
Before leaving completely, Andrea peered back. “One more thing, Joe. You are not only my husband, but you define the meaning of Futomara.”
Danny’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God.”
“What?” Joe looked at him after Andrea left.
“Um, nothing.” Danny shook his head and stood. “Just that was, uh, nice of her to say.” He extended his hand to Joe. “Good luck. I’ll stop back in the morning.”
“And good luck to you with everything this week,” Joe told him.
“Tomorrow will be a rough day,” Danny said. “The community, Joe. They aren’t gonna handle it well about you. You’re more than a leader to them and you know it.”
Joe only smiled with a hint of sadness. “Get going. My escort awaits.”
Danny gave a nod and conveyed look of peace to Ellen as he moved to the door. “See ya’ tomorrow, Joe.”
Waiting until after Danny left, Ellen looked down at Joe, who sat in the chair. “I see you’re all ready. Hospital gown, jammie style bottoms.”
“It’s the newest look.” Joe lifted the edge of the gown.
“What was Danny doing here?” Ellen asked.
“I’m turning over authority for a little bit. He’ll check in, run things by me, but while I recover, it’s in his and Hal’s hands.”
The Next Ten: Beginnings Series Books 11 - 20 Page 245