Where Would I Be Without You

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Where Would I Be Without You Page 9

by Hawk, CJ

Mason's mother Sophia must have sensed my overwhelming feelings of his family, took my hand in hers, and offered to show me their garden just outside the kitchen. As she led me outside, she hollered over her shoulder for Mason to pull the roast out of the oven.

  We stepped out of the huge gallery kitchen into a garden that was quite spectacular. Spring and early summer flowers were still in bloom, with soft flowering trees marking a brick paved path that twisted around in a curvy pattern to a beautiful outdoor cement patio that had an impressive pavilion with stone pillars and covered roof. There at the table was a man who was Mason's maker. He stood as I approached so that he could introduce himself as he took my hand. Sofia presented me to him as if she was a game-show host. She had that graceful presence about her.

  "Amber this is Mason's father, Mark Anthony Montahue. Dear, this is Mason's new girlfriend, Amber Jones."

  "It's a pleasure to meet you finally. I've heard all sorts of wonderful things about you." He smiled, and I could see where Mason got his incredible smile from, and it warmed me. His charm was evident, and I felt myself relax a bit.

  "Pleasure is all mine Sir. You have a beautiful mansion..." I stuttered. "I mean home here and the gardens are spectacular."

  "Why thank you." He replied then he turned his attention to Sophia. "How much longer until brunch dear? I have a few things I need to run into my office and get done."

  "About fifteen minutes." She replied as I could see the adoring love she had for Mason's father.

  "Wonderful. Now if you two will excuse me, I think I will get about fifteen minutes worth of work done. Have Maria get me when it's time. Again, lovely to meet you Amber."

  As I watched him walk away, I thought how easy it would be for me to fit right into this family. How desperately I would love making this my own. Not that I didn't love my father and sister, and ok, my mother, but this was the type of classy family a poor girl like me dreams about growing up and marrying into. Bethany made her success and was beginning to reap her rewards. I was a bit lazy and rebellious, and yes I liked the finer things. I just didn't want to have to go to college or work too hard to get it. Marrying into this would be a dream. Marion did, why couldn't I?

  Then I remembered the way Marion thought Carl's family would readily accept her and slowly, painfully, found out that she was considered a gold digger and outcast. I didn't want these lovely people to think of me this way. If I had a doubt about my 'now that I am grown up and thirty plans', I didn't now. Just meeting his family made me want to be a better, stronger person who gives back and works hard. Ok. Some. Having fun with Mason was top on my list, but I now knew that I could easily squeeze in a bit of college courses and volunteer community time, hopefully with Mason at my side when he had time.

  By the time we made it back into the kitchen, the girls were buzzing and Mason was nowhere to be found. Maria spoke up quickly. "My dad stole Mason to discuss work things. Mind helping me frost the cake for dessert?"

  Did I mind frosting a cake? Heck no. Before I could think, I reacted with a bubbly remark. "Only if I can lick the knife when I am done." I chuckled. The room was quiet for a second then Sofia spoke up.

  "Oh dear, you will fit in perfect with us." She said it with a true note of happiness in her voice, and I was starting to feel it. Except for the fact that the two older sisters had whispered something back and forth to each other, and I worried it was about me, my fair wage job, lack of college and compared to their high-end labeled clothes; I was wearing a discount rack dress. However, my shoes were four hundred bought used for fifty off eBay, so I guess I was a little in their league.

  By the time we were taking food out in a uniformed line to the outdoor patio table, which was nicer than any dining room table I had ever seen, well except Marion and Carl's, Mason was finally out of his dad's office and walking with the cake I just frosted with a cover on top, out to the patio. The look on his face was one of a beaten man. His happy go lucky in love look was gone. Something had to of been said between the two men and for Mason's sake, I worried. I instantly felt his sadness and wanted to take him in my arms and kiss him. Instead, I grabbed the cake out of his hands and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, which seemed to cheer him up.

  "Hey. I frosted that cake." I practically bubbled out.

  "You did?" He let a smile grow back on his face, and his eyes lit up as I turned and looked back over my shoulder at him with a wink.

  Once we all sat down, we held hands and said grace. Ok. Not strange to me. My mother still insists on it, but it made me think about how uncatholic I have been lately. Rarely saying prayers or grace. Sleeping with a man before marriage, yet alone commitment. Although, Mason and I had verbally agreed, we were committed. So that's something? Right? However, I sensed it wasn't in his father's eyes, and perhaps I was the start of the angst between them. Perhaps, Mark Anthony found out what kind of crazy, free and easy, gal I was. I gulped hard as the last few words of grace were spoken by Mason's father.

  We all took turns passing food around and putting it on our plates. Sitting at the table now was the two older sister's husbands. Joseph and Mark. They did not say much but they sure looked like they were ready to eat. Adoncia was holding a two-year-old boy in her lap trying to get him to eat, while a small playpen off to the side of the table held a sleeping baby girl not much more than a few months old. It was a picture of a growing happy family, and I really wanted a part of it, so perhaps that was why I was trying so hard to be perfect.

  I jumped in on a conversation the two sisters were having about baby rearing as I mentioned my best friend Marion was pregnant with twins. It got a few comments, but then they seem to go back to their own conversation. Therefore, I turned to Sophia and commented on how wonderful her roast was. She thanked me and winked but did not say much more because she had this worried look of concern glaring at the other end of the table at Mark Anthony. I turned to Maria and told her how much I appreciated her help with my birthday gift from Mason. Before Maria could comment, Mark Anthony spoke up.

  "You have got to be kidding me son. At your age, you can't even figure out how to buy a present for a beautiful woman. Jewelry, flowers and a good bottle of wine. Does the trick every time." He winked as if he was joking, but I saw the way Mason's body tensed and his eyes glared. I felt for him, because what he and Maria had done had been perfect. So, of course, I chimed up.

  "Oh Sir. It was perfect. He did send me flowers on my actual birthday. A huge bouquet. And took me and my best friend, sister and mother to lunch, picking up the tab. But, it was the bakery cake from my favorite bakery and the cushion for my window seat that was perfect. I'm not a jewelry kind of gal any ways."

  The table went dead silent. Mason had this tense feel in his hand and with the way he was trying, mind you, to hold my hand under the table. Sophia made a small gasp sound, and then I realized; I had just tried to protect or was it fight Mason's battle for him. He was a grown man and could take his father's indignant suggestion that he could not be a great boyfriend. So why did I think it was my place to speak up about it? Because that was who I am, and I had a feeling, right now, that I was not fitting in very well with his family after all.

  Maria finally spoke up. "So that cushion I got you at Pottery Barn was perfect after all. Good. I am glad. By the way, that bakery where I picked up your cake had muffins that were the best I have ever had." She smiled and winked at me, and I tried to falter a smile.

  I spoke up to break the tension or at least try. "Their holiday pies are wonderful, but Mason and I are planning on making it a regular for a coffee and muffin run."

  The table stayed quiet but at least people were back to eating. A few seconds later, Mark Anthony finally spoke up. "So how old are you if you don't mind me asking?"

  Ok. I knew it was rude for a man to ask a woman's age in private, let alone out in the presence of more people, but I sensed this was a question Mason's father felt he had to ask.

  "Thirty Sir. I just turned thirty." I took a big bite o
f salad as he replied.

  "And you are just now taking college courses? For work? To be a production line manager?" His voice was judgmental, and his tone told me that I wasn't really the person he was mad at, it was something between Mason and himself. Either way, I took offense and barely got out a 'yes sir' reply.

  When he put it that way, I probably should have thought about growing up about eight to ten years ago. I probably should have, but I didn't, and now that I was thirty; I planned on doing so, even more so as his father seemed to be judging me, and his family was nowhere to my defense. It was a time like now that I craved Marion's help. She always had a way with people, and she would have found a way to divert or make everyone focus on her instead of me out of help, not selfishness. Sofia finally spoke up.

  "Mark Anthony, I need another bottle of white wine. Would you be a dear and go into the wine cellar and get me that bottle of ninety six?" The way she was looking at him, if he was to say no, she would have caused him a lot of mental anguish later. I have seen that look on a grown woman and any man who ever wants loving again, better do what she asks. I needed to accomplish that look.

  Mason jumped up and scooted his chair back. "I'll get it." Then I watched him practically stomp off, which that did not make his dad any happier. Therefore, I guess making a comment about it would make him feel better, but it just made me want to put my fork down because at this point, I could not eat another bite.

  "Leaving your date to the wolves is not the best way to act. I would have gotten the wine. I just wanted to finish my bite." He set his fork down, took a huge sip of his wine and then set the glass down with a look that read on his face of righteousness. My, how the rich and powerful see their intentions.

  I had half a mind to speak up and defend Mason and all the great things he has done and said to me in less than a week, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I just sat there staring at my plate of half eaten food, while the three sisters began chiming in about some upcoming family wedding for a cousin, and how Adoncia was pregnant with her second baby at first term. You could not tell by looking at her as she was so skinny but now that I remember her standing sideways there might have been a small pooch.

  Sophia finally joined in, and it was as if the negative comments had never filtered the air in a sour note. I scooted my chair back and excused myself to use the ladies room. This time all the men stood up in a formality, and I was shocked. I had never had that before.

  As I walked back through the beautiful garden towards the kitchen, my heart ached for Mason. This was his life, just like mine, a parent who made him feel less than adequate was prominent in the picture. I was not helping his situation, unlike how he had helped mine tremendously. Just that morning my mom had left a beaming message about how happy she was that I was finally growing up, taking college courses and dating a man that I should not let slip away as he was extremely prominent in this city. No mention of 'hi dear, are you happy?' Just like Mark Anthony berated his own son for not properly addressing my birthday, or so he thought, or for dating a woman of better stature.

  As I stepped inside, I looked around at the beautiful gallery kitchen and dreamed how wonderful it would feel if it was Mason's and mine, then I heard a noise and turned to Mason looking down at two bottles of wine. When he looked up, our eyes met, his were sad and mine were worried. I walked over, kissed him softly.

  "I need to use the ladies room. I'll be out in a bit. Hang tough. You are the most perfect man I have ever met. Where would I be without you?" I teased with the last sentence as my fingers trailed down his chest.

  A small smile escaped his misery, and he returned a kiss to my forehead. Then what he said next made me worried. "Probably better off if you think like my dad. Listen, I sent a text into a tenant for a favor. We will have to rush out of here in about fifteen minutes for a broken pipe."

  "Sounds wonderful. That is, if you let me show you my appreciation later." I teased as I patted his ass.

  "I'm counting on a little uplifting. Mind if we watch the Rockies game later. I could use a little mind numbing sports." He sounded relieved just thinking about where he will be later versus where we are right now.

  "Sounds great." I walked away to leave him to his own demise with his father. I'm sure by the time he made it back out there, conversations had taken place and everyone will be just fine by the time I make it back out from the ladies room.

  Boy was I wrong. Here is where everything just took a turn for the worse. I had never heard a family shouting at each other the way this one was. I heard Mason and Mark Anthony practically screaming at each other as I started out of the kitchen into the garden, still out of view from where the family was sitting.

  I overheard in a strong voice from Mason's father that he was not to get himself involved any further with a woman like me. I had to wonder what he thought of me. Then I heard Mason yelling at him to mind his own business. Then a female voice from one of the two older sisters yelled out. "For heaven's sake, Mason. Do you really think she is the type of woman you want to marry? She hasn't even gone to college, and her credit rating is as poor as the maid who cleans this house."

  Just then, I had not realized, but I had been walking in slow motion towards the commotion, and rounded the corner to see everyone stop yelling and staring at me. The baby who was sleeping in the playpen was now crying profusely. Sophia grabbed her and started to calm her down by rocking her in a standing position, as I stood there looking like a zombie to these people. They did not want to, nor would they probably ever, accept me into their family. It would be just like Marion has to deal with, and I know at times she confided in me that it was not worth it, she should have married a man more of her nature not Carl's status. Did I want to try to make the same mistake even though I felt I was in love with Mason? Could our love be strong enough to defy the expectations of his family?

  When he did not answer or defend me, I spoke as if my voice was about to crack into full-blown tears at any moment. "Sophia, thank you for the lovely brunch. I must go now. Mason, if you would not mind, please drive me home. Thank you all so very much for the lovely meal." The last word was teary, and I turned just as tears fell down my face.

  I thought I heard a few 'we're sorry' as I started to walk back towards the kitchen. I felt Mason's hand grab mine and practically drag me out of his parents' home. I felt so devastated that I could not say a word the whole way back to our apartment. Mason said very few, but he seemed so full of rage that I think he was retreating to the far recesses of his mind, thinking how dating a woman like me only made his life more miserable.

  I wondered if I had just found me another Steve. That I was just his play date until he could find a quality-educated woman that suited his father's request. It was devastating to my confidence to know that I was not up to par in any person's eyes let alone the fact that my mother constantly let me feel that way. I did not need a future Father In-Law to make me feel that way as well.

  On the car ride back to my apartment, Mason said very little, and what I did have to say in my defense was spoken in short contrite responses in a very defensive manner. There was truth to the credit part. I had gotten in over my head a few times with credit cards and bills but my dad usually bailed me out. I had worked hard the last two years to be productive but some of those things on my credit would be around for a while. How his sister already knew caused another quick outburst of mean remarks that only brought on more silence from Mason.

  Mason tried to kiss me and stay at my place, but I told him to go. The day was young, and I had a full steam of piss and vinegar that was going to force me to log on and start my online college courses today. I think I wanted Mason to think long and hard about if he wanted to keep me as his girlfriend. For both of us, it might be best if we just gave it a rest.

  Therefore, I did something completely insane. I texted, not called, but texted him that we needed a break. I turned my cell phone off and unplugged my apartment telephone. I wanted to be unreachable until I could f
igure this all out. Turning thirty had not turned out to be the grand turning point I had hoped for.

  Chapter Ten

  Walking back and forth in my apartment, with a glance towards Mason's bedroom every five seconds, was not helping my cause. My head ached with the constant barrage of questions I was asking myself, ones that only Mason could answer, but he couldn't, because I had no intention of talking to him. At least not until I cooled down, not tonight, I needed my space.

  Internally, I could hear my mother blaming me on screwing this one up. My dad would offer to take me out for a drink. My aunt Heather would tell me that there are plenty of fish in the sea, which she should know because at her age, she still has not settled down with one man in her life, just married three for a short-term commitment. Bethany would tell me to focus on my now I am thirty plans. I let her read it. She actually liked it and told me she was proud. Coming from a younger sister who is so high on my mother's pedestal, it helped. At this point, the only person that could help was Marion, and I knew she was out shopping with her mother in-law, registering for baby gifts at places Marion did not want to register. So perhaps I would be doing us both a favor.

  I shot out an SOS text and told her to bring 'anything' from the bakery. A half-hour later, she was walking in my apartment with her own key, bakery bag in hand, and a sly smile on her face. "Hey thanks for rescuing me by the way. However, please tell me this is not a real SOS, but an 'I was just stupid and this first argument with Mason will pass' SOS."

  "Oh I don't know about it passing. It wasn't just Mason. It was his family, and I figured if anyone understood and would not judge me for all the stupid things I did, it would be you." I grabbed the bag out of her hand. "What did you get any ways?"

  "Vanilla cupcakes, with cream cheese frosting, and raspberry filling. I think the babies really like those." She teased.

  "Uh huh. I see. So they already have preferences at the bakery. You know I want to be their first to buy them their special choice there. You know, when they are old enough to pick one out. How old do you think that will be? Two?"

 

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