Where Would I Be Without You

by Hawk, CJ

  Three days of packing and planning and I started to see the light. How I always fell for the smooth talkers, the handsome men who could lead me astray from my independent ways. Now I was not going to make that mistake again. At the early age of thirty, I could easily rebuild my career elsewhere and think about marriage and kids much later. A lot of women my age were doing it more and more. For me, it only made sense.

  I wanted kids, but I wanted a career first and having kids without a good-paying career under foot was not an option for me. I watched my mom, scrimp, save and work three jobs to make ends meet. As far as my father went, I only knew him as a man who made a mistake. It was not until my thirtieth birthday that my mother took the time to explain the rape and physical damage the man left on my mom. That what kept my mom alive all those days in the hospital recovering, was the fact that she found out she was pregnant. With that fact, my mother told me that hope had sprung within her, and that she had decided from the moment she found out, if her baby was a girl, she would name her Hope. Knowing this was a sign from an angel that sometimes good can come from the bad.

  Right now, I was hoping the fact that my fancy manicured nail landed right on this Mayberry town and sharing its name meant one thing, there was hope for my future.

  Now I could only put all the facts of my hard-lived life together six months ago and oddly enough, that was when my affair with my boss began. I wondered if it was a way for me to escape the horror that my biological father was a monster, or if I felt the need to create some roots of my own. In either case, I now knew that Hugh Finley was definitely not fathering material, and I was going to heal my soul and make the best of a bad situation by creating a plan to move on.

  With a cheery voice breaking my thought of past mistakes, I turned and smiled at the jovial man. “Well Hope, welcome to Hope Springs Falls, WY. I’m sure you’ll like it here. We all do.”

  I had to smile. The man was a walking, talking advertisement for this town with his robust voice and red cherry lip smile made me want to toss a white wig and beard on him followed by a red velvet hat. “Where are we?” I asked as it looked as if he had pulled in front of a café. WALKER CAFÉ. Big Roman print letters painted on the window along with the specials for $2.99.

  “I figured you could use a hot meal and cup of coffee to warm you up. This here is Cindy and mines café. Owned and operated since we graduated high school together. Married thirty-five years with three kids, five grand kids and couple dogs. Any hoot, Jerry, the mechanic is on one of his drinking binges so when he sobers up tomorrow he will just unhook your car from my tow truck and fix you right on up. His shop is just across the street.”

  “That’s alright I can change my own flat tire. If you want to just lower my car off your tow truck, I can change it.” The last thing I wanted was to be without my car. Besides, all my luggage was in the backseat.

  “No can do. Once I got your car out of the ditch, I noticed your axle was bent. Nope. Jerry is gonna need to straighten it out. You go on in. Cindy’s expecting ya. I’ll put all your belongings into our minivan over there and drive you on over to Julie’s place you're renting, after you’ve had a good meal. No trouble at all. You just go on in.”

  I smiled a sincere smile and figured the man was Chris Cringle or a descendent there of. Nothing cuter than a grandparent with a minivan.

  Taking a quick look up and down the street while seated in the front of the tow truck, I noticed the small-town appeal. Quaint shops and storefronts with benches and potted flowers out front, stretched up and down the street as far as I could see in the drizzling rain. No fast food drive-through or quick-stop gas stations, at least not along the strip of Main Street, I was looking at.

  The rain was slowing and the wind was not blowing as hard, but if I was going to make it inside the café without getting soaked, I was going to have to make a mad dash for it in my denim skirt and white canvas tennis shoes.

  Mr. Walker already pulled his minivan up next to my car and was unloading my things. I wanted to help or do it myself, but just from our short drive; I figured he was the type of man who would want to do it himself plus the fact he would have to bill me seventy dollars for the tow. He probably wouldn't have felt right taking my money if I didn't let him set about to do his job.

  With a quick open of his tow truck door, I ran for the front door of the café and almost made it.

  Chapter Two

  I didn’t get it. Shouldn't it be typical gentleman behavior to ignore a woman’s mishap, or trip in the mud in my case, and ignore the obvious of my ill begotten ways.

  The fact that the man in the café was eye appealing did nothing for his funny sense of humor or the fact that he knew more about me and my ill-gotten career move than I cared for anyone to know about. Now the Walkers and the few late dinner guest at Walker Café knew, which meant by weeks end most of the town knew, and that was what I was trying to avoid.

  When I first was guided by Cindy Walker to sit down on a stool next to an attractive man, I didn't see the harm. He was easy on the eyes with his soft brown hair that waved with a dire need of a cut with his piercing steel blue eyes. His worn jeans and cowboy boots gave him the rustic farm boy look. His dirty denim shirt told me he worked, hard, for a living and the way that denim shirt filled out with broad shoulders that tightened in that shirt I mentally wondered what he looked like naked. So sue me. I was still a woman.

  However, as soon as the man started talking, my defenses went up. It all started with comments about my fall and long skinny legs. I was defensive about my tomboyish looks all my life. I was tall and very lean; a padded bra was my best friend and with my professional legal work always came a simple professional cut. I wasn't looking to be model of the year. Then he started in with a few snip-bits about my mishap at the law firm, and I mentally cringed and wanted to crawl into a hole. Nobody else in the cafe seemed to pay much attention, but I was sure their ears were glued and by tomorrow morning, I would be the town gossip.

  I wondered what I got myself into as I sat and practically ate like a starved person and listened to this man, Colton something or other, talk jokingly about how he saw me on the county road but passed me by. Lucky for him, Cindy Walker added in that he did the proper thing by calling Mr. Walker, and they always appreciate the business.

  At some point in the conversation, as Cindy shoved a second piece of blueberry pie under his nose, and I watched him try to turn it away as he patted his belly, I warmed to his obvious affection that he showed to the Walkers. Then he did something mean and slid the pie to me saying I looked like I could polish it off with the way I was eating. Had the man no manners. I had not eaten anything this delicious or substantial in a forty-eight-hour period.

  I stopped mid bite and left my plate to excuse myself to the restroom. It was there that I saw how I looked like a drowned rat with mud-splattered shoes and a big mud spot on my ass. I would not put me in the department of sexy more of homeless looking. I took five minutes to gather my wits and clean up as best I could. When I came out a changed man sat next to me. I got the impression that both Mr. and Mrs. Walker had reminded him to mind his manners. What I couldn't figure out was if he was done eating, why didn't he just go.

  Well, that obvious question quickly was answered within the first five minutes of sitting back down. I also saw the light of my mistakes. Colton Charpel, was friends, not just casual friends, but we grew up together almost married friends with Julie Hoffman, my landlord. The woman I chose to divulge a bit too much information to as I desperately needed a shoulder to cry on. This is what I get for talking to a stranger about my life.

  Colton, like me, also handled property law. And like me, was in a sabbatical. Julie told him all about me needing a break to write a book and re-evaluate my life. Some truth there. However, she told Colton about what led me to that point, and he divulged just enough info about Hugh and I, that any smart person could put two and two together, or worse. They could jump to a million and one conclusions.
r />   My much need hiatus might come with a price of a big mouth and small town. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to handle this.

  Colton tried to politely talk on, all about himself and none about me, which was a nice relief. I found out that he had moved back home to help his parents maintain their large cattle ranch on the edge of town. That he owned several private planes, one of which was large enough to fly from coast to coast. I found out he loved Cindy's cooking but could only visit here once or twice a week, or he would be 'fatter than a hog' as he put it. That put a huge smile on Cindy's face as she took that as the ultimate compliment.

  I knew what I just polished off along with Colton's leftover pie had put me well over the calorie intake limit for one day let alone two. However, Julie's house had a nice garden ready for me to plant, and I had every intention of sulking my woes in her garden. Along with the fact, she had mentioned that the jog through town, down the main street that wrapped around and brought me back to the other end of town and out a bit, was about the most incredible country view of small ponds and trees. She told me it was a five-mile jog but that several folks in town jogged it every morning. That jog would have to take place of my executive gym membership I would miss.

  The folks in the cafe started talk about Julie's engagement as the lull in conversation between Colton Charpel and I, had stopped talking for a few minutes. I hadn't really talked at all, mostly I ate and glared at Colton, then smiled at Mr. and Mrs. Walker as I instantly adored them. Julie was engaged to some doctor out of the California area, and Colton flew her back and forth recently until I rented the place, and now she wasn't due back until the wedding reception planned for her.

  Apparently, Julie Hoffman, hometown prom queen, Miss Wyoming and beauty pageant winner was the prized jewel of the town. She was adored, copied in style, and not a person could say a bad thing about her. So why did Colton let her slip away? Perhaps she too found his manners that befitting of a pigsty. However, he was improving as my meal was finishing, and I wasn't talking.

  There were a few things that Julie talked about I remembered. One being, the closeness of the town and their willingness to help. Two, that there wasn't much shopping in town. The internet and long drive to the next big town was it. Three, that I could ask just about anybody, anything, and they would steer me in the right direction. I wasn't sure on that last comment. Seeing as Cindy Walker made an obvious error in trying to steer Colton and I together.

  The rain and wind had stopped as I ate the best home-cooked meal I had eaten in a long time. As I let Mr. Walker drive me to Julies place, the dark storm brewing clouds dissipated and the remnants of the evening sun shone on a hillside revealing a tree-covered town with all the makings of Mayberry. The handsome yet cocky man in the café offered to help drop me off and unload my luggage yet was sent on home with a ‘you’ve been naughty’ look from Cindy Walker.

  Mr. Walker did some type of explaining about this man, Colton, and his ungentlemanly ways and how he also was a property lawyer and moved back home to take care of his father's faltering health and take over the family's ranch. Then I heard him explain the last time Colton acted that immature he was pining for Julie’s hand just after she made prom queen. So, if I was getting this just right, the only reason, the cowboy hunk acted so immature, was that he liked me. Great. Just what I didn’t want right now. An immature thirty something man, pining for my attention like we were back in high school.

  Nevertheless, I had to laugh at my comment in reply to his accidental leaking of my boss’s mishaps. At least, I had hoped it was accidental. ‘You might fit the bill of a centerfold cowboy, but honey you are definitely a day late and a million dollars short on this gal.’ He didn’t seem to have too much to say after that, and I had hoped it was a mistake he made when he let slip the comment about my boss. I could damn myself for mentioning it to Julie but that was done, and they didn’t know the whole story.

  Trying to replay the evening experience, I really didn’t even see where I set the man off. After all, I had tried to keep my pride after falling in the mud, and I really wasn’t in the mood to talk property law with a handsome stranger. And I didn’t feel the need to answer his twenty questions about what type of property law book was I writing and why only six months.

  However, I could not ignore the fact that he was definitely handsome. His soft brown hair looked like he was growing out what was once a very nice clean professional cut. He definitely looked like he did some of the labor work on his parent’s ranch that Walker mentioned about. A few natural blonde highlights streaked through his hair, but those eyes. They had a talk all their own. Their intense blue was mesmerizing, and I felt they held an earnest appeal to them. His skin was looking a bit tanned from too much sun, which only meant he wasn’t off hiding in an office all day. Unlike myself who had been spending too many hours behind a desk or in a courtroom.

  Now I was going to spend a few weeks of doing as I saw fit and preferably out in the fresh country air. I was definitely ready for some sun and relaxing, catching up on a pleasure book or two instead of law review update books. I couldn’t wait to see this garden Julie had mentioned. It was obviously something we both loved to do, by the way we spent half an hour talking about it over the phone on just that subject as she had tried to find something cheerier to talk about after I had spent too much time crying about my recent endeavors.

  Well, one thing was for sure; Julie had not lied. The small, yellow and white farmhouse inside town, just blocks off main street, was ‘quaint, cute as a lady bug, and just you wait until you see the garden I started out back, I’ve been working on that since I was a little girl.’. She talked of white picket fence and a white arbor with purple clematis starting to fill its arch. Cobblestone paths and a nice size porch with a white porch swing were all there. Older trees filled the yard that had all the leaves shading the side yard. I caught sight of a double size rope hammock hanging between two old trees. Yes, this was definitely the type of house I needed to relax and recoup with.

  Now if only the town hottie didn’t strangle my mental status of recuperating, I should be refreshed and ready to move on with a new career plan in no time. However, his tall muscular build replayed in my mind as he turned to leave the café. The way his rear end filled out his Levi’s had me imagining peeling them down. His large hands that looked a bit tanned, running the entire length of my body. His piercing blue eyes staring into mine as I breached an orgasm.

  Why was I having these lusty visions even just days shy of catching Hugh in that compromising position and suffering through his corrupt analogy of how everyone has a place in his world, and I wasn’t stay at home wife material. I was partner material. However, only if I continued to partner with him on the side in fun. Oh, the partners were not too happy when I caught that comment on my recorder.

  Looking back the whole situation seemed so surreal. How it all came about wasn't clear to myself. It happened so quick and out of the blue. For two years, I worked hard at that firm. Then the news my mom finally felt she needed to share with me about my absent father seemed to come about the same time, I felt the need to be reckless. I was reckless, as I was the one that came on to Hugh. I should have known better. I considered myself a very smart, career oriented woman and this was not a move I had imagined I should make.

  Neither should I make a move on one very hot and sexy Colton Charpel. From the sounds of things, he had his hands full doing this or that for everyone including Julie. I came here to relax and collect my wits not have a seduction relationship with a man that even when he was being a jerk, I was attracted to him. Maybe I needed my head examined. Perhaps I had men issues to work out about my dad. Lord knows I grew up thinking he was a soldier who died quickly after I was born and that my mom played him up to be the man he never was.

  I could see why she did, but I could not see why I felt like I needed a man in my life to make up for it. I had to hold strong to my convictions that a man in my life was not what I needed. A well-de
served break after six years of college and five years of working hard at property law, with never a vacation taken, I deserved this. I did.

  The rain had passed, and the air felt humid. The crickets and bullfrogs were in full force. The smell of the fresh clean air after rain was always one of my favorite smells. For some reason, here it smelled even better than back in the city.

  I looked about the house and everything I could need was there but much food. There was some canned goods, but the refrigerator was empty. The house had a very cottage charm about it, and I picked the room that Julie told me had the best bed. It was done in all whites, white lace curtains, white linens, white furniture and a huge white dresser. The only color in the room was the soft yellow walls. It wasn't like my old apartment of dark colors and dark furniture. However, it was a refreshing change.

  Come morning I woke with the soft yellow hue of the wall's color and the early-morning sunlight filtering in through antique lace curtains, I woke feeling if a very bright light had been flipped on. Normally, I woke before dawn to get a workout in from the confines of my dark bedroom while watching the news. I didn't think to pull the room shades down the previous night as I fell asleep from pure exhaustion from my first day in town, and my earlier weeks experience.

  After I had gotten all my clothes away, the phone began ringing, and I hesitated to answer it. Once I did, I had not regretted it. Cindy Walker wanted to make sure I was settled in and knew where things in town were at and a quick apology for Colton Charpel. As far as finding things in town I figured if I walked the two miles top to bottom in town I would have a general idea where everything was at. Nonetheless, it felt good to have a female voice ask how I was doing.