Deleted

by Tess Thompson

  “Not see anyone else?” Zane said.

  “That’s right. I figured no one would want to see me. I didn’t think you’d be living here, either. You always wanted to leave this town.”

  “And Jackson always wanted to stay,” Zane said.

  “What made you come back here?” she asked.

  Zane unfolded his tale the way men tended to do—the facts told in headlines. He graduated from USC with a business degree, spent eight years in L.A. working as a sales rep for a high-tech firm, and met a girl and got engaged. “Everything seemed like it was going well until Natalie decided to start sleeping with her bridesmaid’s husband and call off the wedding. That was three and some years ago. Right around then I started noticing my dad was forgetting things. One night he left the stove on in the restaurant kitchen and almost burned the place down. Shortly thereafter, he was diagnosed. He asked me to come home and help him sell the restaurant and building. The building, especially, is worth a lot of money.”

  “But you didn’t want to sell?” Maggie asked.

  “No. This place…this town is my home. I didn’t know that until I left. I hated my life in L.A. It wasn’t just the wedding that wasn’t a wedding. I hated corporate life. Sitting at a desk all day is like my own personal prison. I didn’t know that until I did it for eight years. I wanted to come back here and work with my hands. So, that’s what I did.”

  “Are you happier?” she asked.

  “Totally. I miss Dad. But I have a set of really close friends that live here—Jackson and a couple other guys from college. We all migrated here eventually. All but one of us, but he’ll come back one of these days.”

  She smiled and held out her glass for him to pour her another splash of vodka. “No special someone, though?”

  “Nah. No one of note.”

  Somehow, she didn’t quite believe that. Zane had wavered slightly when he answered. There was someone of note. She could still read him like her favorite book.

  Zane looked at her over the rim of his glass. “What about you? Is there no one in your life that would keep you in New York?”

  “No. Just some really good girlfriends.” The vodka had loosened her tongue. The bond and ease she’d always shared with Zane had returned as if no time had passed. Time was no match for true friendship. “My life’s been all about my career. And, you know…no one could ever live up to my memory of Jackson.” She shrugged and tried to make her voice light, like it was a joke. “It’s pitiful, if you think about it. I never got over my high school sweetheart.”

  “You aren’t the only one.”

  “No, that can’t be. It’s been twelve years,” she said.

  “What did you just tell me?”

  “He’s with someone.”

  “Sharon is not you.”

  “Sharon? That’s her name?” She’d always hated that name.

  “Jackson has always tried to do the right thing,” Zane said. “He’s finally home and working with his dad. He wants to start a family and build a life with someone. That is not the same thing as being madly in love.”

  Maggie sat for a moment, taking in all that she’d learned in such a short amount of time. “Do you think he’ll want to see me?”

  “God, yes. Maggie, this is going to rock his world.”

  “What if it just messes with his head?”

  “It’s going to mess with his head,” Zane said. “We’ve mourned a girl for twelve years that’s nowhere close to dead. Believe me when I tell you, he’s going to question every single thing in his life. For him, nothing and no one has ever been you. Nothing and no one will keep him away from you.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jackson

  * * *

  THE NEXT MORNING, Jackson woke late. Sharon had left a note on the desk that she was shopping and would be back later. A text from Kyle told him that he’d made an offer on the house and would keep him updated as he learned more.

  The house. He’d failed to mention it to Sharon. She was so happy after the proposal that he hadn’t wanted to risk making her angry with him. It was Sunday, so he dressed in his running clothes and followed the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen.

  Zane and his dad stood at the island in the kitchen, talking quietly. His dad was crying. Something had happened. “What’s the matter?” His first thought was Brody. He was at training camp this week. Had he been hurt? Jackson would never admit this to anyone, but he couldn’t wait for Brody to retire. Between the concussions and the spinal cord injuries, Jackson worried constantly about his friend. “Is it Brody?”

  “No, it’s not Brody. Everyone’s fine,” Zane said. Usually Zane would tease him about being an old lady, but the dark look in his eyes remained. “It’s something else. Something I need to tell you.”

  “Son, you better take a seat.”

  “You guys are scaring me,” Jackson said as he sank onto a stool at the island.

  Zane leaned onto the counter with his elbows. “I don’t know where to start.”

  His dad sat on the stool beside Jackson.

  “Zane has news that will seem impossible to believe…” His dad trailed off as his voice broke.

  “It’s about Maggie,” Zane said.

  Maggie? What about her? “Okay?”

  “I went to the cemetery yesterday to leave some flowers on her grave. For her birthday.” Zane looked over at Jackson’s father as if for help, but his father stared at the countertop. “There was a woman at her grave.” Zane’s eyes glassed over as he looked once again over at Jackson’s father. “And, it turns out it wasn’t any woman. It was Maggie.”

  Jackson blinked. “What?”

  “Maggie’s not dead. She’s alive and well. Her father lied to us. She’s been in New York City all this time. Her dad’s sick, so she came back to see him—to try and get the truth about what happened to her baby sister. She had no idea that we all thought she was dead. She wrote us letters, but they came back return to sender. Darla must have tampered with the mail. Maggie thought we’d all sided with you—that you asked us all to abandon her.”

  “But why? Why would he do that?” His hands and face were numb. This was a dream. He’d had so many over the years. Dreams of their reunion. This was simply another. “No one would do that. Not even him.”

  “Maggie thinks it was to punish you and your dad. Or, maybe the whole town. He knew we all hated him and that we’d love to send him to jail for what he did to Maggie’s mom and the baby.” Zane interlaced his fingers and made a teepee under his chin.

  “Why would she think that we’d ever abandon her? It doesn’t make sense.” Jackson realized he was crying and grabbed a napkin from a stack on the counter. “This cannot happen. Not in this day and age. Why didn’t we ever see anything about her on the internet? She went to New York, right? She’s an actress, right? It’s impossible to disappear these days.”

  “She changed her name, legally and otherwise. Other than to her close friends, she became Marlena Kassidy and deleted her former life. Given that Keene was her father’s name, she wanted no part of it. And, she wanted to forget you.”

  “Forget me?”

  “Yes,” Zane said. “You ripped her heart out, dude. I’m sorry to say it, but your ultimatum and subsequent rejection made her think you hadn’t really loved her. Think about how she was, or is, and it makes sense. She was like a skittish kitten or an abused puppy. Remember how long it took after she moved in with you guys to be alone in the same room as your dad? Even with me, one wrong move and she’d run away. Think about how sensitive and vulnerable she was. Her father made sure she believed she was unlovable. When her letters came back, she believed everything he’d ever told her had been the truth.”

  “This was her punishment as well as ours,” his dad said.

  “But I don’t understand. Surely, we would’ve seen her on a show or something. I mean, she was going to be a star.”

  “Her acting career didn’t exactly go as planned,” Zane said.

&
nbsp; “I don’t believe it.” I can’t believe it. He pressed his hands together to stop the violent shaking. It did no good.

  “She said it was harder than she thought it would be.”

  “But she didn’t feel like she could come home,” Jackson said. “Because she thought we didn’t want her.” The pain in his chest made it hard to breathe.

  “That’s right.”

  “Does she hate me?” Jackson asked.

  “No, dude. The opposite,” Zane said. “She’s not like that anyway, but now that she knows the truth about what her father did, she knows none of this was your fault. I told her how you planned to go after her and beg for her forgiveness.” Zane looked to the ceiling as his eyes glistened. “I told her how you suffered. How much you still miss her. And, she’s missed you all this time.”

  “Is she married?” He knew the answer. Of course, she would be married. It had been twelve years. A woman like Maggie would’ve been snatched up the moment she arrived in New York.

  “She’s not,” Zane said. “No one compared to you.”

  “Jesus. No, this can’t be happening. Zane? Dad?” Jackson’s entire body shook. A black tunnel swirled and sucked at his consciousness. He placed his hand on the cold countertop. He couldn’t pull breath into his chest.

  His dad placed his hand between Jackson’s shoulder blades. “Just breathe, Son.”

  “Does she want to see me?” he asked between breaths.

  “She does.” Zane said.

  “Is she the same? Does she look the same? Sound the same?’

  “She’s more beautiful. Tougher. Stronger. But the same, too,” Zane said.

  “Oh my God, Dad. Maybe it was her I saw yesterday. By the bench.”

  His father nodded. “Sounds like it was.”

  “She’s been in New York all this time?” Jackson asked. “Tell me what you said again.”

  Zane smiled gently. “That’s right. She went to NYU. She’s lived in Brooklyn and worked on Broadway and bartended.”

  “All this time?”

  “It was harder than she hoped to make it on Broadway. She’s been working hard all this time, trying to make it. This is her first trip to the west coast since she left,” Zane said.

  “But she’s going back soon?” Jackson asked.

  “She’s not sure what she’s doing next. She hurt her knee and can’t dance any longer. All she wants now is to get the truth out of her dad before he dies.”

  “He’s dying,” Jackson said, dull and stupid. Clear thoughts evaded. Instead, it was an endless spinning and a high-pitched noise between his ears.

  “She knows about Sharon. I told her,” Zane said.

  Sharon. Sharon. He hadn’t thought of her once. All he could think of was Maggie. “I proposed to her last night,” Jackson said.

  “What the hell? You did?” Zane asked. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

  “It was a last-minute decision.” He told Zane about how he’d been seeing Maggie everywhere. “I thought I was falling into insanity.”

  “And proposing was the remedy?” Zane asked.

  “I have to see Maggie,” Jackson said. Nothing else mattered right now. He would sort out his life after he saw her, after he held her in his arms and told her how sorry he was. “I have to tell her I’m sorry.” Tears gushed from his eyes again. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

  “She’s at my house right now,” Zane said. “She wants to see you, but she’s scared.”

  “That’s why she sent you here? To tell me?”

  “That was my idea. I almost had a heart attack when I saw her.”

  His dad turned Jackson to face him and looked into his eyes. “You sure you’re up for this?”

  “Yes, yes. Now, before I have too much time to think about it,” Jackson said.

  Chapter Nine

  Maggie

  * * *

  MAGGIE PACED IN front of the window of Zane’s apartment, alternating her gaze between the street below and the gentle slope above town where the Waller’s house seemed to cling to the hillside. From here, she could see a patch of gray-shingled roof. Zane had been gone too long. Why was it taking this much time? He’d left minutes after they shared coffee and toast, both bleary-eyed from talking half the night.

  The sound of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs snatched her from the window. She stumbled into the side table and smacked her shin. Breakfast churned in her stomach. When the front door creaked and opened, she froze, almost blinded with fear and nerves.

  Jackson filled the doorway. They stared at each other from across the room. This was Jackson. The adult Jackson. His facial features, delicate when they were young, had hardened into sexy contours. His body was more substantial, thick and muscular.

  An invisible hand wrapped around her heart and squeezed until the pain was nearly unbearable.

  “Jackson,” she whispered. Tears burned her cheeks.

  His face contorted into a dozen spasms. “Is it really you?”

  She nodded, sobbing now.

  He crossed the room with his arms outstretched. She moved toward him through the blurry fog of her tears.

  When they reached each other, he grabbed her and pulled her against his firm chest. They trembled as they clung to each other. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He dropped his face into her hair. “I’ve wanted to tell you for twelve years how sorry I was. I never thought I’d have the chance. There was nothing worse than to think you left the world without knowing how much I loved you—how wrong I was to do what I did.”

  “We were young and silly,” she said.

  “I was young and horribly stupid. So careless and selfish. I’m sorry.”

  “It was so long ago.” She brushed the side of his face with her fingertips.

  He held her away from him for a moment, searching her face. “It was both a second ago and a lifetime ago.”

  She lost all sense of time as she stared into his blue eyes and breathed in the scent of his skin. Had his lashes always been so thick and black?

  “Here, let’s sit,” he said.

  “Good, yes. I feel like I might faint.”

  “I’m not feeling too hot myself.” When they were seated, he held her hands. “Your eyes are the same.” He grazed her cheekbones with the tips of his fingers.

  Her stomach dipped like it used to when she rode the surf. “Yours too.”

  He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. “Freckles like a starry night.”

  She resisted the urge to rest her cheek in the palm of his hand. “That metaphor was always all wrong. Stars aren’t the color of nutmeg.”

  “They should be,” he said.

  Maggie flushed. Could he see how her heart pounded inside her chest? She traced the tiny lines at the edges of his eyes that made a roadmap to his hairline. “You have crow’s feet.”

  “Medical school.”

  “You did it. I saw the sign on the office,” she said. “Doctor Waller and Doctor Waller.”

  “It took a long time, but yes. I’m here for good now.”

  “I’ve wondered…how you were…if you’d gone to medical school. If you were married and had children.” She looked away, willing herself not to blabber and sob. Strong. Remain strong. Set him free.

  “There was never a day I didn’t think of you,” he said.

  “Oh, Jackson,” she whispered.

  “There wasn’t one day that I didn’t miss you like hell. Not one single day.”

  “For years my prayer was to wake without any memory of you. What a relief it would’ve been. Like a strong painkiller.” She smiled to take the edge off her words, but it didn’t matter. From the mournful look in his eyes, she knew he understood it to be an absolute truth.

  “I couldn’t even look at photographs of us,” he said.

  “I burned all mine.” She swallowed as a dull knife twisted in her stomach.

  They both looked away. Suffering between two people was palpable. Pain molecules hovered in a charged
mass between them. At any moment, the mass could unleash and spill agony all over Zane’s clean floor.

  “There were a lot of good times,” he said. “They were almost all good when we were together.”

  “Until we weren’t.”

  They sat in silence for a few seconds until he took her hand and traced the lines in her palm. “I had a prayer too. I prayed that I would wake up and discover it had all been a nightmare. You were still here by my side. But some prayers couldn’t be answered. Until today.” He ran his hands up her bare arms. “You’re here. You’re really here.”

  “Zane told me you’re involved with someone.”

  He flinched. “That’s right. She’s a doctor I met in medical school. A research doctor.”

  Maggie conjured every acting class she’d ever had. “She must be smart.”

  “She is.” He looked down at his hands. “She’s a fine person, but…it’s not like us. She could never be you. I could never feel about her like I did you.”

  “Jackson, don’t.”

  “No, I have to say it. I let you leave here once without knowing what was in my heart. I lived with that for twelve years. But now, I have this second chance to tell you what’s in my heart. I don’t want you leaving here without knowing that I never let you go, not your memory, not the place in my heart that was just for you. I’ve never stopped loving you. When your dad came over to the house to tell us about your accident and that you’d died, there was a part of me that didn’t believe it. I always thought, given how close we were, that I’d feel you leave the earth.”

  She just shook her head, unable to think of anything to say.

  “I told my dad and Zane, but they thought I was crazy. Which, you know, seemed reasonable. At the time.”

  Maggie wiped angry tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “When my letter came back, I should’ve come back and confronted you.”

  “I pushed you away. What else were you supposed to think?” he asked.

  The guilt and regret in his eyes almost broke her resolve to stay strong. She had to find the right words to set him free. “The past is past, Jackson. I’m glad we had a chance to say what we needed to say before I have to go.”