We’ve got to say no if we want to have control of our lives. Time is the stuff of life, and each hour that you spend doing something that you don’t want to do is an hour you will never get back. There is nothing wrong with sacrificing time for other people, but there is something wrong when your entire life is built upon the constant sacrifice of your own time for others.
This continual sacrifice comes from a misguided sense of wanting to help, or worse it can come from a feeling of guilt or inadequacy which then leads to compliance. No one is responsible for your own time management except for you. If you aren’t able to do the things that you want to do, then you’re going to have to learn to be aggressive with your ability to control the schedule. You are in the captain’s chair; you are in charge of your own schedule. No one else can control your time except for you. There are worthy things to donate your time to, but be warned that people will continue to take and take and take until there is nothing left for you to give.
Don’t let a misplaced sense of ego control you. Don’t think that just because you say no to a request that it’ll never get done. The fact is, there are plenty of other people in the world who can help with the many problems that plague people. It’s not all riding on your back. Cut the tie of obligations and cut the tie of giving into people’s demands for your time.
Controlling Factor Five: Pride
Let’s talk about one of the deadliest things that can be used to control you: your pride. Pride is a deadly thing, it leads men to believe they are greater than they really are and it can then lead them to ruin. Many a time there is a form of pride that is secret and hidden though, when we think of pride we often think of someone who is loud and noisy and braggadocios. They make a lot of bold claims and talk about how great they are. These loud figures puff out their chests and everyone seems to agree that this is a very proud person. While this is a very obvious type of pride, the truth is that there is another kind of pride that is quite hidden from the public eye. This is the pride of seeking approval from others, also known as vanity.
It can be pleasurable when you obey the forces around you. When your boss tells you good job, when you get a raise or people praise you for how you look with the latest fashion product, it all contributes to your vanity. Vanity is nothing more than a servant’s pride. It is a pride that comes from the mistaken idea that it’s great to be the slave with the Golden Collar, when the reality is that freedom is far better than golden chains.
So, our vanity and our pride begins to create a false narrative in our minds. This narrative insists that the reason we are so easily manipulated is because we are important. We begin to let our ego tell us that the reason why the boss needs us to work so late is because we’re very important. If you find that you are someone who is prone to obeying other people because they talk to you with flattering words, you might just be controlled by your own sense of pride. If you want to achieve great things in your life, then you are going to need to give up your sense of ego and self.
The sense of self is what prevents you from being secure in your own skin. Vanity causes you to always worry about what other people think about you. The fear of what other people think can keep you from doing the things that you want to do. Instead, you are chasing their approval in the hopes of pleasing the crowd.
This is just another type of control. If we’re always chasing after the approval of our peers, if we’re always working to make ourselves look good, it’s usually at the expense of our own goals and desires. Instead, we’re following after other people’s goal. A ruthless man is his own man; he doesn’t care about what other people think. The ruthless person doesn’t worry about other people’s perceptions of him, he just does what he wants to do. He rejects the traditional notion that he has to be appealing to other people in order to be happy. Instead, he finds a greater sense of happiness from achieving the things that he wants to achieve.
People can be like a bunch of crabs in a bucket. If you have a bucket full of crabs, they will all try to climb out of the bucket. The problem is that they will all grab each other as they are trying to climb out and pull each other back down, despite the fact that each crab has the ability to leave the bucket on his own. All of them will work very hard to pull each other down. This means these crabs can never actually leave the bucket and worse, they are keeping other crabs inside of the bucket. When it comes to learning to break out of the matrix of compliance, there will be people in your life who will try to pull you back down. This is what approval is used for, and this is where your pride can get yourself killed. If you allow for your pride to be wounded by other’s words, if you let other people’s thoughts and opinions about you matter more than what you think about yourself, you are guaranteed to be pulled back down, regardless of what you do.
The problem is that approval can be like a drug. When someone approves of you, when someone appeals to your pride or makes you feel good about yourself, it can be somewhat addicting. I would wager to say that most of the world is full of approval addicts. These approval addicts are the people who are searching desperately to be loved, to be liked and to be treated well. The problem is that these approval addicts will always be controlled by those who are giving out the approval. You can see this happen in controlling relationships where an otherwise rational individual is controlled by his wife because she withholds approval on a regular basis. You can see this in a child who seeks approval from his father and will do whatever it takes to get that approval but can never really seem to get it. When you rely on an external source to receive approval you will always be enslaved by those around you. Instead of looking to the external world in order to receive approval, it is far better for you to look to the internal to receive approval and find something that can bring satisfaction within.
So, we’ve spent quite a lot of time talking about all the various factors that can control you. If you’re serious about becoming ruthless, you are going to have to see how these factors control you in your life and make the hard decision to step away from them. This isn’t an easy process and it will take quite some time but don’t worry about it. If your goal is to live the life that you’ve always wanted to live, if you want to be able to speak your mind, to be honest, then it’s worth it. You can free yourself from this control and it’s extremely worth it. There is nothing quite like freedom from the controlling factors all around you. Making the choice to cut those ties will always be worth it.
If you find that you’re in too deep, if you think “wow I have so much debt” or “I have so many problems” don’t be afraid. Don’t fall into the mentality of the loser. The loser looks at what has been and says that these things will never change. The winner is the one who looks at the past and says this how can I make it better? Don’t let yourself fall into this false sense of hopelessness, don’t think that just because you’ve been one way that you always have to be that way. You can start being ruthless today and it starts with a ruthless honesty with yourself. Let’s go to the next chapter and see how we can become more pragmatic in our approach.
Chapter 3: Pragmatism and You
If you want to be successful and ruthless in life you have to learn the political philosophy known as pragmatism. Pragmatism is essentially what is known as thinking realistically as opposed to thinking idealistically. What’s the difference between idealism and realism? Well, for one, realism is based on the idea that things don’t really work out for the best. Pragmatism looks at the world around you and says “well there are certain things that are guaranteed to not work.” Idealism, however, doesn’t think about what is, rather idealism thinks about what should be. The idealist is someone who is continually disappointed because they can never get reality to match the expectations in their head, mainly because those expectations can never actually be achieved. On the other side, the pragmatist is capable of creating a better reality for himself because he is focused more on what is possible as opposed to what should be.
In politics, pragmatism is looked at a
s a rather ruthless kind of mindset. When you are pragmatic, you are someone who doesn’t really mess around. The pragmatic individual doesn’t focus on making everyone happy, instead he just focuses on achieving his own goals. The political school of pragmatism has been around for quite some time and you can see its influence in modern politicians who will do anything that it takes to win an election. The idealist politician often fails and they fail rather miserably. They fail because they don’t grasp the full reality of how the world works. Instead, they try to conduct their campaigns based on how things should be instead of how things are. They are inevitably disappointed by these choices.
So how do we become pragmatists in our own lives? How do we become people who deal with only the real and put the unrealistic expectations of idealism away? Well, it’s about learning to lower your own expectations about the world around you and instead of assuming the best at all times, try instead to assume the worst. This isn’t about becoming a rain cloud or someone who’s always critical, rather it is about being free from the naivete of someone who is always hoping and expecting the best.
So, if we were to define pragmatism as thinking realistically, then we must make note that everything should go through a realistic filter. For example, suppose that you were applying for a job. You apply for the job and after your interview you are offered the job but at lower paying rate than you wanted. An idealist would reject the offer because it doesn’t match what his idea of reality should be. The pragmatist, on the other hand would accept the job offer because it is the only offer that actually exists. Essentially, pragmatism is a form of decision-making that’s based upon reality as opposed to basing your decision making on how you feel. So, what are some ways we can incorporate pragmatic thinking into our lives? Well let’s take a look at a list!
Pragmatic Thinking Tip One: Think about what’s possible.
If you want to be pragmatic with your life, start thinking in terms of possibility. That means whenever you have to make decisions, don’t go with what you think should happen instead make more of a conscious effort to look at all of what is actually possible. Many times, we can allow idealism to interrupt our ability to actually get work done. For example, if you are trying to make a decision in your life, don’t think about what the most ideal thing is, instead think about what the most possible thing at that moment is. This is a very ruthless way of thinking because it’s not focused on absolutes, it’s not focused on ideals. This way of thinking allows for you to become more flexible with your choices. Someone who is focused primarily on ideals can often be trapped by those same ideals. Idealism tends to be rigid and incapable of adapting as the world changes around them. Flexibility is necessary if you want to be able to change the world around you to your liking.
This also means that when you start to experience failure that you are able to ruthlessly eliminate the things that are causing the failure. Many times, we can live in a place where failure is just rewarded with more failure. Everyone has ideas at times, but what happens when an idea fails? The pragmatist cleans off his desk, figures out a new idea and then moves on. The idealist becomes obsessed with why his idea didn’t work and then focuses on making that idea work. We can see this happen oftentimes in government situations. The federal government fails at something and they don’t ask themselves “hey, how did we fail?” they instead say “how can we add more things to make it work.” The pragmatist’s job is to focus on what works and ignore everything else. The idealist might not ever give up, even when there is no clear solution to his problem.
It’s a paradoxical situation for the idealist because he’s never actually able to get anything done. Whereas the pragmatist, while not a big fan of the choices that he might have to make, is able to consistently get his work done. This has been shown to be true time and time again in business, politics, and even in relationships.
Think about the couple who has no satisfaction in their relationship. If they conduct themselves idealistically they will be miserable for their entire lives because no spouse will ever live up to the expectations and fantasies of the other partner. But if they deal pragmatically and instead focus on what is achievable in their relationship and not about what should be done in their relationship, they discover something new. They discover that it’s far easier for the relationship to come together and grow because they are both willing to focus on what works.
The idealist couple refuses to go to counseling, even if they are having marriage problems, while the pragmatic couple is only looking for what works and thusly go to counseling. In other words, the idealist condemns themselves only to continuous frustration, while the pragmatist is capable of getting much more satisfaction out of life.
If you want to be a ruthless individual you’re going to need to adopt a ruthless attitude towards failure. You must make a conscious decision to adopt only what works and ignore any high-minded ideals that you might have. These ideals will be a poison in the long run, it is far better to focus on what you can do instead of focusing on how to fix a sinking ship. Some boats are just destined to go down and you shouldn’t be like the captain who always goes down with the ship.
Pragmatic Thinking Tip Two: Skepticism
The pragmatist is also a skeptical individual by nature. Because he is not operating in ideals but is instead operating in realities, he has the ability to look at the world with a critical lens. Instead of thinking of all the glorious things that should be, he has a habit of looking at the way things are. So, when he encounters things that tell him concepts that are contrary to his worldview, he should have the ability to sufficiently investigate. Skepticism is an extremely valuable tool to be able to navigate through the lies and falsehoods that the world around us often uses to control us.
One of the values of skepticism is the ability to discern the truth when someone is trying to promise you something falsely. You can see these kinds of false promises a lot, especially in the corporate world. A boss tries to persuade an employee to work extra hard, has a lot of hints that there will be something awesome in store if they do well and then when the product is finished, the boss simply takes the credit for the work and then moves on.
The skeptic is able to naturally look at these individuals who make such promises and see through them in order to find out what the truth is. Usually the skeptic has a belief structure of saying “I believe you’re wrong prove me otherwise.” Many times, the idealist puts the burden of proof on himself. The idealist hears something that he likes and then tries to match his mindset to fit with it. So, when the idealist hears something that he really agrees with, he will automatically believe it, even if it’s simply too good to be true.
On the other side, the pragmatist doesn’t naturally believe anything because he has to think about reality. The pragmatist and the skeptic says “show me the proof” whereas the idealist says “let’s do this!” without even having to see proof. This makes it far easier to take advantage of the idealist than a pragmatist. So, if you want to become more pragmatic you’re going to need to increase your natural level of skepticism.
Pragmatism Tip Three: Ask What Is Best?
The pragmatist ultimately asks what is the best outcome of any given situation. For example, consider the ethical dilemma of the train tracks. There is a train moving towards five people tied to a track but there is a lever right next to you, if you pull the lever it will divert the train to a different track, however there is only one person tied to the other track. The ethical question would be: what is the most moral choice you can make at that moment? By refusing to pull the lever you’re condemning five people to die, however by pulling the lever you’re condemning one person to die. This is a hard-ethical quandary but the pragmatist believes in doing the most amount of good or the best action at the time. The best action is the one that results in the greatest amount of good. Therefore, the pragmatist would pull the lever.
Now, you’re most likely never going to be in that situation, but it doesn’t mean you can�
��t ask yourself consistently what is the best thing for you? The pragmatist makes a habit of always looking at all the things in his life and asking what is best. He doesn’t consider all of the external factors, he only considers one question: what is best for me here? There are a lot of things that are good but there are not a lot of things that are the best, especially for the pragmatist. If you’re looking at a job offer, asking yourself what is best is a lot different from asking what do I like? Looking for the best will lead you to make decisions that are in your best interest. Doing whatever you think is good, enjoyable or fun isn’t necessarily thinking about the best. A ruthless individual is one who only considers the benefits of what’s in front of him.
The businessman is the man who thinks “how can I get the best deal possible?” He doesn’t think in ideals because he’s not thinking about what is perfect. If you want to be more ruthless in your life, you are going to have to adopt a mindset of always looking for the best possible deal. We live in an economic world in which there is a scarcity, a limit of what can be owned and what can be gained. This means that ultimately there isn’t enough to go around. The idealist wants everyone to get something, but the pragmatist knows that it would be impossible to try and save everyone. Instead the pragmatist simply focuses on doing the most amount of good that he can with the resources that he has, considering who he wants to help and that’s usually himself. There’s nothing wrong with the decision to help yourself, despite what the people in this world try to tell us.
The Art of Being Ruthless Page 4