This is where the difference between self-concern and selfishness start to come out. Selfishness wants an inordinate number of things; it wants to take and take and take, never giving. Self-concern is simply concerned with taking care of yourself first and then others later. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take care of yourself. In fact, there is nothing wrong with wanting to do good things after you’ve taken care of yourself. However, we live in a society that demands much more of you. Society wants to take everything from you, and when you can’t give any more or when you refuse to give anymore, they call you selfish. This is just another method of compliance that is used to control us, the word selfish seldom actually means selfish.
Now, the word selfish means that you aren’t doing what other people are demanding of you. And we become afraid of that label, we become so that we refuse to do the things that we actually want to do. Not only do we refuse those things, we actually begin to believe that we are in the wrong for wanting those things.
Imagine a young man who’s doing exactly what his mother demanded him to do. She tells him that he needs to take out the trash, work on his homework, do the dishes, and make sure the dog is fed. He does all those tasks and upon finishing those tasks, he then begins to relax and play the guitar for fun. His mother then scolds him and tells him there are so many more chores to be done and that he is selfish for wanting to have this time to relax. What message does this man take away? He takes away the message that anything done for his own pleasure is selfish. And if he’s an especially compliant young man, he will begin to believe that his own natural desire to play the guitar is wrong. He will then think that he has to spend his life doing what other people wants him to do and never the things that he wants to do.
The unfortunate situation is that we live in a world of compromise. We live in a world where we are required to give and take. Yet we often are surrounded by people who only demand that we give. And when we begin to push back, when we say we don’t want to give anymore, or when we simply try to have our own boundaries, we are considered to be selfish. This is such a misnomer, if we were selfish then we wouldn’t care about what all these people think. But deep down on the inside all we do is feel guilt, a guilt that seems to consume us. We try to help other people but when our afternoons are ruined by others, when a sudden phone call changes our entire trajectory for the weekend, we begin to feel frustrated with the situation. This resentment and frustration leads us to act out, it leads us to do things that we don’t necessarily really want to do. We might look like we’re the heroes because we’re saving the day, but on the inside, deep down, we become very angry people.
So now that we’ve established that we live in a world where people are willing to deem those who don’t obey their demands as selfish, let’s ask what it actually means to be ruthless. The ruthless man is the man who simply chooses to do his own thing. He refuses to feel guilty for his choices, he refuses to allow other people to influence him into doing things that he doesn’t necessarily want to do. It’s a matter of principle for the ruthless man that he will do the things only he wants to do. A ruthless man can do whatever he wants, including doing charitable, kind, and nice things. The problem is that since he isn’t playing by everyone else’s rules, he is considered to be a bad person. The morality used in this world is based more around wanting to manipulate people instead of simply asking them and respecting them for their choices. All of this is to say that if you want to be ruthless then you have to make the decision to ignore what other people are telling you.
We’re not talking about doing crime, we’re not talking about stealing or acting immorally towards others, we’re talking about growing the spine that is necessary to go for the thing that you actually want. How many men and women in this world are simply doing things out of obligation? How many men and women in this world live lives of boring mediocrity, instead of going for the hopes and dreams that are deep within them? The nature of people is to be selfish. And many times, someone who is selfish wants other people to do their own bidding, regardless of that individual’s preference and desire. And when these manipulators can’t get their way, they call the person they are trying to bend and manipulate selfish. This accusation often creates feelings of guilt and sorrow, and it leads a person to genuinely believe that they are in the wrong.
Are you someone who has always wanted to do something, but you felt like you can’t? The reason why is because, on some subconscious level, you are waiting for permission. You are waiting for someone to tell you to follow your dreams, you are waiting for someone to take charge and tell you to finally do the right thing, but that will never happen. Your boss will continue to exploit you; your friends will continue to advise you to do what they think is right and people will continuously try to take your joy away from you. You are going to have to stand up and say no. You’re going to say no to all the things they are demanding. But this is where it becomes a struggle for you to resist other people’s demands. For you to resist their control, it is to step on their toes. This is where the idea that ruthlessness is bad comes into play. A ruthless man isn’t afraid of hurting feelings. But a ruthless man also isn’t looking to hurt feelings. His intentions aren’t to cause harm, rather his intentions are wrought out of self-control and self-concern. But the world cannot accept this, the world can never accept someone who makes their own way. And so, they deem the person who goes his own way as a bad person, they call him ruthless and mean-spirited, they call him selfish. Yet he isn’t concerned with what they have to say about him. He’s stronger than that. He’s smarter than that. He’s his own man.
You need to ask yourself this point, are you really someone who wants to strike out on their own? Are you ready to be strong for yourself? Everyone around you will try to tell you that you do not have permission to take charge of your own life, but they are not the people who are in charge. You are in charge, you are the one who calls the shots and you are the executive authority in your own life, will you accept that? If you want to really get all the things out of life that you so desperately desire, then you’re going to have to come to one seriously significant conclusion. This conclusion is the most important thing that you will ever learn about yourself. This conclusion is what separates a leader from a follower, a ruthless man from a spineless man, and a winner from a loser. Do you know what this conclusion is? The conclusion is that you are the only person in charge. You are an authority and you’re going to have to embrace that fact.
Chapter 6: The True Authority
A lot of people in this world dream about becoming self-employed because they want to be their own boss. They fantasize about coming into work whenever they want, they think about how great it would be to tell themselves when they go to work, when they can go to sleep, and even when their vacation time is allowed. The idea of being your own boss is deeply ingrained in the idea of the American psyche. So many people in this world dream of becoming the ones in charge of their own lives. They look out the window of their cubicle or office, and wish that things were better. The mere fact that there are entrepreneurs in the world seems to indicate that it’s possible to be your own boss, but such an idea escapes you. How do they do it? How do you become your own boss? Do you want to know a little secret? Do you want to know the truth? You are already your own boss! You are already the one who’s in charge. You just haven’t accepted that role yet. You haven’t looked into your own heart, and realized that you are a natural leader. Why is that? Well because it’s because of the society that we live in today.
We live in a compliant slave society where authority is always burdened onto us by other things. For example, when you’re a child you listen to what your parents tell you, when you’re in school, you had to listen to what your teachers tell you, when you’re in college you listen with your professors tell you, and then finally when you’re at the workplace you have to do what your boss tells you. Nobody tells you that you are in charge. What you need to know is that you are your own bo
ss in real life.
The reality is that we are voluntarily placing ourselves under other people’s authority at the end of the day. What this means is that we have the ultimate authority to place ourselves under all other authorities. Why do you, a full-grown adult, obey your boss? Or listen to your parents? Or even listen to what your spouse has to say? The reality is that you are placing yourself underneath those people’s authority. Is there anything wrong with that? No! The problem starts when we feel like we are required to follow the authorities above us.
The Founding Fathers talked about something known as unalienable rights. Their perspective was that there were specific rights given to every human being by God and God alone. Those rights are things that cannot be taken away. They summed these rights up in the Constitution as the Bill of Rights, which were the first 10 amendments to the Constitution. Some of those rights include the right to bear arms, the right to have free speech, the right for freedom of religion and the right to a fair trial.
The Founding Fathers believed essentially that all authority came only from God and that God granted each man authority over his own self. And believe it or not, authority cannot be taken away from you. However, there is a viewpoint that authority is given to man by other men. These people believe that we need permission from something or someone in order to do the things that we want. So, what does this mean for us? Well, if authority has to be given, we have to ask ourselves who is the one to give authority? And secondly where does this authority come from? We have two options. We can believe that we are endowed with unalienable rights that make us authorities unto ourselves, or we can believe that other people are responsible for giving us our own authority. Which one do you think the ruthless man believes? The ruthless man, the leader, follows the idea that he has been endowed with rights by his creator and no one else. He doesn’t seek permission to be in charge of his own life, because he knows that he is the ultimate authority in his life.
Let’s do a little experiment, raise your right arm. Who made the choice to raise your arm right now? You did! You were the one to make the choice to raise your arm, because you are in charge. You are in charge of everything that your body does. You walk, talk and speak of your own free will and authority.
So, this places us in a precarious position. If we never accept our natural role as authority figures in our life, then we will never be able to get what we actually want. We will never really take care of our own mind, you’ll never be able to do the things that you desire to do, and worst of all we will never be free from the machine that enslaves us. If you want to be free, then you are going to have to accept the reality that you are the leader in your own life. You have to accept that you are in charge. Does this mean that you have to reject all authority around you? No, not at all! What it means is that you have to be accepting of your own role in your life. You have to realize that you made your own decisions, actions and choices and that you, at the end of the day, are ultimately responsible for everything that has happened. Because you are the authority figure, you are expected to act like one. But we live in a world where there are a lot of people who act as if they are not the ones who are in charge. They stand around hoping and waiting someone will tell them what to do because they have not accepted their natural designation as leaders.
The average person does not realize that he is in the one in charge, instead he serves someone else in the hopes for a better life. They give up their God-given rights in exchange for what? They give it up in the exchange for the illusion of safety. They like to believe that other people in their lives will ultimately make decisions to benefit them. But let me ask you a simple question: how much money does your boss share with you at work? There’s an old phrase that says “the boss makes a dollar; you make a dime.” Now, there is nothing wrong with making money off of people who are willing to work, after all the boss absorbs risk, the owner of the company is the one who puts his neck on the line. At the end of the day corporate owners are the ones who have to make the hard decisions, their jobs aren’t the safe jobs. The hourly job is the safe one. The nature of life is that we trade safety in exchange for freedom.
This is a classic debate that goes back a long, long time. Safety versus freedom. It is hard to be free and safe at the same time. There is a risk, and inherent struggle that comes with making the decision to act of your own volition. Yet, if you are listening to someone else’s direction and orders, there is an illusion that this individual knows what he is doing. The reality is while you are trusting a leader to make good decisions, there’s always the chance that he doesn’t have your best interest in mind.
The corporate leader may have no interest in his own employees past what they can provide him. They use the tools of greed, money, manipulation and emotional control in order to secure their positions. Think about it for a second. Would you really follow these people if they weren’t paying you? Would you do the thing that you’re doing right now if money wasn’t involved? Many times, the answer is no. Many times, the answer is that we’re trapped in the machine that seems to continuously run forever and ever. And they make money right off of our backs and who can blame them? They are the ones who are risking it all. By being the leaders they are the ones risking everything by making these decisions. You risk nothing when you choose to be compliant.
So, it’s time for you to start to make some choices. You need to be the one to realize the truth. If you want to be an authority that means you’re going to have to risk things.
You have to trade your safety in exchange for your freedom. Is that something that you find attractive? Do you long for the idea of doing your own thing, not taking crap from anyone and living the dreams that you have in your heart? Or do you just want to eke out an existence? Do you just want to get by without any problems or fears? You can have one but not the other and it is a hard decision. But the fact is, the ruthless man craves freedom, the one who is ruthless makes a decision that benefits him ultimately in the long run and that decision is that he is an authority figure. How do you even begin to start looking at your own life as an authority figure? Well let’s look at some steps.
Authority Tip One: Be Tough
An authority figure is someone who decides to be tough with those around him. He is firm, brash and unapologetic when it comes to getting his way. Rather than tiptoe around the subject, the authority speaks his mind with boldness and vigor.
It’s hard in this modern society to be tough with people because we often fear negative reactions. Instead of worrying about how people will respond, the tough authority figure will instead focus on how he can get his own way. Many people will try to impose their will on a person who is seeking to do his own thing, so you are going to need to learn how to resist other people with firmness.
The key to being steadfast is to be unwaveringly committed to your principles. Figure out what you believe and develop a keen awareness of those beliefs. Some people prefer to write manifestos for themselves, creating documents that state all of their beliefs and non-negotiable terms.
A non-negotiable term is something that you refuse to bend on. For example, if you have the belief, “family first,” that term is non-negotiable. The tough authoritarian follows his principles, even if it puts him in conflict with others.
Authority Tip Two: Be Active
Passivity is the poison that the modern culture has given to us. We become passive as we look at the things in our lives that need to get done and refuse to do them. We look at people who are go-getters, doers, and achievers as somehow special. The fact that they are able to get stuff done makes us look at them with envy and wish we could be like that. But when it comes to calling up the phone company to renegotiate our phone bill, or to take an item back because it was broken, we feel fear and refuse to do so. Someone who is an authority figure in their life is someone who is active. They reject the notion of passivity, they push back the idea that they need to sit and wait, instead they are go-getters getting stuff done to the fullest
. Where does this come from? Where does the desire to be active come from? It comes from the realization that no one is going to do it for you. It comes from the realization that you are your own boss, that until you stand up and get the thing done no one can take care of it for you.
Your mother isn’t around to clean this up, your father isn’t going to make the calls for you. Instead, you’ve got to be the one to stand up and get it done on your own. The passive life, once again, has a reward. It rewards you with comfort and safety. Yet the active life is a life of freedom, freedom from frustration, worry and control.
The trade-off is a difficult one for most people because being active, being someone who doesn’t wait for things to go away is uncomfortable. Not only is it uncomfortable it’s also very hard. But is it worth it? Absolutely!
It requires a certain kind of thinking though. It requires you to make the choice to be active with your decision-making. Instead of just letting life go by and hoping things will go away, you’ve got to be willing to commit to working things out in your own power. The active life is a life of strength, a life that requires energy and focus. Many people feel they don’t have that strength within them, but they do. Everyone has the ability to live strong active lives if they so choose.
Authority Tip 3: Be Comfortable with Confrontation
A lot of people aren’t comfortable with the idea of their own authority. Even the very word authority itself makes them squirm and feel uncomfortable. Many people feel like it’s a scary word or worse they might feel like it makes them mean. A lot of people have the idea of authority as being something negative. But the reality is authority is a very positive thing. Authority is the ability to take control of the situation and assist people with achieving their goals and dreams. We look to the authority of the President of the United States to guide our country. We look to the authority of our teachers to teach us information that’s accurate and true, we look at the authority of our parents to guide us and make us stronger. No one would argue that authority, when used correctly, is a bad thing. So, where does the fear of authority come from? It comes from the fear of confrontation. If you aren’t able to confront someone, if you are unable to tell people how you actually feel, then you will not be comfortable with being an authority figure. So, the truth is we’re actually afraid of confronting other people. And that fear of confrontation drives us backwards into our holes.
The Art of Being Ruthless Page 7