by Denise Marie
In unison, they glanced at one another and then back at her with more questions in their eyes. She didn’t know whether to be nervous because neither straightened to look ahead but she figured it probably wasn’t as necessary as driving a car.
“It’s our pleasure. We only have one request?”
She shrugged her shoulders. Why not?
“Don’t tell anyone.” They spoke at once and laughed, punched each other in the arm as if they’d been friends for years.
She wandered back to her seat, speechless. Three sets of curious eyes glared at her when she buckled in. “When the time is right, ladies, I’ll tell you.”
****
She stood on her front porch and waved. Their reaction to her short-lived pilot career would be forever engrained in her mind. She opened the door, wandered in and twirled in slow motion, taking in the room that hadn’t changed since she left. It was a different person who came home.
She placed her luggage on her bed and dragged her feet to the kitchen to make tea. Okay, so some things were still the same. With the warm mug on the table in front of her, she tapped her finger on her phone. It glared at her.
She switched it on and sat back in her chair. Ring tones alerted her to the inevitable. Three voice messages and two text messages, all from him. She raised the phone to her ear and rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, to hold in the tears that pooled faster than she cared for.
“Call me, please.”
Delete.
“Isabelle, please don’t leave. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m such an ass. Yes, I met with Alexis, as I do every year. It’s not what you think. Please give me the chance to explain. She is only a friend and doesn’t even have to be that if you’re not cool with it. Ugh.” Click.
Delete.
“Isabelle. There is a long story you need to hear, please.” Silence “I love you.” Click.
She wiped her tears and read the text messages.
Please forgive me…I love you
My life isn’t complete without you. I’m sorry…
She placed the phone down in front of her. The urge to throw it was intense and wouldn’t take much effort. What she needed to do would come with a cost—her heart. She picked up the phone and hit reply.
Best flight ever. I didn’t kill anyone. Words cannot express what the last several days have meant to me. You will be blessed with one more angel watching out for you. Take care of yourself. Love, Isabelle
She hit the send button before she could chicken out and within seconds, her phone rang. Cole. She hit ignore but another beep signaled a text and his determination to get her attention.
My love, I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before…I would do anything for you, I mean it. I know I screwed up. Second chance? Love always, Cole
Although the mug warmed her hands, the chill in the rest of her body craved the burn of another distraction.
“I need something a lot stronger than this.”
She trudged to the counter with her shoulders slumped and dropped her mug in the sink, cringed when it shattered. A peek in the fridge didn’t reveal much of anything, let alone alcohol. “And food.” She leaned against the counter and the hard surface dug into her back. It only brought back memories of her last time in that position.
“First things first.” She nabbed the phone and dialed before the courage, or maybe the anger that fueled it, faded.
“Hello, Dr. Peterson’s office, may I help you?”
She curled her free hand into a ball, so tight her nails dug in. “Yes, this is Isabelle Chambers. Can you please let Dr. Peterson know he can go ahead and book my surgery?”
Silence.
“Dr. Peterson will be very happy to hear you’ve called. I will give him the go ahead. The second we hear from the surgeon, I will call you back with the surgery date and time. Is there anything else you wish for me to pass on to the doctor?”
She sneered at the broken porcelain in the sink. This secretary was unforgettable, the grumpy one. Only she oozed pleasantness, not a good sign. “No, thanks.” She hung up.
What is it about pending doom that makes people change their ways?
Her stomach grumbled and she placed her hand over it. “Patience. One more.” She scrolled through her messages from him. Now it was her turn. It would hurt him but she didn’t see any other solution.
No second chances necessary. It was just a tour, remember? Please say good-bye to the guys for me. I have a lot of things to take care of, so I need to end it here. Enjoy the rest of your tour. You really have built a wonderful life; cherish it. Love Isabelle.
Send.
The distance between them helped the anger simmer rather than boil, but the taste of guilt in her mouth was sour. After all he’d done, her cold treatment didn’t sit well.
“Wine should take care of that.” She wrenched her purse and keys from the entryway table, locked the door behind her, and strode to the car. This time, she didn’t care to observe the life around her.
Her phone rang but she adjusted the radio instead. Thankful for being behind the wheel, she kept her eyes on the road and let it go to voicemail.
She circled the parking lot many times before a spot opened. “Come on.” She gripped the wheel. The elderly person, who backed out of the spot she waited for, tried her nerves. She counted to ten before she maneuvered into the spot, with a little more patience, and no accident. She picked up her phone from the empty passenger seat she’d tossed it on and dialed her voicemail. The possibility that her mother may have received word she flew home and hadn’t called yet would make the day that much worse.
Her purse spilled onto the floor. “Ugh.” She put her phone down on the seat, placed it on speaker, and picked up the mess.
“Hello Isabelle, this is Dr. Peterson.” Her hand froze, no longer interested in the tube of Chap Stick that rolled out of reach. “I’m very happy to hear from you. I have spoken to the surgeon himself and we were able to schedule your surgery for two weeks from today. I’m guessing this is sooner than you expected, but when you have time, please call my secretary back and she can give you all of the pre-op instructions.” Silence “I am glad you made it home safe. I hope you were successful in your endeavors.” Click
“Ha.”
Chapter Eighteen
Dear Diary,
I’m awake and surrounded by love, but not his…
“Fuck.”
Cole threw his phone in his bunk and stared at the empty space. He’d done all he could think of, and still failed her. One item on her list, that’s all that remained. Her text message couldn’t have been clearer; she was done with him.
“Cole?”
With stiff arms braced on her bunk, he closed his eyes and lowered his head. Derek always surfaced when someone fell apart, his gift. He let out a deep breath and sat down, hunched over. He scrubbed at his face, not able to resign himself to the fact that she would never share his bed again.
“Yeah? Are we heading out soon?” The thin mattress dipped when he sat down beside him. He wouldn’t let plans get derailed. They were booked solid, night after night of shows, and he needed to get his head on straight.
“Yep, but that’s not what I want to talk about.”
Here it comes.
“Isabelle.”
Cole sighed. Her name alone made his chest hurt.
“I know this is messing you up. She was perfect, is perfect. What you have with her reminds me a lot of what I had, once. Look?”
It didn`t take much to notice the beautiful compass in his hand. Cole read the inscription. He clenched his jaw and water formed in his eyes. Anger consumed him and not because he hurt her. Oh that was still there, but this, this was about how unfair life is.
“I need her.”
“We have two weeks of shows. Get your head on straight enough to get through them. You have a couple weeks off after that. Go get her then.”
Cole huffed and nodded. “Two weeks of hell.”
Derek smi
led, patted him on the back, and strolled to the front. And, like usual, picked up things the guys left lying about. “You were a moody bastard before she came along. We can handle a couple of weeks.”
Derek was right, as always, but two weeks seemed like forever. Getting in to see a doctor required time. She hadn’t even been scheduled yet, so it wouldn’t be possible to get her in that quick, right?
He needed to know she arrived home okay and not being able to see this in person tortured him. He stood up quick and banged his head on the bunk that still smelled like vanilla. He rubbed the back of his head. Not even here and she’s making herself known.
He snagged his phone from his pocket and raced down the stairs of the bus. Much like her group, they too had an inquisitive one. Zander was a man of many talents, even online.
Katherine.
****
“Mom, I’m home.”
The trip to the grocery store resulted in nothing more than wine. After that message, how could anyone eat, or even look at food. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and braced herself on the banister when her vision grew murky, unfocused. That’s a new one.
“You didn’t let me know you were coming home.” Carol ran down the stairs with her arms out.
When her mother wrapped her in her arms, it seemed like an eternity since she’d cherished the familiar embrace. But then again, she was a different woman now. Would her mother notice?
Carol shook, still discreet with her sobs. She could relate. The strong woman who let her go, gave up limited time so she could pursue her goals, needed a moment to crumble. She held on tight, let her. She’d never seen her mother cry, not that she could recall.
Carol forced her back in a gentle manner and scooted past her, to the table in the entryway. She plucked a tissue from the box and cleaned herself up. “I’m so sorry, honey. I have no idea where that came from.”
“Mom, crying doesn’t make you weak. God knows I’ve done enough of that in the last couple days.” She wandered to the kitchen. As expected, her mother followed close behind.
“I’ll make some tea.”
She sat at the table, and her mother dawdled about with familiar grace. For the first time since she arrived home, she relaxed her shoulders and let go of the tension, the stress. She slouched back into her chair and reflected on the many familiar items around the kitchen, a room with so many wonderful memories. She took the flower-patterned mug from her mom and held it in front of her face to smell. Chamomile and lemon.
“Thank you, Mom.”
She took a sip, and the warm citrus blend coated her mouth and tasted wonderful. They sat across from each other, quiet. Uncomfortable silence worked for her mother, and for as long as she could remember, it roused the confessions out of her.
“Mom.” She leaned forward, searched her mother for any reaction but didn’t get one. Carol demonstrated the patience she longed for. “Where do I start?”
Carol placed her hand over hers. “Let’s take our tea out on the back porch. I put in a new swing. I’ve spent a lot of time out there, thinking.”
She shivered. She left her mom here, to worry. The dark circles under her eyes showed more than usual. What have I done to her?
Carol grabbed her hand, held onto it until they were in the beautiful backyard, which had seen a lot of attention since she left. Bright-colored flowers, stone paths, and even a pond filled the space she remembered being flat and green.
“Oh, Mom, it’s beautiful back here. You did all this?”
Her mom shrugged, pointed to the swing, adorned with thick cushions and large enough to hold two people. “The girls dropped by every now and then to help. You have wonderful friends.”
Her tattoo came back to her memory. “I know. I’m glad they kept you company while I was away. It made it a little easier, knowing you weren’t alone.”
She scooched sideways in her seat, bent her leg so she could lean against the back of the swing with her shoulder and see her mother’s face. “Thank you, Mom, for everything. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.”
Carol rested her hand on her leg and squeezed. “You made it easy on me, honey, a little too easy. Will you tell me about your trip?”
She peered down in her mug; the Merlot in her car might make this easier. “Sure.” She sighed; she could do this. “The Scandals are amazing.” She smiled wide, just thinking about the guys. “I can now say I have a thing for rock music, go figure. I have a lot of things on my bucket list, Mom, things I haven’t shared with you.”
Carol adjusted herself to match her.
“First, all but one item is complete on the list I showed you.” She closed her eyes, tipped her head to the side, and rested it on the cushion behind her. “Cole is a very resourceful man.” She swallowed hard and gripped the mug tighter. Saying his name out loud was tough. “He made my every wish come true, and then some.”
“You fell in love.”
She raised her head to her mother and the truth. “I did.” A tear slid down her cheek, she left it. Never did she have to hide them from her mother, her best friend. “I didn’t plan it. I couldn’t stop it, as much as I tried.”
She breathed in through her nose, to ease the sob that crept up her throat. “The things on my list—” She slipped the list, the real one, out of her back pocket and handed it to her mom. She couldn’t say the words but somehow, allowing her to read them would be all she needed. “Only made falling for him easier, I guess. He is a very caring and passionate man. Ugh. The way he looked at me. Me.”
Her mother’s eyebrows rose as she read through the list. With unhurried movements, she folded the paper neat again. “Isabelle.” She laughed. “I am a little lost for words, so bear with me.”
She passed the list back and tapped her fingernails on the empty mug in her lap. “You never could see the beautiful woman you are. The things on your list would require trust. If you trust him that much, it’s only natural to fall in love. I only have one question.”
Isabelle closed her eyes, not sure if she could face this one question.
“How was it?”
They laughed at the same time and she fanned her face. Warmth flushed over her entire body.
“Mom?”
“Yes, darling?”
Her mother still giggled and she didn’t want to stop the beautiful sound she missed so much, but Carol deserved to know.
“Two weeks from today,” she whispered, and goose bumps rose on her mother’s skin.
“Okay,” she whispered back.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
Her voice sounded strained, words difficult to form. “Can I come home?” A tear dropped from the corner of her eye and landed on her hand. She missed her mom, more than she’d let herself believe. Two weeks wasn’t enough.
“Go back to your place and pack, honey. I’ll get your room ready.”
****
He paced. The crowd hollered, demanded their encore. His cell phone never left his side in case she called. She didn’t.
Zander’d worked his magic. He now had Katherine’s cell number programmed into his phone but he couldn’t do more than scroll through the contacts and stare at it.
“Get your head on straight, buddy.”
Brett hit him on the shoulder, but the moody Cole they, even he expected, didn’t make a grand reappearance. Instead, he often found himself quiet, being snapped back into conversations. The nightly drinking binges that used to make for an entertaining evening now only resulted in an early escape to bed with tears in his eyes. He could still smell her on the pillow and often buried his face in her scent to mask his sniffles. Drew tried all of the distractions he could think of that once mended bad days, everything he’d known him to enjoy, it didn’t work.
They were lost, too. Her presence changed them all. Whenever someone passed through the aisle on the bus, they tapped her bunk, the one no used now. He didn’t know whether it was out of hope she’d return, or the same loss that consum
ed him.
“Get your asses out there, now.”
The three men wandered about backstage, and ignored the shriek in their earbuds as much as he did. It wasn’t just he who was out of sorts. He checked his watch again, but she was a few hours behind him. The same voice yelled in his ear again, louder. He touched his phone through the front of his pants, and then ran out on stage.
****
Two weeks would fly by, but the arrangements she rushed through today took forever. A quick glance in the rear view mirror offered no more safety than if she were blind. The mountain of things she packed obstructed her view. She didn’t need that much, but she did it anyway.
Tears hit her hard as she wandered through the house to collect personal possessions she held dear to her heart, said good-bye to others. Pictures of her and David still covered the walls and while she held one in front of her, an unobtainable moment flashed before her. A day she’d pack them away, to put up new ones.
Cole.
He’d managed to finagle his way into every scene of her life these days, not allowing her mind to be quiet.
What is he doing? Where is he? Is he okay?
Even if they had the opportunity to be together, she’d still wonder the same things, with him out on the road. She scanned the busy road ahead and brushed the spot above her breast with her fingertip, the mark that now faded. His mark.
She stopped at the bank, lawyer, and funeral home, the last being the toughest. She didn’t want to leave any loose ends for her mom to deal with, and it really hadn’t been that long since she’d been there. They still greeted her with familiarity, which gave her a chill she couldn’t shake. It was surreal, to plan for death at her age.
The motions of the day were that of a sad movie, in slow motion and not able to speed up. Not far from her mother’s home, she steered the car onto the side of the road and parked. Her head hurt. Her stomach churned from all of the sympathetic nods she encountered today.
She rushed to the passenger side of the car, shielded herself from anyone else`s sympathy, and vomited. When the heaves subsided, she snagged a piece of gum from her pocket, got in the car, and drove off, all too accustomed to ill-effects.