by JA Huss
Is there a way to salvage anything from this event?
There is always a way, Junco. The question is, as always, what are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen?
"What do you want?" I say out loud.
Your compliance.
"Tell me what I have to do."
You know what you have to do. You've known it all along. It's the reason you stayed behind when Slag came for you. It's the reason you fought with Lucan. It's the reason you lied under testimony. And it's the reason you will push Ashur away.
I shake my head. "There is only one way to make it right."
Yes. So shut the fuck up and get on with it, why don't you? Quit looking at the things you've lost and see the things you have.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I wake up in the new bed, luxurious blankets and pillows strewn about from my thrashing. My door is open and I can hear voices coming from the living room. Ryse's for sure, and a few more that I don't recognize. They joke a little and get loud and Ryse tells them to keep it down. I hear the familiar sound of poker chips and listen for Braun, but his voice is not among the cacophony of maleness that floats into my room.
I get up and go into the bathroom and start a bath, adding bubbles as I watch it fill up, then strip my Fight Seven uniform off and sink into the hot water with a heavy sigh. I slip under a few times to get my hair wet, then use the provided bottles to wash and condition it.
When I'm done I wrap up in a white robe that hangs on the bathroom door and stuff my hair up in a towel. Back out in my room the voices are louder now and I tap the door shut and go find something to wear. A few minutes later I hear a knock.
"Enter."
"Sorry, Junco. I hope we didn't wake you up." Ryse smiles at me and I try to smile back, but I'm just not into it. I just go into the closet and pull on some bed shorts and a tank top. Then find some white fuzzy socks that slip over my feet and go back in the bathroom to brush my hair.
When I come back out he's sitting on my bed, waiting for me.
"What?"
"You want me to call Ashur and tell him to come home?"
"Why? Where is he?"
"Working on something for Lucan."
I shake my head. "No point, really. It is what it is, Ryse. And there's nothing any of you can say or do to change it."
He nods. "Yeah. OK. Well, when you're hungry you just let me know. I'll help you pick something you'll like from the autocook."
He walks over to the door and I walk over with him and close it as he leaves, then go over to the window seat and plop down. It's a fabulous space and looks out over the boulevards. Several stories down I can see the train, then several more there is another one. I can't see the bottom during the day either, but there are tall buildings across from me that are interesting to look at. Plus, there is a lot of eye-level traffic that captures my attention.
I pull my legs up to my chest as I watch the people who pass by inside the flyers. A noise over on the pile of clothes in the bathroom pulls me out of my reflection and I jump up and go grab my com from my pants pocket.
"This is Junco."
"Hi, Junco. It's Kadian."
I sigh. "What do you want, Kadian?"
"Oh, I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you're OK. I'm very sorry, Junco. Everyone is very sorry."
"Yeah, except those crazy people who wanted to kill me last night for Tier's stupid decision."
"They have calmed down due to the – circumstances. Have you watched the screens today? There was a public apology."
"No," I sigh. "I just woke up."
"Well, I have an ulterior motive for calling you."
"Yeah, what's that then?"
"I want to take you somewhere tonight. Will you come out with me?"
I'm shaking my head even though he can't see me. "Kadian, I don't really–"
"Junco, I promise you, this is something beautiful you won't want to miss."
"How would you know?"
"I heard you that day we met, when you asked that barbaric XO of yours if there was anything he could show you that was purely avian, not human. I have something I can show you. Something that fulfills that request."
I'm interested despite myself. "What is it?"
I listen to him tisk his tongue. "Surprises, Junco, mean you have to trust me that it will be worthwhile."
"I'm not really into surprises, Kadian, people tend to get killed when they try to surprise me."
He laughs. "Nonsense, Junco. You're a woman and that means you like surprises just as much as any of them. You've just been around all those killing machines for so long you've forgotten how it feels."
He's got a point there. "I'm not really good at" – I search for the word – "socializing, Kadian. In fact, I'm pretty terrible at all that stuff."
"No, Junco, you've just never been taken out properly before."
"Look, I'm not interested–"
"Me either, Junco. I am happily attached to a very beautiful woman who I would like for you to meet tonight. I just want to show you something, OK?"
I look down at my clothes. "What should I wear?"
"Not those bed clothes you have on."
"How do you–"
"I live across the boulevard, Junco. Exactly opposite your window. And before you go thinking I'm some stalker, we've lived here for years. It's just a happy coincidence."
I walk over to the window seat and peer out, training my eyes to the building across the way, and see a small figure waving at me through the breaks in traffic. "So Ryse was correct? You're a spy and you write terrible things about us? You peep into our apartment?
He gives me an exasperated huff, "This is a family home, Junco. Someone in my family has owned it for centuries."
"So you make stuff up about us?"
"I absolutely do not. Everything I've ever reported on the 039 has been one hundred percent true."
"But maybe it was secret? And you reported it anyway?"
I hear a small laugh over the com. "Perhaps. But that's what reporters do."
"So you want to take me out so you can report on me tomorrow?"
"Well, of course I will report on you. You're news, Junco. But the venue is worthwhile, and does deliver what you're looking for. Something that cannot be seen on Earth."
I hesitate.
"It is beautiful, Junco. And you could use a little beauty in your life today."
He's right. I could just sit here and listen to Ryse and his buddies play poker. As if my whole world wasn't in the process of coming down on me. Or I could go out and forget for a while. And isn't that what always gets me through the disasters? Forgetting? Shit, if there's one thing I can do it's push it all away. "OK, I'll go."
"Perfect, I'll pick you up in five minutes, wear anything you want."
And then the com goes dead.
I throw on some pants that look like human jeans, but aren't. And a shirt that isn't too complicated to pull over my head and seam together. I slip on my uniform boots because they are comfortable, and then head out.
Ryse and his friends look up as I enter and walk over to the terrace to go up to the roof. "Hey? Junco? Where are you going?" Ryse's cigar bobs up and down in his mouth as he talks.
"Out," I say. I'm halfway up the terrace stairs when I hear the flyer on the roof. Ryse is running to catch up with me, but I don't stop. The door opens on the flyer and Kadian is smiling at me.
"Oh, fuck no!" Ryse steps in between the flyer and me, blocking my advance, but I shoot him a dirty look.
"Ryse, I'm not a prisoner anymore. I'm Fledged out now and if I want to go out, then I will."
"But Junco," he pleads a little, "this is Kadian, he's a total scumbag."
I stick my chin up. "I have my com so Lucan can track me all night. I'm going, and there's nothing you can say about it."
"Ashur is not going to–"
"Ashur isn't my keeper, Ryse. I'm not on duty so I don't have to take orders from you or him."
Kadi
an has exited the flyer and steps up to Ryse. "I promise to deliver her home safe and happy."
Ryse actually growls at him and I push him back and jump in the flyer. Kadian gets in with me and then the door closes and we take off.
The flyer banks hard into a parking structure and I have a fleeting moment of déja vu at the suborbital station with Rache. I push it down and get out. Kadian stays seated and I poke my head back into the cab. "You coming or what?"
He smiles and shakes his head. "Girl stuff, Junco. I'll pick you up in two hours."
Before I can protest there are female hands leading me away and into a steamy shop filled with tantalizing flowery scents and the bustle of girls. I am subsequently plopped down onto some large cushions as a team goes to work on my fingernails, talons, hair, and to my horror, a full face of make-up including eyelashes that make my lids feel heavy.
When they bring about a mirror a while later I don't even recognize the girl on the other side. My hair is piled high on my head with soft tendrils slipping out every so often to soften and frame my face. My hazel eyes appear large and the color is brought out with make-up. My lips are a pretty pink just like my cheeks, and when I tilt my head to see the SEAR scar along my jaw it has all but vanished.
The ladies all nod and smile, then tug me up and guide me into a dressing room where a severe woman with a tight silver bun and wings to match sits with her lips pursed.
"It is a genuine improvement, Junco. Do you approve?"
I look in the full-length mirror. "Yeah, I like it."
She smiles. "I'm Anni and now we will dress you for the night. The dress is a gift, of course. So you may keep it."
"OK, thanks."
She brings out a stunning floor-length gown that is the prettiest shade of spring yellow I've ever seen. As she goes about instructing her helpers in fastening it around my wings I catch a glimpse in the mirror.
"Wow."
They top it off with a slight jacket made of some kind of fur that is a shade or two lighter than my hair. I scowl at the shoes as they place my feet in them, but Anni clicks her tongue at my balking and after I give in and cooperate, I'm suddenly three inches taller.
Anni takes my hand and lifts it in the air as she turns me slowly in a circle. "You are ready."
She claps and her attendants escort me into another chamber, then through a closed door to the parking garage where the flyer is waiting. The door opens and Kadian appears, dressed in a very nice dark brown suit that complements the tones in my hair and jacket. I take his hand as he offers me help into the cab.
"Junco," he breathes, "you're stunning."
I pick up the high-society manners I was forced to practice all growing up. "Thank you. You look exceptionally handsome as well."
He is tight-lipped about our destination. I watch as the flyer takes us a few wide avenues over to the boulevard, then banks to the right and slides into a slot in the side of a building. I read a marquee above a large expanse of wide brass colored doors: Enki and the World Order, last night on Amelia.
When my eyes come back to Kadian, he is grinning. "I think you'll enjoy it, Junco. It's a beautiful retelling of the myth in nargala."
I nod, but I have no idea what he's talking about.
I've been to the opera on Earth, Handel's Messiah in Berlin and London, as well as The Marriage of Figaro in Vienna and of course, Asgarth's Genius in just about every city it opened in during my lifetime. My father indulged me in the arts for reasons known only to him.
This feels like the opera.
The women are dressed in expensive finery while the men wear complementary suits to match something on their lady's person. Kadian is a nice-looking man to begin with, and his suit is cut to perfection, so we fit in with the crowd. We stand in the lobby as people take pictures of us. Normally I'm self-conscious about stuff like that, but tonight I feel like I have a costume on and don't have to be the gawky Junco. I don't smile, I can't smile, but I do paint on a neutral expression that passes for acceptable.
An usher directs us to a chamber that contains several seats. We take two near the edge of a balcony, and Kadian leans over to talk in my ear. "The nargala is sung in avian, but I have been told that you understand it. Yes?"
"I do."
He smiles. "Good, good. It's an old story, but the fourth act is especially poignant. I think, anyway."
He gives me a conspiratorial look and I nod a little. "OK."
A little while later the lights dim and the show begins.
Kadian calls the woman rotating in mid-air in the center of the theater the Ilat Nargalist, and he genuinely beams with pride when he suddenly announces that she is his girlfriend.
She is beautiful, dressed in a bright blue gown that hangs to the floor several stories below. She floats like an angel, her outstretched wings the color of a robin's egg. They don't flap, so I can only assume she is controlling herself via a free-G zone that doesn't touch the rest of us.
When she begins her song my chest heaves with the beauty of it. It is not a song any human can replicate, the notes are so high they barely exist in my hearing range. I see my vision screen come to life and adjust my capacity for sound detection, and her true talents flood into my body. She is singing several notes at the same time, like an orchestral arrangement coming from the mouth.
I am so taken by the sound, I forget to listen to the words. Eventually I catch on to the story. Enki is the all-powerful creator and he's going about to various family members allocating supervision duties. Each god and goddess is bestowed a realm with special powers. He has quite a big family, so this lasts the first three acts.
The fourth act begins with a twist.
A very young goddess Inanna complains that she has been overlooked. I think back to what I know of Inanna. Not much except for her journey to the world down below as told to me by Tier. In this story she begs to know why Enki, her uncle, has forsaken her.
Why do you treat me so badly?
My sisters have all been given domains to rule over.
My sisters have all been given powerful husbands.
My sisters have all been given special skills.
My sisters have all been given the ability to please you.
But I, the woman Inanna, have been given nothing of this new world.
Her uncle replies,
Tell me what you require, Inanna.
Tell me how I have wronged you.
Tell me what more could I give you?
You shine brilliantly in the evening,
You brighten the day at dawn
You stand in the heavens like the sun and the moon,
Your wonders are known both above and below,
I made you strong.
I made you the destroyer of all that cannot be destroyed.
I made you cunning.
I made you the speaker of words known to no man.
I made you the twister.
I made you the manipulator of the threads that bind the world.
I gave you sight.
You see further than any other, you see what no other can.
I made you beautiful.
You have endless suitors ready to lay down their lives.
You cut off the heads of those that cannot be cut.
You make the final decisions,
You make the sacrifice.
You stand apart.
You make us whole.
You complete us.
What more do you want?
Chapter Thirty-Five
I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I listen to her song and I wait for Inanna to accept her gifts with grace. But she does not, she demands the Carrier of Light and she is denied. The nargala ends with her behaving badly and being cast aside. Someone grabs my hand as another tear slips out. I look over and Lucan is sitting next to me. He squeezes as the theater goes dark.
We are standing in the lobby a short time later when the Ilat Nargalist comes to greet us. She bows low from the waist at Lucan and he
takes her arm at the elbow and squeezes with both hands. She slips her free hand to his elbow and bows again. A very avian greeting that I have yet to master the nuances of.
I am introduced but my world is spinning. Lucan excuses us and taps me on the shoulder and we are out in the dark of space.
I sigh. "Thank you, I was beginning to feel dizzy."
He smiles and wraps my hand into the crook of his arm. "Yes, I could tell it was becoming too much."
"Why did you come?" I look up at him and he does something that surprises me, he shrugs.
"I would not have taken you there, Junco. It is–" He stops and searches for a word. "Too close."
I think back to the story. "Yeah. Why do I feel like it is talking about me?"
He laughs a little, but it's not a happy laugh. "You are so much like Inanna it is becoming painful."
I let out a large breath. "What's going on, Lucan?"
He shakes his head. "You are the Seventh Sibling, Junco. We know this now, and we can state this openly, correct?"
I shrug. "Hell, Lucan, if you say so. What am I gonna say? I don't know any better. But I'm not here to kill anyone."
He pats my hand, the one still holding onto his arm. "I think we are past that, but there is still a long way to go before we can sort it out."
I stay quiet for a few minutes and look up at the stars, enjoy the view for once. How many people can say they've been out in the middle of space with no suit? Not many, I bet. I count myself lucky. "Thank you," I say, looking down again.
"For what, Junco?"
"Everything. I feel so ungrateful. Always looking at how much I've lost instead of how much I still have. I don't want to be Inanna. I don't want to be hungry for power. That's not me. I want to be satisfied." I look up to him. "And even though there is still a lot to be sad about, there is also a lot to be grateful for. I'm thankful that you're here helping me through this. Even if I don't show it all the time."
He squeezes my hand and we are on the terrace at the 039. "You lost a lot in the last few months, Junco, and even though grief is a negative emotion, it is still necessary. There is nothing wrong with grief."