The Forgotten Recipe

by Amy Clipston

  “My dat wanted us to visit his gut freind’s district today. I didn’t realize it was your district either.” Though her father was deep in conversation with his friend, she saw the other men near Jason staring at her and felt self-conscious. She kept her eyes on Jason and ignored their curiosity.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.” She held up the pot. “Kaffi?”

  He nodded, and she filled his cup, her hands shaking slightly.

  “I’m sorry it didn’t rain Friday.” His voice was soft and warm.

  “I was going to discuss that with you.”

  She gave him a tentative smile and went on to fill the other cups nearby. Before long, her pot was empty. She was walking toward the house when she heard someone call her name. Turning, she found Jason approaching her with an anxious expression on his face.

  “Jason,” she said. “What are you doing?”

  “I want to talk to you.” He hurried over to her. “You didn’t seem to want to talk to me in the barn.”

  “I didn’t think it was appropriate to chat too much.” She hesitated for a moment and then asked the question that had been haunting her since yesterday. “Why didn’t you come to my bake stand yesterday?”

  “I wanted to, but I had to help my dat with a project at the haus. One of our barn doors was hanging off the hinges, and Stephen and I had to fix it before it fell on one of us or an animal.” His expression went from anxious to hopeful. “Did you miss me?”

  Yes! She held the coffeepot closer to her body as if to block her heart. “I was surprised you didn’t stop by. I was hoping for another weather report.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t share the weather report yesterday,” he began, stepping closer to her, “but what if I stop by tonight and we’ll talk about it?”

  Veronica’s breath caught in her throat. If he came by the house, he would want to start dating her. Say no! I have to say no! “Ya, that would be fine.”

  “Great.” He grinned, and her cheeks warmed. “I’ll check my sources and see if I can bring a more accurate report.”

  “Gut.” She smiled at him and then strode back to the house, her pulse leaping with every step. She should’ve told him not to come. It wasn’t right to lead him on when she knew that she couldn’t date him. But when she looked deeply into his eyes, she was nearly hypnotized.

  Veronica shook away any thoughts of Jason and stepped into the kitchen.

  “There she is!” Emily pointed at Veronica and then led an older woman over to her. “This is my schweschder, Veronica. This is Naomi. She was asking about your amazing raspberry pies.”

  “And you have a bake stand?”

  “Ya, I do. On Gibbons Road.” Veronica nodded as she set the empty coffeepot on the counter and acknowledged the woman’s interest.

  Another woman stepped toward them.

  “My son has been bringing your pies home almost every Saturday for the past few weeks,” the second woman said. Then she leaned in closer and lowered her voice. “Although I’m not sure if he goes to get the pies or to see you. I’m Annie Huyard. My family and I enjoy your pies very much.”

  “Danki.” Veronica blushed. Jason shared his mother’s brown hair, but she had hazel eyes. Kind eyes.

  “I have to send him over to get another pie soon,” Annie said before lifting a tray filled with pieces of apple pie. “It was nice meeting you.”

  “Ya, it was nice meeting you too.” As Annie walked toward the door, Veronica wondered how she was going to say no to Jason when he visited her tonight.

  JASON GUIDED HIS BUGGY DOWN THE ROAD BEHIND HIS parents’ buggy later that afternoon. Jason liked to have his own transportation, and generally Stephen rode with him.

  He’d been so surprised to see Veronica at his district’s church service. He had missed seeing her yesterday, but then she’d appeared before his eyes today. It was as if she was meant to be in his life. He couldn’t escape the feeling that they belonged together.

  “I saw you talking to Veronica earlier,” Stephen said, breaking through Jason’s trance while he sat beside Jason.

  “Ya,” Jason said. “I’m going to see her later tonight.”

  “You’re going to visit her?” Stephen’s tone was incredulous. “I thought you were going to the youth gathering with Mary, Leah, and me.”

  “You assumed I was going with you, but I never said I was going.” Jason kept his eyes focused on the road. “I already have plans tonight.”

  “What about Mary?” Stephen asked. “She really likes you, and she’ll be disappointed if you don’t come with us.”

  Jason huffed. “Mary is nice, but I don’t feel any spark with her. I don’t see us being anything other than freinden. I’m not attracted to her.”

  “And you feel a spark with Veronica.” Stephen finished the thought.

  “Ya, I do.” Jason nodded with emphasis.

  “Have you told her the truth yet?” Stephen asked.

  Jason pursed his lips. “I’m going to tell her tonight.”

  “So she still doesn’t know you worked with Seth.” Stephen shook his head. “You know she’s going to be upset when she finds out the truth. It’s going to seem like you’ve lied all along, which in a way you have.”

  “I realize that, Stephen. I’m not stupid.” Jason took a deep breath. “Tonight I’m going to tell her I care about her and ask her to be my girlfriend. If she tells me she feels the same way, then I’ll tell her the truth.” Hopefully she’ll tell me she cares for me too!

  Stephen was quiet, and Jason turned toward him. “What?” he asked. “You obviously have something you want to say.”

  “Did you notice she was wearing all black today?” Stephen frowned. “You know what that means, right?”

  “Of course I know what it means.” Worry nipped at Jason’s nerves.

  “If she’s still in mourning, then do you really believe she’s going to want to date you?”

  “Veronica and I have a connection,” Jason insisted. “When I saw her at the youth gathering last week, we talked like old freinden. She shared really personal things with me. It was as if I’d known her for years. She’s probably only wearing black in memory of Seth and out of respect for his parents.”

  Stephen shrugged. “If that’s what you want to believe.”

  Jason gripped the reins tighter. Stephen had to be wrong. After all, why would Veronica have agreed to let him visit her if she wasn’t interested in dating him?

  “You should be careful,” Stephen continued. “You may find yourself really let down. She might tell you she only wants to be freinden.”

  “If she says that, then I’ll wait for her,” Jason said. “I care about her enough to give her time.”

  “You don’t want to be her rebound. You might wind up right back where you were with Arie.”

  Jason gritted his teeth. “Look, Stephen, you’re entitled to your opinion, but it’s my life. You’re froh with Leah. You should worry about her and stay out of my business.”

  “Whoa. Calm down, Jay.” Stephen held up his hands as if to stop Jason from talking. “I was only trying to help because I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

  Jason frowned as worry drenched him. He noticed the dark clouds gathering in the sky above and hoped his brother was wrong. Veronica had smiled when he saw her today, and she’d blushed when he’d asked if she missed him. Those were definite signs that she cared about him. If she cared about him, then certainly she’d want to date him. Wouldn’t she?

  Doubt nearly overcame him as he guided the horse toward their house. But he fought it. He refused to live in fear of rejection. He would go to Veronica’s house tonight and tell her how he felt.

  “ARE YOU COMING TO THE YOUTH GATHERING TONIGHT?” Rachel asked later that afternoon. She was standing in the doorway leading to Veronica’s room.

  “No, I’m not.” Veronica shook her head.

  “Why not?” Rachel stepped into the room. “I thought you had a nice
time last week.”

  “I did have a nice time.” Veronica sank into the chair in the corner by her window. “Jason is coming by to see me tonight.”

  “He is?” Rachel’s voice pitched higher. “That’s wunderbaar!”

  Veronica smiled, but her stomach twisted with confusion. “Ya, it is.” But I can’t tell him I want to date him.

  “Are you nervous?” Rachel asked.

  Veronica nodded. “Ya, I am.”

  “Don’t be.” Rachel touched her arm. “He really cares for you, and Emily told me she overheard his mother tell you he likes you. You have nothing to be nervous about.”

  “Right.” Veronica smiled at her sister and wondered if she would ever find happiness again.

  Emily stepped into the doorway. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Veronica is staying home because Jason is coming to see her tonight,” Rachel announced.

  “That’s great!” Emily clapped. “I can’t wait to hear all about it when we get home.”

  Veronica nodded. “I hope you have fun tonight.” You’ll be disappointed when you find out how my evening goes.

  “We’ll see you later,” Rachel said. “Have fun.”

  “Bye,” Emily said as she waved.

  Veronica sighed as her sisters walked down the stairs, their excited voices echoing through the house. She looked toward her bed, and her eyes focused on Seth’s quilt. Sadness washed over her as she recalled the first time he came to visit her. She didn’t have a doubt in her mind when Seth asked her to be his girlfriend. Would she ever feel that certain about anything in her life again?

  CHAPTER 10

  JASON’S HANDS TREMBLED AS HE CLIMBED OUT OF HIS BUGGY later that evening and walked up the front porch steps at Veronica’s house. The small raindrops hitting his straw hat did little to cool the humid evening.

  He took a deep breath and knocked on the storm door. Footsteps sounded inside the house, and then the front door opened with a squeak, revealing Veronica clad in a blue dress and black apron. He was relieved to see her wearing a brighter color. Perhaps Stephen was wrong when he said Veronica’s black clothing that morning was a sure sign she wasn’t ready to date.

  “Hi,” he said while drinking in her beautiful face.

  “Hi.” She leaned against the doorframe. “Would you like to visit out here?”

  “Ya, that would be nice.” He looked over his shoulder at the rain. “It’s starting to rain harder, but it’s not hitting the porch yet.”

  “I put together a snack for us. Do you like peach salsa?” She lifted a tray containing two glasses of iced tea, a small bowl of salsa, and a bag of chips.

  “Ya. That sounds great.” He held the storm door open as she stepped out onto the porch. He followed her to the swing and sat beside her. His pulse sped up at their close proximity.

  Veronica set the tray on the table beside the swing and then handed him a glass of tea. “I helped my mamm and schweschdere make the salsa the other day after our neighbor brought over the peaches. We used my mammi’s recipe. Apparently my daadi enjoyed chips and peach salsa every night after supper.”

  Jason dipped a chip into the salsa and took a bite. “I can see why he enjoyed it so much. It’s appeditlich. This means you can make amazing pies, jams, and relish; you can make salsa; and you’re an expert stone skipper. You become more and more talented every time I see you.”

  She smiled, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Something was wrong. His stomach twisted with apprehension.

  “It’s a schee night, despite the rain.” She looked toward the road and sipped from the glass.

  “Ya, it is. I suppose this is the rain I predicted on Friday.” When she didn’t laugh, he gripped the glass as more worry threatened his resolve.

  “I met your mamm today after church. She was very nice.” Veronica took a chip and smothered it in salsa.

  “I’m sure she was froh to meet the maedel who makes the amazing pies.” He longed to see her smile. Just one genuine smile would calm his frayed nerves.

  “Ya, she mentioned the pies.” Veronica ate the chip.

  “She asked me to bring one home tonight. Could I buy one from you?” he asked, and she nodded. “Gut. My mamm will be pleased.”

  “My schweschdere went with the youth group this evening.” Veronica stared into his eyes as if she were trying to find an answer there. “They tried to convince me to go with them. I’m surprised you didn’t go to yours with Mary.”

  “Did you really think I wanted to go with Mary?” he asked.

  “I wasn’t sure.” She ran her fingers down the condensation on the glass.

  Why is she avoiding eye contact with me? “You know I don’t like Mary, right? She’s a freind, but that’s it.”

  “Ya, I know.” Veronica nodded. “Church was nice.”

  He had to quit stalling. He wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend, but he was fearful of her rejection. Why was this so difficult? It’s difficult because I haven’t told her the truth!

  He thought about their conversation at youth group last week and a question overtook his mind. “Do you remember when we were talking with Mary by the pond last Sunday?”

  “Ya.” She looked confused. “Why do you ask?”

  “You told Mary you were sitting alone because you were feeling jealous after spending time with Rachel and her boyfriend. Was that true or did you only say that to Mary to cover for me?”

  Veronica examined the hem on her apron. “It was true.”

  “Veronica?” He leaned down to get a better look at her face. “What’s wrong?”

  She sighed and met his gaze. “Nothing. I’m just tired.” Her expression betrayed her, and there was something more than exhaustion in her eyes.

  “I know you well enough to know when you’re not telling the truth,” he said gently. “You can talk to me. Remember what you said last week? We’re two peas in a pod.”

  Her lip quivered, and his happiness withered like a plant desperate for water.

  “Was iss letz?” He took her hand in his, and she pulled it away. “Please, Veronica. Please talk to me.”

  She sucked in a deep breath and swiped her hand across wet cheeks.

  “Have I done something to upset you?” he asked, pleading with her to speak.

  “No.” She shook her head and took another sip of iced tea.

  “I came over here tonight to tell you I care about you,” he said. “I think about you all the time, and I want to get to know you better.”

  Veronica focused her attention on her glass, and his throat dried. This wasn’t the reaction he’d hoped to see.

  “Do you care about me?” Jason asked, his voice small and unsure.

  She looked at him, and her expression was full of pain. “I can’t do this,” she whispered as more tears trickled down her cheeks.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I can’t be with you. I’m not ready.” She stood and placed the glass on the tray before lifting it. “I’m sorry, Jason.” She opened the front door and stepped inside.

  “Veronica, wait.” He jumped up and rushed to the door. “Let’s talk about this. I didn’t mean to pressure you.” His body trembled with anxiety.

  “It’s not you. It’s me.” She sniffed. “Wait here. I’ll get your mother’s pie.” She disappeared into the house and returned a moment later with two pies wrapped in aluminum foil. She opened the door and handed them to him. “Give these to your mamm. I’m sorry, Jason. I have to go. Gut nacht.”

  “Wait.” Jason stuck his foot on the threshold to stop the closing screen door. “Please talk to me.”

  Veronica blinked and tried to swallow her emotion. “I’m not ready. I told you, every time I close my eyes, I see Seth. I can’t date someone else while I’m still grieving for Seth. I’m sorry.”

  “I care about you, Veronica. Let me help you through your grief.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “No one can help me. You should go see Mary. She cares for you. I could see it
in her eyes when she caught us talking last week, and I think I saw it again today. You should give her a chance.” Her voice was shaky. “Don’t waste your time on me.” A sob broke in her throat, and she backed away from the door. “Gut nacht.”

  As she disappeared into the house, Jason’s emotions were once again destroyed, just as they had been when he saw the depth of grief Seth’s mother and sister were experiencing at the visitation. He had felt Veronica’s grief that day, too, but had hoped she would let him help her through it now that they were friends.

  He didn’t want to date Mary; he only wanted to see Veronica. How could he make Veronica see she should give their relationship a chance? Wouldn’t Seth want her to be happy again?

  VERONICA’S SOBS SOUNDED THROUGH THE HOUSE AS SHE raced up the stairs to her room. When she reached her bed, she flopped onto it and hugged Seth’s quilt to her chest. The rain beat a loud cadence on the roof above her.

  She’d wanted to tell Jason yes. In fact, she almost had said yes, but then she remembered the promise she’d made to Seth the day he’d proposed to her—that she’d love him for the rest of her life—and she couldn’t move on just because his life had ended. Not yet.

  At the same time, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jason and the pain she’d seen in his eyes when she’d told him she couldn’t see him. She’d not only hurt him, but she’d also caused more pain to herself as well. Veronica felt her own spirit break as she told him to see Mary. The idea of him with another girl caused her skin to crawl, but she couldn’t bring herself to say yes to him.

  Veronica cared about Jason more than she wanted to admit. Her rejection had pained him deeply, and she’d never meant to hurt him. She didn’t want to push him away, but she also couldn’t lead him on. She couldn’t be his girlfriend when her emotions were a jumbled mess of grief.

  “Veronica?” Mamm’s voice sounded from the hallway. “What happened?”

  She sat up and wiped her eyes as Mamm crossed the room to her bed. “Jason came over tonight and told me he cares about me. He was about to ask me to be his girlfriend.” Her voice quaked. “I told him no before he could even get out the words. I told him every time I close my eyes I see Seth’s face. I can’t date Jason when I’m still grieving for Seth.” More tears trickled down her face. “He looked so hurt, Mamm. I couldn’t stand it, so I ran away. I know I hurt him, but I can’t let go of Seth yet. I just can’t.”