“That’s what I figured.” Their marriage had enough internal challenges without outside rumors and opinions weighing on it.
He could see Rachel’s profile from the corner of his eye. Was she ever planning to tell him? Ben noticed his knee bouncing as his foot kept tapping on the floor of the buggy. To still the restless movement, he crossed the other foot over his ankle. Did it matter whether she told him or not? It might take a while to sort out his feelings, but the knowledge wouldn’t have changed his actions.
What would Aaron think if he came back and found his brother raising his child? His fingers tightened on the reins, causing Sojourner to toss her head and jangle the bridle. Relaxing his hands, Ben reminded himself it didn’t matter who’d fathered the babe.
Still, he wanted to know.
Chapter Eight
“I’m nervous.” Rachel’s apron was wadded in her hands.
“I suppose that’s normal.” Ben rubbed his own sweaty palms together as, looking out the window, he watched the Mennonite midwife who served the district drive her car up the lane.
“I’m glad you suggested it was time to contact Mrs. Edigers. I didn’t know how long I should wait before we did. Some women wait longer when they are with child.” Dropping the apron, Rachel rested a hand on her stomach. “But maybe not with their first?”
She was chattering. Rachel never chattered. Was she worried about what the midwife’s visit might reveal? She was also looking at him like she thought he had answers. He certainly didn’t. But he wanted to. It wouldn’t change the way he felt about Rachel. Or the coming baby. But he wanted to know. Was this baby coming much sooner than they’d thought? Correction, than he thought? He glanced at Rachel’s anxious yet excited face as she watched the Mennonite woman and Hannah Bartel, an Amish woman now apprenticing with her, get out of the car. Would Rachel do that to him, knowing he would raise the child as his own, regardless of whether he was the father, or...the uncle?
Ach, hopefully they would soon know. Forcing down a swallow, he strode to the door to open it to the two women and their armloads of equipment.
Over the next fifteen minutes, Ben slowly paced the house as Mrs. Edigers asked Rachel questions regarding family history, her own health history, what she’d been eating and how she’d been feeling amongst other things while Hannah took his wife’s pulse and blood pressure. He turned his back but remained hovering at the door when Rachel lay down on the bed.
“Now what does that do?” he heard her ask.
“We’re listening for the baby’s heartbeat,” was the midwife’s calm answer.
Ben straightened from where he’d been leaning against the doorframe. A heartbeat? The thought of a separate heartbeat made the child so much more real. He twisted so he could see the trio at the bed. Mrs. Edigers had the device on Rachel’s stomach, her eyes narrowed as she listened intently. When he saw the midwife’s eyes widen, he turned fully, stiffening as he watched her shift the device to different areas of Rachel’s exposed stomach. Was everything all right? He fisted his hands. A boppeli or your boppeli didn’t matter at all as long as Rachel and the babe were all right. Please, Gott, let them be all right.
Ben released the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding in a loud exhale when the older woman’s face softened into a smile. Glancing in his direction, she winked. Ben jerked his head back. What did that mean? Had she sensed his concern and was advising him everything was okay?
The Mennonite woman straightened. Handing the device to Hannah, she nodded toward where she’d been listening. With a perplexed expression, Hannah bent over Rachel’s midsection. After a few moments, her eyes widened, as well. Ben was two steps farther into the room before he realized he was moving.
Mrs. Edigers helped shift his wife so she rested with her back against the headboard. “Rachel, good thing you’re sitting down. Maybe you want to as well, Ben. I have some big news for you.” The older woman chuckled as she patted Rachel’s shoulder. “I heard not one heartbeat, but two. You’re having twins.”
Rachel gasped as her round-eyed gaze swiveled to Ben. “Twins? Two boppeli?”
Ben dazedly figured her dropped jaw and stunned expression mirrored his. “Are you joking?”
Mrs. Edigers’s smile expanded. “Yes, two babies. No, no joke. I imagine you’ve been quite tired. That would also explain why you’re a bit bigger than you might have expected. From your measurements and what you’ve indicated, they should arrive sometime early October, as multiple babies usually come a few weeks earlier than a single pregnancy.”
Everything else the midwife was saying was lost in the buzzing in Ben’s ears. Two babies? They were going to have two babies? His heart was racing. He staggered out of the room to sink into his cushioned chair. Arriving in early October? That meant... Ben’s ears reddened. Twins in October meant he should never have doubted his wife. His fingers curled over the smooth oak arms of his chair. It didn’t matter. It wouldn’t have mattered. He would be husband to Rachel and father to the child regardless. But now, he’d be father to two. And they were his. Not his brother’s. Ben slumped with simple joy and relief at the thought. Two babies at once? His head flopped back on the chair. He didn’t know how to be a father to one.
Hopefully Gott knew what He was doing, as Ben certainly didn’t.
* * *
“How are you doing, new daed?” Still dazed ten minutes later, he hadn’t heard Hannah Bartel enter the room.
Blinking to clear his vision and rein in his galloping thoughts, Ben saw her smiling down at him. “I don’t know yet. It will take a while to sink in. I was still getting used to one boppeli. And now to have two?” He’d seen multiplies before with sheep and cattle. He’d remembered in the last few moments there were other twins in the district, but he’d never thought he’d belong in that group. His bemused grin ebbed and his brow lowered as he tried to recall any issues those with twins had experienced. Sometimes twin calves didn’t thrive. He sat up abruptly. “What does carrying two boppeli do to the mother? Will two boppeli be all right?”
“I don’t know enough at this time to give you advice on either of those questions. This is my first set of twins. But I’ll learn and I’ll let you know. I’m sure the boppeli will be smaller than a single birth. As for how it affects the mother?” Hannah shook her head. “I just don’t know yet.”
Pushing to his feet, Ben nodded vaguely. Surely Mrs. Edigers had some answers, but, whereas he’d grown up with Hannah and might discuss the topic with her, he didn’t know the midwife well enough to feel comfortable yet asking these questions. Peeking through the door to his wife’s bedroom, he saw her cradle her rounded belly in wonder. The ends of Ben’s lips tipped up at the sight. He would find out the information though. He’d do whatever was needed to take care of his family. It’s what he did.
* * *
“Maybe you should sit down. Can I get you anything?”
Rachel, standing at the sink, looked over to where Ben came in the door from doing the evening cattle chores. This was the first he’d had a chance to speak to her after their big—he raised his eyebrows at the understatement—news. He’d waved from the barn when Mrs. Edigers and Hannah left. The livestock had needed tending and he’d had too much nervous energy with the afternoon’s shocking revelation to stay put in the house.
Her smile still held more than a hint of wonder. “Physically, I feel no different than when I woke up this morning. But mentally?” Rachel shook her head. “I can’t wrap my mind around it.” She accepted Ben’s hand as he led her to sit in a chair by the table.
“Well, that explains why you are...” With his hands, Ben vaguely shaped around his stomach.
“As big as some of the milk cows on Zook’s farm?” Rachel offered helpfully.
Ben grinned as he sat across from her, “Nee. But maybe bigger than other women with child are at this stage.” Rachel eyed him quizzically. His smile d
rooping, Ben rubbed the back of his neck. “Not that I go around looking at women who might be...” Squirming, he brought his hand around to rub over his mouth and looked down, finishing in a mutter, “But you seemed bigger. And I thought...”
When he raised his head, Rachel regarded him with a frown. “You thought...” Then her eyes widened. “You thought it was Aaron’s baby,” she whispered.
Ben simply nodded. He wished to look anywhere except at her, but he knew it would be cowardly so he kept his gaze on her stark expression.
“I would never do that to you.” Her eyes were dark with hurt.
Ben wanted to reach for her. Instead, inhaling raggedly, he clasped his hands together and hid them under the table. “I... It wouldn’t have made any difference. I still would’ve married you. Regardless. I would have loved the child as my own. No difference.”
“I never... He and I never...”
Ben’s gut clenched at the tears welling in her brown depths, making her beautiful eyes glisten.
“I can’t believe you thought that of me.” Rachel’s voice trembled as much as her lower lip.
He couldn’t stand it. Ben reached out a hand toward her, for what purpose, he didn’t know. It didn’t matter anyway. Ignoring it and him, Rachel pushed to her feet and returned to the sink.
“Supper will be on the table in a few minutes if you want to take the time to wash up.” She didn’t turn. Her posture was as stiff as her voice.
With a slumped head, Ben rose from his chair and trudged to the bathroom. What he wanted to wash was his mouth out with soap. Why hadn’t he just stayed quiet about his concerns? Either way, they wouldn’t have made any difference. Was it because he was just so elated to have that concern lifted? To know he really hadn’t been used, just because he was available and had a habit of cleaning up after his brother? It wouldn’t have mattered. His actions would’ve been the same. Still, as he’d reminded himself earlier, it was better to be silent and appear a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Look where this acknowledgement had gotten him.
Now his wife was distressed. Ben turned on the water at the sink, washed his hands and splashed water on the back of his neck. Glancing in the small mirror above the sink that he used when shaving, Ben fingered the beard that marked him as a married man as he frowned at his reflection. He knew Rachel’s character from way back. Deceit wasn’t in her nature. He should’ve trusted Gott and trusted his wife. Shaking his head at his reflection, he thought back over the afternoon.
Twins! He hadn’t fully grasped the concept of one boppeli yet.
A gasp and crash from the kitchen had him bouncing off the doorjamb as he dashed from the bathroom. Hurrying across the room, he took in the plate on the floor and the sight of his wife, one hand braced on the counter and the other touching her rounded apron.
Avoiding the broken plate, Ben skidded to a halt before her. “Are you all right!”
She turned toward him with a dazed expression. “I think so.”
“What happened?” Ben bent to pick up the pieces of the broken plate and carry them to the trash.
“I think I felt...” Rachel’s cheeks and the shell of her ears, exposed by her kapp, were a charming pink. “I think I felt the boppeli move.”
Taking a step back, Ben braced his hip on the table. He needed the support of four legs as his two were unsteady. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not too sure of anything right now, but I’ve never felt anything like it before. According to Mrs. Edigers, I should be able to feel them soon.” She gave a breathless giggle. “I guess this is soon.”
Ben sagged more heavily against the table, gazing in amazement at his wife’s midsection. First a heartbeat, and now movement. The vague concept that’d prompted their marriage was becoming real at the speed of stampeding cattle. Lifting a hand toward her, he instantly jerked it back. Crossing his arms, he tucked his palms into his armpits to keep from touching her.
Rachel didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t feel it on the outside. Only on the—” if possible, her cheeks turned even more crimson “—inside. It’s a sort of fluttering. Like a butterfly.” She shook her head. “Two. Oh, my...” Astonishment faded to be replaced by the dawning of concern. “The midwife said they’d be smaller than a single baby. I hope they’re all right.”
“I know. But whatever happens is Gott’s will.” Even as he said the words, Ben couldn’t help hoping it be Gott’s will that the two, becoming more real and so precious to him, would be safe and healthy, even if he didn’t know what to do with them once they arrived. But one thing he knew he should and could do, was make it right with their mother.
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I should never have thought...” Ben’s shoulders lifted in a guilty sigh “...what I did. I should’ve known you’d never do something like that. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”
With a glance at a few plate chips remaining on the linoleum floor, she carefully stepped around him to get the broom and dustpan from the closet. Dropping his arms and straightening from the table, Ben took the dustpan from her to squat down and place it next to the plate pieces on the floor. When the broom didn’t move, he looked up to see a rueful twist on Rachel’s lips.
“Was it because of the rumors?”
He couldn’t prevent a wince. “You heard about those?”
The broom went into brisk motion. “I think that was the intention.”
After the last whisks into the dustpan, he rose and dumped the contents in the trash. He met Rachel at the closet door. Reaching out, she grabbed the edge of the dustpan and held it between them until she had his full attention.
“Denki. And you’re forgiven.” She put the tool away and shut the closet door. “I know Plain people don’t generally speak about a woman with child. That doesn’t mean some aren’t thinking and watching. And given my size, you probably aren’t the only one to think what you did.”
Still whirling with relief at her first words, Ben almost didn’t hear her last ones. When he didn’t speak, Rachel grimaced. “I’m sorry on that, as it affects you, as well.”
He shook his head. “I can handle myself.” Recalling his conversation with Lydia, a slow smile slid over his face. “And I don’t think that person will be saying anything more.” As for him, he wouldn’t doubt his wife again. “What do you want to do now? Let this news trickle into community knowledge? Or let them continue to wonder?”
Rachel grinned impishly. “I’m tempted to let them continue to wonder.” Her expression faded a bit as she continued, “But if they’ve heard the rumors, I don’t want to do that to my family or yours. Besides,” her bright smile returned, “I can’t wait to let my mamm know she’ll be a grossmammi to two.”
“I wouldn’t mind telling my folks the news, as well. We’ll let things go from there as they will then.” Although he longed to do more, Ben limited himself to taking one of her delicate, deceptively strong hands in his. “And Rachel, one, two or ten boppeli, I know you’ll make a wunderbar mother.”
She blushed, her hand momentarily tightening on his. “Gut thing I helped care for my younger schweschder and little bruder when I was growing up.”
“You have the advantage over me. I have far more younger siblings than you, but I have to admit, when they squalled or smelled, I’d race out of the house to the barn, leaving Sarah to help Mamm while I shadowed Daed and—” Ben caught himself before he said Aaron’s name. His gut clenched as he cleared his throat. “And learned what to do in the barn and fields.” He forced a grin. “If there’s anything with the boppeli that requires a pitchfork or feed bucket, make sure you let me know.”
“I think with two, you’ll be called upon to learn a few new things.”
“With two,” Ben echoed, shaking his head. His smile became natural. “Oh, help.”
Rachel nodded understandingly at the common Amish phrase. “Oh, help indeed.”
&nbs
p; Sharing a warm gaze that jolted Ben almost as much as news of the twins, they slowly released their clasped hands. Rachel turned to the cupboard to get a plate to replace the broken one. Ben sat in his chair and eyed the contents on the table. The potatoes were no longer steaming. The gravy looked a bit congealed. The dressing had slid off the cucumbers. But to Ben, it seemed like the best meal he’d had in a long, long time. It was the first one where it finally seemed there was just him and Rachel in the marriage, without his brother’s shadow hanging over them.
Chapter Nine
Rachel glanced out the kitchen window at the clatter of hooves coming up the lane. She smiled when she recognized her sister Rebecca’s rig. Rinsing the quart jar she’d just washed, she set it upside down on the rack to dry and shook the water off her hands. Grabbing a dish towel, she finished wiping them as she walked to the door. Rachel’s smile dimmed at the expression on her sister’s face as Rebecca hurried up the steps.
“Is everything all right? Is Mamm okay? And Amos?”
“Ja, ja. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Rebecca gave her a quick hug as she came through the door. When Rachel closed it behind her and followed her into the kitchen, Rebecca withdrew an envelope from the waistband of her apron.
“This came for you at home. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do with it. Or whom you might want to see it. So I brought it right over.”
Brows furrowed, Rachel took the long white envelope from her sister’s outstretched hand. She stiffened as her fingers pinched the slender missive. Although there was no return address, Rachel recognized the handwriting that scrawled her maiden name and previous address across the front of the envelope. He’d written her before a few times while they’d been walking out. Why would Aaron send her a letter now, after all this time?
She looked up to find Rebecca watching her expectantly. With a tight smile, Rachel shook her head. “I’ll read it later.” She tucked it into the waistband of her own apron. Her sister’s expression briefly revealed her disappointment but she nodded understandably.
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