by Alisa Woods
But not once was she tempted to flee into her misty world. She and Ren comforted the babies, who jumped with every thump… but Eden worried mostly about Razael. He was trying to trap Elyon—Erelah had explained the eternal dark place Razael wanted to send him—and if anyone could do it, Razael could. But it if was possible to send Elyon there, then there had to be a danger to Razael as well.
It seemed impossible that anything could harm an angel—but apparently, there was. And she was just starting to be whole enough to maybe love again… she couldn’t bear the idea of Razael not coming back to her.
That kiss… she knew he wanted her. And, amazingly, she wanted him too. Desire was something she thought hopelessly tarnished by what Elyon had done to her.
I need you to teach me what love is supposed to feel like. She’d meant every word of that. And Razael was the one. His every blessing, his every action, what he was doing right now—all of it built her up, restored her, made her feel safe. There would never be a man—angel or human—who could match all he’d given her so far. It was probably greedy to want more—to want his lips on hers, his hands on her, that sweet, inexpressible feeling of love to wrap around her—but she did want it. And the mere wanting of it was a miracle all its own. She would grab hold of that—and him—if he let her.
Plus she wanted to show him what love was supposed to feel like.
Maybe she would just be a stand-in for the long-gone woman he truly loved. Maybe he would never feel for her this feather-light, heady feeling she had—the thing that lifted her heart and said she didn’t merely desire this impossibly beautiful man. This was no mere Lust like Erelah had described. Eden had seen the darkness of Lust—been abused by it, broken by it. She understood that all too well. What she felt for Razael was the antithesis of that—like a mirror held up to the ugly cravenness of Lust and reflecting back the beautiful and holy version. She was in love with Razael’s soul, and her desire grew out of that like a flower that opens in the presence of the sun.
But Razael’s flower was broken. Something inside him broke when he fell from the Light, and more than passionate kisses or the warm blanket of his blessings, the thing she wanted most from him was the chance to set that right. Even if just once—to prove to him, so he could prove to himself, that no matter the color of his wings, he wasn’t riddled with all the Sins Erelah had listed off.
Razael was the most un-Sinful being she had ever met.
She knew the truth of that deep in her soul—she just needed him to come back so she could convince him of it.
The wait was killing her.
She and Ren occupied themselves with the babies, but they both kept stealing glances at the front door. Laylah and her legion of angelings were outside, providing the last bastion of protection should things go wrong. If they had gone wrong, Laylah would have come bursting through the door. And Eden could, in theory, go open the door and ask. But Razael’s last words were to “lock the door,” so she didn’t want to mess with their plans.
But it had been long minutes since the thumping had stopped.
“Do you think they got him?” Ren asked, quietly, her eyes focused on Eva as she bounced in her seat. Ralphie was sprawled out on a baby blanket on the floor, having belly time and working on lifting his head. Ren and Eden were both sitting on the floor with the babies.
“I don’t know.” Eden shrugged. Neither of them knew. Obviously. “Do you think Micah will come?”
Ren looked up, startled. “I… I don’t know.”
“If he did…” Eden pressed her lips together. Should she even bring it up? It might not matter—except it mattered to Ren. “Would you still want to see him?”
Ren winced and dropped her gaze. “I don’t know. I mean…” She picked at the carpet. “He didn’t say much when he came with Elyon before.”
Eden had been frozen in terror, but she remembered seeing Micah by Ren’s side. Micah had pledged to help Razael, but it was a strange promise—like maybe he might help, but definitely not at that moment. Or something. He’d left without Ren.
She and Ren hadn’t discussed it.
“Do you think he loves you?” Eden asked carefully.
But then Ren’s face scrunched up, and she seemed to be fighting tears—which was definitely not what Eden intended. “That’s just it.” Ren sniffed and rubbed at her nose. “I don’t know if he even…” She looked up and met Eden’s gaze. “He’s Elyon’s son. How much can Micah really know about love?”
Eden’s heart hurt for her. “For what it’s worth, I think he loves you as much as he can.” She really didn’t know, one way or another. She’d just gotten her footing back in the real world again—and she barely understood angels, much less angelings. Analyzing Eden’s absent baby-daddy was beyond her. “The real question is—do you love him?” She knew that was the most important part—that meant either heartbreak or moving on for her lovely sister-friend. She and Ren would be raising their babies together—they were family. And Eden would be there for Ren in whatever way she needed.
Ren shook her head, sniffing and staring at the floor. But that wasn’t a no. “I don’t know anymore,” she whispered.
Eden reached over to lay her hand on Ren’s, the one picking at the carpet. “It’s okay. You don’t have to figure that out, at least not right away. You just have to know one thing.”
Ren looked up, tears shining in her eyes. “What’s that?”
Eden smiled. “That we’re a family. And family sticks together.”
Ren’s tears crested and dripped down her face. “Awww… don’t go getting all mushy on me! I’ve got pregnant-lady hormones.” But she was smiling again. She leaned forward to give Eden a hug, which Eden returned. Hard. And wished she’d been a little more together before to help Ren through this. But Eden had her own healing she had to do first. It was what it was.
A knock came at the door. Two quick raps—the signal Laylah had established for Everything’s okay, but we’re opening the door now, don’t panic.
The door swung open. Laylah scuttled in to hold it then watched as Razael entered.
Something was wrong.
Eden could tell the moment she saw him. His shoulders were bowed, and he seemed to be looking deep into the distance, even as he slowly stepped into the great room. She and Ren scrambled up to standing. Laylah gave Razael a pinched look, then went back outside with the rest of her angeling troops, closing the door.
“What’s wrong?” Eden asked. She stumbled forward, trying to catch his gaze.
He finally focused it on her. Then he looked at Ren. Finally, he dropped his gaze to the babies. Then back to her again. “Elyon escaped.”
Eden’s stomach clenched, but she’d already figured as much. Yet Razael was still here… so it couldn’t be too horrible. Could it?
“Will he come back for us?” Ren asked.
Razael frowned. “Probably not. At least… not right away.” He was holding back like there was a great tide of terrible that he was keeping at bay by not speaking its name.
“Why not?” Eden asked.
That seemed to break something inside him. He flinched and gave her a desperate look. “Because I’ve given him a way to win the war, and that will occupy him for a while.”
Win the war? Eden swallowed. Okay, perhaps it was worse than she thought.
“What does that mean?” Ren’s voice hiked up.
“I promise I will do everything to keep you safe,” Razael rushed out. He was saying it to Ren, but he meant all of them. He faced Eden. “You are safest here. Especially now that the war may proceed quickly. How quickly is… anyone’s guess.”
“But we’re safe here,” Eden repeated, mostly for Ren’s benefit. “Because of the dragons and their wards.”
“Yes.” His expression twisted with anguish. “Elyon will have every member of the shadow realm behind him now. He’ll attack my Regiment first, I am sure, but he won’t stop there. He’ll go after the Light angels and the fae. And when that happens…�
� He winced again.
Ren’s eyes went wide. “The Warrior Angels will come out of hibernation.” She explained to Eden, “Micah told me. He said they had to be careful how they fought the war because it would be a disaster if it came to that.”
Eden frowned. “What kind of disaster?” She looked to Razael, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“The kind where everyone dies.” Ren’s distress was zooming up. “The Warrior Angels will kill everyone in shadow.”
Which meant Micah.
“The angelings will be killed,” Razael said dully. “It is a better fate than awaits the angels in shadow.”
Alarm tripped through Eden. “What happens to them?”
“We’ll be sent to the same place I just tried to send Elyon.” He sighed. “An eternal torment. It’s our Penance for challenging the Light angels—the one thing we’re forbidden to do.”
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Eden protested. “You were trying to stop him!”
“It matters not.” He was peering into that infinite place again, but then suddenly focused on her. “But you should be safe. Your babies are in the Light. You are protected by the wards. Let the war rage around you, and let us in shadow burn ourselves out. It is only what we deserve. And you will be free of us all.”
What? “No.” She shook her head in a small, fast motion. “That’s not… that’s not what I want.”
“I know.” He frowned like he was pained, but he was peering deeply at her, the way he did when he was looking at her soul. It seemed like that was hurting him somehow. “You and your Virtues, my love.”
My love. Her heart ached and swelled simultaneously. She didn’t know what to say to that. Ren looked distressed as well—she may not know whether or not she loved Micah, but Eden was certain she didn’t want him slain by Warrior Angels.
“What do we do?” Ren asked. Eva was fussing, so Ren picked her up.
“There’s nothing for you to do,” Razael said with a sigh. “Remain in the keep. Raise your angelings. Live your lives.” He turned to Eden. “Know that I tried.”
No, no, no. That sounded too much like goodbye. “What about you?”
“My place is on the battlefield.” He said it like a weight was pulling him down into a deep chasm.
“No.” Eden shook her head again, refusing to even consider that.
“Eden, my love—”
“No. Not yet.” She reached for his hand.
He let her take it, a bemused and kind of sad expression on his face. “If you ask for a blessing before I go, I’ll be powerless to say no.”
She was counting on that. “Then don’t say no.” She turned and towed him toward the hallway. Ren could watch the babies for a while. The war could wait. Eden refused to believe nothing could be done, no way that the war could be won, or that everything was lost. She simply refused—based on nothing more than it was so wrong. After all that had happened to her, after Razael bringing her back from literal death and that dark emotional place which killed her long before, she refused to believe nothing could be done to save him and the others who were good at heart—the ones who fought against the darkness with everything they had.
As Razael allowed her to lead him down the hallway and then to her bedroom, she vowed that, no matter if evil won out in the end, she would have this moment with him. She would show him her love and help him heal the broken part inside, just as he’d done with her. Maybe they would have only this one time—this one moment—but if she knew anything, she knew this: Love was stronger than evil. Stronger even than death. Love had kept her alive, and now she would make sure Razael lived at least one moment in the bright shine of her love, too.
She pulled him into her room and closed the door.
When she faced him, his expression had turned weary.
“I will do the best I can,” he said, his voice tired in a way that said he already had half a foot on the path to death and destruction. “I’m not sure my blessing is worth much to you now.”
“You are worth everything to me.” How easily the words came to her now.
His expression opened a little in surprise.
“Do you think I don’t know?” She still held his hand—warm and soft and large in hers, but not overly so. Human-sized. Even though he was so much more.
“Know what?” He seemed dazed.
She took his other hand in hers. “How good you are. How kind and patient and gentle.” She eased closer, her two hands in his, peering up at him.
He just frowned down at her. “You don’t know—”
“But I do.” She wouldn’t let him wiggle out of this part. “I don’t have to see souls to know yours is made of Virtues.” She snuggled up to him, as far as her baby bump would allow.
His expression softened, and he released one of her hands to cup her cheek. “Any Virtue you see in me is just a reflection of what’s beaming from you, my love. You’re the brilliant soul in this room, not me.”
“You’re wrong.” She used her free hand to explore his chest, her fingers skimming the hot, silky-soft skin under the loose black silk of his toga.
His eyes blazed as he watched her fingers. “You have no idea how much I want that to be true.” He released her cheek to reclaim her hand, bringing her fingertips to his mouth. He just brushed them across his lips, but the surge of pleasure through her made her suck in a breath. His eyelids were half closed, and she fervently hoped that same pulse of pleasure went through him. “Then maybe I’d be worthy of you,” he murmured. He still held her fingers, brushing them along his lips, eyes closing more with pleasure.
“You are,” she insisted. Then she pulled her other hand from his and let it roam his chest.
He stopped the gentle non-kissing of her fingers and blazed a warning look down at her, full of heat.
“Do you know how I know?” she asked before he could object.
“You are mistaken,” he said, roughly. “And if you keep touching me like that, Eden…” He trailed off as a shudder rippled through him. She could feel it, the solid muscles of his chest twitching under her touch.
“Like this?” She tugged her fingers from his hold and explored his face with just the tips, skimming them along his cheekbone, his jaw, his lips again, and then down his throat.
He closed his eyes and let out a long exhale. It was the most erotic thing she’d seen in a long time.
“I know you’re worthy of me,” she whispered, bringing her attention down to the broad expanse of his chest. She wanted to just taste him—so she did, leaning into him enough to nuzzle her face and lips against the smooth, hot skin of his chest.
He gasped and twitched in the most satisfying way.
Then he cupped her cheek and pulled her head away, blazing the most intense stare down at her. “Eden.” His eyes were a little wild, and his breath ragged.
She held his cheek in the same way, staring deep into his eyes. “You’re worthy of me because you saved me. And you saved the one thing I have always wanted—my baby. You dared to give me a love I desperately needed… even if you just called it a blessing.”
“It was my love,” he whispered. Then the pain returned to his eyes. “But I can’t give you this. It will be too much for me. It will tear me apart with a need for more and more—”
“Then let it tear you apart.” Her breath was becoming ragged, too. She reached behind his neck, pulling him down to her while lifting up on her toes, reaching for him with her lips. “Give me your love, Razael. All of it. I need this from you.”
His gasp was half a cry—a surrender that surged her heart. Then he crashed down his lips on hers, and it wasn’t just her heart that flooded with heat, but her entire being. He was breathing into her and kissing her and holding her body against his, all at once. It was a life kiss and hot kiss—and she was on fire with it. She clawed at him, and he bunched her hair in his hand, tilting her head to possess her mouth more deeply. The flood of energy and life into her was so enervating, she was floating. The heat betwe
en her legs was fast becoming a crying ache.
Then the life kiss ended, and he broke the real kiss. “Angels in heaven,” he whispered against her lips, but his hold on her didn’t slacken. “I am a fool.” But he lifted her from the floor and walked her backward toward the bed. Her heart nearly burst with excitement. He kissed her again on the way, and it was just his flesh against hers, the heat of his lips, the urgency of his tongue. Her feet were swept off the floor, and then he was gently carrying her into the bed, his hands cradling her head and supporting the small of her back. He lifted her and laid her back, then he broke the kiss and held his body off hers, gazing down at her with such love she felt like the sun was shining just for her.
“You deserve everything there is to have in this world, Eden, my wonder, my love.” He was murmuring to her, staring deeply into her eyes as he said those magical words, but his hand… it was traveling along her body, gently touching her neck, squeezing her breast, slipping beneath her white blouse to caress her baby bump. Her hands splayed across his chest, the heat of which was seeping through her clothes. She wanted hers off… and what little he had needed to go, too… but he just nudged aside her black stretchy pants and slipped his hand between her legs—
Oh. She arched up into him, squeezing her eyes shut. “Oh, God.” She lost all sense of the world as his fingers brushed her swollen sex. With just that one touch, she was halfway to orgasm. “Razael!” she gasped.
Her sudden cry stilled his hand. “Was that too much, my love?”
She opened her eyes again and stared at him. “What in the—” That was unlike anything she’d ever felt with a man between her legs. Or anything, to be honest.
His smile was heat, and his eyes promised more. “I was made to Love, sweet Eden.” The barest stroke from his fingers against her flesh surged pleasure through her again, making her gasp. “Being angel just makes it easier to know how to adore you.”
Oh, God. She would melt from the heat in his eyes—or in his fingertips teasing her. But he was finally enjoying this—loving her without guilt—and she wanted him to go there all the way.