by Nancy Holder
“I’m sorry, Kat,” she added, her voice wavering. “Sorry you’ve been dragged into all this.”
“I know,” Katelyn said sincerely. “And I’m sorry for you, too.”
“Thank you,” Cordelia murmured. “I’ve never had a friend like you before.”
Katelyn smiled, but it was a sad smile. “Me neither, Cordelia.” Which was the truth. She didn’t think it was possible, but she hung up feeling even worse for Cordelia than for herself.
Since Katelyn had a car now, Trick didn’t need to chauffeur her to school on Monday. And she was relieved beyond the telling that she didn’t have to face him first thing in the morning.
He met her in the parking lot, though, regarding her cautiously as he handed her the shoes she’d left at the party. She took them with a nod and dropped them into her car. She was quiet, guarded. And he didn’t push, but strangely, she almost wished he would.
To her intense relief, Cordelia was there and turning in their final paper when she got to history. They gave each other a tight hug, and after class, they walked toward the gym.
“Are you okay?” Katelyn asked.
Cordelia grimaced. “Things are … tense … at home. How about you?”
“I’m—”
Before Katelyn could answer, someone crashed into her from behind, sending her careering into Cordelia. As Katelyn regained her balance, she saw Mike barreling ahead of her, shoving others out of the way as well. Anger exploded within her. She jumped forward, ready to chase him down and deck him. She was going to grind her heel into his face, but Cordelia grabbed her shoulders and yanked her back before she could take off.
“Let me go.” Katelyn struggled to break out of her friend’s tight grip.
“Even if you do manage to hurt him, the war will never end.”
Katelyn turned to glare at Cordelia, a retort on her lips, but it was choked off when she saw the naked fear in her friend’s eyes.
“What?” she asked.
Cordelia swallowed hard. “Increased aggression … that’s not a good sign.”
Katelyn pressed her trembling hands to her face, feeling her smooth skin, her jaw and cheekbones. “I’m turning, aren’t I?” She felt human to her touch but was sick to her soul. What was happening to her?
“I don’t know, but it would make sense.”
“You sure Mike’s not … one? What if he’s just by himself, not in your pack?”
“That’d be nice,” Cordelia replied with a sour smile. “Lone werewolves don’t last long.” Her voice was strained, and Katelyn picked up on it.
“What’s wrong?”
“That would be like a nightmare. I can’t even imagine being without a pack.” Cordelia swallowed hard. “If my father picks someone else to be our new alpha … like Justin … I don’t know what will happen to me.”
That surprised Katelyn. “Justin wouldn’t make you go away, would he?”
“We shouldn’t talk about this here,” Cordelia murmured.
Katelyn took a deep breath. It seemed there was nowhere they could talk.
Each passing day, each hour, each minute, Katelyn examined herself for more signs of impending transformation. She dreamed about Justin and Trick and silver and wolves and Kimi. She dreamed about her father and mother and woke up in tears. She asked Cordelia a couple of times to bring her the Switliski book, but she kept “forgetting.”
Katelyn and Trick managed to avoid discussing Halloween—or much of anything, for that matter. He was always there, though, always looking concerned about her. And he was right to be concerned. The dreams continued, stranger, and more violent. As the days ticked by to the full moon, she realized just how much her life was on hold until she knew.
One way or the other.
Her birthday came. Seventeen. It should have felt as if her whole life was before her instead of behind her. When she went downstairs that morning, she was surprised to find her grandfather had made strawberry pancakes in the shape of hearts. He looked proud and a little embarrassed at the same time and it made her smile.
“Thank you,” she said, throwing her arms around his neck.
“Happy birthday, honey.”
She shut her eyes against her tears. She had dreamed of a big, amazing life—performing and traveling the world. When she’d been dragged to Arkansas, she’d felt as if her life was over.
And at seventeen, she was now afraid that it really was.
At school, Trick wished her a happy birthday and said he’d drop her present by sometime over the weekend. The thought of the bust he was sculpting of her mother just made her want to cry more for all she had lost and all that she might be about to lose.
Days before the full moon had become hours; in a blur of fear and frustration, she counted them down as the moment of truth came rushing up at her.
When the sun rose Friday morning, Katelyn cursed it. It was the last sunrise she might see as a normal girl. She tried going back to sleep, but she could hear the sound of her grandfather’s boots on the stairs. She flipped over and put her pillow over her ears. Minutes later, though, the smell of breakfast cooking drove her to her feet.
She quickly padded downstairs and entered the kitchen.
“Morning,” she murmured.
“Morning,” her grandfather said. “Your oatmeal will be done in a moment.” He handed her a cup of coffee.
“What are you having?” she asked, sipping it.
“Scrambled eggs and bacon.”
“That sounds good,” she said, still tired.
He gave her a look. “The eggs?”
She shrugged. “No, the bacon.”
“Are you feeling all right?” he asked her.
“Yeah,” she said, then stopped. Fear skittered through her. Meat smelled good. She had just about asked him for some.
“Well, I suppose that’s progress,” he said with a grin. “By the way, the Subaru’s got a flat, and I don’t trust the spare—not for you. It looks soft. So I called Trick and he’s coming to pick you up.”
Her heart skipped in her chest. “What?”
“I figured it’ll work out fine, since you’re spending the night at Cordelia’s.”
She’d told him a couple of days earlier that Cordelia had invited her for an overnight. It was sort of true. She didn’t know where she was actually going to be, just that Cordelia had promised to take her far away from the pack’s hunting grounds.
She began to panic. “Is he already on his way? Maybe you could take me—”
“I reckon he is.” He frowned. “You still got boy problems?”
There was no way she wanted to talk about it. She’d worked hard not to spend too much alone time together with her grandfather so they wouldn’t have to talk about what was going on with her. She didn’t trust herself not to break down around either him or Trick.
When she’d finished pretending to eat, she went back upstairs and slowly got dressed. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw the fear and uncertainty in her eyes. Anyone who looked at her for more than a second wouldn’t be able to help seeing them, too. She vowed not to let Trick or her grandfather really look at her as she left the house.
Trick was quiet on the drive. He didn’t play music. He didn’t talk to her. She squinted against the light of the new day streaming through the windshield. It seemed brighter to her, more garish, and she wished she’d brought sunglasses.
As they neared the school, her hearing went into overdrive. Even inside the Mustang, the voices and engines and radios overwhelmed her. She clenched her hands together and tried to get a grip.
“You okay?” Trick asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Just not feelin’ school today, I guess,” she answered, grinning weakly.
He pulled into the lot and parked, and before he could say anything else, she pushed open the door and climbed out. Without looking back at him, she began to walk. Noise bombarded her. But Trick’s voice was absent from the tumult.
It was insane to her that s
he was in school on this day. She just had to hope that the act of going through her daily routine like everything was normal would help it feel normal, be normal. She knew it was crazy, but crazy was the only game in town.
She walked into her history class and froze just inside the door. Cordelia wasn’t there. Someone shoved past her and she forced herself to move, take her seat. She turned and stared at the door. It’s okay, sometimes I get here before her, she thought, trying to calm herself. But she could feel the panic winning. She needed Cordelia that day more than ever. She wouldn’t blow me off now, would she?
She could hardly stay in her seat. Pulling out her cell phone, she texted her. There was no reply.
The bell rang. No Cordelia.
“Good morning, people,” Mr. Henderson said. “I’m still going over your projects, so don’t ask about your grades.”
She turned around, realizing Cordelia wasn’t coming to class. Beau caught her eye, nodded at her. Her vision telescoped. In extreme close-up, she saw Beau’s jaw and ear—the individual pores and hairs of soft stubble. A wave of panic washed over her.
It’s happening. It’s happening.
Beau looked at her strangely, as if he thought she was trying to tell him something.
“Mr. Henderson,” she said, turning back around, shooting her hand into the air. “I’m not feeling well. Maybe I should see Mrs. Walker.”
He looked concerned. “Okay, sure.”
She grabbed her bag and ran to the bathroom, where she splashed cold water on her face. Her heart was hammering away in her chest and she felt like her throat was closing. She could barely breathe. And yet she could smell the cleanser that the janitor used on the mirror, the minerals in the water.
I can’t do this. I can’t go through school today, not like this! She closed her eyes. She didn’t have a car, which meant getting either Trick or her grandfather to take her home. And either way, she’d have questions to answer, and she’d have to come up with some fake illness that would still allow her to leave the house that night.
There was no use denying what was happening. She could feel every square inch of her skin where the air molecules touched it, and it terrified her.
When she had no more tears left, she washed her face. After a moment’s hesitation, she trudged toward the gym, hoping to find a quiet place in the bleachers to sit until class started. There was no way she was going to go see Mrs. Walker. What would she say? I’m going to turn into a werewolf in a few hours. Do you have a pill for that?
Halfway to the gym, her phone vibrated. She felt a wave of tremendous relief as she saw Cordelia’s name in the caller ID plate. She accepted the call and, turning toward the wall, whispered fiercely, “Where are you?”
“I’m making sure everything is ready. How are you feeling?”
“It’s happening. I know it. I can feel it. And I’m so scared.”
Cordelia caught her breath. “I’ll help you get through this. I’ll be with you every step of the way, no matter what this is.”
“Okay,” Katelyn said, trying to choke down her fear.
“That’s what friends do. They back you up, no matter what. Right?”
Katelyn was grateful for her words, but something seemed off. Cordelia’s voice was tense. “Is there something wrong?”
“I’m trying to make sure I’m excused from the hunt,” Cordelia said. “That’s why I stayed home. I told my dad I’m sick, but he said he knows I’m afraid to hunt, because of …” Her voice trailed off.
“The Hellhound.” Katelyn paced. She suddenly couldn’t stop moving. If it had been the Hellhound that had bitten Katelyn, what would she become?
“Kat, even if it didn’t attack you, what if it comes for me while we’re alone? I’ve crossed all kinds of lines. I’m in the wrong.”
Or me? Katelyn thought. Her throat went dry, and she found she couldn’t make a sound. I’m not supposed to have happened. I’m the thing that’s wrong.
Katelyn licked her lips. “Do you think we should just tell your father?”
“No!” Cordelia shouted into the phone. “No. He’s—he’s so bad today, Kat. He’s just raging. Listen, let me tell you where to meet me. That’ll be less sneaking around—”
“I don’t have my car.” She heard the panic in her own voice.
Cordelia pondered. “Okay. I’ll pick you up after school.” She lowered her voice and added hurriedly, “I have to go.”
She hung up.
The day dragged on until finally it was lunch. Katelyn carried her sandwich and apple into the lunchroom. Immediately, Trick rose from his table of friends and took her hand. She resisted, but he pulled hard, and rather than make a scene, she finally went with him. They left the room and Trick led her to a private corner under the stained-glass window. The saint gazed down at them; beside him, the blue-eyed wolf looked on, too.
“Hey,” Trick said. “So let’s do it.”
She blinked. “Excuse me?” She tried to focus on what he was saying.
“Talk about what happened. You liked it. And then you ran off. And ever since then, you’ve been looking like you’re going to be hung by the neck until dead.”
“Trick,” she began, relieved that that was all he wanted to talk about. How she wished she could tell him what was happening to her. Cordelia had been a werewolf her entire life. How could she possibly understand what Katelyn was about to lose?
“We need to talk,” he said, trying to look in her eyes.
She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I know, just not … now.”
“Listen to me. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m here for you. Katelyn.”
She believed him. Maybe because when she glanced up, he looked so sincere or maybe because she needed to badly. She didn’t know. But she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and touching his cheek. Something flickered in his eyes and then she leaned forward and kissed him.
She pulled back immediately.
I shouldn’t have done that.
But then he was pulling her toward him, kissing her. And it felt good and right. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body close to his. It was what she wanted, and she needed him, needed this.
He pulled away, holding her at arm’s length. His skin was flushed.
“You know how much I want you. But not like this. There’s something wrong. And I know you’re not telling me what it is. I care about you too much to let you do something you’re going to regret later. When you’re ready to trust me … when you’re ready to let me help you … then I won’t stop kissing you. Not ever.”
He touched her cheek, looked deeply into her eyes. “Do you understand?” he asked her.
Her mind shot ahead to a dozen mini-scenarios of the two of them together—in school, at his house, at prom. Impossibilities collided with daydreams, ignoring the present. For a moment she felt safe.
Then the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and the moment ended.
“Trick,” she whispered, “I have to go.”
“You can be late for class,” he insisted. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t be late,” she replied as reality came crashing in on her.
She turned and walked away as fast as she could, not daring to look back.
She didn’t know how she made it through the rest of her classes. She didn’t even remember having been in them by the time she headed to the parking lot after the last one.
Cordelia’s truck was idling at the curb; Katelyn walked to it, wanting to collapse with every step she took. The anguish of the past weeks, months, beating down on her.
She climbed in, and as they headed away from the school, Katelyn began to sob hysterically, the fear washing over her anew.
“I know, baby,” Cordelia said. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
She didn’t know how long they drove; she just sort of came to when Cordelia stopped the car and turned off the engine.
“We’re here,” she said somberly.
They were
deep in the forest. At least, Katelyn thought they were.
“My father lost his temper and ordered me not to come with the pack tonight,” Cordelia said. “Which works out great for us now, but …” Her voice trailed off as she gathered up her hair. “Oh, Kat, he’s so mad at me.” She sounded despondent, and Katelyn became even more afraid.
“I hate how dark it is,” Katelyn said, staring out through the windshield.
“The moon will rise,” Cordelia murmured as she collected a green duffel bag from behind the seat. Then they got out and the smells of the forest assaulted Katelyn. The burgundy-velvet and crimson leaves piled beneath the trees looked so soft and inviting she wanted to lie down in them and go to sleep, waking when the nightmare was over.
She followed Cordelia around a couple of dense thickets of trees and came to a clearing. Sunlight filtered through the canopy of leaves. Yellow flowers that looked like lilies and hot pink blossoms grew around the edges; and the grass was still lush and green. Overhead she could see the indigo sky and she marveled at the peace and the silence. She breathed in deeply, wishing she could make it a part of herself.
“Why here?” Katelyn asked.
“It’s far from the pack’s hunting grounds. We never come here, so I figured we would be safe.” She jerked. “Safe from them, anyway.”
“Thank you. No matter what happens, thank you.” Katelyn was still terrified, but she was also intensely grateful to have Cordelia with her, looking out for her.
“You’re welcome. Hey, I brought you something to eat,” Cordelia said with a bit of cheer. She pulled some foil-wrapped packages and two bottles of sports water from the duffel bag. “And a blanket. It’s going to get cold.” The blanket was blue-and-white plaid fringed with darker blue.
“I can’t eat anything,” Katelyn said, her stomach churning at the thought.
They watched as the sky darkened, and the air began to chill. Night was coming, and with it the moon.
“Now what?” Katelyn asked.
“Now we strip down to our undies.”
“Are you kidding me?”
Cordelia smiled faintly. “Whatever clothes you’re wearing when it starts, if it starts, are going to get shredded. Trust me. I’ve lost more than one pair of awesome jeans just because I cut it too close.”