by Beth Shriver
She squared her shoulders, preparing to face the Glicks, and then found the bathroom and washed up before going downstairs. Essie took one last bite of cereal and grabbed her backpack. “My room wasn’t good enough for ya, huh?”
“I didn’t think you wanted me in your room,” Annie replied, to her own surprise.
“Whatever.” Essie hiked the bag over her shoulder and walked through the door to the garage door.
“Don’t mind her. Are you hungry?” Elizabeth set a plate of eggs, sausage, and toast on the table with a glass of juice. Annie eyed the clear glass of orange juice and drank it down quickly.
Elizabeth handed Annie a piece of paper and sat down next to her. She drank her coffee as Annie read the information about the Harrisonburg Department of Health registry and an adoption search agency by the name of Dream Maker.
“Here are the directions to the county building. You should start there first to see if you get anywhere. If not, there are always the adoption search specialists.”
Annie nodded and pushed away the plate of delicious food. Her insides gelled at the thought of what she was actually going to do. She wanted this, but now she was thinking of what could come of it. What if she found only dead ends? She couldn’t predict the reaction her birth mother would have toward her. And how long could she live in this tension-filled house?
“Danke for your help and for letting me stay with you. I know it’s an inconvenience to have a stranger in your home.”
Elizabeth touched Annie’s hand. “It’s not you, Annie. Our family’s had some things happen, but don’t think any of it is because of you.” Her smile was worn and sad. She took a deep breath and carried on in the kitchen as if she hadn’t said the last of her words.
“Rudy will be home from his first class soon. He’ll take you.” She stood. “And I’m off to work.”
Annie moved back in her chair. “You work?”
“It’s not much—a secretarial position at the church—but we need the paycheck.” She grabbed her jacket and purse. “College is expensive. But I wouldn’t have it any other way for Rudy. He’ll make something of himself.”
“I don’t doubt that, Mrs. Glick.” Annie turned her attention back to the papers after Elizabeth left her alone with her thoughts. There were numbers to both places, and she was tempted to call but didn’t feel comfortable using the phone. She tapped her fingers on the table and debated. Just then Rudy walked in.
He sat down next to her and noticed the papers. “So, I’m supposed to take you somewhere?”
“Actually, I’d like you to make a phone call for me.”
Rudy shrugged. “Sure. You’re okay, then, with my knowing about this?”
“When your mother told me you were taking me around today, I figured you’d find out.” She really didn’t trust him, or anyone here for that matter. Although Levi and Elizabeth were kind, they were both busy with their own lives. And there was absolutely no trust with Essie or even Rudy.
“So you’re looking for your biological mother.” He wasn’t asking; he knew. So what was he waiting for her to say?
Annie nodded and flipped through the papers in her handbag with her fingers.
“What happened?”
As she pulled the papers out of her bag, she searched his eyes, not knowing if she should entrust her information to him, but then she realized she really didn’t have a choice.
“She abandoned me right after I was born. My daed found me in one of his fields.” She looked away at first and then decided to stare directly at him. To her surprise, his eyes were fixed on her. A strange sort of connection passed between them.
“So you don’t fit in, either?” He slowly shook his head.
Annie balked at the arrogant assumption. Few words angered her, but his did. She took a moment to figure out why. She had learned in the short time she’d been with the Glicks that a deep bitterness poisoned the entire family, although she had determined it wasn’t so much her being there as what they had gone through with her community years ago. Why would she expect anything different from Rudy than this sort of comment?
“Why do you want to know who your real mom is? Do you think that will make them accept you?” He laughed cynically. “They’ll never look at you the same again.”
A pang went through her chest and into her heart. Her shoulders tightened as she realized what he said was true. She reached up and rubbed around them at the base of her neck.
She’d not only been one of them, but she was also looked up to and appreciated for not engaging in the rebellious acts of rumspringa. Annie was the one the mamms called on to watch their children, and Alma used to ask her to assist her with deliveries. Others would ask her to recite a Bible verse they’d forgotten or help them understand a certain passage. She was more than accepted. She had found her identity solely in being Amish and following their ways.
“Are you okay?” Rudy reached for her, but she moved away. She was embarrassed that her pretenses were down. She was vulnerable and lost.
He threw up his hands. “Whatever.” He turned away.
“Maybe it was too much to ask to come here.” Annie’s words tumbled out before she could catch them.
He jerked around to face her. “Ya think? A member of the group who threw us out?” He ran his hand over his face as if he was trying to stop but couldn’t. “My parents can deal with it, but me…I got a problem with it, myself. And Essie…well, I don’t need to explain anything there.”
Annie had never felt her body temperature rise from anger, but at this moment she felt as if she were a kettle about to blow. “Then I should go.” She stuffed her papers back in her handbag with a level of unrighteous anger she’d never before experienced. Rudy struggled with his emotions. He walked to the end of the room, turned, and walked back again.
“You can’t go.”
“How can I stay?”
He put his chin down on his chest, looking to the floor with his hands on his hips. “How bad do you want to find out about this?”
Annie pursed her lips in unbelievable frustration. “I’ve come this far.”
“Then stay.” He clapped his hands together as if to say it was decided.
“But I won’t if you can’t forgive and move on. I won’t be a constant reminder of your past with my people.”
Rudy’s eyes glazed. He looked blankly past her and into the other room, as if he could see the ghosts haunting him. “Don’t talk to me about forgiveness, and I won’t blame you for what your people did to us.”
An awkward silence permeated the room. Annie’s instinct was to run far away from this family that couldn’t deal with her presence because of the pain they had experienced.
Then Rudy did something totally unexpected. He bowed his head…and prayed.
Chapter Twelve
HAAA.” DAVID PULLED once on the lead rope to calm the mare. Her blond coat was wet with perspiration that left trails of water down her sides. The weather was not warm enough to cause the horse to sweat, but it was obvious by the way she was dancing around that she didn’t like to be shod.
“You need to get yourself a new place to tie off your horses.” John smiled as he took the lead so David could tend to the preparations necessary to fit her for a new set of horseshoes.
“Lucy here ended up making it through the first time in fine shape after a toe-to-toe. I wish she’d remember that and stop causing me so much trouble,” David explained as he tethered the horse.
“She’s a giveaway from some Englishers that came through here a few months ago. Said she was too much work for ’em.” David glanced at John.
“Is that so?” John at least understood David’s excuse to have him there. There was no hostility between them; they’d just never spent much time together. But by the way David was staring at him, John figured there was something more. Since Annie had left, people had been acting strange. There was more drama and gossip, and John wasn’t partial to either and made a point to stop talk before it star
ted. He had a bad feeling this was going to one of those times.
David stroked the horse’s side in a slow, smooth motion. He’d made a name for himself tackling the tough cases when a horse wouldn’t cooperate. His daed was the general “blacksmith” in the community. Although others could shoe a horse, the tough cases always ended up with David.
“Jah, said she was”—he looked up in thought—“unbreakable, that’s the word they used.”
John eyed David but kept a firm hold on the lead rope. The horse was high spirited, but John had a hard time believing this was one David couldn’t handle. In order to save time he thought he’d get to the point. He had his own chores to do, and time was a wasting. “Is that why you asked me to come over this morning?”
David shrugged. “That among other things.”
He walked inside his shop filled with brooms, tools, and horseshoes hanging from the walls. The anvil he used for forming the metal shoes stood by the contained embers of hot coal. A metal stall was available for a rambunctious horse, but to use it on Lucy would only make her more nervous. David rolled out a cart to where John stood with the horse and then put on a heavy apron over his black pants and plain shirt. He calmly stroked the leg he was about to work on, and when Lucy was quiet, he slowly put pressure on her ankle so that she would lift her leg. He had a nice touch and didn’t show any fear. If horses felt the fear of another, it created even greater anxiety.
“What other things?” John had an idea but didn’t know why David brought it up. The situation with the Beilers wasn’t something John wanted to discuss, especially with someone he didn’t know well enough to trust.
“I’d wondered whether anything had changed between you and Annie with her gone.”
“It’s hard to tell when someone’s far away for a long period of time, and I’m not naive enough to think she’s not taking in all there is to see.” He stopped and thought about that for a moment. These were things he hadn’t let himself think about, but now that he was, he supposed he should be prepared for anything. Although he knew how he felt about Annie, he didn’t know whether she felt the same and if the rest of the world might be exciting enough for her to turn toward another beau or way of life.
“Why do you ask?”
“You know the Beiler family better than anybody, and I’m thinking of taking Hanna to Sunday singing.”
David began the process of removing the horseshoes. First he removed the nails and cleaned out the dirt. Then he used a special tool to cut down the hoof about a half inch all the way around. John had shod his family’s horses, but the ease and precision with which David worked was much to be desired.
He took the shoes over to the coals and let them set for a few minutes, then took one out using a long metal rod with pinchers on the end that held the shoe on the anvil. He hammered away until the horseshoe was back in good shape, and then he stuck it in a wooden tub full of water. John backed away when the cloud of steam rose. Then David took the next one and repeated the process until all were pounded down and ready to be refastened to the horse’s hoof.
As he worked, John thought about Hanna and David. Their personalities were similar, and though Hanna was a bit younger than David, they seemed a good fit. “They’re good people,” he said. “Amos is tough on the outside, but he’s a good man. Mamm is much the same but makes a body feel welcome.”
David used a small blowtorch to raise the surface on the bottom of the shoe to create traction. He dunked them in the water again, making clouds of steam rise around and twirl up as the water hissed.
“You don’t have a problem with me taking Hanna?”
“No, why would I?” John’s thoughts wandered as he tried to figure why David would care what he thought about Hanna. The mare sidestepped, bringing John back to the job at hand. He gently pulled on the rope as he stroked her side. “Easy, girl.”
“You got her?” David took a step back and waited.
When the mare calmed, he placed a shoe on her hoof and drove the nails in until the point came out at an angle through the side. He pounded the nail back to stabilize it against the hoof. The excess was cut off, and he filed it down until it was smooth.
“Just making sure. I wouldn’t want to start something that would cause any more problems. The Beilers have enough on their minds without adding to it.”
John took that for what it was worth and not a penny more. It seemed David was fishing for him to take the bait, but maybe he wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt. If he was being genuine, John was being a heel.
“I’d have to agree with that.” He untied the horse and walked her around to ensure her new shoes fit properly. “I’ve got to say, you’re as good as your daed at shoeing a horse.”
David nodded and stared at John like he was sizing him up. Something seemed to be missing from this conversation, but John had found out all he could without asking outright. He was sure he’d find out soon enough.
Chapter Thirteen
WITHIN A COUPLE of weeks they were working together making contacts and doing research. Rudy went about making phone calls, one leading to another. While he was on hold, he asked Annie questions about other avenues she might take if one fell through. Annie now worried she was getting her hopes up. She made a list of steps that, when completed, would mean she was done.
One morning, to her surprise, Rudy walked toward the door without a word. Unsure whether he was leaving or taking her with him, she waited.
“Okay, let’s go.” He grabbed his keys, and she followed him to the car. The silence during the ride was uncomfortable, and with no idea of how long she would be in the car with him, she looked out the window, distracting herself with watching people as they drove downtown.
One woman had a child in a contraption strapped to her back, much as the Indians used to do. Another man was digging in the trash on a street corner. Annie wondered why there were so many of those men in the city. Didn’t others offer food to people who didn’t have any?
Rudy parked on a busy downtown street and walked her to the Department of Social Services. People turned to stare as they walked through the sterile halls. When Rudy asked a security guard for directions, though he answered Rudy, he kept his eyes on Annie throughout the conversation. What must they be thinking? That they were a couple?
As they stood in line, Rudy kept looking at his handheld phone. It rang a couple of times, and he made some calls. Annie wondered if he was purposely ignoring her or if this was his normal routine.
A couple of teenagers walked by and snickered at them. Another joined the teens and laughed out loud at comments that Annie could only imagine.
Rudy watched the whole scene with the phone by his ear, having a heated conversation with someone on the other end of the line. “Jerks.” He shook his head at the teens.
Annie didn’t want his pity or even his encouragement. She had decided to concentrate on completing her purpose here with as few emotions as possible.
“Maybe you shouldn’t dress Amish in a secular community.” Rudy turned to see her reaction.
No doubt it would make their time easier when she was in public, but she continued to feel pressured to do things here that weren’t comfortable for her. She just had to decide which way was the most uncomfortable.
The woman at the window called to them just in time. Annie quickly stepped forward so she didn’t have to answer Rudy. “I need to fill out a form to find information on my birth mother.”
The woman took in Annie’s plain clothes and then all but froze when Annie told her why she’d come. She thawed after a moment and reached for some paperwork. “Once this is filed, we can search to see what information we have on your birth mother.”
“When will you know?” It had to be soon. She couldn’t put out the Glicks any more than she already had. And Essie and Rudy treated her like a chore on their lists.
“It depends on how much you give us to go on.” The large woman tapped her pink fingernail on the counter, waiting fo
r Annie to complete the form. When Annie handed it back, she glanced at the information. “I can tell you already this isn’t enough. Come back in an hour, and I’ll show you how to get more information.”
For the first time since she arrived, someone who could help her was actually offering their time. “Danke. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, and then added, “There is a twenty dollar processing fee.”
Annie pulled out her knitted money pouch, and as she handed the woman a twenty-dollar bill, she noticed how Rudy watched her. She still felt bad that Mamm had given her the money she saved, and when she saw the specks of flour on the bills, she felt guilty all over again.
When they were almost to his car, Rudy asked, “Do you have enough money for all this?”
She ran her hands over her arms, thinking about his question. Having seen how she handled her money, Rudy had to be aware of her limited funds. “I just want you to know that this can cost a lot of money.”
Annie nodded and turned to walk again, embarrassed by his discovery about her lack of funds. She hadn’t thought anyone would find out this soon.
“I know you want to keep things private. But you’ve got to—”
“Rudy, stop being so logical and feel for a minute.” For a moment she wished she were alone, that no one knew her or why she was here. “I have some money. Maybe it’s enough; maybe it’s not. And I don’t have a choice with what I wear.” She let out a long, weary breath, feeling more tired than after a full day’s work on the farm. “But I have to do this. So please don’t continue to point out the obstacles.”
When she turned to continue to the car, she saw him shove his wallet back into his back pocket. The gesture both surprised and confused her. So far the only feeling she’d gotten from him was that this was something he was supposed to do. The thought that he might actually want to help gave her a slight bit of hope, but then she thought he could also just be trying to get rid of her faster.