“We haven’t even made S’mores. But ok, let’s go.” He says reluctantly and dresses too. We pick up all the gear and head to his pickup.
As I climb inside, I see regret on his face. I can’t look at him anymore. How could I let myself get carried away like that? He will never look at me the same way again. He probably thinks of me as a little sister and here I go and sleep with him. What was I thinking? I wasn’t, that’s the issue.
“Thanks for the ride, Aiden.” I say as I climb out and run to my front door with tears in my eyes after the long car ride in silence. I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t want to make him feel any worse. And I sure couldn’t feel any worse.
I can hear him calling my name but I ignore him and escape inside. Inside where no one can see me cry because I just had the most amazing experience that may turn out to be the worst.
I go to my room and finish packing. All I can do is leave for LA. My flight leaves midafternoon but I think I’ll get a start on it now and hopefully get out of here as early in the morning as I can before anyone realizes. Mom and Dad will understand. But will Aiden? How do I leave him? How do I stand face to face with him again?
***
“Honey, are you ready?” asks Dad bright and early. “We can get going when you are. You’re sure you don’t want to say goodbye to anyone? The plane doesn’t leave for hours; we really don’t have to leave this early.”
“Savannah is on her way but that’s it. Thanks Dad. You can take my luggage. Just give me a minute in here.” I say sadly fighting back tears. I am supposed to be happy. I have been dreaming of leaving here for years. Worked so hard to be able to. So why do I feel so terrible?
As I look at all the pictures I have taped to my door I see Aiden in so many of them. Fishing at our spot and riding his favorite horse Spook. I sigh and know I have to leave. I can’t see him again or I will fall apart making a fool of myself like I did last night at the creek. I can still feel his lips on mine.
I take a picture down of Aiden and myself at the creek and kiss it. “Goodbye Aiden. I will always love you.” I say as the tears begin to form in my eyes. I put the picture in my wallet and head for the door.
“Ready to go Hollywood?” Asks Savannah as I enter the living room.
“Sure thing, doll.” I say with a forced smile before hugging her tightly. Aiden isn’t the only one I am going to miss.
***
She just ran away from me. Was I that bad? I know this was my first time but it was hers too, I thought. Maybe not. I saw so much hurt and regret on her face during the drive back to her house. How could I have done that to her? She is leaving and now she will never come back if she is ashamed of what we did. And of me…
As I drive to Karlie’s house I keep replaying everything that happened last night in my head. I have called and texted her at least twenty times this morning but she won’t answer. I have to catch her before she leaves or I will never have another chance to tell her how I feel.
But when I pull up at her house I can see her Mom’s car is gone and my heart sinks. I missed her. Was she that ashamed she left earlier than planned? She didn’t love me at all. How could she just leave without a goodbye?
I slam my hand on top of the steering wheel and realize that maybe last night was a goodbye….
Feeling about as down as I have ever felt, I walk into the barn to see Dad and Austin saddling up two horses. They must be going for a ride to check the sick calf in the far pasture. Not sure that I feel like talking I turn away hoping they didn’t see me enter in the first place.
“Aiden, what’s up? Not even going to say hello?” Dad says and walks towards me and hands me the bridle he was about to put on his horse.
“Sorry I'm just not in the mood to talk. Are you going out to check on the calf?”
“Yep. You want to go with us Son? Whatever has you so down will seem small once you get out there and see the views and expanse of land before you.”
“I’ll get Spook for you if you do Aiden.” Austin says and starts towards my horse’s stall. Should I go or stay? Maybe a ride in the fresh air will help clear my head.
“Sure. Well, if you are going to go, I don’t need to. I can finish up the feeding before I head over to the nursery.” Austin says and takes the saddle back off his horse. He almost seems relieved to not have to go back out there again.
“Ok, Aiden and I will go.”
After saddling my favorite horse I see Dad start towards the pasture gate on the north side of the barn. We are going the long way I see. Great he is going to want to pry what is bothering me out. Can I still get out of this? No, he needs my help. And I need to think of something other than Karlie.
“So, Son what is on your mind this early in the day? I saw you left bright and early but wasn’t gone long.”
“I went to talk to Karlie before she left.”
“Oh today was the day she was leaving for UCLA right?”
I just nod my head and look away. I really can’t rehash this right now. My heart is broken and I feel like I could just weep like a little baby.
“Son, you have known for a couple of months that she was leaving. You should have been prepared to tell her goodbye.”
“That’s the problem Dad, she left before I could tell her anything. She just left.”
“Wow, that doesn’t sound like Karlie. You two have been inseparable since you were children.”
“I know that’s why it hurts so much. She didn’t care enough to even say goodbye to me. I thought I was her best friend.”
“You are going to have to make a choice then Aiden. Either you sit around wallowing in the pain and waste your life or you look out over this ranch that has been in our family for generations and realize that this is your future. You just graduated and now it’s time for you to go off to Tulsa to college and then come back and claim what’s yours here. That is what you still want isn’t it? Or do you want to go to LA with Karlie?”
“Go to LA? I never even thought of that Dad. I know what I’m supposed to do; I just miss her so much. I knew it was going to be hard to see her go, but not seeing her or talking to her is worse. I just can’t believe she left without even a word.”
“That is strange. I’m sorry Son. Do you want me to call Gene and see what he says? Maybe he can shed some light on the subject.” He then starts to dial the number.
“Hey Gene, it’s AJ. Oh no, everything is ok here on the 6AB, that’s not what I was calling about. Aiden just got back from your house where he thought he would be able to see Karlie before she left for LA but you guys were already gone. Yes, he did go to your house. No, he is back here now. Said you were gone and she didn’t call or let him know she was going earlier. No, he said he hasn’t talked to her. Didn’t say goodbye. Kinda what I thought too. Strange kids these days. Ok, drive safe my friend. See you later.”
“Well, Gene said Karlie was up very early and ready to leave. Said she had already said all the goodbyes she was going to say. Are you sure you didn’t talk to her maybe last night? I thought I saw your pickup going towards the creek.”
“I’m sure. We went out there because she didn’t want to go home yet after we went tubing. She said her parents were upset she was leaving. When I dropped her off she didn’t say her plans had changed. Dad, I don’t get it.”
“Aiden, what happened between you two last night? Did you have a fight or something?”
“No, we didn’t fight. I’m going to call her again.” I dial her number but it goes straight to voicemail. “Dad, she always answers when I call. What is going on?”
“Son, it sounds to me like she wants to put a little distance between you two. More than just the mileage between here and LA. You need to either go to LA and make her talk to you or just move on with your life and don’t dwell on this anymore. It’s your call Aiden.”
I pull my phone back out and decide to send her one last text. If she doesn’t answer this one, then she isn’t going to at all.
Karlie,
why did you leave without saying goodbye? Now you won’t answer my calls. What did I do? I miss you already. Please call me. I need to hear you tell me it’s all ok. I hope you are ok. I am miserable not being able to tell you goodbye or see you before you left. I don’t understand.
No reply. That is not like her. She usually has that phone connected to her hand at all times. Now I know something isn’t right but what can I do? She chose to leave me without working it out. I guess I have to do the same. But this hurts more than I ever thought possible.
***
I keep watching my phone like it’s going to magically ring and it be Aiden. He has to know by now that I left Colvin early. I bet he is very angry with me. Can I blame him? I took the chicken way out. I ran away like a scared little girl. But seeing that look on his face again would have killed me. I couldn’t look at him anyway after last night!
I hear the Dukes of Hazzard theme song play on my phone and I know without looking that it’s Aiden’s ringtone. I can’t talk to him. I hit ignore and send him to my voicemail and shut my phone off. No one can get a hold of me now. I just lay my head back against the head rest and close my eyes. I didn’t sleep very well last night so I could use a little shut eye. If my mind will let me, that is.
Before I know it, I have drifted off and Mom is trying to wake me up once we make it to Tulsa and asks, “Want to go get an early lunch before going to the airport?”
“Sure.” Is all I can get out. I really need to leave Oklahoma but I do have quite a bit of time to kill before my plane leaves. I could probably eat and I know my parents to would like the extra time with me too.
“AJ just called and said that Aiden came by the house to see you this morning but we were already gone. He is pretty upset you didn’t say goodbye to him. What’s going on Karlie?”
“I told him goodbye last night.”
“He didn’t see it that way. This isn’t like you two. What happened last night?”
“Can we just not talk about Aiden anymore? I am leaving for LA in a couple of hours and I need to concentrate on school. UCLA is going to be hard and I am so excited to be going to LA.”
“Karlie Mae, I know what you are doing. You are changing the subject. I will drop it for now.” And with that we pull into the first restaurant and head inside. These next couple of hours are going to drag on. I want to be on the plane now and heading to my new life. My new life away from Colvin. And Aiden.
After we eat and start to head for the airport, I turn my phone on to text Savannah and let her know we were headed to the airport. I wanted to text Aiden, but I had to make myself hit Savannah instead. As my phone comes on I see that a text has been received. I open it up and see that it’s from Aiden.
Karlie, why did you leave without saying goodbye? Now you won’t answer my calls. What did I do? I miss you already. Please call me. I need to hear you tell me it’s all ok. I hope you are ok. I am miserable not being able to tell you goodbye or see you before you left. I don’t understand.
Oh boy. Tears are filling my eyes and I can do nothing but sit here in this seat and reread the words over and over not knowing what to say or if I even can say anything back. Why did I let things change between us last night? How stupid was I to think he could love me like I do him? And now I have lost my best friend too…
I just hit delete and send a quick text to Savannah.
Almost to airport. I am so excited!! Talk soon!
And after I hit send I turn the power back off on the phone and shove it into my purse, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I just have to think positive and things will be alright. I can’t think about Aiden and how he felt kissing me and touching me last night. Ahhhhhh!
“Well, here we are baby girl. I will get your bags and then you and Mom are ready. I can’t believe I am sending my baby off to college. Doesn’t seem real. I am very proud of you though, Karlie Mae. I pray you always know that. I love you.”
Mom and I grab our bags and head for security. I am really going to LA!! I am beginning to get excited and nervous all in one. Thank goodness Mom is flying with me to LA and helping me get settled. I had hoped Aiden would come with me, but never had the nerve to ask if he would come. Sure glad I didn’t now. This would be excruciating with him now after last night. Ok, no more thinking about last night or Aiden. Only LA and the future! LA. Future in LA. LA. LA. LA.
2
Eight years later….
Nearing the limits of Colvin I feel myself going back in time. I haven’t been back here since I left for LA. I wouldn’t be back now either if it weren’t for my father just having a stroke. Mom needs help with his care and her baked goods store. I’m in between shoots now so I have a few weeks to spare before deciding what my next one will be. I just wish I were going to spend them anywhere but here in Colvin. Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma. I’m really not looking forward to this. Thankfully Mom and Dad live on this side of town and I don’t have to venture too far into the town limits.
Pulling up in front of the house I grew up in, I feel a pang of nausea come over me. The last time I pulled up here I was rushing away from someone after the most incredible encounter of my life. The most difficult encounter of my life. I shake it off and put my car in park. I flew into the Tulsa airport and rented a car to go the last 100 miles to Colvin knowing it would be easiest to have Mom stay with Dad and not coming to get me. But now, I wish I had driven the whole way from LA to give myself more time to prepare.
As I open my car door Mom comes running out with such a sweet look on her face that makes me feel a bit guilty. Maybe I should have come back before now. Instead of sending them tickets to see me wherever I was on my latest shoot, I should have come home.
“Baby you’re home!!” screams Mom as she runs across the driveway.
“Hi Mom. How are you and how’s Dad?” I ask fighting back the tears as she gives me the biggest hug I have ever gotten from her. She has been carrying the weight of Dad’s illness on her own. I came as soon as Mom called me but I was in London on a shoot so it took me a couple of days to get here.
“He is having a tough day but will be so happy to see his baby girl.”
We walk arm in arm inside the house and I swallow all the guilt and pain I feel about being back here again after all these years. Now isn’t the time for that. There will be plenty of time for that later.
“Hi Dad! How are you feeling today?”
“Better now that you are here baby!” he says with his face lighting up when seeing me.
“I brought you a new postcard from London to add to your collection.” I hand him the card knowing he has one from every place that I have been.
“This one’s my favorite Karlie Mae. I always wanted to take your Mom there after we got married but thankfully we got to go and see you there last year.” Dad says with pride shining in his eyes. “I hope you know how proud of you we are.”
“Let me get my stuff settled into my room Dad then we will play some cards or something until bed.” I say hugging him and carrying my stuff to my old room. Walking to my room for the first time since I left and I am shocked to see that it is exactly the same way I left it eight years ago.
***
After going to college in Tulsa, I was able to come back home with a new set of eyes and see things like a man would instead of the boy I used to be. I worked side by side with my Dad and Gene to learn everything that I didn’t already know about running a ranch and making it a successful business venture. This land is in my blood and I am very proud to have a chunk of it for my future.
Today I got up and drove the fences that border my land from my parents’ and I still have to pinch myself because I really do own 100 acres of the land that my ancestors have been on for generations. It makes my heart swell to know that I have been blessed with the success that I needed with my own cattle and horses to be able to purchase the exact land that I wanted seven years ago.
Walking back into my kitchen I see that my girlfriend Tracey has stopped by a
nd must be making me some breakfast. She is a great girl and my sister’s best friend. It took me a few years after Karlie left to get myself back out there and date but when Audrey told me I should ask Tracey out, it was a no brainer. She is beautiful, sweet, I have known her for years, and she was around. Not in LA. That was a little over three years ago, and here we are.
“Aiden, honey, do you think we will ever get married? We have been together for three years!” Tracey asks from across the kitchen.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I have explained that to you a hundred times. I love being with you, just not sure I want to get married yet.” I say in the softest voice I can to cover the frustration I feel over this redundant conversation. I think she asks me twice a day. Every day.
“But you do love me, right?” she squeaks out with a pouty face that drives me insane.
“Yes Tracey, I love you.” I say quickly then get up to go to the restroom. Where there is peace and quiet.
I do love her. I do. There is just something missing with her and I just wonder if it’s me that’s missing. Am I not putting my all into this relationship? What would keep me from committing completely to a beautiful and sweet girl like Tracey? I am almost 27 years old and I feel as if something is missing. I just don’t know what it is.
I walk to my bedroom and out onto the deck that overlooks the south pasture and creek. The creek that Karlie and I went to all the time. The one we fished out of and where we made love. Well, I thought it was making love but she didn’t think so. And now I remember that every time I look out my back windows.
Ah, I have to get past this. She has been gone for eight years and I have Tracey. I have this ranch and my family. I have everything any man could want out of life. But why aren’t I content?
“I’m sorry I pressured you again Aiden, I just get carried away sometimes when I see what our life could be like.” Tracey says as she comes up behind me wrapping her arms around my waist.
I put my arms on hers and sigh, “I know maybe it is time I start planning for the future. Our future.”
Down to the Creek- Book 1 of the Colvin Series Page 2