I messed that up though. Like always. I will never get a chance with her now. I thought I was going to talk to Tracey today about breaking up but I can see this isn’t the time. Maybe I’m supposed to be with her and not Karlie.
“You are quiet again Aiden. What’s wrong?” Tracey asks and caresses my hand. “You don’t like Karlie’s boyfriend do you?”
“Don’t be silly. She isn’t my concern. I just hope he isn’t out to take advantage of poor Ella Mae in her grieving state.” I say sharply not caring how ridiculous that all just sounded.
“Enough of that, are we going to the fundraiser Saturday at the 6AB?” Tracey asks and slides out of the booth and holds her hand out for me to follow.
“Of course I am. Are you wanting to go too?” I ask hoping her answer is no.
“Yes Aiden. I would love to go with you.” She smiles and walks towards the door as I hand Norma cash for our bill.
I just pray this city slicker is gone by then. I don’t want him traipsing around the 6AB and getting his hooks in any deeper into the Doone women. Especially Karlie.
***
After eating our fill and talking our fill too, Jeremy and I head off to walk around town together.
“This is a very peaceful place. I don’t understand how you could leave it behind for the fast paced world of LA.” Jeremy says as we walk into the town square and see the lights start to come on all around us as it gets dark out. “It’s literally like night and day.”
“I don’t remember it being like this at all when I was young. It’s definitely not what I had pictured. I have taken so many pictures of just simple things since I got here. It’s been so easy to get lost in the subject matter and forget where I am. I could never have done that before I left.” I say and hug Jeremy tighter to me. “I really am glad you came.”
“I have really missed you Karlie. It’s been so tough not being able to talk to you. We have played phone tag for weeks. I just couldn’t go any longer without talking to you in person. Seeing this beautiful face and kissing these soft lips.” He says and kisses me like never before. He really did miss me and I’m thankful I still get those butterflies when he kisses me.
“I have missed you too. This past couple of weeks has been the most difficult of my life. I am so glad I came though. I can’t imagine not being here when Dad passed away. Mom would have been alone.” I say and shiver knowing how terrible that would have been.
“Karlie, you knew what you needed to do. Now, do you think you could come home? Your Mom seems good and you seem at peace also. I miss being able to hold you and kiss you whenever I want to.” He says pulling me closer again.
“I hadn’t really thought about when I was leaving again. I guess just getting through day by day has been my plan.” Slipping out of his arms I walk to the fountain in the center of the park and sit on the ledge. “I’m not sure I want to leave, Jeremy. I really don’t know.”
“Babe, you can do whatever you want. I want you to come home, of course. You could always move your Mom out there now that she is alone and we can get her set up with a new store. Then we can be together but you can still have your Mom nearby. I have something I brought for you.” He says and kneels down on one knee and pulls a small blue box out of his jacket pocket. That little blue box that every girl in LA dreams of getting.
“Jeremy, what are you doing?” I ask starting to panic with the thought of what his next words will be.
“Karlie Doone, I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you make me happy and be my wife?” he asks with a smile so sweet and sure.
I freeze and start to feel faint. I’m not sure I can answer. Do I answer with yes when I haven’t a clue what I want or who I even am anymore? “Jeremy, I can’t answer that right now. I told you that before I left I wasn’t sure I could get married yet. So much has happened and I really don’t know any better than I did before. I’m sorry that you came all this way for this but I just can’t answer you right now.”
With that answer I run towards home in tears. I have never been so confused and lost in my life. What am I supposed to do now? Once I open the front door and see Mom sitting in her chair reading like she always has, it hits me that she knew that was going to happen.
“Mom! How could you not warn me? You of all people should know that I have changed a lot since I left here all those years ago. I have even changed so much more since I have come back! I don’t know what I want!” I say and run to my room slamming the door behind me hoping to shut the world and everyone in it out.
***
I must have cried myself to sleep because as I come to I see that the sun is streaming in the windows in my room and I have a massive headache and dry mouth. Still clad in my clothes from the night before, I head to the kitchen. I just pray Mom has made coffee and there is some left.
As I enter the kitchen though I see that Mom isn’t happy with me. She’s standing next to the sink with a sour look on her face and tapping her nails on the counter.
“Well, nice to see you come out of your room young lady. In there pouting like you were six again.” Mom says sharply.
“Where is Jeremy?” I ask quickly trying to change the subject.
“He left last night Karlie after you ran away from his proposal. He was so hurt when he got back here. He packed up his things and asked me to give you this letter when you woke up. You really messed up girl.” Mom says with a frown, hands me the letter, and walks out the front door.
I get a cup of coffee and sit on the nearest barstool and open the envelope, let out a big sigh and begin to read his words.
Dearest Karlie,
As we both know, you are a very wonderful woman and I love you very much. I know that me not being here for you these past few weeks has been very hard on you. I should have come sooner, and for that I am sorry. You will never know just how sorry.
I never thought you wouldn’t answer my proposal. I thought I was doing what the next step needed to be in our relationship. I guess I was wrong.
I have gone onto New Orleans early to give you some time to think all of this over and give you space. I still want to marry you and will be awaiting your answer.
I love you,
Jeremy
He left. He just left without a word. What did I expect? He laid it out there and I didn’t answer. What a fool I was. And cruel. What do I do now?
Mom is obviously happy about the proposal. She probably has the wedding all planned out down to the last detail. Why couldn’t I just say yes? Jeremy is great and I do love him. Why didn’t I answer? I just ran away like a school girl.
11
It has been a couple of days since Jeremy was here and with every day I feel worse. But today is the fundraiser Mom has been working so hard on with Amelia. They are raising money to help the library in town get new books and a few upgrades done inside. I agreed to take pictures even though I know it’s at the 6AB Ranch. Which means Aiden will be there. With Tracey. If it didn’t mean so much to my Mom and Amelia I wouldn’t be doing it. I vowed to move on from him. And I am.
I am setting up my equipment when AJ comes over to say hello. As I watch him approach, I realize he is a really big guy. Anyone who doesn’t know him would be intimidated but I step right into his arms for the AJ bear hug I have always gotten and loved.
“Hey sweetie, how’s it going?” he asks. “How are you and your mama getting along these days?”
“Things are going as good as they can since Dad passed away but it’s getting easier. Thanks.” I say back feeling comforted for the first time since I was with Aiden at the creek. This is the closest to a father’s hug I will ever get again and that makes me so sad.
As I step out of his arms I see Aiden and Tracey arriving and we catch each other’s gaze. I tell AJ that I have lots of work to do and turn my back on the rest of the group. I have got to get myself in check. This might be harder than I thought.
“Hey Karlie, I was hoping you would take a picture of
Aiden and I together?” I hear Tracey say from behind me. Crap. Things just got even harder.
I turn, smile and say politely, “Sure, let’s go over here where the light is better and the background can be that old tree. Where is Aiden?”
“Aiden! Honey! Karlie is going to take our picture!” She yells to him and he comes over definitely not looking like he is excited about this. Those feelings are mutual.
“Ok, get closer and lean back a little bit towards the tree. Smile.” I say wanting to scream and throw a tantrum. Just as I do Tracey pulls Aiden over to her and plants a steamy kiss on his lips as I snap the photo. Great now I will forever have proof of losing him.
“Thanks. I would like a copy of that one.” She says and drags him off, literally dragging him away. I could tell he wanted to talk to me but found it easier to be dragged off. Which works for me.
***
Karlie looks so happy behind the camera. She knows how to get what she wants to come out the other end of it for sure. I can’t help but smile as I see her snapping pictures of all the kids and parents. She was always so at ease behind the lens of the camera. I bet after Tracey’s dumb photo idea she is upset.
“And my little Karlie will be going back to LA soon where she has a special man who has asked her to be his wife. So I may have something to celebrate soon.” I overhear Ella Mae saying to the fundraiser guests.
That makes my stomach turn. Knowing Karlie could be another man’s wife makes me dizzy. How could this all happen? I have to talk to her. I saw her heading to the barn with her camera. I am sure I will find her in the foal’s pen where she always went before.
“Thought I would find you here.” I say walking to the pen “I’m really sorry about that stunt she pulled. Did you get any good shots up there at all?”
“Hi Aiden. Yes, I believe I did. Ran out of things to photograph though. Hope you don’t mind.” She says politely not looking at me.
“You know my parents won’t mind. They have always loved you like a 5th child Karlie.” I say looking at her as she turns her face towards me.
“Thank you. That means a lot.” She says and looks away. Emotion written all over her face that hits me like a punch to the gut.
“Karlie, I am so sorry about you overhearing what I said to Tracey the other morning. I have never told anyone about our night together and I didn’t feel that was the time either. She was so upset and I just wanted to calm her down. She didn’t believe me that nothing happened. I didn’t know you heard me until my mother came and chewed me out after talking to you. I really am sorry.” I say hoping she believes me. I want so bad to grab her hands or even kiss her.
“It’s okay Aiden. We aren’t more than friends. One night back then doesn’t change anything. We were kids. We are adults now. If we had known we loved each other back then, things would definitely be different. We will never know.” She says and I can see the hurt in her eyes that she is trying to mask.
“So, your Mom says you are going to be getting married soon? To that guy from Sally’s? What’s his name?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell me about him the other night by the creek?”
“Jeremy asked that night after seeing you in Sally’s but I haven’t answered. I didn’t know he was even coming here, let alone that he was planning on proposing.” She says quickly. “When are you going to propose to Tracey? She sure is lovely.”
“I’m not sure. It just seems like something is missing and I can’t figure it out.” I say rubbing my hands over my face.
“I completely understand how you feel. That’s why I told Jeremy I would answer after I came back from Colvin.” She declares.
We stare at each other a minute then she says, “I need to get going. Goodbye Aiden. Good luck with Tracey.” And she rushes by me and out of the barn.
I stay sitting on a bale of hay with my head in my hands when I hear footsteps. I look up to see my parents come in holding hands. Seeing them so happy after all these years warms my heart and makes me long for that for myself.
“Hey guys, what are you doing?”
“We saw Karlie leave in a hurry and pack her stuff up. We thought we might find you here.” Dad says and sits beside me.
“She said goodbye to me and good luck with Tracey. She’s going to get married.” I say full of hurt and defeat while I just hang my head.
“It’s time for you to choose between Tracey and Karlie son. We know you think you love Tracey but son from the Moment Gene brought little Karlie out here when you were five years old, we have seen the bond and known you two were meant to be together.” Mom says trying not to cry. She takes my hands and hugs me hard. “We know you have loved Karlie your whole life. And still do.”
“I didn’t know anyone knew about my feelings for Karlie. She doesn’t.” I say in shock stepping back from Mom.
“Son we have always known that you both love each other more than life itself. You two are soul mates.” Dad says with more emotion than I remember him showing before. Dad is talking about soul mates? What is going on around here?
As Mom and Dad turn to walk away I see the love in the touches they give each other and I realize that I want all of that and more. And I want it with Karlie. Not Tracey. That really hits me like a ton of bricks.
“You are right, I need to talk to her but I have to talk to Tracey first.” I say with a broad smile as they walk away. “Thank you so much.”
I walk back to the gathering and straight to where Tracey is.
“Tracey I need to get you home. There has been an emergency on the ranch I need to deal with.” I say quickly and usher her into the pickup. I need to get this over with before I lose my nerve.
After a long and silent trip into town Tracey leads me into her apartment and says with a defeated look on her face, “It’s Karlie, isn’t it? The emergency is Karlie. I saw her running from the barn. You still love her don’t you? I should have known. Audrey told me you might not be over her but I thought I could change your mind.”
“Tracey I am so sorry. I thought I was ready to move on but I’m just not. You are a beautiful and wonderful woman, just not the woman meant for me. I hope you understand.” I never meant to hurt Tracey. I have tried to make her happy but once Karlie came back I just couldn’t keep my concentration on Tracey alone. I actually feel better than I have in a very long time but I have work to finish on the AK before dark. I will find Karlie in the morning first thing and tell her how I feel about her.
***
This makeshift dark room in the spare bathroom works just fine sealing out the world and leaving me in the one place that no one can see my pain. While developing all the photos from the fund raiser I see a photo of Aiden smiling towards Tracey. That is the last sliver that kept my heart from breaking in pieces. I know that I want to find someone to look at me that way but I also know I have to tell Jeremy I can’t marry him either. I just don’t feel that way for him.
“Jeremy, it’s Karlie. I’m good. You? How is New Orleans? Good. Yes, Mom is good. She is actually adjusting better than I expected. I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave her alone Jeremy. No, she has her bakery store here and wouldn’t leave. I am thinking of relocating KAB here. Yes, there is a space above Mom’s store that I could clean out and use. I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I know she would be behind it if that’s what I want. No, I don’t know what I want for sure. I’m sorry Jeremy; I know you are hurting too. Yes, I have thought about your proposal but I can’t marry you. I can’t keep you on the side hoping I will change my mind. It isn’t fair to you. Yes, I am sure and have thought a lot about it. Please just remember you are a great man and any woman would be so lucky to have you. One that isn’t such a mess like me. Have a good life Jeremy and be happy. Thank you. Good-bye.”
After talking to Jeremy, I feel lighter and ready to move on knowing I did the right thing for both of us. I am hoping for time alone to collect my thoughts and figure out my next move. But the doorbell rings breaking me out of my little dark room refu
ge.
“Hi Audrey, what are you doing here?” I ask as I open the door. Very shocked to see Aiden’s sister on my doorstep. “Did something happen after I left? Is my mother okay?”
“No, I came to talk to you. Oh this photo of Aiden is great. Did you take it today? He looks so happy.” Audrey says as she sees the photo in my hands. I must have forgotten to put it back on the line before I went to answer the door.
“Yes, he is looking at Tracey with all the love that a man should have for the woman he is going to marry.” I say looking away hiding my pain but she steps forward and grabs my arm turning me back around.
“You are so wrong Karlie. He wasn’t looking at Tracey. He was looking at you in the mirror. Look a little closer. You will see.” She says pointing to the background. “He has never looked at anyone like that but you Karlie. And I don’t think he ever will.”
“Oh my goodness you are right. Wait, you are Tracey’s best friend. Shouldn’t you be mad?” I ask questioning and waiting for the next words from her not sure what direction this was going to go.
“No, I want what is best for my brother first. And he has loved you his whole life Karlie. Tracey will be fine. Go find him and talk to him please. Put us all out of our misery having to watch you two mope around.” She says smiling and giving me a big hug.
“Thank you, Audrey. I owe you big.” I grab my keys and run to my car feeling like a love sick teenager again.
***
Driving towards the ranch I see Aiden’s pickup at an apartment building on the right. I slow my car down and see shadows on the window of a man and woman in an embrace. Something slams into my gut and I realize that I was being foolish. He doesn’t love me at all. He loves Tracey and everyone else was wrong too. How could I let this happen again?
He wouldn’t be at her house if he wanted to be with me. As reality comes flying back at me, I turn around in tears and head for Mom’s. I run into the house and pack my clothes not wanting to explain. I can’t stay here any longer. This is the reason I left here all those years ago and never came back. Here I am leaving the same way I did eight years ago. Hurt and in love with Aiden. How could I be so foolish twice?
Down to the Creek- Book 1 of the Colvin Series Page 8