Jessi closed the journal and went to bed, not quite sure what to think about what she had just read. Confused, she’d opened the curtains to her bedroom window and lay in bed looking at the stars. Did God really create all of this? How else could all of nature come to be? Chance couldn’t have a part in any of creation. The stars in the skies were an accident? She could never believe it. They were too beautiful. Jessi fell asleep thinking about God and his hand in the lives of those around her. If only she could find out why he didn’t love her and answer her prayers. What was wrong with her?
She slept fitfully and tossed and turned. She dreamed of a big, bad, ugly, supreme being who was chasing her with a big stick and whipping her with it whenever he felt like it. Her perception of God was changing; at least she was starting to acknowledge him again.
Chapter 22
Mark entered Merry’s house on Friday afternoon to find Olivia sulking on the couch. “Hey, what’s up with the long face?”
“Mom is going out on a date tonight, that’s what.”
Mark took in a sharp breath. He didn’t know Jessi was dating someone. He’d have thought Aunt Merry would have told him if she was. “She’s going out on a date tonight? With who?”
“Her doctor friend. He’s taking her out to dinner. I don’t want her to go on a date with a man. I want you and her to be my mommy and daddy together. Why can’t you take her on a date? This isn’t fair. I asked God to make all of us a family. Why isn’t he doing that?”
“Sometimes when we ask God to do something, he has a different plan in mind. We have to learn to trust him because he knows best for us. I know it’s hard to trust him sometimes, but we have to try. Can you do that? Can you try to trust him?”
“Why would God want something different? If he wants what’s best for me, then this would be it. I just know it would.” Olivia started crying in earnest now, her sobs breaking Mark’s heart.
“Can I tell you secret, Olivia? You have to promise that you will never tell anyone, okay?”
Olivia nodded.
“I pray for the same thing as you. I want us to be a family again too. But we have to patient with your mom, okay? And we can’t give her a hard time for going out on a date. Deal?”
“Deal!” Olivia jumped up and hugged her dad. “You want us to be a family too? Now I know God is going to answer our prayers. I just know it!”
Jessi had just gotten out of the bath when she heard Mark’s voice downstairs. He wanted to see Olivia before they headed out on Sunday. She would never have thought he’d have kept any of his promises, but he had. It still amazed her to see the changes in him. She wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone that he’d indeed changed, but she knew it to be true. You don’t live with a man and be his wife and not know when the man changes. She remembered the uneasy feelings she had had with Mark when he’d want to be alone with Ethan. Those feelings were nowhere to be found now when he was with Olivia. She actually trusted him. He loved Olivia; that was obvious. He was giving up everything he’d ever known to be close to her. She just hoped that his wishes didn’t go further than spending time with his daughter. He would have to eventually realize that there was no chance that they would ever be together again. Those days were over. She’d come to tolerate him in her life and even appreciate him for being a good father to Olivia, but she didn’t think she would ever forgive him for taking Ethan away from her. She would never be able to get over that.
Jessi set about the task of getting ready for her first date since she had divorced Mark. True, it wasn’t a real date, but it didn’t hurt to dream a little either. She chose the nicest outfit she had hanging in her closet—cream-colored slacks with a turquoise shell patterned blouse. She wore pumps to match and pulled her long hair into a French knot, tied up to keep the hair off her neck. In this heat, she didn’t care for her hair sticking to the back of her neck. She carefully applied her makeup. After putting on a coral shade of lipstick, she made her way downstairs.
Mark and Olivia were sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Sorry. Mark stopped midsentence when she walked into his view. “Wow, you look great.” A deep feeling of jealousy swept over him, one he did not expect. He knew she was preparing for her date; he just had no idea until he saw her how strongly he was opposed to the idea. He tried to get his feelings off of display and back into hiding, where they were supposed to be. “Olivia said you had a date tonight. Have fun.”
The lightheartedness with which he spoke belied his true feelings. She was his wife. “Till death do us part” was the vow, and as far as he could tell they were both alive and well. Especially Jessi. She’d never looked so good to him. Then again, his past life never allowed him to appreciate her to the fullness, the way a husband was supposed to love his wife. If ever he had the chance, he would show her just how much she was loved.
The doorbell rang promptly at seven. Dr. Phillips was courteous to Mark but a bit reserved and not overly friendly. Mark supposed the good doctor knew all about him and his past sins. He had it coming. How people treated him would be an issue all his life. He had no illusions about that. Mark watched his ex-wife walk out the door. It took all the control he could muster, but didn’t let his jealousy show. In this world she wasn’t his anymore. He lifted his concerns to the Lord.
Lord, please protect her. She’s mine, Lord, I know this is your will. It’s taken me a long time to know your will in this area of my life, and no matter what I have to endure until your will is accomplished, I will stand fast. Lord, help me in preparing to be her husband once again. Help me to love her as I should and be all she needs me to be. Father, I ask that you show her all your glory. Let her find her peace in you, oh Lord.
Mark turned his attention back to his daughter and the game they were playing. She had become the light of his life in such a short time. Soon, she would be leaving, and he wouldn’t be able to see her until he moved to Wisconsin at the end of the month. He would miss her. It would only be a month. He’d make it.
***
Eric had the door open for Jessi as she made her way to his car. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was the good life, the life that she was intended for—riding in a Jaguar with the top down to a restaurant that she would never be able to afford on her own. She’d never known this kind of life, although she’d always wanted to. Going on a date with someone who was successful and prosperous was as foreign to her as traveling to the four corners of the world. She liked the feeling.
Eric watched Jessi and couldn’t help but think she was missing out on her intended life. She was beautiful and classy without the hard edges that the wealthy oftentimes possessed. She could fit into his world nicely. While he loved the finer things in life, he didn’t treasure things above people. That was the one thing that had always kept him on the ground with everyone else. He guessed that Jessi would be able to keep her head about her, even in a state of advantage.
“Nice car.” Jessi felt the leather interior, how smooth it was. Did people really live this way? She’d been driving her used car for so long she didn’t even know what it felt like to sit in the lap of luxury.
“Thanks. One of the tradeoffs for working thirty-hour shifts, not getting much sleep, and having absolutely no time for a social life. Although I have to admit, since I’m getting older, things have calmed down from what they used to be. I used to catch a couple hours’ sleep at the hospital then start another long shift. Now at least I’m on a regular schedule. The only thing that throws that off now is unplanned emergency surgeries. They can last a while, and if it’s toward the end of my regular day, well, it can get to be a long day. But enough about work. We’re here to relax and enjoy the evening. I’ve made reservations for us at NIKZ at the Top. I was thinking a nice night out on the town would give you a nice ending to your visit.”
Eric pulled up to the entrance of the building and opened Jessi’s door for her before handing the keys to the attendant. They entered and took the elevator to the top floor, where the rotat
ing restaurant was located. Jessi had never dined here, although she’d heard it was a beautiful way to see the city night lights. They were seated by the window. As she looked out over the city, she was amazed at how darkness with a touch of light could make even the dirtiest, seediest parts of the city look beautiful. Those who recommended the view were correct; it was stunning.
The wine steward appeared with their finest house wine. Before he could ask, Jessi spoke up. “Eric, I am fine with water. I would rather not have any wine.” While never caring for alcohol to begin with, Jessi was adamantly against it since the accident. She was even uncomfortable being in someone else’s presence when they drank. Knowing the circumstances surrounding her son’s death, Eric was comfortable ordering bottled water for both of them. He then dismissed the wine steward.
He apologized, “I’m sorry, Jessi. I should have thought about that beforehand.”
The waiter appeared with the menus and also told them of the house specials. They both took a few minutes to look over the menu. Eric asked if she was ready to order, and when she was he nodded to the waiter. The waiter approached the table, and Eric ordered for both of them. “We’ll start with the baked Brie, then the lobster bisque. For the lady, grilled salmon with rice pilaf and garlic-sautéed vegetables. I will have your nine-ounce filet mignon, medium rare, with mushroom demi-glace, risotto, and asparagus.”
The waiter collected their menus. “Very good choice. The salmon was flown in fresh this morning, and the filet has been aged to perfection. I’m sure you both will enjoy your meals.” He left them both to their conversation and the constantly changing view of the city.
Eric watched Jessi. This environment suited her. She seemed very comfortable. “You were meant for this kind of lifestyle, you know that, don’t you?”
Jessi had always dreamed of the perfect life, and yes, she had to admit it included being well enough off financially to never have to worry about anything. She smiled at Eric. He’d given her a taste of what it would be like to fulfill those dreams. “This is like another world for me, Eric. So different from what I am used to. I’m used to five-year-olds and their issues. I can open a great jar of spaghetti sauce and toss a mean salad. I have no idea what half the items on the menu are. Although, even I have to admit this is nice.” She didn’t want to give him any kind of hope, but it was hard to pretend she had no interest when on the inside she yearned for what she was seeing. The couple sitting closest to them was obviously very successful. The woman was dressed exquisitely and was wearing an absolutely beautiful necklace with a matching bracelet and earrings. She realized her interest was just a little too obvious when the woman looked over at her and smiled. Jessi could feel her face burning. Eric had watched the whole thing with amusement.
“Don’t worry. She likes being looked at. That’s why she wears what she is wearing. For the attention. You did not offend her.”
So Eric had noticed too. Great. “I’m sorry. She just captured my attention. It would seem she has everything.”
“You can never tell how happy a person is just by looking at them. You should know this, Jessi. She may look like she has it all, but what’s going on inside of her or behind closed doors may not be all that pleasant. The clothes and the jewelry don’t make the person. What’s inside makes the person. It’s a funny thing with people of wealth; oftentimes they use fine things to cover up everything that is not perfect in their lives. For some it may be a marriage held together by a Band-Aid, or a family torn apart by drugs or alcohol. Things are rarely what they appear to be, only a façade.”
“I guess when you have been without money most of your life, you tend to see it as a fix all. But you’re right. It just makes it easier to cover up everything that’s not right.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to have money. Obviously, I have spent a good deal of money on my vehicle, and I enjoy it. I work hard, and I enjoy nice things. Used properly, money is a great tool. We can’t live in today’s society without it. I’m just saying it’s easy to get caught up in the trap of needing to personify perfection to everyone if money becomes the fix all in a person’s life. What other people think becomes very important, and sometimes how people feel gets pushed to the wayside. Humility is often not a character trait of the rich.” Eric laughed a little. “You know, this is not the conversation I planned for this evening.”
The waiter appeared with the baked Brie and apples.
Jessi smiled and thanked the waiter. “Oh, really, and what conversation did you plan for this evening?” She helped herself to some of the appetizer.
“Well, I was hoping to convince you that you missed Oklahoma City way too much to live eight hundred miles away. I mean, look at all the ambiance that you are missing.”
“Are you referring to the restaurant or the company?”
“Guilty. I guess a little of both. How does that sound?”
“Honestly? A little scary. This is the first time I’ve gone out with anyone since the accident and divorce, and I’m not ready to commit to anyone. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready. Going with you tonight was a huge step for me.”
Eric reached for her hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry to pressure you, Jessi. That wasn’t my intent. I truly am thankful for your friendship. I have missed you all these years. You were a bright spot in my days. I enjoyed talking with you. It’s not often you meet someone who is just who they are no matter who they are around. I didn’t feel the need to be anything but myself with you. I just miss your company. No strings attached.” Eric couldn’t help smirking and adding, “Although, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Jessi pushed her plate away, completely stuffed. The waiter appeared with the dessert menu, and Jessi just groaned. “You would have to carry me out of here on a gurney if I took another bite.”
“I guess that means no. But thank you.” Eric paid the bill and took Jessi’s hand to help her to her feet.
“It was wonderful. Thank you.” Jessi couldn’t help but add, “I really enjoyed the ambiance, and not just the restaurant.”
“You do have a sense of humor, Jessi. You also have a beautiful smile. I wish I could see it more often. Let’s go, shall we?” The drive home was spent mostly in silence.
Eric walked her to the door and bent slightly and gave her a light kiss on the lips. “Thank you for a most wonderful evening, and I hope that you’ll think of me once in awhile. Good night, Jessi.” He turned and walked away, not giving her a chance to reply.
Jessi quietly slipped into the house. She made her way to her room and realized she’d had her fingers pressed to her lips, not moving them. Tears smeared her makeup and left a path down her cheeks. In all this time she’d not realized just how lonely she was. Except for a young a child and an aging aunt, she was truly alone in this world. Not only alone, but lonely.
Chapter 23
Jessi spent Saturday doing laundry and packing her and Olivia’s things. It was the end of July, and it was time to go home. They were going to spend the day here with Aunt Merry, and after much begging and pleading by Olivia, Jessi promised they wouldn’t leave until after supper on Sunday. Mark had said his good-byes the day before, promising that he would contact them as soon as he arrived in Wisconsin. He told Jessi that he would make up all the money he owed for child support. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it while he was in prison, but he would help her as soon as he got a job, giving more than would normally be required of him.
Jessi was humming while she took all but their overnight bags to the car. Aunt Merry had wanted to ask Jessi all day about her time with Doctor Phillips. Finally she got up the nerve. “I take it from all the singing and the smiles that your date went well last night.”
Jessi turned and grinned smugly at her aunt while continuing to hum as she worked.
“What kind of answer is that?” Not expecting a reply, Aunt Merry went to the kitchen to prepare a light lunch of grilled cheese a
nd tomato soup. She’d already started a special good-bye supper, and she didn’t want lunch ruining their appetite for supper.
When the sandwiches were ready, she called both Jessi and Olivia to the kitchen. Olivia asked for permission to eat in the garden with her dolls, which Aunt Merry quickly granted. Now she would have Jessi’s undivided attention and get some answers. They both sat down at the table, Jessi still with that smirk on her face. “All right, that’s it. My patience is running out. Tell me about last night.”
Jessi almost burst out laughing at her aunt. “Okay, I’ll tell you, although there really isn’t much to tell. Nothing can come of it anyway. It just felt…well, nice.” She continued on. “We went to NIKZ at the Top, and I ordered the fresh salmon. It was a very pleasant evening. I realized how much I’ve missed adult companionship. We talked for what seemed like hours, and then we came home. End of story.”
Aunt Merry looked at her with skepticism. “Are you sure that’s it?”
Jessi took the last bite of her sandwich and stood up and headed to the door. “What else could there be?” She grinned and walked through the door. She opened the door just enough to look around the corner to Aunt Merry sitting at the table. “Oh yeah, did I mention he kissed me good night?”
All Merry heard after that was laughter emanating from the living room. He kissed her good night? What did that mean? What was she thinking? Surely she wasn’t seriously considering this relationship, was she? Lord, this was not in my plan. What are you up to? Merry continued with her supper preparations. The meat was marinating and the rolls were rising by the time Jessi came back into the kitchen for a drink.
Until Forever (Women of Prayer) Page 13