by Peggy Webb
Consequently when he awakened on Sunday morning he was tired and cranky, two feelings so foreign to him that he decided he was coming down with something serious.
All four children were out of bed by eight, as lively and bouncy as four rubber balls in a juggling act. By the time Betty June arrived to take them home, Dan was feeling frazzled and fractious.
His sister came into the house in her usual breezy manner, dispensing hugs and advice at the same time.
“Merry, I’m going to have to call you my little raspberry girl. Go in the bathroom, honey, and wash the jelly off your face. Good land, Butch, you and Sam quit bouncing on Uncle Dan’s sofa. My goodness. I have to put my feet up just a minute.” She settled into the rocking chair beside Dan’s fireplace.
Dan propped one elbow on the mantel and observed the chaos in his house. It was the first time in his life he’d ever considered that his sister’s four children were rowdy.
“How was Memphis, Betty June?”
“Great. Ron was so carried away with the exhibit that he started working on a Rodin lecture as soon as we got back. How did it go here?”
“Butch was sick last night. Upset stomach.”
“He looks healthy enough now. One of them always has a stomachache or a runny nose or a stubbed toe.”
“I called Janet. I didn’t want to take any chances.”
Betty June leaned back in her chair and beamed at her brother. “Are you sure you called the doctor for Butch?”
“Not entirely.”
“Well, don’t look so glum about it. In a romance, any excuse to see your lover will do.”
“It’s not like that, Betty June.” Dan gazed at his sister, but he was not seeing her. He was seeing a woman with dark red hair and bright brown eyes. “In fact, I don’t know what it’s like. Everything always seems to go wrong between us.”
His sister stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Dan, you’ve been a bachelor too long. I think you’re scared to death of commitment.”
“Scared? I’ve never been scared of a thing in my entire life. I’d walk into a pit of snakes and not be scared.”
“I know it. But for some reason you’re scared to walk down the aisle.”
“I’ve never found the right woman.” Unconsciously his chin came up in a gesture of defiance. “When I find the right woman, then I’ll walk down the aisle.”
“Well, now, let me see. Ten years ago there was Sandra, who was just too flighty, and a year after that there was that horse-faced blonde with legs that reached from here to Arkansas... what was her name?”
“She wasn’t horse-faced, and her name was Gretchen.”
“Ahh, yes. Gretchen. I believe her failing was that she was a daddy’s girl.” Betty June ticked the women off on her fingers. “And then there was Maria... the one who talked too much. After her came Sylvia...”
“Stop.” Laughing, Dan held up his hand. “Saying I’m scared just because I didn’t marry any of them is stretching things a bit far. They were all seriously flawed.”
“Humph.” She turned to her children. “Merry, Peter, go get your things so we can go home.” Then she faced her brother again. “I suppose you’ve found some serious failing in Dr. Janet Hall. Don’t look so surprised. Your face is a dead giveaway. You look like a man caught with one foot in Heaven’s gates and one on a banana boat sliding into hell.”
“Banana peel.”
“Whatever.” She pinched his cheek. “You look a sight, Dan. Better call your doctor.”
Merry and Peter came back with their overnight satchels, and Betty June gathered her children and started toward the door.
“Bye, Uncah Dan.”
“Can we come back next week?”
“Can we see six moo-bees nex’ time?”
All the children were talking at once. Betty June turned to wave at her brother. “Remember what I said, Dan.”
Call your doctor. The phrase echoed in his mind after his sister had gone. In order to clear his head, he decided to go for a long walk. He got his leather jacket from the hall tree and crammed his baseball cap on his head.
Still standing in the hallway he called his dog. “Harvey. Come on, boy. Let’s go for a walk.”
When there was no answer he walked through the house, searching the rooms one by one. Then he checked the backyard. The first thing he saw was the open back gate. The next thing he saw was the hole under the fence.
“Harvey, you old son of a gun.” Dan was grinning when he said it. “Might as well take that walk without him.”
The streets were Sunday-morning empty, and the air was clear and crisp in a way that happens only in January. Dan ambled down Church Street, not walking for exercise but meandering along to the jumbled tune that was playing in his head.
Without consciously planning it, he soon found himself standing at Janet’s front door. He did the next natural thing: he knocked. She didn’t come immediately to the door, so he knocked again. When she didn’t answer that summons, he decided she was either at church or at the hospital on an emergency call.
He was just turning to leave when he heard his name being called.
“Dan!” Janet was across the street, waving.
He crossed over quickly. She was dressed in wool slacks and jacket, and her cheeks were pink from cold. Seeing her so unexpectedly made him feel almost shy. He gazed down at her as if he hadn’t seen her in years. Finally she broke the silence.
“How’s Butch?”
“He’s fine. There were no more problems.”
“That’s good.”
There was another awkward pause.
“I thought you would be in church,” he said.
“I had to get out this morning. Somehow I couldn’t bring myself to be cooped up inside with a crowd of people.”
“Neither could I.” They looked at each other for a long while, their eyes searching, their breaths making small cloud puffs in the air. “I went for a walk and I ended up at your front door.”
“We always end up at each other’s front doors. Don’t we, Dan?”
“Yes. It must be significant.”
“That’s one of the things I’m trying to sort out this morning.” She lifted her hand as if she would touch him, then slowly withdrew it.
“Have you come to any conclusions?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no easy solution to our problem. There might even be no solution.”
“I won’t accept that.” He reached for her hands. “No gloves? Doctor, you need somebody to take care of you.” He blew on her cold hands, then rubbed them between his warm ones. Finally, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pair of fur-lined leather gloves. “Wear these, Doc.”
“I’m just going across the street.”
“Back home?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll escort you.” Putting one arm around her waist and holding one of her cold hands in his, he led her back across the street. Standing in her parking lot, still holding on, he said, “Have you seen Harvey today?”
“No. I thought he was still at your house.”
“So did I. But he’s missing again.”
“You don’t sound too distraught.”
“I’m not. I suspect he’s courting. There’s a big hole under the fence between my yard and the one next door, and the back gate is open.”
“How does that add up to a courtship?”
“Didn’t I tell you? Harvey seems to have taken a shine to the fancy big poodle next door. Gwendolyn.”
Janet laughed. “Romance is so simple for dogs.”
Dan looked wistful. “If I tried barking and wagging my tail, would you disappear with me?”
She considered all the possibilities of disappearing with Dan. The prospect made her cheeks burn. “I would probably take it as a symptom of mental disorder and recommend a good psychiatrist.”
“What if I throw in sitting up and begging?�
��
She laughed. “In that case, I might invite you in for a cup of hot chocolate.”
As they entered her apartment she reflected on how easy it was to laugh with Dan. In that way he had added a rare dimension to her life. It was something she couldn’t dismiss without thought.
They hung their coats in the hall closet and went into the kitchen. Dan helped her measure cocoa and sugar and milk. When she started to zap it in the microwave, he stopped her.
“Let’s do it the old-fashioned way.” Digging around in the cabinets, he came up with a pan. He put the pan on the stove, poured the mixture in and turned on the gas. “It stays hot longer this way.”
“It also takes longer to prepare.”
“Some things are worth waiting for.”
“Are they, Dan?”
They faced each other in the small kitchen. It would be so easy to move forward without considering what might lie ahead. It would be so easy to forget their differences. She whirled to the stove, grabbed an insulated glove and took the hot pan off. “Chocolate’s ready,” she said.
“I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Well, I haven’t.” She jerked a teacup out of the cabinet and poured the steaming liquid. It sloshed over the side of the cup and spattered on her wrist.
“You’ve burned yourself.”
Still holding the hot pan, she faced him. “I’m a doctor. I can take care of it.”
His jaw clenched. Stalking across the kitchen he got a dishcloth, wrapped it around the hot handle and lifted the pot from her hands. It clanked as he banged it back down onto the stove. Then he took Janet’s arm and examined it.
All their differences seemed bound in that small red wound.
“Does it hurt?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll make it better.” He lifted her wrist to his lips and kissed it.
“I’m afraid that’s not the solution, Dan.” She pulled her hand out of his grasp, went into her den got a tube of ointment from her medical bag.
“Here. At least let me do that.” He took the ointment from her. “This should never have happened, Janet. I’m sorry.”
“I was careless. It’s not your fault.”
“In a way it is. I keep baiting you without really saying what’s on my mind.”
“What’s on your mind, Dan?”
“You. I want you in a way that is totally selfish. I want your respect, your time, your passion, your body. I want you to be unconditionally mine.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“I know it.” Unconsciously he rubbed the small wound on her arm. “I keep hurting you.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“I’m not talking about the burn.”
“I know that, too, Dan. And I’m sure that in many ways I hurt you.” She could see in his face that she was right, and the knowledge saddened her. Quietly she pulled her hand out of his grasp. “Next week is going to be very busy for me.”
“It will be busy for me, as well. The Eagles have two games, which means some long, hard practice sessions.”
“This is the best way, Dan. I think we both need some time to think.”
“Perhaps you’re right.” He gazed at her a moment longer, then lifted his hand in a small salute. “I’ll see you, Doc.”
“Let me get your coat.”
“There’s no need for you to bother. I know the way out.”
The door banging shut behind him had such a ring of finality, something inside Janet snapped.
“Dan!” she called. But it was too late. He had already gone.
o0o
After Dan left Janet’s condo, he jogged and then ran toward home. He needed activity, hard activity. He had a strong hunch that he had just made a severe tactical error with Janet, and that he was very close to losing the entire game.
Once he got home, he hopped into his truck and went to the school where he taught. Taking his key, he let himself into the gymnasium. He worked with the weights until he was exhausted. Only then did he sit down on one of the benches to think.
He supposed the trouble with the relationship was that he had approached it as he would any game. He had expected the entire courtship to play by the rules. Too late, he had discovered that there were no rules. But was it too late?
He refused to believe that. He would figure out a solution, and when he did he’d go back on the field and win.
Feeling better, he got into his truck and went home. A quick check showed that Harvey had not come home.
“You must be doing better than I am, old man,” Dan muttered to himself. Still, he walked around the block calling Harvey.
When he got home, he gathered an armful of firewood and built a big fire in his den. When it was crackling nicely, he sat down in a rocker. A faint scent of jasmine drifted to him. He reached onto the table and picked up Janet’s scarf. Holding it to his face he inhaled her fragrance. It was like reading a sad poem of love lost.
Chapter Ten
Late Monday evening, while the glow of the setting sun was still in the sky, Harvey returned to Church Street. Dan, just home from soccer practice, looked out the kitchen window and saw him prance through the back gate that had been left open for his return. Close behind him was Gwendolyn, looking smug and self-satisfied.
Dan filled Harvey’s dish with dog food and went outside. He set the dish beside the back door and waited for Harvey’s usual exuberant greeting. All he got was a gentlemanly wag of the tail.
“I guess you’re pretty hungry after being gone for two days.”
Harvey came up and sniffed the food and then went back to his shy lover. They had a brief communication in dog language, and then they both came forward to share the supper dish.
“Is this your new girlfriend, Harvey? Or is she your fiancée now?”
Harvey thumped his tail and grinned.
“I suppose it will be up to me to ask for her hand in marriage.”
Harvey whined his agreement.
Chuckling, Dan fastened the back gate and went back inside. He couldn’t wait to tell Janet.
He was halfway into his coat when he remembered that they were supposed to be taking time to think. Telling her about Harvey wouldn’t count, of course. She’d want to hear news of him. After all, he was her dog, too.
“Who are you kidding, Coach?” He paced the hall, totally unaware of one jacket sleeve dragging along behind him. “You can’t stay away from the woman. Admit it.”
Suddenly the truth hit him: he was in love with Dr. Janet Hall. He stopped dead still in the middle of his hallway. A huge smile spread over his face.
“I’m in love with her.” He was so pleased with the sound of the words that he tried them out again. “I love Dr. Janet Hall.”
He hurried down the hall, and only when his sleeve got caught in the front door did he realize that his jacket was half on and half off. Shrugging into the other sleeve, he headed for his pickup truck.
Jubilation filled him as he drove along. By the time he got to her apartment he was fairly singing with joy.
She didn’t answer the doorbell until the fourth ring. If he hadn’t seen her car in the driveway he’d have thought she was not at home.
He knew she would be surprised to see him, and he thought she might even be upset; but when she opened the door she was quiet and reserved, even subdued.
“Dan.” She stood almost uncertainly in the doorway, then she opened the door wider. “Come in.”
His first instinct was to sweep her into his arms and say, “I love you.” But on second thought he decided to take his time, to set the stage and pick the right moment. It was almost like setting up a soccer goal and waiting for the perfect time to kick the ball.
He stepped into her entry hall. “I know it’s late, but I wanted to tell you the good news about Harvey.”
It seemed to take a moment for Janet to focus her thoughts on Harvey. Then she gave him a small smile. “Come in. You can tell me while we sit in comfortable
chairs.”
He followed her into the den. As she turned to face him he noticed that she was extremely pale. She still wore high heels and a dark green wool suit that made her skin look like translucent ivory by contrast. Gone were the rose and gold tones of a Rubens painting.
She obviously hadn’t been home long enough to change, and she was probably very tired. He’d tell her about Harvey, then make a real date to tell her that he loved her—a dinner date with candlelight and wine and roses.
He settled into the chair beside her fireplace and she sat on the sofa.
“Harvey came home today—with his girlfriend.”
“The poodle.”
“Yes. Gwendolyn. From the looks of things I believe I’m going to have to ask for her hand in marriage so Harvey can make an honest woman of her.”
“That’s good news. I’m glad to hear it.” Her smile was somewhat shaky and so were her hands. She picked up two long needles and a skein of navy blue wool.
“Are you knitting?”
“I’m trying. Eleanor gave me the wool today. She even got me started on this sweater at lunch break.” She held the unfinished sweater up for his inspection. Her lips trembled slightly.
“It looks great to me.”
“It’s not great. It’s awful.” A tear trickled down her cheek.
Dan bolted from his chair in alarm. Crossing the room, he knelt beside the sofa and patted her hand. “It takes a while to learn. Betty June took four months to knit her first sweater. You’ll get the hang of it.”
“No, I won’t. Just look at that.” She pulled up a section of knitting that faintly resembled a sleeve. “It will reach clear to Kansas and ba...ack.” The tears began to rain down her cheeks in earnest.
“Hey, now.” Dan quickly sat on the sofa and pulled her into his arms, putting her head against his chest and smoothing her hair with his big hands. “There now, Doc. Don’t cry, baby. It’s not important. I don’t care if you never pick up another knitting needle as long as you live.”
She sobbed against his shirt. “I wanted... to do...it. Not just... for you. For me... to re-e-ela-a-ax.”
He’d never seen Janet anything but composed. He guessed he had thought she wasn’t even capable of tears. The thought shamed him. Being a doctor didn’t make her any less human; it just made her more controlled.