Secrets (1985)

by Steel, Danielle

  Do you want to leave your car here? I can always pick you up in the morning. You're on my way.

  He was surprised that her apartment was as simple as it was. Despite the income he suspected she must have, and her salary, which he knew more about, she lived very modestly in a garden apartment with no view, and a small cozy bedroom. She had put posters up everywhere, of places she had been and places she wanted to go to. And there were a million pots in her kitchen, which she seemed to seldom use, except tonight in his honor. It was obvious she wasn't overly familiar with the stove, and the pasta was by far not the best he had eaten. But neither of them seemed to notice as they chatted about the show, and for once steered clear of any talk about his troubles.

  What's your family like, Gab?

  Rich. She grinned. That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it?

  He laughed. Other than that. Do you like them?

  Occasionally. All my mother thinks about is clothes, and my father thinks she's terrific. It was a simple summary, but not entirely without cause.

  Brothers and sisters?

  Only me. He was an only child too and he often found it a burden. He had wanted to have children with Sandy eventually, but it was never even a possibility in the condition she was in so soon after they were married. When I was a little kid, they spoiled me rotten. And they went crazy when I decided to become an actress.

  My parents weren't overly thrilled either. My father wanted me to sell insurance like him. They never really understood me, as the saying goes. They live back east and I haven't seen them in three years. I sent them a Christmas card telling them I'd gotten married, and my mother wrote back to tell me how hurt they were not to have been told, or introduced to Sandy before. Then they sent us a salad bowl, and I've hardly heard from them since. I'm not real good about staying in touch. I have nothing to say to them.

  My father wanted me to become an attorney. I guess we both blew it. She didn't seem upset and he smiled at her.

  They won't think so next year. You'll be the hottest young star in Hollywood. They both silently wondered if he'd still be on the show, but neither of them said it.

  Maybe not. Maybe the show will bomb and get canceled.

  Bill laughed. Not likely. Not one of Mel Wechsler's shows. He has the Midas touch. He reeled off his successes on both hands, and Gabby smiled.

  Amazing, isn't it? I still wonder how come he picked me.

  Because you're good. Bill said it with a warm smile, and he meant it.

  So are you. It was honest praise from both of them, and they were good. They both worked hard and had great skill. Mel had chosen his cast well, and they both knew it, at least about each other. Sabina still scares the shit out of me sometimes. Jane makes everything so easy, and Sabina just oozes tension. Gabby looked very young as she said it, leaning her head on her hand, as they sat in the midst of their dishes on the kitchen table.

  She loves playing star.

  Sometimes I wonder what's inside her.

  Not much. Diamonds and mink and Mel's bank account. The usual stuff.

  Gabby laughed and then looked serious for a moment. I think there's a lot more to her than we know. She's just very private.

  Like you? He was intrigued by her, he had been ever since he found out who she was, but jealous too. It seemed unfair to him sometimes that some people had so much while others had nothing. But at least she didn't show it. He had fantasized that she had a butler and a maid and mink carpets, and she wasn't that way at all. She was extremely simple and direct and honest ' and warm ' he felt a lot of things about her that he hadn't before, and he didn't know quite how they tallied up. She was a strange girl, intelligent and proud, with powerful loyalties, and a strong sense of friendship. She would have killed for Jane and Zack, and to outsiders, she even defended Sabina. To her, Manhattan was like a family, even more so than her own. And Bill was part of it, no matter how ornery he was, and they both knew he had been very much so.

  I'm exactly who I appear to be. Gabby Smith, actress. I work hard, I cook lousy, and who my grandfather was is not my fault. I've almost stopped feeling guilty. The show had been good for her. And even Bill's tormenting her had made her grow up, although it hadn't been easy. Somehow that just isn't important.

  I guess you're right.

  I hated it when I was a kid. Someone has always tortured me about it.

  He looked instantly guilty. Don't say that. You make me feel like a shit again.

  You were. But she didn't seem to hold it against him. But I lived through it. You'll live through what you're going through now, and you'll be better for it. She was a strong girl, and he liked that about her. As he listened to her, he realized that she was nothing like Sandy. Sandy had been weak and self-indulgent. There was nothing of that about Gabby.

  He looked at his watch then and realized it was after midnight. I should go. They both had to get up at the crack of dawn the next morning. Do you want to rehearse this weekend?

  She nodded pensively. She had given up on that with him a long time ago, but she looked up at him and smiled. Okay ' I think I could use it.

  Thank you for dinner.

  Any time. I do canned corned beef hash too. And ' instant ravioli! He laughed and she followed him to the door.

  Do you want me to help clean up?

  Of course not. The maid will be in in the morning.

  Really? At least some of his fantasies were correct, but she only laughed and shoved him out the door.

  Of course not, you dummy. I'm the cook and the maid ' and the chauffeur. Hey, she called out to him as he got into his car, don't forget to pick me up tomorrow. Six forty-five?

  I'll be here. Good night.

  She waved as he drove away, and walked slowly back inside and closed the door to her apartment.

  Chapter 28

  He picked her up five minutes late the next morning, looking sleepy, and Gabby got into the car with a-yawn and a smile. She had stayed up too late, cleaning up after their dinner, and reading the next day's lines. She was always well prepared, which was something he admired her for. In ten years in the business, he had worked with a lot of actresses who didn't do their homework. He commented on it as they drove to the studio, and she smiled at the praise. It was incredible how different he'd been ever since his arrest, and sadly enough, ever since Sandy's murder. As devastated as he was about her, and as hideous an experience as it had been, in a strange way, he seemed free now. But she didn't mention it to him, and when they got to the studio, they went their separate ways. They both had to get changed, and they had to have their makeup done, and Gabby had to get her hair done. She was to wear it in a French twist, and she had to report to the hairdressers by seven thirty.

  She looked like a different person when she met him later on the set, wearing a red suit and high heels, and diamond earrings.

  Miss Thornton-Smith? He swept her a bow and she made a face at him.

  Go to hell. The name is Tamara Martin.

  Sorry, you look just like ' But the teasing was friendly now, and they ran through their lines twice, while the stand-ins took their marks. The scene was lit half an hour later, and the day began for them as the bell rang, the assistant asked for Quiet please ' very quiet now ' roll cameras ' light it up ' action! It was a familiar refrain to them, and the scenes went smoothly for them, and for the other actors working that morning.

  He had a meeting with his attorneys in his dressing room during lunch, and Gabby had lunch with Zack and Jane. They were warm and affectionate with each other, and she looked at them with a wistful smile.

  You two make me lonely.

  Now, now. Zack gave her a hug as he helped himself to another Coke. By the time you're as old as we are, you'll be married with ten children.

  Not likely.

  What isn't? ' mind if I join you? It was Bill, looking tired and a little depressed, but he'd been looking for her, and someone had said she was probably in Jane's dressing room, where he finally found her.


  How did it go? Her eyes were worried as she glanced up at him, still holding her sandwich.

  Okay, I guess. They make me feel like Jesse James. But it wasn't funny, to him, or to any of them. The stakes were too high, and it was tragic to think of what had happened. I hope they know what they're doing.

  So do I, Gabby said in a whisper, as Jane watched her. She had also noticed the change in Bill and mentioned it to Zack, who figured the scare had made him reach out to all of them. He only hoped that some good would come of it in the end, and not more disaster.

  Who's up next? Bill asked.

  Sabina, Zack, and seven extras, Jane answered. I'm through for the day, but I thought I'd hang around. She was waiting for Zack, Gabby knew, but she didn't say it.

  What about us?

  You and Gabby are after, with Sabina's lawyers.'

  That should be a familiar scene. They all laughed, and the last moments of freedom went too quickly. Zack had to go back to the wardrobe mistress for his next suit, and Gabby sat for a few more minutes with Jane, while Bill ate an extra sandwich. He was ravenous after the tension of dealing with the attorneys. And then he walked Gabby back to her dressing room, as Jane wondered what was going on between them.

  Want to go out for a pizza tonight, Gab? He looked down at her in the doorway, and she smiled up at him.

  You're not going to get awfully tired of me, seeing me all day on the set, and for dinner too?

  Don't be a jerk. I'll take you to my favorite bar.

  Do I have to dress?

  He laughed. Not exactly. Do you play pool?

  She made a face. Billiards. Sorry. But don't tell anyone.

  Don't worry. I'll teach you.

  He took her to Mike's Bar when they finished work, and they ate hamburgers and played pool and he introduced her to Adam. My co-star, Gabby Smith. There was no talk of the Thornton, and no teasing this time, and Adam looked at her with open admiration. Several of the men did, and it made Bill realize how pretty she was. He glanced at her as they drove home and he asked her the question that had been bothering him all day.

  Am I cutting into anyone's time?

  Hmm? She looked confused. Sorry?

  I mean, are you seeing anyone?

  Oh. She shook her head. Not at the moment. The truth was that she hadn't had a serious date since she'd started working on Manhattan. She never had time, and no one she cared about had crossed her path in a long time.

  I was wondering about that. What's a pretty girl like you doing unattached? It sounded like a corny line but he was curious.

  I don't know ' maybe I work too hard. Maybe I'm hung up about people knowing who I am. I haven't thought about it much, I just haven't had time.

  That's a poor excuse. How old are you, Gabby?

  Twenty-five. She had had her birthday while they were in New York, and she had celebrated quietly with her parents. You?

  Thirty-three going on ninety.

  I thought you were younger.

  He laughed. Is that a compliment or an insult?

  Maybe both. She laughed too, and relaxed as he drove her home. You look younger on screen actually.

  I won't after the trial.

  Stop worrying about that. But she couldn't blame him.

  Wouldn't you?

  Yes. She was honest with him. But I just know it'll turn out all right.

  Even if it does he looked sad again, thinking of it I won't be coming back to Manhattan.

  You don't know that yet, Bill.

  I just don't think Wechsler will buy it. I've given him enough headaches for a lifetime, and I can see his point.

  Mel's a decent man, he won't let you go unless he feels he has to.

  I would in his shoes.

  She smiled gently at Bill. Then it's a good thing you're not. He smiled at her then, reminded of what a fool he had been, and wondered how he could have been so blind to her for so long, but he had been obsessed with Sandy. He tried explaining it to her over a glass of wine, when they got back to her apartment. It was spotless and there was no sign of the dinner the night before. He wondered if she really did have a maid, and didn't want to admit it. But she seemed amazingly neat as she poured the wine, and took out some snacks, and then put everything away. She was organized and tidy, and intelligent.

  You know, you're amazing, Gabrielle. He even liked her name.

  Don't be silly. Why?

  Because you're in control of everything you do, your life, your career, even your apartment. I can barely get my socks to match in the morning and feed my dog on time.

  What kind of dog do you have? She was curious about him now. She wanted to know more.

  A Saint Bernard named Bernie. He's a slob, but I love him. I've had a hell of a time finding a place that will take both of us though. And he was anxious to move as soon as possible, understandably, after all that had happened. Want to look with me this weekend? We could rehearse afterwards, or have dinner, or both, or ' His voice trailed off and she laughed. He was like a kid who had found a new best friend, and she was it. And she was both touched and flattered.

  I'd love to. She had nothing else to do and she enjoyed his company, and that night before he left, he kissed her, hesitantly, as though he wasn't sure what she would say. But she stood in the doorway, enjoying the sensations he gave her. Good night, she whispered.

  I'll see you in the morning. Can I pick you up again? He gently touched her face with his fingers.

  Sure. But you're going to get tired of me.

  Stop saying that. He suddenly had the feeling that he never would, not for a long, long time, and maybe never.

  She curled up in her bed that night, thinking of him, and she felt her body grow warm at the thought of him. There was so much about him she liked, and he was so different now, so much warmer and more open. And the next morning when he picked her up, there was a long-stemmed pink rose on her seat, tied with a white ribbon.

  For you, mademoiselle. He held it out to her, and she took it, pleased. It was a lovely way to start the day.

  You're spoiling me, Bill. She was almost afraid to let herself believe it. What if he changed again, if he slammed shut as he had before ' what if '

  You deserve it. You deserve a lot more than that. But the florists aren't open yet. It's from my neighbor's garden.

  Thank you. They exchanged a warm smile and he kissed her again before they got out of his car. Thank you for bringing me to work.

  Thank you for trying to save my ass, even if you were crazy to do it.

  She made a face. Oh, shut up.

  He was still amazed she had done that. It had been quite a thing to do. For all she knew, he had killed Sandy.

  The set was bustling that day. There were visitors, which always made everyone nervous at first, but they were friends of Mel's, and they had to put up with them, and the lighting men seemed especially slow, and during one of the big scenes, a plane flew just overhead, and they had to shoot the whole thing again because the sound man picked it up with his equipment. Gabby was tired at the end of the day, and she yawned when Bill drove her home.

  I'd offer to cook dinner but I don't think I can stay awake that long.

  It's okay. I should get home to Bernie anyway. There was no dog food this morning, and the poor hound must be starving.

  You'll have to introduce us sometime.

  Bill smiled as she got out. That's a deal. Hey ' you forgot something.

  What's that? She leaned back into the car and he took her face in his hands and kissed her.

  I'll miss you tonight.

  Me too. It was funny she had lived twenty-five years without him, and now an evening without him seemed empty. There was a sudden urgency to their lives now, and he called her when he got home and had fed the dog. He hated the cottage now, it seemed haunted to him. And he hoped he'd find something else that weekend.

  I'll pick you up tomorrow, he promised before he hung up, but she sounded hesitant.

  You don't think people will st
art to talk?

  Do you think anyone cares, they have their own lives to think about.

  I guess you're right. And she was amazed at how anxious she was to see him the next morning. It was like being fourteen again, and waiting all night to see your favorite boy in school ' your latest crush ' but he was more than that. He was interesting and fun, and serious at times, and they shared all the same interests. They loved going to the mountains, and wind surfing and sailing and skiing. She hadn't skiied at all that year. She was too busy working on the show, and it was in her contract that she couldn't.

  They rehearsed in her dressing room when they got to work, and they were both surprised at how well all their scenes went that day. They did them all in three takes, and even the director was pleased. He praised them both when they went to lunch, and Sabina eyed them with her best feline look.

  And what have you two been doing after hours, children? Rehearsing? Gabby blushed and Bill returned her stare. Sometimes she annoyed the hell out of him, especially when she picked on Gabby, which she still did often. Gabby was still the ingenue, and she was young enough to be Sabina's daughter, which Bill suspected irked her.

  Matter of fact, we have.

  My, my ' sometimes the best love affairs start out with a little touch of hatred. And you two certainly had your share of it this year. Kiss and make up, kiddies?

  Oh, go fry an egg, Sabina. He put an arm around Gabby and walked her to her dressing room. Sometimes she gives me such a pain in the ass, he muttered as Gabby took off the coat she'd been wearing on the set.

  She just needs to air her claws from time to time.

  As long as she doesn't sharpen them on my ass or yours ' he grumbled and helped himself to a soda, and then he turned to face Gabby again. She was looking beautiful. The expensive clothes of Fran+oois Brac suited her to perfection, but she only shrugged when he mentioned it.

  They remind me too much of my mother.