by S D Wile
“Well, what are you still staring at? Show’s over!” I screamed, without facing him hoping he’d get the hint and leave but he stood there, still. “Go away! Leave me alone!” I shrieked like an evil witch.
Before storming off he stared at me with his top lip curled, trying to stop himself from saying something equally rude. This was completely out of character for me but I didn’t care. The last thing I needed was another stranger witnessing another moment of crisis and sharing it with someone who would then tell the whole world. I sat there gathering my thoughts, trying to calm down and catch my breath.
After a few minutes, I started to feel the coldness of the wall I was leaning against. The shiny wooden floor was equally freezing, making me rigid. There was a set of ladders poorly covered by a white sheet and half-ripped wallpaper hung on the back wall. Cans of paint and an open box of light bulbs were sitting on the floor with me. As I looked to my left towards the double doors (the way I was dragged in) I realised that one of them was open and outside the door was a wooden sign which had been broken in half. In fact parts of the sign made their way into the studio. It looked as if this room had been broken into. Suddenly, the impression this would give people of me made me eager to leave.
As quick as a thief I grabbed my bag and ran towards the door, listened for anyone that might be walking nearby and then slowly stuck my head out. Thankfully, there was no one around so I raced down the corridor, turned left to go up to the next floor and straight into the ladies. What a relief it was to look in the mirror and see that I did not look like the exposed mess that I seemed to have become. My hair was a bit out of place after being man-handled by that guy but other than that you could not tell that I’d been on the brink of crying. At that moment I heard my phone ring. It was Sonia. She must be wondering where I am I thought.
“Hello.”
“Hey, are you OK? I just bumped into that Jenny and she said that she’d bumped into you. What happened?” She sounded frantically out of breath from speaking too fast.
“Meet me outside the entrance and I’ll tell you what happened,” I sighed.
“OK, I’m on my way now.”
“Oh and make sure no one comes with you.” I almost panicked at the thought of having someone else there.
“No worries.”
After a walk towards Sonia’s car (an almost ancient motor) which was parked imaginatively between two spaces in the car park, I found out that Jenny had already expressed her concern for ‘the girl who had lost her mind and become the town nutcase’.
While I was sitting in the studio trying to get my head around what had just happened, Jenny had not wasted a single second in spreading more rumours. However, when Sonia told me that she’d responded to Jenny’s accusations by telling her to ‘go comb the bird nest on her head’ I found myself giggling hysterically. I loved how Sonia always had a comical response when confronted. This was also why she was rarely impressed by chat-up lines. She always had something even wittier to say back and it always expressed how offended she was by being interrupted to listen to such a poor remark.
Pigeons roamed the high street as the soft, subtle winds danced among the golden leaves. I was relieved to see that it wasn’t as busy and noisy as usual, probably because it was just after the lunchtime rush.
“I’ll park outside Coffee Time. You still working there?” asked Sonia.
“Yeah I’m doing an evening shift tomorrow.” I was actually looking forward to it after having spoken to Hugo. I needed to be around nice people. We walked in swiftly and I ordered a chai tea latte for myself and an Americano for Sonia who had found us a cosy window seat. I noticed there was a new girl serving us; she had hair as black as soot with candyfloss pink tips, a nose piercing and pale complexion.
“Hi Izzie, how are you?” said a red-haired male in his late teens. This was Craig. I’d worked a couple of shifts with him. I didn’t know him that well but he was always bubbly and pleasant.
“I’m fine thanks. You?”
“Never better. Hugo’s gone out for a couple of hours and I’m holding the fort whilst training Leah.” He cocked his head towards the new girl, who looked nervous.
“Hi Leah, I’m Izzie. I also work here as a barista.”
“She’s lying, she doesn’t really work here,” mocked Craig.
“Very funny! Anyway I’d better go join my friend. Nice to meet you.”
Sonia was absorbed by tweeting on her phone when I sat down opposite her. I felt like I owed her an explanation for everything in detail but at the same time I didn’t want to dwell on it anymore. The main thing was that she understood that I didn’t try to end my life and leave our friendship like that. If I didn’t talk about it then maybe it would just bury deeper and deeper into the past. After an hour long chat about how rubbish Sonia’s love life had been and how my home life wasn’t any better, we decided that we were only going to surround ourselves with positivity. This then inspired a humorous conversation about the different ways to eliminate negativity, in other words Jenny. We laughed and joked about endless possibilities, one of them being Jenny waking up in the morning and finding that her bird’s nest of a hair style had evolved into the mother of all knots. Therefore, she would have to stay indoors detangling her hair for the rest of her college life. Sonia’s impressions of Jenny detangling her hair reminded me of the wildlife video we had watched in school once. It involved an orang-utan and some vines. We laughed so much that Sonia looked like she was crying and I was struggling to breathe and speak at the same time. Four coffees later, the image of Chidlow nagging me sprung to my mind.
“The assignment! I need to collect mine. I completely forgot! That’s what I was going to do until I bumped into that cow!”
“Chill, we’ll go up there now plus I need to return some overdue books to the library. Hopefully they won’t notice,” smiled a cunning Sonia.
That afternoon, I walked to the main office hoping I had received a decent mark as it would be the good news I desperately needed. Even if my social life wasn’t the best right now it would be great to know that my studies hadn’t been affected. Whilst I was out of college, I hadn’t received any letters in the post regarding a retake otherwise I’m sure Chidlow would have mentioned it earlier. Impatiently, I pushed through the double glass doors opening up to a navy carpeted corridor with rows of floral artwork on both sides. At the end of the corridor were some automatic doors which opened up to the back of the brightly lit, marble floored foyer. This wide space housed the main office which was in the centre, with a grey horseshoe-shaped table encasing two metal cabinets and the receptionists, Linda and Macy.
With a warm smile they greeted everyone, never forgetting to remind visitors of the fire exits, toilets, canteen and closing hours. Linda reminded me of my French teacher at school, five feet six inches tall, elegantly dressed, polite and as patient as a saint. Whereas Macy was more like a crazy aunty who’d always ask if your studies and love life were OK. Listening to these two was like listening to your mum and her friends on a Sunday afternoon with a cup of tea and ginger biscuits.
“Hello dear,” greeted Macy.
“We were wondering where you’d gone,” smiled Linda.
“I know… You’ve found yourself a boyfriend haven’t you?” Macy winked with a grin. I laughed at the thought of it. They hadn’t heard the rumours and I was glad!
“I’m afraid there’s no boyfriend. I’ve just had a lot going on, but I’m back now,” I smiled.
“You’ve come to co...” Linda was about to finish her sentence when her eyes suddenly drifted over my right shoulder, with her jaw dropping to the floor. As soon as I went to turn my head, a box with the words ‘Fragile’ stamped across it had been literally shoved in my face onto the desk.
“Sorry ladies, I’ve been asked to deliver this.” Shockingly, this familiar voice kept on charming Linda and Macy without a care in the world. How rude! I thought. My temperature was rapidly reaching boiling point as I stood there starin
g hard at this dark haired, leather-jacket-wearing stranger. His confident way with the ladies was not going to work on me, so I stared rather rudely. Oh my goodness. This was the guy who dragged me out of that fight with Jenny! Look at him, continuing like nothing happened. First he interfered with one of my personal matters and then he interrupts my conversation. If looks could kill he would have been packed in the box he was delivering.
“Just before you leave young man, would you like to give us your name? For our records,” asked Macy.
“Sure darling, Christian Reedman,” he responded, holding back the old habit of saying his real name.
Macy gently took the parcel as he turned towards me, staring with his ocean-blue eyes. At that moment every frustrated idea just stopped, froze. I felt numb. His face, the way he stood and that expression. It was ever so familiar...
Chapter 11
Cale had been working on the Room of Rituals for almost a day, without the help of Christian. He knew something odd was going on with Christian as he had never seen him so distant when they had been working together. He’d barely engaged in any conversation. It wasn’t natural for their kind to be so distracted from their duties. The Rourkes were taught to stay focused, not to get distracted like Echra, who was banished underwater forever for loving the sun too much. It was during her resurrection in the sea that she was reborn as Morbidma.
However, if this had never happened the Children of Orsa would never have been born. It was Echra’s choices that they learnt from, inscribed in the Book of Orsa by the elders. This ancient text has always guided them, referring to all the teachings by number. What Cale didn’t understand was why Christian would take such a risk in being so obvious about his unnatural state of mind. He was rebelling. Cale knew this was why he wasn’t with him right now following through Sebastian’s orders. Christian was Sebastian’s favourite, the best soldier of Orsa he’d say, yet it was ironic that he seemed to be on the path against Orsa. The thought of the consequences almost sickened Cale and he knew that he must find him to make things right.
Night time was the least likely time to be seen by an elder therefore he decided to search for him then.
During the night the elders became one with Orsa and channelled their minds with the leadership of Morbidma. As one, they were able to communicate to Orsa who showed them how their world began from the life of Echra till now.
As Orsa had developed over thousands of years the elders spent half of their lifetime receiving the memories of Morbidma who alone had access to the history of the world. When they eventually reach the present day’s events they will become enlightened and be able to channel the powers of Orsa and start to see events of the future. Only one had reached the level of enlightenment and was known as the mother of the ocean, Morbidma. Morbidma had reached the level of eternal life and lived through the ocean as the owner of souls. Even though she procured such knowledge it was forbidden to give any opinions or interfere with the events to come. In a trance she dwelled beyond the abyss, surrounded by beautifully coloured, almost transparent, mysterious creatures who obeyed her every command. Seeing such creatures was a sign that Morbidma was close by.
Just as I was about to leave the main office I felt a hand on my shoulder. The thought of it being Christian brought my heart to a halt. In slow motion I turned to my right, only to see a slim woman wearing a grey pencil skirt with a white blouse, ruby-red lipstick which was striking against her pale complexion and blonde hair. Even though I should have been relieved, I felt on edge as this was the last person I wanted to speak to: Claire the college mentor. The irony of it all was that I actually wanted to become a psychologist one day yet dreaded the idea of people seeing me as they saw Claire. This made me doubt my decision at times but now I had chosen this path I was determined to stay on it.
“Isabelle, good to see you. How are you today?” she asked. I couldn’t believe she said ‘today’. What did that even mean? That I was a wreck every other day? Taking a deep breath I smiled and nodded whilst quickly glancing around me to see if anyone was paying attention to the fact that the girl who was being rumoured as a ‘crazy person’ was now speaking to the college mentor. I had to think about how I responded to Claire carefully, as she would use my body language and tone of voice to make her judgements rather than what I said. I knew this because I was used to doing this myself at home with my family.
Click, click, click. “Isabelle, hello. Are you still here?” I didn’t even realise that I’d fallen into my own thought trail until I saw Claire clicking her fingers at me. Great! This was exactly what I needed, I thought, annoyed at myself.
“Come on Isabelle. Let’s get a drink from the canteen,” she said calmly as she guided me back towards it. The dread must have shown clearly on my face as just then I locked eyes with Christian who was leaning against the notice board in the foyer with an amused grin. Why was he looking so smug? Had he been watching me the whole time? Anyway, forget about him. I need to make an excuse and avoid having a ‘chat’ with her in the canteen. Make an excuse, make an excuse. These words kept on replaying in my mind, getting louder and louder the closer we got to the canteen. Everyone’s going to see you with her and it will look like I’ve asked for some help, the help Jenny had been telling everyone I needed. Just tell her you don’t want to talk, screamed the voice inside my head but every time I opened my mouth nothing came out. I could just feel a lump in my throat.
“How are things at home?” smiled Claire. That facial expression had been frozen for a good ten minutes now.
“Things are fine,” I told her, whilst facing the opposite direction. Not telling the truth was something I had always been rubbish at as I had an awful habit of grinning awkwardly when I was nervous and lying made me nervous!
“You mean better?” questioned Claire.
“What do you mean by better?” I snapped back.
“Well I know you’ve been having a difficult time lately and…”
“Everyone’s been as supportive as possible and I feel fine,” I interrupted. I’d purposely stopped before the double doors that opened up to the corridor which led towards the canteen.
“If I can just have some space, I’ll be able to figure things out by myself which is what I need right now,” I explained as I glared assertively into her bright eyes. Claire then paused and took a step back, quite surprised by my response.
“I’m taking things day by day and it’s working for me.” Keeping eye contact was much easier now as I was actually telling the truth.
As I had already faced Jenny I felt that for today the worst was over. However, I couldn’t stop wondering where I’d seen Christian before and why he’d interfered with my affairs. I’m a stranger to him. Why would he care if I got excluded or not? He barely acknowledged me at the office, only to grin at me later? What was he up to? Realising I’d fallen into my own thoughts again I quickly snapped out of it only to see that Claire had been speaking to me all that time.
“Also we’ll start discussing how you feel step by step,” she finished.
“OK but not right now. I will let you know when I’m ready.” What it was that I was supposed to be ready for, I had no idea.
“Promise me you will come to me if you have any problems.” I have lots of problems I thought but that didn’t mean I had to go to someone to solve them.
“I promise I will speak to you when I need to,” I smiled.
Jenny and my dad were all on the same side (against me). I had to take time out to gather my thoughts and find a solution. If I needed to speak to someone I would speak to Sonia as she was the only one who seemed to believe that I had actually got caught up in an accident. At one point I was enjoying the cool ocean breeze and the feel of the water on my feet and the next thing I was drowning in the sea.
Chapter 12
When I arrived home I was surprised to see Naomi there as she was usually at her boyfriend’s. Lately her and my dad had been getting along well, probably because they both thought it
was their duty to keep an eye on me so that I didn’t do anything stupid. I knew there was no point in trying to speak to them as they had shown their true colours when I was in hospital. The only thing I could do was avoid them but having them sitting there in the living room asking me to join them didn’t help.
Carrot cake was my favourite and my sister was slicing it when I walked in. If I turned down their offer they would know something was wrong.
Naomi looked tired. I could tell she’d just got back from work as she was still in her work attire. My dad seemed happier than usual. The image seemed quite surreal. Next I expected my mum to waltz in like she used to, full of happiness and laughter. That’s when it dawned on me. She wasn’t ever coming through that door or any other door again. I sat there sipping my tea, hoping to wash down that horrible feeling of loss.
“How was your day?” Naomi asked.
“Fine,” I coughed. “Bumped into Jenny Summers,” I blurted out, whilst glaring at my dad who I knew had spoken to Jenny’s dad. I knew the both of them had come up with the assumption that I had attempted suicide.
“What did she say?”
“Oh the usual. That I have a mental problem and I’m crazy.” Anger was starting to fuel inside me from the sense of betrayal. My own family had believed an outsider over me. I knew they expected me to be ashamed of my actions and admit that I tried to end my life.
The silence was bitter. No one had spoken after my comment.
“She’s got nothing better to do I suppose,” chuckled Naomi.
“Yeah, you know what teenagers can be like,” interjected my dad after a deep sigh.