by Helen Lacey
He laughed harshly, but she could hear the pain underneath. “You want the impossible.”
“Maybe I do,” she replied. “But I’m not going to compromise simply to make it easy for you.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to make it easy for yourself,” he said. “You’re setting rules, making demands.”
“So are you,” she snapped. “Only you’re doing it in your usual passive-aggressive way.”
“Why? Because I don’t generally let my temper get the better of me? And I don’t dish out ultimatums? Isn’t that how we broke up the first time?” He shook his head. “We were eighteen years old, and you were making plans for our future. Talking about getting engaged. It’s no wonder that I bailed.”
Humiliation coursed through her veins. “I thought we were committed to each other.”
“We were kids, Nic. Teenagers who’d been talking about college and summer break. And then, all of a sudden, you were obsessed with getting me to sign on the proverbial bottom line. I felt trapped and caged like I had no other option than to end things.”
“Trapped and caged?”
He shrugged. “I half expected you to tell me you were pregnant.”
Rage and hurt clung to her bones. “That’s why you broke it off? Because you thought I was going to try and trap you with a baby?”
“It crossed my mind.”
“You think I’d do that to you? Even back then?”
“People do things...”
“People?” She frowned. “I think that’s your past talking,” she said, aching inside. “Because it’s definitely not ours. I never lied to you or deceived you. But because of what happened with your ex-wife, now you think every woman will do the same thing.”
“People say things to get what they want. And let’s face it, you haven’t exactly been transparent about this thing between us.”
“What does that mean?”
“Two weeks ago, you said we should have an affair,” he reminded her. “‘Just sex,’ you said. And we did. Then suddenly, the parameters shifted, and it wasn’t just about sex. It was about something else...about you wanting what you want. You can sugarcoat it any way you want, but at the end of the day, it’s still a kind of deception.”
The accusation was obvious, and the hurt she felt quickly morphed into anger. “You think I’ve manipulated you with sex?”
He shrugged. “You brought another man here today, knowing it would bait me.”
Nicola was furious. The audacity. The ego. The conceit. Like he was some great prize that she was secretly hunting, using her wiles and sexuality. When he had so many walls up, so much baggage about being deceived that he couldn’t see what was right in front of his face.
The Ferris wheel stopped and, once the worker undid the seat, Nicola pulled her tote over her shoulder, jumped down and rushed off, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. Outside the safety barrier, she spotted Gwen and the boys, and Liam and Kayla close by with their son at the cotton candy stand. She was in no mood for company and quickly asked Gwen to watch the boys for a while, knowing they’d be safe with the older woman. She’d taken half a dozen steps when she felt Kieran’s hand on her arm, and he twirled her around.
“Nic, wait up, let me—”
She shrugged him off, conscious that her nephews and his family was watching the entire exchange. “I was right to hate you! We are so over.”
Then she raced off, finding solace in the crowds, her heart in tatters.
* * *
“So, that looked like it went well.”
Kieran glanced sideways, frowned at his brother and then sighed. “Yeah, just great.”
His brother laughed. “I remember when Kayla and I first got together. I don’t think I slept for a month.” Liam clapped a hand on his back. “You’ll figure it out.”
Kieran wasn’t so sure. Every conversation they had morphed into an argument. Every admission seemed to make things worse.
“I’m not so sure.”
“Well, go and apologize.”
Kieran scowled. “For what?”
“Anything,” Liam replied. “Everything.
He turned around and saw the boys standing beside his mother, looking at him with serious, yearning expressions. Looking at him as though he’d screwed up...big-time.
“How’re you ever gonna get her to marry you if you guys keep fighting all the time?” Johnny said and pulled the hoodie over his head.
Kieran turned hot from head to toe. The kid certainly had a way of getting everyone’s attention. He looked at his mother, saw she was shaking her head slightly and guilt quickly swam in his gut.
His family moved off, heading toward the main stage where the band was playing. Knowing the boys were very safe with his mother, Kieran headed back to the medical tent to collect his bag and make sure he wasn’t needed any longer. He grabbed his belongings, quickly put them in his car and then walked back to his family.
His brother was seated with Kayla, and they were completely focused on their son. His mother was talking to the boys, their expressions serious. He watched the exchange for a while, seeing the way they listened attentively and were nodding. Gwen was a wonderful grandmother, just as she’d been a wonderful mother. As he watched over the boys he realized he’d developed real affection for them. The knowledge that he’d become attached to the kids so quickly shocked him to the core. For two years, he’d avoided feeling anything. Avoided people. Avoided relationships. The very idea of getting involved with anyone after his divorce had been unthinkable. That he’d allow himself to care for a child again was unimaginable. And yet, watching Johnny and Marco sitting with his mother, talking to her so earnestly, Kieran realized that he did care.
He cared about them. And he cared about Nicola.
He’d never stopped.
Not after graduation. Not during college. Not through medical school and his residency. And not even through his marriage and divorce. He’d simply tucked the feelings away, wrapping them up because there was no point in dwelling on something that was part of his past.
But the past was over, and he was very much in the present.
Kieran walked over to the kids and sat on the bench. There was a lot of noise around them. A lot of families. Some sitting at picnic tables. Some stretched out on blankets with picnic baskets. Some were simply couples, holding hands, embracing, sharing a kiss or two. Even with all the activity—with the midway sounds, the band playing, the rodeo caller blaring over the PA system, and the sound of children laughing and squealing—Kieran experienced an almost surreal sense of intimacy with his family in that moment. He looked at his brother, so happy and content with the woman he loved and their baby son. Liam had fought hard for his happiness and his family and, despite the difficulties they had faced, he and Kayla had pulled through and made a family together.
Kieran thought about Jonah, who was fighting so hard to not be a part of them, but who had agreed to help his newfound brother build the ridiculous fishpond with little resistance. And watching Marco and Johnny together, seeing their bond the way he had a bond with Liam and Sean, Kieran realized he wanted that same bond with his half brother. They were family. Blood. And he needed to work harder. To stop avoiding getting close. Sure, Jonah could be a pain, but Kieran knew he needed to make more of an effort to break down his brother’s defenses.
Thinking about Jonah turned Kieran’s thoughts to their father. He’d spent very little time with J.D. since he’d returned to Cedar River. True, Kieran had always been closer to his mother than to his dad, but he was man enough to admit that he’d steered clear of J.D. because he was ashamed of his father’s past. His dad had cheated and lied and kept his son a secret for three decades...and there was enough deception in his behavior to remind Kieran of his own failed marriage.
Nicola had accused him of still loving his ex-wife. But t
hat wasn’t it. True, while he was married, he’d believed that he’d loved Tori, but it wasn’t losing her that had broken him inside.
It was failing. His failure.
He’d failed at his marriage, and he’d failed the child he had believed was his son. Because if Tori had truly loved him and he’d loved her, if he’d tried harder, been more attentive, given her what she’d needed, maybe Christian would have been his. Of course, it was moot now. And the pain, he realized, had lessened. Being home, working at the hospital, hanging out with his family had helped ease the ache in his heart.
It made him see that he could feel again. And trust again. He could live an authentic life and not be afraid that it would all be stolen away. Sure, it had taken effort. But with effort, he grasped as he watched his family, came reward.
Which meant one thing—he needed to make an effort with Nicola.
They were good together. They worked. They made one another laugh.
And she’d loved him once...maybe she would again.
He sent her a text message asking her to come back to the picnic table so they could talk. When she didn’t respond in a few minutes, he sent an emoji of hands begging. When nothing came back within ten minutes, he took a selfie with the boys. When she still didn’t respond, he sent another selfie with the kids, only this time they were wearing the fake nose-and-mustaches that he quickly went and bought from a vendor on the midway.
Of course, the kids thought it was hilarious at first. But when she didn’t respond after half an hour, their delight turned to obvious distress.
“Has she left us?” Marco asked, clearly upset.
Kieran cursed his stupidly in involving the kids in his scheme to get her attention and managed a smile. “Of course not. She probably can’t hear her phone’s ringtone with all the noise here.”
“She has it on vibrate,” Johnny said, and Kieran glanced at his mother and shrugged.
“Maybe she got lost?” Marco suggested, his lip wobbling.
“Or maybe she doesn’t want to look after us anymore,” Johnny said and nodded, as though he had all the answers. “I wouldn’t.”
“Does that mean we’ll be festered?” Marco asked, clearly unhappy.
“Fostered,” Kieran corrected and then cursed himself. “And no, that won’t happen. She’s not answering because she’s mad at me, not you guys. She loves you both very much. And I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”
“If she doesn’t, we’ll have to go and live with Uncle Vince,” Johnny announced. “Coz Nonno is too old to look after us.”
“But I don’t want to leave my school,” Marco wailed and began to cry.
Kieran grabbed his hand reassuringly. “You’re not leaving your school. You’re not moving in with your uncle. You’re staying right here.”
“Can’t you do something to make sure she’s not mad at you anymore?” Marco asked and hiccuped.
“Sure he could,” Liam said and laughed, ignoring how Kayla jabbed him in the ribs. “Nothing makes a woman less mad than a...” his brother paused for effect “...diamond.”
“A diamond?” Marco echoed.
Kieran glared at his brother and shook his head, but Liam was clearly enjoying his discomfort.
“Yes,” Liam said, still grinning as he wiggled the third finger on his left hand. “One that goes right here.”
“Would you stop—”
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Liam said, clearly exasperated. “Just admit that you’re in love with her and want to marry her and want to be a father to these two great kids.”
Pandemonium broke out. His mother started laughing delightedly. Kayla admonished her husband. And the boys were suddenly jumping up and down excitedly and then began whispering to one another. Kieran shot to his feet, when without warning, both boys suddenly raced past him and headed directly for a large oak tree. Before he could register their intent, they were both swinging from a couple of limbs and then scaled up the tree about twenty feet.
Kieran strode to the base of the tree, ignoring the curious stares and whispers from several onlookers. His mother and brother were soon at his side. He looked up, and relief overwhelmed him when he realized the kids were safe. He and his brothers had climbed the same tree many times when they were kids. Which didn’t mean they could stay up there. There was a lot of noise around them, and he raised his voice so they could hear.
“Come on,” he demanded. “Get down here.”
“Not until Aunt Nicola gets back,” Johnny announced defiantly. “We want to talk to her.”
“She’s going to be furious if she gets back and you’re up there.”
“But it’s you she’s mad at,” Marco reminded him. “Not us.”
Kieran sighed heavily. “I’m not joking...get down now.”
“Do you really want to be our dad?” Johnny asked, eyes wider than Kieran had ever seen. “Because that would be okay if you did.”
“I want you to get down out of the tree,” Kieran said tersely. “You’ve got five seconds.”
Both boys laughed at him. “Now you sound like our dad,” Marco said and giggled.
Frustrated, Kieran pulled his cell from his pocket and sent Nicola a text.
They’re up a tree and won’t come down. Stop sulking and get your ass back here now.
It took two seconds to get a reply.
On my way.
Four minutes and thirty-six seconds later, she returned. And she didn’t look happy. She ignored Kieran completely and looked up at her nephews, hands on hips, chest heaving.
“What’s going on here?” she demanded.
“We’re pro-venting,” Marco announced proudly.
“Huh?”
“I think he means protesting,” Kieran supplied and came up beside her.
There was laughter around them, particularly since the crowd had grown. In fact, there were about thirty people standing around the tree.
“Protesting what?” she shot back, arms now waving.
“Their right to get what they want,” he said and shrugged.
“Which is what, exactly?” she asked, her eyes narrowed.
“Me,” he replied. “And you. Together.”
Her mouth fell open. “What are you talking about?” she demanded and then looked up at the boys before he could reply. “I want you out of that tree, right now!”
“Not until you stop being mad at Kieran,” Johnny said matter-of-factly.
She glared at him. “Did you put them up to this?”
“Of course not. But they want what they want.”
“This is ridiculous. Johnny, Marco...climb down now.”
“Not until you two make up,” Johnny said and almost lost his balance. A petrified hush came over the group.
“Do something, will you?” she hissed in Kieran’s direction. “This is all your doing.”
“I wasn’t the one ignoring the text messages.”
She scowled. “I needed to be away from you. I needed to think.”
“Are you about done?” he inquired and watched her, bewitched by her beautiful hair and pouting lips. And then clarity washed over him like a great wave.
“I’m done.”
“Good,” he said and grabbed her hand and then promptly dropped to one knee. “Then, marry me?”
Chapter Twelve
Nicola wondered if she’d stepped into a dream. Kieran was in front of her, proposing marriage. There was a crowd of people around them, who were now cheering, and she could hear Johnny’s and Marco’s excited whoops from their spot in the tree.
She tried to tug her hand away, but his grip was firm. “What?”
“You heard. Marry me. Be my wife. Let me be your husband.”
Not a dream. A nightmare. “Stop it,” she demanded. “This isn’t helping.”
He shrugged, sti
ll on his knee, still holding her hand, still looking up at her. “It’s what they want.”
What the kids wanted. Of course. Not what he wanted. And she knew he was saying it only to defuse the situation with her nephews. “But it’s not what I want. Get on your feet this minute.”
“You don’t want to marry Kieran?” Marco said from his spot up the tree. “We thought you liked him.”
She did like him. She loved him. And she was furious with Kieran for making a mockery out of her feelings. She twisted her hand free and stepped back, looking around helplessly, searching for an ally. Gwen was smiling widely and nodded, and then she glanced toward Liam, who winked at her. So, they were all in on it together. A ruse to get the boys out of the tree. She swallowed hard, grabbed Kieran’s arm and dragged him to his feet. Of course, she had to play along, to make out like it was what she wanted, too. And afterward, she never wanted to see him again.
“Okay,” she said and looked up at the boys. “Sure, we’ll get married. Now, can you two come down from there please.”
She heard cheering and clapping, but it was suddenly drowned out by the white noise screeching in her brain. Humiliation coursed through her blood, and she swallowed the heavy lump in her throat. While it was clearly a great joke to the O’Sullivans, Nicola hurt so much she could barely breathe.
“You gotta kiss each other first,” Johnny announced, tottering on a thick branch.
Nicola’s heart lurched. If he fell...if anything happened to either of the two precious children she’d been bestowed custody of, she would never forgive herself. And they needed to know she had their back and that she would do anything to keep them safe and protected.
She took a breath and leaned toward Kieran. His arm looped around her, settling on her hip, and he drew her closer, his intent obvious. Nicola looked up at him, her eyes burning.
“I’ll never forgive you for this,” she whispered.
“Sure you will,” he said and inched closer. “You just agreed to marry me.”
“I wouldn’t marry you,” she said on a sigh, his mouth hovering above hers, “if you were the last man on the planet.”